I Carry Your Heart (Heart Series Book 1) (21 page)

“Boyfriend?” he asked. His eyes stared intently into mine, waiting for a reply.

I fidgeted awkwardly. “No just a friend.”

The smile returned to his face, sending a wave of unease right through.

He was a good-looking guy, though his dark brown hair only succeeded in reminding me of Joel. He was around the 6ft mark, so it was hard to avoid eye contact when we were eye level. He could rival Joel in the muscle department, but I wasn’t interested in the least. I never saw anyone but Joel, he’d invaded every part of my heart and he just wouldn’t let go.

“So you’re single then?”

Shit.

I hesitated, as I knew the moment I confirmed it the intense pain would make my heart swell up and explode. I didn’t need the constant reminders I was indeed alone.

“Yes,” I croaked out, the lump seeming to double in size in my throat. It felt like it was about to close.

Joel’s face automatically flashed up in my head, his eyes, his smile. I wondered what he was doing at this moment in time? Was he possibly thinking about me too? The most likely answer was he was out playing his single card. Judging by the attention he was attracting on Facebook, he’d have women lined up for the next year and then some.

Tears filled my eyes at the very thought. I didn’t think I’d ever let another guy lay his hands on me again. I’d probably become the more modern day version of Miss Havisham, stuck in time, never moving on.

“Are you okay?” David asked. The concern in his voice threatened to unleash the tears that were quickly forming.

I blew out a long frustrated sigh. “Not really, I recently broke up with my boyfriend and it’s still all very raw and painful.” I picked at the rim of the cup and took another swig, wincing as the potent liquid burned the back of my throat.

He frowned, staring awkwardly down at his cup. “Oh right, sorry to hear that, you want to talk about it?” He looked back up smiling reassuringly, but I was not exactly about to spill my guts to a complete stranger.

“No, I’ve done enough talking and moping around, I’m supposed to be enjoying myself.” I finished off the last of the vodka, banging the cup down hard on the kitchen top.

“Well in that case let me pour you another drink.” He grinned, unscrewing the cap, and I smiled at his enthusiasm.

Maybe he wasn’t so creepy after all?

Over the next hour we chatted some more. The drinks flowed and my cup rarely ever became empty. I was slowly becoming wasted and frankly I didn’t care. I welcomed the feeling of losing all control, unplugging my brain and enjoying the exhilarating buzz filling my body.

Elijah walked back into the kitchen, with an instant look of surprise on his face. “Hey Iz, I thought you’d left.” He walked straight over, putting a protective arm around my shoulders, eyeing David warily.

“No, I’m having a really nice chat with–” I paused trying to let my brain catch up to speed, but I couldn’t for the life of me remember his name.

“David,” he prompted chuckling.

I hiccupped rather loudly before giggling. “That’s it – David, Elijah meet my friend David,” I slurred slightly. Elijah looked him over for a few moments, before returning his eyes to me.

“I’m off now Iz, Sam is meeting up with me soon, do you want me to walk you home first?” He pulled me round to fully look at him, but I just giggled.

I was now seeing two Elijah’s.

David’s arm wrapped around my shoulder and I flinched slightly at the contact. “I’ll walk her home mate, you’re okay,” David bit out in a rather abrupt tone. Even I felt a prickle with the iciness in his voice.

“Are you sure Izzy?” Elijah asked, purposely ignoring David. He stared deep into my eyes, silently questioning my decision.

I wasn’t ready to leave and go back to my prison cell just yet. I hadn’t felt this good in a long time. I didn’t want to face the big come down just yet.

“I’ll be fine, you go and enjoy some time with Sam.” I smiled reassuringly. He hesitated slightly, before quickly kissing me on the cheek.

He cupped my face with his hands, his eyes searching mine one last time. “Okay sweetie, but if you need me call or text, you know I’ll be there.”

My eyes left Elijah’s, to find David glaring at him. I guess he was being a little overprotective. I shooed him away laughing. “Goodbye Elijah see you tomorrow. Say hi to Sam from me,” I yelled, raising my glass to him.

“Laters Iz,” he answered, warily heading out the door. I could tell he was having an internal struggle to leave, as he glanced back momentarily, before disappearing out the door.

“So what do you say we really get this party started and do some shots, are you ready for some tequila?” David asked grinning, cracking open the bottle, grabbing some glasses.

I swayed slightly as the room began to spin. “I think I’m just going to head outside for some fresh air.” I grabbed the counter for support, feeling the sickness begin to take over.

