Insufferable: A Dark Erotic Romance (19 page)

“Yes.” To speak was nearly impossible at her change of personality. “It seems like everything’s really working out for you. So did you decide to go with psychology, then?”

Her head cocked to the side. “How did you know that?”

“Sevastian mentioned your interest a while back.”

“Oh. Yeah, I’m thinking about becoming a therapist. Sevastian says if I do really well, he’ll hire me personally after I finish school. Then I can help people, here. People like me.”

“Here? In this house?”

“Yes. I mean, I’m sure I’ll work with others too, but I want to come here. I know this place. I know what goes on. I think I can do a lot of good.”

I internally cursed, letting everything sink in. If Lydia did move on with no desire to be with me, I’d have to face her at least every week. How the hell was I going to do that? Sure, we were talking years away until she graduated, but still. With her connected to Sevastian, there was always a chance we’d run into each other. That was going to kill me. Especially if she moved on with someone else.

“Master?”

“Sorry. I was just thinking. You picked a very good path. I’m happy for you. You’ve made excellent progress under Sevastian.”

“And you,” she said, lowly. “I won’t ever forget what you taught me, Master. I think my biggest lessons came from you. I just thought you should know before you disappear again that I owe you more than I can repay. What you’ve done—are doing… If you ever need anything, find me.”

“Why are you being so kind? What about the way I treated you?”

“I know how this works. I know my place. You do what you have to. I’m not going to mope about the bad things that happened, or hold any sort of grudge against you. Why would I? I still care for you. Sure you pulled away, but you did what’s best for both of us. We shared some good times. Those are what’s important. There’s no reason we can’t be friends.”

“This isn’t happening.”

“I’m sorry? I didn’t hear you.” She was studying every move I made. I gave a quick shake to dismiss my words, turning my back to escape to the tool wrack. Seconds went on as I stared at the floggers and crops before me. Confusion had me going over everything. I was angry, hurt, and hungry with lust. I wanted to punish her so good that she’d toss that stupid
friend
comment down the drain and beg to be mine again.

“Master?”

“Yes, slave?”

“I know you’re going to be gone for a while and I have no right to ask, but I have to. When you get back, do you think we could possibly …” She trailed off and I couldn’t turn to face her. “I’m just going to be blunt. I need this, and I don’t trust anyone but you.”

I grabbed the leather handle, gripping to it tightly.
No dependency.
It was the right way to go, but if I did say no, Lydia would look elsewhere to get her pain fix. The man who had claimed her—the man who loved her—couldn’t allow that to happen.

“I’m going to be gone for quite some time, but maybe we could work something out after I return. What do you plan to do about it in the meantime?”

I turned, walking closer. Lydia licked her lips, looking down at what I held.

“I’ll fight for as long as I can.”

“And if it comes to the point that you can’t?”

I stopped before her, lifting my arm up so the strands could caress up her thighs.

“I won’t resort back to cutting. I’ll figure something out.”

Her breaths became shallow as I rose higher. For the life of me, I couldn’t avoid brushing over the front of her pussy. Just thinking that this could continue, that she was choosing me for anything gave
me
hope.
Left me dependent
.

“God, that feels good.”

The soft moaning drove me on. I lifted higher, teasing her nipples, letting the horse hair travel over her stomach with the gentle sway of my wrist. There was no rush, no lesson that needed to be taught. In our moment, it was just me and my slave, taking pleasuring in what we were sharing. It was real, just like I wanted it to be.

“Come closer.”

The purr in her voice was the same one that echoed through my mind in a loop. It sunk its hooks into me, luring me in. Somehow I shook my head and pulled back, striking her stomach with a tease of what was to come. The longing that flashed on her face left me moving back in. Even as I watched her bite against her bottom lip, I knew I was in trouble.

“I’ve dreamt about this. About you coming and taking me here. I’m still not sure I’m awake.”

“Let’s test it and find out.”

I reached to her nipple, rolling it between my fingers. When I applied pressure and began to pinch harder, Lydia lips parted and she inhaled, loudly.

“Not a dream, slave. Although, if it were...” I swallowed hard, refusing to say more.

“You want me. I can see it, Master. You want me so much that you can’t stand it. I’m right here. Come to me. Let’s forget what happened before you left.”

I stepped back, bringing the end of the horse flogger down on her stomach harder. Lydia’s gasps were followed by the sounds of pleasure.

