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As he stood there he realised that perhaps this was the first occasion the house had had one person living in it, and that for a time this morning it had been quite empty. Perhaps it was because of this that the memories of the past came flooding back. And it could have been he was looking back over eighty years, not twenty, for his mind became flooded with scenes, snatches of conversation, angry voices, and laughter. Oh yes, there had been a lot of laughter, especially since the Irish women came on the scene.

He could recall laughter: Moira's laughter, Maggie Ann's laughter. But of course, they had both been hiding something behind their laughter. And, there was the children's laughter, the laughter that was the product of glee. They had all been gleeful, with the exception of Sean. Poor Sean. When he had clung to him on the station it was as if he were saying a final farewell. And it would be if he entered a seminary.

The question that now sprang to his mind was, how would Moira react when the boy told her that he wasn't going to return home with her? Oh,

dear, there'd be trouble. Yet, she was a 447 Catholic at heart and perhaps she might understand.

Anyway, their priests were persuasive enough; they would certainly help her to understand, if not actually make her.

Ànyone at home?`

He leapt from the rug and ran to the drawing-room door, and when he pulled it open and saw Janie divesting herself of her hat and coat, his face spread into a broad smile, and there was so much sincerity in his voice that she couldn't help but believe him when he said, Òh, hello, Janie. Am I glad to see you!`

He was taking her coat from her as he added, Ì never thought it would be like this. It's like a morgue, an unusually clean and bright morgue. I've never seen the house so shining. But it's dead. Oh, I'm going to miss them.`

Ì thought you would.`

Ìs that why you popped over?`

Òne of the reasons. One thing I didn't do was bring you any food, because I knew that Moira would leave you enough to last for days. Are we going to stand here until I leave or am I allowed to go into the drawing-room?`

He laughed outright now, saying, `Well, your presence is like a visitation from above. Come on, come on.` He actually put out his hand and caught her arm. And when they entered the drawing-room, she said, `My goodness! yes, it is different; everything's so tidy. Well, of course, the absence of seven children was bound to have an effect.`

Ànd of course,` he nodded now, `Moira was never one for making them mind their p's and q's and clearing away their debris after them. I used to be at them most of the time. But you know, I hardly recognised this room when I came into it, so I can understand your surprise.`

Ìt's a lovely room. I've always liked it.` Her voice was soft.

`Sit down,` he said, and he pulled a chair on the opposite side of the hearth closer to the fire. As she sat down, she said, `Have you had anything to eat?`

`Not yet. But there was a note on the kitchen table telling me where to find the food, and that there was a hotpot in the bottom of the oven. But look, can I get you a drink; tea or something?`

`Yes, I would love a cup of tea, but I'll make it.`

`You'll do nothing of the sort. From now 449 on--` he struck a pose, then repeated, `From now on, I am mistress in my own house, and I know how to treat visitors.`

Her head went back and she laughed. But then she added, Ì thought I had passed the visitor stage and was called a friend of the family.`

He had taken several steps down the room when he stopped and, looking back at her, he said,

`Definitely a friend of the family, Janie. A dear friend of the family.`

From where she sat she could see him crossing the hall and she repeated to herself, Yes, definitely a friend of the family, Janie. A very dear friend of the family. That's what they said about women who died old maids, women who sat furthest away from the fire in someone else's house, sewing, sewing, sewing, mending this, mending that, or reading aloud to the mistress, who might be her sister or her sister-in-law, or even her mother. Oh, be quiet! she warned herself. Be quiet! Leave such talk for discussion with Pattie. Accept what is being offered and be thankful.

No! No! The refusal in her mind brought her upright in the chair. Oh no! She had decided last night what she was going to do. She'd give it to the end of the month or until Moira returned, by which time she should know for sure. It was a long shot, but nevertheless she was determined on it.