Oh god this was not good.

He stood purposely in front of me blocking my way. “You’re not going to leave me here drinking alone are you?” He pouted, as his hand rested lightly on my shoulder, squeezing it.

A surge of nausea rushed through me. “I don’t think I can manage anymore.” I wanted to be sick. I was only just managing to hold it back as it was.

“Just one for me, please.” He pushed the glass into my hand and I swallowed down the bile that was rapidly rising.

“Okay.” I grimaced when the shot passed my lips, fighting to keep it down.

He threw back his in one go, and slammed the glass hard on the counter. “Damn that’s good, here let me pour you another one.”

I put my hands up to protest. “No, I’m good – really,” I pushed myself away, quickly swaying to the side.

He thrust the glass into my hand. “Here, one more for the road.”

“Fine.” I threw it back but my body instantly protested. I lurched over the sink groaning.

Oh god I felt dreadful.

I felt David come up behind me, he swept my hair to the side and softly stroked my back.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I choked out. My hand flew to my mouth and my body lurched forward again. I felt his arms curve around me, pulling me back into him.

“Hey, let’s get you to the bathroom.”

I leaned in against him, feeling his arm support me. He helped to keep me upright, guiding me up the stairs.

We rounded the corner. “Let’s go in here.” He directed me into the first room.

My head snapped up when I noticed the bed. “Where’s the bathroom?” I asked confused, looking around. The effects of the alcohol were leaving me disorientated.

“You just need to lie down for a while and you’ll feel better.” He patted the bed smiling and held out his hand for me to join him.

“Okay.” I wasn’t in a position to protest. My head was spinning with all the drink and I was back to seeing double. I just wanted to sleep.

I closed my eyes the moment my head touched the soft pillow. I sighed, feeling my body begin to relax. We lay together in silence, his fingers softly caressing and stroking my arm. I felt myself go under, my body felt so heavy. The only sound was our gentle breaths rhythmically breathing together.

“Izzy you are so beautiful,” he whispered in my ear. The soft tickle against my skin made me flinch with surprise.

“Joel?” I breathed.

“No baby, it’s David.” He gently stroked my face. I tasted his hot tequila breath, when his lips gently pressed against mine. I let out a soft sigh, my thoughts automatically turning to Joel.

“You like that baby?” he asked, gently biting my lip.

“Hmmmm, I’ve missed you Joel, so, so much.” I let out another sigh, quickly becoming enveloped in the darkness.

I woke up in complete hell. There was no other explanation to describe the explosion that had detonated inside my head.

It hurt to even breathe.

I opened my eyes and winced. The ringing sensation inside my ears and lack of visual focus was relentless. I grimaced at the smallest shred of sunlight breaking through the curtain, now viciously torturing me. Even the slightest movement sent a whole new surge of pain through my body.

I was in hell.

I battled to bite back the nausea, each swallow felt like tiny shards of glass, down my tight raw throat. It was my first humdinger of a hangover and one I wasn’t keen to replicate anytime soon.

I closed my eyes, willing sleep to takeover, to transport me to a place where such pain didn’t exist. But flashbacks of the night before soon invaded my brain. My body filled with a new level of disgust, reliving his touch and breath against my face. My stomach rolled and my throat began to wretch, trying to dispel every memory of the night before.

My phone bleeped and I grimaced at even the lowest level of decibel. I cracked my eyes slightly open, trying to regain some focus, on the bright glare of the phone screen. My thumb stabbed blindly and I somehow managed to click open the message. It was from Elijah asking if I’d got home safely.

Tears filled my eyes at his little act of compassion. I knew he would be devastated if I told him the truth. He didn’t need to be tortured by my own foolish mistake. Staying with David had been my choice and I would never let Elijah carry the burden of my own consequences. As far as I was concerned Elijah would never find out the true extent, of what had happened that night. I would fight to keep it secret and protect my best friend, from knowing the cruel and heartbreaking truth.

My reply back was a simple response, using my hangover from hell as the perfect excuse. I needed to avoid him, till I managed to pull myself together. I knew any lengthy delay past a day would arouse suspicions, and he’d start to dig a little deeper.

My eyes filled with tears, the torment was too much to take. Why didn’t I just go home with him? Swiping away another tear away, I slipped out of the warm covers, and made my way for another gruelling lengthy shower.

I stood for twenty minutes under the scorching hot spray, each droplet burned torturously against my skin. I scrubbed over every endless inch of my body, in a desperate attempt to get clean.

