How to Handle Your Emotions (Counseling Through the Bible Series) (47 page)
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Do you struggle with anger and resentment toward others?
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Do you seem to be easily manipulated by others?
If you conclude that you have been controlled by the fear of rejection and you have lived for the approval of others, take this verse to heart:
“Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ”
B. What Are Inner Signs of Rejection?(G
ALATIANS
1:10).
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What are the ramifications of rejection? Perhaps you’ve been unaware of its subtle impact on your soul (your mind, will, and emotions). One way rejection affects you is by altering your self-perception and leaving you feeling insecure.
Rejection can sear the deepest part of your soul and, at the same time, mess with your mind, taint your thoughts, and make you question your ability to function normally. But God, who knows every rejection you will ever
encounter, never planned for you to be emotionally or spiritually disabled. Although you will be rejected, the Bible says,
“God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work”
(2 C
ORINTHIANS
9:8).
Below are many of the classic symptoms of past rejection and the fear of future rejection…
Ambivalence | “I have difficulty making decisions—if I make the wrong decision, I could be rejected.” |
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Anxiety | “I have real apprehension when someone says, ‘Trust me.’” |
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Bitterness | “I harbor bitterness toward those who reject me, and toward God for allowing it to happen.” |
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Depression | “My heart feels so heavy; the pain has pushed me down.” |
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Distrust | “I can’t trust others not to desert me.” |
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Escapism | “Life hurts. I just need to numb the pain.” |
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Fear | “I live in fear of being rejected again.” |
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Flat emotions | “My heart is so deeply hurt that I can’t seem to feel excited about anything.” |
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Guilt/false guilt | “I feel so bad about myself—no wonder I was rejected.” |
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Inability to accept love | “Even though others say they love me, I know it’s not true.” |
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Inferiority | “I know I’ll never measure up!” |
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Insensitivity | “I can’t feel for others who are in pain.” |
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Introspection | “I’ve got to keep analyzing what’s wrong with me.” |
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Low self-worth | “I know I’m not worthy of being accepted.” |
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Resignation | “Whatever will be, will be…so why try?” |
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Self-condemnation | “I feel terrible. I know I’m to blame whenever I’m rejected.” |
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Self-pity | “I’m always ignored. No one reaches out to me.” |
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Self-rejection | “I wish I’d never been born!” |
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Withdrawal | “I’m not willing to be vulnerable again.” |
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Worry | “I’m afraid I’ll be scarred for life.” |
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While the unseen pain of rejection can sabotage your soul and shatter your spirit, the outer symptoms of rejection can easily be seen—and even felt—by others. For example, when someone special walks out of your life, the joy of living is snuffed out. The darkness of desertion can discolor your perception of others and do untold damage to your relationships. The saddest part of it all is that rejection breeds rejection! In truth, no one can avoid being rejected or treated unjustly at times. However, when you remember that your identity is in the Lord because of your relationship with Him— and not in you having been rejected by others—you will experience the truth that you, like Paul, can be
“hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed”
(2 C
ORINTHIANS
4:8-9).
Among the outer symptoms of rejection are…
Abuse | mistreating others and even yourself |
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Addiction | seeking solace in addictive behavior in an effort to numb your pain |
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Anger | feeling bitterness toward others and even toward God |
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Apathy | giving up on life, not caring about anything |
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Arrogance | acting superior to others |
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Competitiveness | assuming you have to be the best |
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Critical spirit | being condescending toward others |
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Defensiveness | arguing with others to protect yourself |
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Dominance | excessively controlling others and situations excessively |
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Exaggeration | bragging to impress others |
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Hatred | loathing (primarily directed toward yourself) |
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Isolation | becoming a loner as a means of self-protection |
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Jealousy | resenting suggestions and successes of others |
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Legalism | complying with rigid rules based on black-and-white thinking |
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People pleasing | trying too hard to please others |
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Perfectionism | feeling like a failure unless you do everything perfectly |
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Performance-based acceptance | believing your acceptance is based only on how well you perform |
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Rebellion | resisting the authority of others |
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Subservience | cowering in the presence of others |
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Undisciplined | lacking self-control and boundaries around others |
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Vengeful | getting even with others |
Those who experience childhood rejection often have immense difficulty trusting God because of “projection”—they project onto God the negative characteristics of their childhood authority figures. If their earthly fathers rejected them, they perceive the heavenly Father to be rejecting them as well. If they had an untrustworthy mother, then God must also be untrustworthy.
These wrong perceptions of God make learning His true character essential, yet very often difficult. Nevertheless the Bible says,
“The L
ORD
is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, L
ORD
, have never forsaken those who seek you”
(P
SALM
9:9-10).
Periodically, those who have been rejected…
—resent God for allowing the rejection
—regard God as a tyrannical judge and jury
—reflect the negative attributes of childhood authority figures onto God
—rely on self-protection and deny the protection of God
—refuse to accept the authority of God
—rebel against the Word of God
—reject statements about the love of God
—resist the thought of trusting God
—recoil from true fellowship with God
—react to their fear of condemnation from God instead of embracing the love of God
Regardless of the rejection you have experienced from past authority figures, the Bible gives this powerful promise:
“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the L
ORD
your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you”
III. C(D
EUTERONOMY
31:6).
AUSES OF
R
EJECTION
A. What Are the Sources of Rejection?
People reject other people for different reasons. We can be rejected at times because of what
we have done
and at other times because of what
someone else
has done. Then again, we can be rejected merely for who we are—because of something or someone we represent. In Joseph’s case, he experienced the rejection of his brothers for all three reasons.