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Òh, that's news. Does your mama know that?`

`No, not yet.`

`Well, that will certainly be news to her. And what do you intend to do in Ireland, may I ask?`

The boy looked down towards the floor, then to the side before he said, `Father Lowe said I could be sent to a school in a sem ... seminary, then`--he now lifted his head and looked straight at Daniel as he finished--`train to be a priest.`

Daniel remained silent as he looked into the round clear eyes and the pale face. He wanted to make a joke of it, but he knew he mustn't, so what he said was, À priest? That's a tall order, isn't it? Do you want to be a priest?`

`Yes. Yes, I must become one, because, as Father Lowe said, it will take a lifetime to wipe out my sin.Àgain there was silence before Daniel said one word: `Sin?`

`Yes. The sin of killing my father.Às if he had taken a blow in the stomach, Daniel's bowels jerked. He had the 433 desire to push the boy away from him, or to rise quickly and put distance between them, a lot of distance. And when Sean said, `You picked up the branch, didn't you, and put it back on the pile?` he made no reply, and the boy went on, `He was a bad man. He killed Maggie Ann.`

`What? What are you saying?`

Ì'm saying my dada killed Maggie Ann. He rode her down, straight at her.`

`He what? He rode her ..." He didn't!`

`Yes, he did. He was in the middle of the drive and she was near the verge. He turned Rustler and went straight for her. She was so big, she couldn't jump clear.`

Daniel's voice was small as he said, `Surely Rustler would have shied?`

Ìt didn't shy. Rustler is a steady horse; but it did its best not to trample right on her; the animal seemed to know it was wrong. But death was in my dada's face. He hated Maggie Ann. He meant to kill her.`

Daniel turned from the boy and stared at the desk. Then he put both hands on his ledger as he said, `Have ... have you mentioned this to anyone else?`

Ònly Maggie Ann. She knew.`

He leaned towards the boy and Sean nodded at him, saying, `We talked about it and I promised her never to tell Mama. Besides, he hit Mama more than once, and he hit you an' all. He was bad.`

Daniel now made himself look at the ledger as he asked, `Did you plan what you were going to do?`

The answer was brief. `Yes.`

`You planned it?` There was astonishment in Daniel's voice now.

`Well, I stood waiting in the copse and I threw the wood. I didn't mean to hit Rustler, but he reared and Dada fell off and down to the stream.`

`But ... but that's what you intended to happen if the branch had hit him?`

The boy remained silent; then Daniel said, `Did ... did he die straight away?`

`No ... well, he seemed as though he had at first, but I couldn't get up the bank and I had to go along the stream and pull myself up by the

bridge.` He explained it as a child 435 might have, to suggest how astute he had been to work that out. Then he went on, Ì caught Rustler and put him in the stable and dabbed some of Maggie Ann's cream on his shoulder. He was still trembling; he was frightened.`

`You say the horse was frightened, Sean.` He paused. `Were you frightened?`

The clear eyes looked into his and again the answer was brief: `No.Ànd once more Daniel felt the blow to his stomach.

`What did you do next?` Daniel asked quietly.

Ì ... I went back and Dada was awake and he ordered me to go and get the men.`

`Why didn't you?`

Sean did not answer this, but he went on, Ì told him that he had killed Maggie Ann and he said Maggie Ann was still alive. And I said, yes, but that she was dying and she didn't want to die. And ... and then I went away.Àgain Daniel had the urge to move back from this child, this boy who was not yet ten years old. He stared at him now as he said, `You did a very

terrible thing, do you know that?`

`That's what the priest said. Just what you've said, Daniel, that I did a very terrible thing.`

Àre you sorry for it now?`

The boy again looked down to the side and then to the floor before he said in a low mutter, `No, not really. He was a bad man and Maggie Ann was a lovely woman. We all loved Maggie Ann.`

Daniel put in quickly now, `You didn't tell her exactly what you had done, Sean?`

The boy's eyelids flickered and he said, `Well, she knew anyway.`

Ànd what did she say?` Daniel's voice was a whisper now.

`Just that it was between her and me and God. And God understood why I had done it and He would forgive me so long as I didn't let on to Mama ...Òf a sudden the boy's voice rose, and there was a plea in it as he cried, Ì'm not like the others, Daniel. I wish I was, but I'm not. I'm affected, I mean, by things.

