Knight in Shining Suit (40 page)

My father smiled at me.
“Give me raven-haired, violet-eyed grandchildren,” he
teased.

I smiled. I didn’t know
what to say, but I knew what
not
to say. I knew that I just didn't have the heart
to tell him that the only person taking care of his little girl was
herself.

The day pulled through
with me helping out my aunts with the preparations and Ryder
charming my cousins, nieces, and aunts.

When I took a rest from
putting icing on the cupcakes, I sat on one of the swings,
thoughtfully watching my teenage cousins and nephews play the
guitar on one corner.

Just then, Ryder joined
them, sitting with the guys and singing along with them. He looked
like a teenage boy, playfully changing the tones and lyrics of the
songs and then laughing along.

He looked like he was
genuinely enjoying himself. From where I sat, he looked like the
playful Ryder once again. The Ryder that I missed. He looked so far
from the cold, calculating tycoon who drove me here.

“
He looks like he belongs
there,” a female voice said beside me.

I stared up and found
myself staring at Geena’s big blue eyes. Unlike the last time I saw
her, I found that her eyes were dim and she has circles around
them. She had just delivered her baby a couple of months ago, but
she’d already lost so much weight.

Geena sat on the swing
beside me. I remembered when we were kids; we would hang out on
these swings a lot. Now, we’d been through a lot more in months
than we had in twenty-five years.

“
I’m glad that you are
happy, Ash,” she said quietly. I couldn’t believe my ears. She took
a deep breath. “At least it takes some of the guilt away. Bryan was
not good enough for you.”

I stared at her for a
while.
Seriously?

She smiled at me sadly. “I
used to envy you a lot,” she said. “I may have everything that my
heart desires… materially, but I lack the attention, the adoration,
and even the love that you have. Everything just seems to come so
easily to you. The room just lights up when you enter it. I may be
the white rose in the corner, but you… you’re the sunflowers and
daisies all over the place.” She took a deep breath. Still I
couldn’t find my voice. I was afraid that if I opened my mouth,
profanities would come flying out.

She continued, “I didn’t
like that at some point. My dad loves you like you were his own.
Even my half-brother likes you better than me. And you’re not even
related to them by blood. I grew up envying you. And jealousy has
an ugly head.

“
I failed to see that all
throughout these years, you were the one who stood up for me. You
were always there to defend me, to point me to the right direction.
You were my best friend, Ash. But…” Tears were rolling down her
face now.

“
I… betrayed you. I
thought you were happy with Bryan and I wanted that relationship,
too. You were dating each other for years and I couldn’t even find
a guy to date me for two straight weeks. He was cheating on you
though. Not with me. There were others… I know because I went to
bars almost every night. And Bryan and I started moving in the same
circles, having the same crowd, without your knowledge…”

Okay that’s it! I don’t
need to relive my nightmares.
I’m okay
now.
“Geena, I don’t want to hear
this…”

“
But you have to,” she
begged. “For my sake. Please? So I can finally get it off of my
chest.”

I closed my eyes for a
moment. I bit my tongue. I decided to look over at Ryder, to calm
myself, and get a little bit of courage to listen to
Geena.

“
Alright,” I said without
looking away from Ryder.

“
Whenever Bryan took you
home at night, he'd go to bars, meet girls, have one night stands.
I thought, you couldn’t really blame him because he wasn’t getting
any from you. But when it was getting to be too much already, I
confronted him about it. And in one sudden, twisted moment, we just
went at each other.”

For a while there, I was
afraid that she was going to go into details about how she and
Bryan had sex for the first time. If she goes graphic, I promise I
will kill myself!

“
And then it happened
again and again. We both knew we needed to stop. Because of you.
But we couldn’t. We didn’t mean to betray you, Ash. It just…
happened. But you have every right to curse us forever.”

Oh, thank God she got that
one right!

I stared at her. Tears
were rolling down her cheeks. “What do you want from me, Geena? My
forgiveness? My consent?”