No sitting back and waiting for crumbs. Her mother had said that to her last night. `Your father's worried,` she had said, `because you seem prepared to waste your life following a shadow.Ànd her mother had been so kind, so understanding. She had grasped her hands and said, Àlthough I say it myself, you've inherited my nature, and I'm glad of that. But you have your father's mind, and a wonderful personality.Ànd at this she had cried, `Where does that get me?Ànd her mother had said, Ìt will get you a fine man some time. You must come with Father and me at the end of the month; he might even leave before then. But whatever, you must get away, for your own good and your own happiness; because there is happiness ahead of you, dear. I know how you feel about Daniel, and we like him, but as you know yourself, right from when he was a boy he has shown where his affection lay. Misplaced, oh yes, because quite candidly I could never tolerate Frances Talbot's company for more than a short time, because she was flippant and brainless.`

Òh, no. No, Mother,` she had 451 said, `she may be flippant but she's not brainless. Frances has a very calculating mind, one that makes her wily and devious. She's the kind of person who gets her own way in the end.`

`Yes, I suppose she is,` her mother had said, `because she has no moral fibre. There she is, marrying someone she doesn't really care for, I'm sure of that. But he's got money, or his people have. She takes after her father in that way, because I'm sure Lilian would have been glad to see her married to Daniel.Ànd then she had added softly, Ànd I've got to say this, although it's like pressing it home, dear, but there's Pieter Van der Meer in Holland. When you and your father went over the time before last, he took you all about; then last time your father said he kept asking after you, and Father promised that you would accompany him on the next trip. He's a very nice man, older, I know, by fifteen years; but then your father is almost ten years older than me, and you know what our life together has been like. We couldn't be happier. We are all concerned for you, dear ... the boys, too.Ìt was at this point that she had said, `Mother, I'll tell you something. I'm concerned for myself, really I am. I'll tell you something else; I'm going to give myself until Moira returns. This I've finally decided upon.

You get my meaning?Ànd her mother had looked up at her with that kindly smile and said, `Yes, dear, I get your meaning and I'm so glad to hear about your decision.Ànd here she was in this house, in this strangely empty house, and the man who was constantly in her thoughts had promoted her from being a visitor to a friend of the family.

Well, she felt she had been a friend of the family for long enough ...

After Daniel had brought in the tray of tea and placed it on the table between them, he pulled his chair further up to the table and exclaimed, Ìsn't this nice;` then added, Ì'll let you pour out because I'm going to take my boots off and get into those slippers, at least for an hour or two. I've never before changed my boots in this room, but Moira must have left those slippers there on purpose.`

Slippers on, he stretched out and put his

feet on the fender, and when she handed him 453 the cup of tea, laughing, he said, `Thank you, ma'am.Ànd she, picking up his mood, said, `You're very welcome, sir. And I'm so glad you were able to visit us today. As you will gather, the family is not at home; they've slipped over to Ireland for a month.Àt this he put his cup of tea back on to the table because it was rattling in the saucer, and he said,

`Drawing-room farce.`

`What did you say?`

He laughed at her now, saying, Ìt's like a drawing-room farce: if you had rehearsed that, you couldn't have acted it better.`

Òh, well, I'll have to think about that. When I'm looking for a job I might consider the stage.`

`You're not going back to teaching, then?`

`No. As I think I told you, Father is going to Holland sometime early next month and I promised to go with him, conditionally, that is.`

`Well, what are the conditions?`

Òh, they're private.`

Òh, I'm sorry; I didn't mean to pry.`

Òh, you're not prying. I have a friend ... I mean, we all have friends there.`

`Someone like Pattie?`

`No, nò--her voice was stiff now--`not someone like Pattie. It happens to be a man.`

Òh.` There was a pause and again he said, Òh. I ... I didn't know.`

She remained silent. Why had she said that? But it was true. Pieter was her friend and wanted to be more than her friend. She liked him, and he was a gentleman and, like her father, he was in the jewellery business. But there was another side to it. He was good-looking, very bright and very entertaining, and as she had said to her mother, she couldn't imagine him being without a mistress but she felt able to compete with one. She recalled that her mother had been shocked and had said, Òh! Janie, Janie,ànd she had replied on a laugh, Òh! Mother, Mother.`

Daniel too was left with his thoughts. So that was why her father always wanted her to accompany him. It was likely already arranged with the Dutchman. That would mean she would live in Holland. He asked himself how long had he known Janie? Well, as long as he had known Frances. And he asked himself another question: why hadn't he been able to talk to her

and enjoy her company years ago as he 455 did now? and received an almost angry answer. That was a damned silly question to ask when he'd had eyes for only one girl. And yet what had he and Frances talked about? Nothing. He couldn't remember them having one serious conversation. Yet it wasn't conversation that either of them had needed in those days. What had spoken to them both loud and clear were the demands of their bodies, and they hadn't been answered.