Whack! Whack!

“Friends wouldn’t cross the line we have dividing us. Yet, you beg so sweetly.”

“Maybe we don’t define typical friends. We have no future together, but nothing says we can’t take pleasure from the windows of time where we do get to meet again.”

I reared back, connecting even harder. Tear streamed from her eyes while she tried to catch her breath, but I couldn’t stop myself from coming forward and pressing into her body so my cock could get closer. Inflicting this intensity of pain was who I was. It was what made me tick like nothing else did. I more than enjoyed it, I fucking loved it. With how she kept going about wanting me, there was nothing I could do to stop my body from falling under her spell. My mind on the other hand was barely hanging on.

“You don’t know when to hold your tongue do you?”

“Not when I want something bad enough. I want you, and I can feel how much your cock wants me. Admit it, Master. You want to be inside of me. You want a taste of what we had before you pulled away. I want that too.”

“We can’t.
I
can’t.”

“The future, yes, I know,” Lydia’s said, staring right into my eyes, “but that’s so far away. What’s wrong with taking what we want tonight?”

My mouth crushed into hers while I drank in the sounds that began leaving her. Nothing existed but us. Not the rules, not morality. If I was going to lose Lydia, didn’t I deserve to have her once again? She sure as hell wanted me. Every doubt that was there only moments ago, disappeared. Even if I didn’t have her by my side from here on out, I did have tonight.

Was I a bastard for ignoring the fact that I knew it was wrong? I was.

Weight from her breast settled into my palm while I ground my cock into her harder. Still she begged for me to continue through the kisses, and with each plea, I gave her what she wanted. I gave her every part of me.

“Just tonight. Maybe never again. You have to agree to that or I stop right now.”

“Tonight,” she repeated.

I reached down, jerking at the restraints that held her feet in. When I rose, I brought back the flogger, letting the pain part come first. She needed this, just as much as she needed me. I knew that much.

“Deep breath, baby.”

Lydia clenched her fists, sucking in air deeply before she nodded. I brought the flogger back, slapping against her outer thigh. Her body locked up, but she kept steady as I drew back and let it bite into her again. Once again on the same leg, and then on the other as I dropped it back down. A cross between a groan and a grunt left her and her legs were shaking as I moved the harsh stings to her stomach.

“Je … sus. Fuck. More.”

She sniffled, pulling at the cuffs that held her arms. I kept my attention on her stomach, increasing the brutal pain from the strands even more. A round of sobs echoed around the room, but I didn’t stop. Three more times I let her have the max I was willing to give. When her knees wobbled, I was quick to rush up to catch her.

“You have no idea how beautiful you are like this—crying, moaning, marked up by what only I can give you.” I traced her slit, stepping into her even more with how wet she was. “Open your eyes, slave. Look at me.”

Heavy lids lifted and Lydia’s lips parted. For seconds we didn’t speak as we held our stare. I knew when a woman was begging me to kiss her, and my girl was all but screaming for me to ravage her sweet, little mouth. As it was, I had gone too long without tasting something else.

We kept our connection as I slowly lowered. Welts and heated flesh met my palms and I pushed, widening Lydia’s thighs. The pink tip of her tongue darted out to sweep over her lips and I mirrored the action over her clit. Her eyes flickered and a smiled formed, quickly fading when she sucked her bottom one into her mouth. I didn’t hesitate to repeat the action against the sensitive nerves.

“Just like that. Don’t stop.” Her hips moved and I let her rock while I applied suction. Her juices glided along my chin and I took teasing licks over her entrance before going back to sucking along her clit and folds. I couldn’t get enough. The more I tasted, the more of her I needed. Lydia Mills was the one for me. There was no doubt in my mind.

“Too fast, baby. You need to slow down. You know what will happen if you come before I allow you too.”

I gave her a hard spanking, squeezing my fingers into her ass while I pulled her more into me. Her response told me she would obey, but her hypnotic movements spoke another story. She was enjoying this too much. I should have pulled back and denied her for not listening, but I was too impatient myself.

“You need something to fuck while I lick this pussy?” I eased the tip of my finger in, letting another follow as they began to slide and stretch her channel. Pressure clenched around my digits greedily and I flicked my tongue over her clit at a faster pace, drawing out screams as I began to thrust with more desperation. Within moments her body spasmed, shaking and jerking. I removed my fingers and plunged my tongue in as deep as it would go, dying for the essence that quickly began to take over my senses. I licked and sucked, not stopping until I was sure I got every ounce of her release.