And I'm always listening and ... and I hear things. And at times I'm frightened; not ... not always, not always. I wasn't frightened when I left

Dada lying there, not till after, and then 437 I was very frightened. And I know things that I know I shouldn't.`

There was a break in the boy's voice now and tears in his eyes and when he flung himself against Daniel's knees he hesitated for just one second before his arms went about the boy and he hugged him, then hoisted him up to his knees and held him close. And when the whimper came, `Do you hate me, Daniel?`

Daniel replied immediately, `Hate you? No. No; I love you. That's why I'm sad for you. But promise me one thing.` He lifted the boy's head from his chest and, holding it now between his hands he said,

`Promise me, Sean, you'll never do another bad thing. No matter how you are provoked and no matter what you think, you'll never hurt anyone or wish them ill again. Promise me?`

`Yes, Daniel, yes, I've already promised that. I've promised God.Ònce more Daniel pulled the boy close to him. Here was this child saying that he had promised God never to do a bad thing again, and he had his life to get through. The weight he was carrying on his little shoulders was already enormous. He had killed

a man as surely as if he had taken a gun and shot him, and the man was his own father. The weight of that sin wouldn't diminish with the years; it would grow heavier. And he muttered to himself, `God help him,`

for he would need help, and he wished earnestly at this moment that the boy would return from Ireland and be under his care, because now he understood him. As he said, he wasn't like the others: he was of a dual nature and he would have to fight it all his life. He also had something else, that strange something that wasn't really a part of ordinary human nature but from a dimension that was unknown. The Catholic priest would likely tell him it was of the spirit, but in his own mind there were no words with which to name it; except, perhaps, that it was unnatural. Whatever it was he had, it made him shiver.

Òh, there you are. All the rest are in bed.` Moira came into the room, but Sean did not immediately slip from Daniel's hold. And when he did and Moira saw his tear-stained face she put her hand on his head, saying, `Go on to bed now, dear. I'll be up in a minute. The others are tucked in.Ànd when the boy walked past her without speaking, she turned to Daniel, saying, Ì feel that myself. I'm trying to keep it back. And 439 I'm not going to talk to you, because I know if I do you'll have me on your knee too.` She aimed to smile.

He rose from the chair, saying lightly, `Good gracious! you would think you were going to the ends of the earth and forever. What's a month? I'll just be getting used to the peace and quiet when you come storming back with the horde.`

He was surprised when she turned quickly from him and left the room. He stood thinking for a moment.

She had been behaving oddly these last couple of weeks, busying herself here and there, putting the house to rights, scouring, cleaning. She had taken down all the bedroom curtains and washed them. She would have done the same with those downstairs only they were too big and heavy. And, as she said herself, if she moved them off the rails the faded brocade would drop to bits.

He had an uneasy feeling on him. He wanted to go to her and say, Look, are you really happy about this holiday? You were at the beginning, but something's changed you. For days now, we haven't sat down at nights and had a crack. You're going away for a month, not forever; but no; she seemed to be on the verge of breaking down and he did not want that to happen. And there was tomorrow morning to get over, and the parting at the station.

The parting at the station was harrowing. Moira stood outside the open reserved-carriage door, marked plainly by red stickers on the side windows. The main luggage was in the guard's van, the baskets and boxes of food were on the racks, and as she looked along towards where the guard was talking to the engine driver, she longed for him to signal with his green flag that they were about to go, because any minute now she was going to release the tears that were already in her eyes.

She was saved from speaking to Daniel by the chattering of the children.

Ì'll write to you, Daniel,` Margaret was saying now as she clung on to his arm, ànd tell you all about everything. Oh, I wish you were coming with us.`

Ì will, next year, you'll see.`

`The little boat can be sailed along the stream for a hundred yards, it said in Mama's letter.`

`That'll be fine, Patrick. You'll learn how to row.`

Ì hope Annabella won't be 441 sick on the boat,` said Catherine, hugging a long-legged clouty doll tight in her arms, while the others laughed at her.