He was surprised when he heard himself, in quite an ordinary voice, ask, Àre you going to marry this ...

Dutchman?`

`Marry Pieter? Huh! Chance would be a fine thing, so they say. As yet in my life, I have never had a proposal of marriage. I don't happen to be the type that men flock around, dropping on one knee and begging me to be their partner in life. I happen to be the kind of girl who's always asked to be a bridesmaid. Once, when I was fifteen, I asked the question, why? because by then I had twice been a bridesmaid, and my brother Hal, who was then twelve, with brotherly brutal honesty replied, "They pick you because you show up the bride by contrast."`

`What?` The word came sharp from Daniel. `Surely he would never say a thing like that.`

Òh, yes, he did; and it was quite true; it still is. I have no delusions about myself, Daniel. I am plain: I have what has been called a homely face. My other protrusions are right and adequate both at the back and at the front.` She was smiling widely now as she went on, Ànd I carry myself erect and walk well, because I look after my feet; I wear sensible shoes, not the narrow, attractive ones. But all this does nothing for me because, you see, I am tall; and my hair doesn't help me because it's too thick and bushy.

But my great defect is that I not only talk but I argue. In fact, when I get going I'm much worse than Pattie. Oh, Daniel`--she pulled herself up in the seat--`don't look like that. This is meant to be funny!`

Ì see nothing funny about it, Janie, and I cannot believe that is how you see yourself, because you are an attractive woman. You call yourself plain, but only you would think so. When you start to speak your voice is beautiful and your character is so kindly.`

`Daniel.` 457

`Yes, Janie?`

`Do you know you are making things worse? Any woman who looks like me would swap all my so-called assets`--she almost said, to have a face like Frances, but changed it quickly to, `to be called pretty. And the thing today, you know, the height of attraction in a female is to lisp. I'm sure you've never sat in a room, Daniel, and heard a lady lisp.` She now lisped, Òh, they are tho pretty and tho dainty, the

"lithpers", and the men dote on them.`

`Don't be silly. What's come over you? Men don't dote on women who lisp!`

`You know nothing about it, Mr Stewart. You haven't sat through drawing-room teas as I have when accompanying Mother on her rounds.`

`But where are all the new females that you and Pattie say are swarming the country now? women who are demanding fresh laws, women's rights, the dignity of womanhood, freedom for all women, so on and so on.`

Òh, there are quite a number of us. But compared to the "lispers" of this world, we can't be counted as yet. But wait till the end of the century or

until Edward comes on to the throne, then we'll see changes.`

Àre you for him`--he was smiling at her now --`him, with his fancy women?`

`Well, he has one outstanding point in my estimation: his main friend is a woman who has made a career for herself, and she's a thinker, and she's accepted as such. Anyway, how did we get on to this conversation? And my tea's gone cold.`

`Would you like another?`

Ì would.`

`Well, I'll go and fill up the pot, madam. And while I'm gone, think of some more surprises for me.`

Left alone, she sat on the edge of the chair and stared into the fire. What had she done by introducing Pieter's name? Was it to make him think? No, nothing could make him think otherwise than he did. She'd like to make a bet that if Frances was brave enough to leave Ray tomorrow and walk in that door, he'd be all over her. No, the real reason she had mentioned Pieter was that she wanted to leave this long one-sided love affair with some dignity. She wanted to show him, she supposed, that if he couldn't see 459 anything in her, another man could. Yet, as she had stated, she had not yet had any proposal of marriage; although at the same time, she knew she could have, and she would have if she went to Holland with her father next month. One thing Moira's brood had taught her was that she wanted children; even more so than she wanted the love of a man, she wanted to carry a child, and bear it; and not one, but a number. And if she couldn't have them by Daniel Stewart then she would have them through Pieter Van der Meer; and perhaps through time she would come to love him, too. But in the meantime, she would laugh with Daniel, because he, like Moira, enjoyed laughter.