My skin was raw, yet the dirt remained. No amount of soap and water would ever be enough to remove the ingrained shame. The sore sensation between my legs was a constant reminder of where he had been, what he had took.

I hated him.

He had preyed on me, catching me at my weakest and went in for the kill.

After resembling some kind of prune, I dragged myself out the shower and pulled on some clothes. I quickly tied my hair in a knot, avoiding the pale tortured face in the mirror.

I had to leave this room. The walls were slowly closing in on me and I had to escape it all.

I needed some fresh air and was hoping it would relieve some of the chaos in my head. Plus the mixture of bacon and eggs wafting through the house was enough to make me heave.

I grabbed my coat almost turning green in the process. The thought of any form of food passing my lips called for a swift exit.

I headed in no particular direction, opting to see where my feet took me. My mind began to wander, into those dark places I feared the most.

I had always been my own worst critic, feeling inadequate or chastising myself for my stupid mistakes, but last night had been my biggest one of all. I had let someone in my most vulnerable state take advantage, and steal a piece of me I would never get back.

I despised David with every bone in my body, my stomach churned with the hate and loathing I felt inside.

The cool breeze was soothing against my cheeks. I bit back the sickness, while my feet kept on pushing me forward. A loud car horn brought my mind back into focus and my head snapped up. My heart instantly began beating faster, at the familiar surroundings. I was now standing outside of Joel’s old pub.

I took out my ear buds and gazed through the window, watching all the people milling away inside.

Was this where I was meant to be?

Had fate led me here?

Maybe subconsciously at this moment I needed to feel close to him.

Several minutes passed before I felt certain I was brave enough to enter.

Grabbing the handle I let out a loud sigh and pulled back the door, taking in the warm, familiar surroundings. Everything looked the same, yet so much had changed.

My eyes rested on the bar, and for a moment I hoped I’d see his perfect smiling face. I felt his presence all around me, like a ghost always haunting me, teasing me with something I could never have.

Walking to the bar I was greeted by a tall, stocky, almost menacing looking guy, I’d never seen before. His buzz cut and tattoos were doing him no favours in the intimidation department but when he smiled his face instantly warmed.

“What can I get you pet?” he asked, with a twinkle in his eye. Instantly I felt at ease, as his soft, warm Geordie accent washed over me.

“A hot chocolate please,” I answered, before the words had even registered, just ordering out of habit.

Did I secretly enjoy tormenting myself?

I must possess some kind of sycophant personality. First coming into the pub and then the hot chocolate.

Did I really enjoy reliving old painful memories?

But something inside was telling me I needed this, that unbelievably being here was providing some form of comfort.

“Cream and marshmallows?” he asked grinning, waiting for my response.

“Please.” I nodded, digging out some change from my pocket.

“For you darling, you can have extra chocolate sprinkles.” His wink took me by surprise and he chuckled at my face as I blushed. I quickly paid feeling slightly mortified by my response.

Why was I reacting like this?

It wasn’t because I was interested, looking at someone in that way was even further from my mind, especially after what happened last night.

Grabbing my bag I headed over to the table by the window and flopped down on the leather seat. I watched with intrigue the endless amounts of people mindlessly walking by, lost in their own little worlds. An air of jealousy surrounded me with each and every smile, envying their happy go lucky lives. I wanted the smiles, the happiness at being completely and totally blissfully in love. Not this dejected feeling I was experiencing, sinking further into my own misery.

The distraction of people watching prevented me from noticing the small crowd who have just walked in. My head automatically snapped back to the here and now, by the sound of a voice I would only describe as the devil.

David.

Every single hair stood up on end. I swallowed back the bile, my own natural reaction knowing he was within metres of me. I glanced over to find him standing with two girls. I watched his eyes scan the room, no doubt searching for his next unwilling participant to his sick game.

I froze when his eyes headed in my direction, but managed to whip my head around before they locked with his. I felt my anxiety levels rise, fighting to maintain some kind of composure. Realistically I should be sprawled out on the floor, gasping for air and having a full on panic attack, but I was not going to do this.

Not here. Not now.

My eyes swept the room, hoping to find the barman to cancel my order. This no longer felt like a safe haven, it changed the moment he walked through the door.

The minutes ticked by as I anxiously gnawed on my nail, planning my exit route in my head. I glanced over to find out David’s whereabouts, hoping to avoid any form of embarrassment. The moment our eyes connected, I knew it was game over. The smug smile that crept over his face only confirmed it. Bile rose up in my throat, at realising in our momentary exchange, I was now the pawn in his sick game. He had the perfect audience and I was the main act.