`Come on!` Moira cried at them. `Say goodbye to Daniel.Ànd as they did so she hoisted them one after the other up the steep step and into the carriage ... that is, until she came to Sean. He was standing in front of Daniel and when he raised his arms Daniel lifted him up and, their faces close, they looked hard at each other; then Daniel kissed Sean, and he kissed Daniel and said, `Will you come and see me sometime?`

`What did he say?` said Moira now as she helped Sean up into the carriage. Then she glanced for a moment from the back of her son to Daniel before, at the sound of carriage doors being banged, she cried, `We're ready for the off.`

She was standing in front of Daniel and for a second she looked straight into his face, before her arms were about him, holding him tightly as he held her. Then she kissed him, and her voice was a whisper as she said, `Thank you, dear. Thank

you for all you've given me.Ànd now swinging about, she pulled herself up into the carriage before his hands could assist her. But when he closed the door there was the mass of faces smiling at him and all talking at once; but Moira was standing behind them, her hand across her mouth, her eyes streaming.

And the thought went through his mind, Why is she so upset? You would think she was going away for ever ... Like Sean.

The whistle blew, the train shuddered, and the platform was enveloped in steam, and now with a gentlèchoo-choo-choò, they were moving away. Daniel walked by the side of the door until he was forced to trot, hearing the unintelligible words the children were shouting at him. And when he came to the slope at the end of the platform, he stopped and, his hand raised, he returned their waves.

He didn't move from the spot until all he could see was the end of the train disappearing into the distance, when he turned about, walked slowly up the platform, over the bridge, out into the main station and then into the street. And there he stood gazing about him for a moment as if he had been dropped into a strange town and didn't know which way to turn.

He had brought them all into Newcastle on the

cart, and now he made his way to the 443 farrier's and, after retrieving Prue and the farm cart, he set out for home.

Once clear of the city, and then Gateshead, he sat on the box, the reins slack in his hands, and left it to the horse, for the drive through Low Fell was straight and it knew its way from Fellburn market to its own stable in the farmyard.

Arthur Beaney greeted him with, `Well, Mr Daniel, you've got them off your hands for a month. What are you goin' to do with yourself?Ànd to this he replied, Òh, that's easily answered, Arthur. What time I have in the house I shall be busy looking after myself. But there's so much food stacked up for me, I doubt if that'll take much time.`

`You'll miss them, the children?`

`Doubtless. And a good thing in one way; I'll be able to have a little peace at night ... Everything all right?` he added.

`Yes, there hasn't been much change since you left early this morning. But give us some fine weather, dry that is. Well, I don't mean very dry, because we had enough of that last year, didn't we? By God! that'll take some getting over all

round the country. Another year like that and we'd all be finished. What d'you say?`

Ì say, with you, Arthur, we'd all be finished.`

With this he left the farmyard and made for the house, and after unlocking the front door, he stood for a moment in the hall and looked about him. Everything looked bright, cleaner and brighter than he had seen it for years. The floorboards surrounding the carpets were shining--yesterday Moira had had Patrick on his knees polishing them.

He was about to go upstairs to change his clothes when he stopped, telling himself there'd be plenty of time for that. So he went into the kitchen. Here, everything was in order. There was even a place set for a meal and a note on the table, which read, `There's a hotpot simmering in the bottom of the oven; it should do you for two days. You know where the pies are, and the bread is all wrapped up.Ànd at the bottom of the note were the words, Ì'm missing you already.`

Dear Moira--he took up the piece of paper and read it again--so thoughtful, so caring. He seemed to have lost his mother again; yet, she was more than a mother.

He put the piece of paper back 445 on the table, went out of the room, through the hall and into the drawing-room. Here, a fire that had been banked down was glowing red. His chair was set at an angle within leg reach of the ornamental brass fender on which he could place his feet. A pair of his slippers lay at the end of the fender. He wasn't in the habit of changing his boots in this room but there they were. He stood with his back to the fire and looked round the room. It was a really beautiful room. The velvet upholstery on the chairs was faded as much as the curtain drapes; the chintz cover on the couch was clean and showed up patches that hadn't been so evident before; the hearthrug he was standing on was the remains of a thick Indian carpet. He looked down at it and for a moment he saw a picture of himself and Pattie lying on it. Pattie with her legs stretched out, her back supported by a chair, a book in her hand, he lying on his stomach stroking a large tabby cat. He hadn't thought of the cat for years. Tiddles, they had called it. He had found her bloated and dead one day under the bushes. She had been poisoned. He recalled that he had screamed so much that his father had sworn that it was the last animal they would have in the house, as the farmyard was the place for cats and dogs. And he never had a pet after that.