“What did I tell you?” I spanked her ass again—once, twice, three times. Lydia’s eyes were clouded with tears when she finally met my gaze.

“I’m sorry, Master. I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Sorry isn’t going to cut it. By the time I get done with you, you’ll think twice about disobeying me again. I got all night, baby, and you … you have no idea how long I’ve waited for this.”

Chapter 30

Lydia

The cross, the bed. I didn’t care where Jaime took us. As long as he didn’t stop kissing me. And he didn’t. Not for long, anyway. I didn’t see anything on the walk from the basement to my room, but I didn’t care to. All I wanted was to focus on the way my Master made me feel. The passion he displayed. The hunger and dominance behind every one of his actions. He owned me and he didn’t even know the extent.

“Just tonight. Say it, again, slave.”

The bed bounced underneath us and Jaime was already trying to remove the robe he’d hectically dressed me back in. And me, I was jerking at his belt. We were in over our heads. Both of us were past the point of clarity and neither one of us seemed to have the strength to break free of lust’s hold. Maybe I had initiated it, but I had to know I wasn’t the only one who held these feelings. He wanted me more than he dared to admit, and now that I saw that, I was in control of what happened next.

“Just tonight. That’s all I want too.”

The heat from his flogging was a constant reminder of what he’d just done. The welts couldn’t be ignored. With every move of my body, they fed my impatience, bringing me higher.

A popping sounded and it took me a few seconds to realize that I’d broken a few of Jaime’s buttons with my harsh tug at his shirt. The growl that rumbled through his chest was cut off by his mouth taking mine. His powerful hand gripped into my hip, pinning me down, but I didn’t take his order to be still. I couldn’t.

“I want to feel you inside of me, Master. I want you fucking me hard and fast like you used to.”

I managed to get the belt undone, but he kept moving when I grabbed the clasp of his slacks.

“Slave …”

My arm went around his neck, trying to pull him closer while my other tried to get his pants undone. I could feel resistance and it left me fighting harder. Didn’t he see? Couldn’t he feel how right this was? Tonight, forever, I’d take whatever he wanted to give.
Did that make me a doormat?

I blinked through the thought, repulsed that the question even came. But it had, and now I couldn’t help but take in my actions. Sevastian had done wonders building up my self-esteem and confidence. Was I really going to push for a man who wasn’t sure what he wanted? I deserved more than that.

My mouth broke from his and I let my head drop to the mattress. Jaime was breathing hard, staring down, appearing just as conflicted as I was. He didn’t look like he wanted to stop, but I could tell he was holding back. It was a slap in the face to the part of me who just wanted Jaime to love me. It was also an eye-opener. I desired his heart, his one hundred percent. I was worth that. But maybe not to him.

“It’s okay.” I nodded, forcing a grin to cover the painful truth. “You don’t have to do this.”

Jaime’s eyes narrowed and he lifted higher to look down at me. “Have to? Of course I don’t have to.
I want to
. I just … shouldn’t.”

“Right.” His career. His own path, or so he said. “Then, I’ll see you when you return from your trip. If you’re still interested in helping me.”

A hardness masked his face and he cursed while he drew me to sit up with him. I let him pull my robe in to cover my body, but it was almost impossible to meet his face. I was still humming and all I could feel was his hands on me.
His marks
. They made me his, even if he didn’t want me.

“If you can hold out that long, I will make it up to you. If not … I understand. I’m sorry, but this is for the best.”

“I know.”

He went to move, but stopped. “Before I walk out of that door I need to make something clear. I think you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. Not just here,” he said, stroking down my cheek. “But here, in your heart. I need you to listen to me because you’re going to blossom over these next few months and with that growth, you’re really going to stand out. You’ll shine. People, men, they will see that. And they’ll want you.”

My mouth opened, but closed at Jaime’s look.

“I’ve seen it before. Just promise me that before you decide anything at all, go with what your heart says. Do what is best for you and your future.
For your path
. If you have to alter anything in your life to fit anyone else’s, or change in some profound way because it’s not what they want, that person has no reason to be in your life. You’re strong, and you’re special. You deserve more than just happiness. You deserve to be loved to the fullest. When the time is right, everything is going to fall in place and you’ll see that.
You’ll know
.”

“Know what?”