I swallowed deep composing myself and grabbed my belongings. Inwardly cursing myself for not possessing the power of invisibility, some sort of X-Men power would be gratefully appreciated right now. But I was just plain old stupid Izzy, about to go into the lion’s den as I headed towards the door.

“Hey, here’s your hot chocolate darling, sorry it took a while we were backed up in the kitchen,” The cute barman yelled across the room, attracting more attention my way.

Oh just fantastic!

I waved my hand dismissively. “Sorry have to go, I’ll just leave it thanks.” I picked up the pace, striding within metres of the door.  I could feel my heart beating almost out of my chest.

“Well let me give you a refund.”

Oh my god!

I didn’t want the sodding money.

I just wanted to leave before I had some kind of hyperventilation attack. I could already feel the air leaving my lungs.

He smiled, walking me back over to my own personal hell. I kept my eyes locked forward, ironically staring at a bottle of Tequila. I openly resented its existence, without it I wouldn’t have been standing here, feeling David’s evil, cold eyes boring into me.

“Not going to join us Izzy,” he asked with a sneer.

I flinched at the sound of my name on his lips, the repulsion instantly came flooding back. I took a deep breath, trying desperately to keep my composure. “No thanks, I’m choosy about the company I keep.” My eyes remained forward. I didn’t wish to continue engaging in this line of conversation with him.

“You weren’t saying that last night,” he said chuckling, his laughter taking on more of a mocking tone.

Motherfucker.

My fingers gripped the bar tight, anger coursing through my veins. “Probably cause you got me off my head on triple vodka’s and tequila, and I wasn’t coherent enough to refuse.” My nails dug hard into the wood, any longer and I was sure they’d snap off.

I just wanted to be gone already.

“You enjoyed it baby, I could tell you were gagging for it. Girls like you that play all straight laced, acting like you have morals. I know deep down you wanted to break loose, I just helped you to do that.” The girls beside him giggled. I could feel my temper rising, he was goading me, trying to get a reaction. The way he was pushing me, it was going to be hard to rein it in.

More smug looks were directed my way, by the bitches that probably held less than a brain cell between them.

My eyes locked with David’s. “You keep telling yourself that David, pricks like you that have to get girl’s drunk to get them into bed, are the lowest of the low, you are scum.” I pointed my finger in his face, to prove my point further. I could see he was seething by my actions, obviously not used to being confronted.

“You were a crap lay anyway.” He turned away, taking a sip of his drink.

I was verging on the point of murder, imagining my hands wrapped around his neck, draining all life from him. The visual was oddly comforting, but a rage burned inside me and David kept on fanning the flames.

“That’s usually the case when you’re out of your head, sorry my performance wasn’t better, probably the fact I’m totally repulsed by you is to blame. I’d rather stick pins in my eyes then ever go near you again, stay out of my way in future.”

He let out a snort of disgust. “Don’t worry, I’m never going there again.”

Did he actually think I would?

The guy was delusional, the thought alone made me want to lose the entire contents of my stomach.

“Like it was ever an option. I’m sober now and I wouldn’t touch you with a barge pole.”

One of the girls giggled beside me. David was whispering into her ear, by the looks directed my way, it was more than apparent he was talking about me.

“What do you have something to say now?” My eyes pierced into her bright blue ones, as her mouth pulled up into a sneer.

I wanted to slap the bitch so bad.

“Oh my god David you really shagged her, you must have been desperate.”

The pub instantly fell quiet.

Her loud, shrill of a voice, had caught everyone’s attention. She had her audience and they were waiting for a response.

Tears stung my eyes but I would not break. David laughed with a wicked gleam in his eyes. A surge of rage ripped through me, and I grabbed the pint of lager that had just been placed beside me, emptying the entire contents over him.

Both girls squealed in horror, as David flew forward. I could tell he was itching to hit me, his eyes now filled with venom. His simmering anger had finally reached boiling point.

“You bitch!” he yelled, wiping his face with his hands. I stood there laughing, enjoying every single moment of it.

“Yeah, I’m not even close.” My fist instantly connected with his nose sending him reeling back. My hand instantly stung from the impact, but it was worth it to see the look of surprise on his face.

“I think you’ve broke my fucking nose,” he screamed, as his hands cupped it protectively. I watched with delight, the blood streaming down his face, dripping down onto the wooden floor.