The side of Jaime’s mouth pulled back into a grin and he leaned in to kiss my cheek. “How much of a prize you are.” He stood, the grin still on his face. “I look forward to our meeting after my return. I don’t think it can come fast enough. See you in a few months, slave.”

I nodded, holding in the tears as he grabbed the glass of water from my bedside table. My emotions were all over the place. I didn’t want him to go, but I knew that he had to.

****

“You’re getting faster. We haven’t had to stop once.”

I smiled, glancing over to Sevastian as we jogged around the turn that bordered the far side of the estate.

“We’re only a little more than halfway, the run isn’t over yet.”

He laughed. “True, but it’s progress. You’ve done great. Your therapist agrees as well. You’ve come a long way since your first session. I know those were hard for you at first. Especially with me listening in.

“Facing the past isn’t easy, but worth it.”

“It’s more than worth it. You’re stronger, now. And you have Ms Jo. She seemed to like you a lot. The two of you got along really well. The conversation wasn’t lacking when I was there, that’s for sure.”

I laughed, smiling as I remembered the older woman. “I liked her a lot. There was just something about her. I think I could have stayed there and talked with her all day.” I paused, looking over. “How’s Diane?”

Sevastian’s expression remained happy while he looked ahead. “She’s good. Busy with the planning, but good.”

“Don’t you think maybe it’s time you get back?”

He turned to look at me, his brow drawing in. “Last I checked, I’m the Master. I decide when it’s time.”

“Yes… But I’ve been here now for almost ten weeks. I’m good. I’m ready,” I said, glancing back toward him. “Besides, aren’t you getting married pretty soon? This planning has gone on forever.”

“Less than a week, actually.”

My lids shot open wide as I threw him an unbelievable look. “You’re getting married in a few days and you’re here? Master, sorry if I’m speaking out of turn—”

“Then, don’t.”

“But,” I emphasized. “Someone has to. Who better than the one holding you back?”

“You’re not holding me back. You need help and I’m giving it.” He paused. “What were you going to say?”

“Diane planned a wedding to the person she loves, by herself. I’m responsible for that. It’s not an easy thing to hear when you know you’re perfectly capable of taking care of yourself. And I am. I’m not going to relapse back into cutting or suicide. I have too much to look forward to. The new semester starts soon. I want to be in a place, set up and ready to go for when I begin this new journey. I can’t do that from here and it’s going to take me some time to get prepared.”

“What about Ms Jo? She’s looking forward to your help this weekend. We don’t walk out on our obligations, slave. When we give our word, we keep it. You know that.”

“I have every intention of being there for Ms Jo. I’ve already figured out a way to make it there until I get a job and a car.”

“Have you?”

I nodded, taking in his surprise. “She told me there’s a bus that runs from here to the city. It takes a few hours, but Ms Jo says I can stay with her overnight if I’d like to catch the morning bus back. That way I’m not stuck on the road all day. Just because I move doesn’t mean I’m finished with everything that came with this. I’m more dedicated to my new life than you think.”

“I never doubted you were, but you speak of finding a place to live and getting a job. Did you not listen to me when I made you pick your path? You chose school. There is no job for you with that route, slave. Not until you graduate. You know that.”

My mouth opened with a million questions, but Sevastian quickly shook his head. “I was thinking you had about two weeks left, but I suppose you may be right. I’m glad you took the initiative to keep your word with Ms Jo, but you won’t have to take a bus to do that. I’ve already got you an apartment and a vehicle to help you with your journey. You will have a bank account with enough deposited each month to afford necessities like food and clothing. Everything is ready to go. All your path needs is you.”

I slowed, feeling myself come to a stop from shock. Burning stung my eyes at his kindness and I couldn’t wrap my head around anything he was saying. No one had ever given me anything. I worked for everything I ever had.

“Why would you do that?”

Sevastian came to a stop instead of telling me to continue running like I had expected him to do.

“You’ve gone through hell since you’ve been here. Why would I continue to make you fight when I could set you up to succeed? To do good for others? I believe in you, Lydia.”

The tears fell as my name left his lips. It sounded foreign. Off, and not who I really was. I sniffled, throwing myself in his arms. “I don’t believe it. I… Thank you. I promise I won’t let you down.”

“I know you won’t.” He gave a squeeze and I let go. “Now let’s finish this run. Guess it’s time for your last lesson. The most trying one of all.”