She took a deep breath. “I
want to know that you’re happy. You don’t have to be happy for me…
for us. I just want to know if you truly are happy.” She looked
over where Ryder was. “At first, I was mad at you for beating me
again. Sporting a guy who is a hundred times better than Bryan.
Filthy rich. Handsome. Smart. I thought you did it to spite me, to
make Bryan jealous. If those were your intentions, you won, Astrid.
I was envious of you and Bryan was insanely jealous. You were all
we talked about on our wedding night!” She took a deep breath
again.

I let her go on. “We
thought it wouldn’t last. I thought you were doing all that for the
show. But he’s still here. You’re still together. And the way he
looks at you… there’s so much tenderness in his eyes. It was even
better than the way Bryan ever looked at you and I thought he was
so in love with you! Ryder watches you all the time. And even
though you’re already together, he still cannot wipe that look of
yearning on his face.

“
Bryan broke your heart,
but you found a man who loves you ten times more than he ever would
have.” Geena took a deep breath. “What we did to you may not have
any excuse… but I want to know if you’re really happy. With Ryder.
That he makes you happier than Bryan ever did… so I can at least
tell myself that even if I hurt you, it was some sort of blessing
in disguise. That Heaven has used me to pave the way to your true
happiness. I know it’s a lousy excuse to make myself feel better…
but it really would. So I need to know if you really love him, and
that you’re really happy,” Geena said in an almost begging
voice.

I looked at Ryder again.
He was holding a guitar now and was playing it. And then he started
singing. The kids around him listened intently. And somehow, so did
I. He was good.

His voice was sincere and
mesmerizing. He sang soulfully. I couldn’t help being drawn to his
voice.

I knew the song he was
singing.

Picture, you’re the queen
of everything,

as far as the eye can
see,

under your
command…

I will be your
guardian,

when all is
crumbling,

to steady your
hand…

As he sang, with head
bowed down and his eyes closed, I couldn’t help feeling all sorts
of emotions. I felt as if there was something inside him that hurts
and he’s pouring it all out in a song.

Tears were rolling down my
cheeks now, and I don’t know why. He looked up and finally met my
eyes.

“
Don’t let me go… don’t
let me go… don’t let me go…”

The look he gave me was so
intense; I couldn’t bear the weight of it. It was as if he was
making a plea… to me. I lost my breath. If only he meant that… if
only I didn’t find Alizia in his house last night…

I looked away from him and
turned to Geena who was watching me carefully. Then she slowly
smiled.

“
I know you, Ash,” she
said. “Sometimes, even better than you know yourself.” She took a
deep breath again. “I think I know my answer too.” She smiled. “And
I feel better. I’ll try to work it out with Bryan. I know he still
loves you. But I will try… for our baby at least. If… we break up
and he runs to you, please, Ash… don’t take him back. Not for me.
But for yourself.” Then she looked at Ryder and then back at
me.

“
You should recognize a
good thing when it’s in front of you. He genuinely loves you. More
than you love him. I can tell that you’ve been avoiding each other
all day. If something’s wrong, try to work it out. He’s good for
you, Ash. And I want you to be happy. This guy will make you happy.
Don’t underestimate the intensity of your feelings for him. You
love him… probably more than you loved Bryan. And if you choose to
invite me to your wedding, I want you to know that I will be there.
And for once, I will be genuinely happy for you.”

Geena stood up. I was
still speechless. I just didn’t know what to say to her. Honestly,
I loved Geena too. We grew up together and we’d had good times. She
was jealous of me, but now she’s terribly sorry for everything she
did. I looked at Ryder again. He was strumming the last notes of
his song. Tears continued to roll down my cheeks.

“
Do you know that you
never cried whenever you and Bryan were fighting?” Geena
asked.

I stared at her. Was she
right? I could hardly remember what it was like with Bryan
now.

“
You didn’t care as much.
Bryan was your friend, and the relationship was comfortable and
easy. But relationships don’t have to be easy all the time, Ash.
What’s more important is that it’s… passionate, exciting, as much
as it is comforting. The perfect thing is that you should marry
your best friend, who you have the hots for… not some guy who’s
just practically your roommate.

“
Ryder is perfect for you
in all aspects. If you thought your relationship with Bryan was…
sensible… what you have with Ryder is… magic. I hope you think
about that.” And when I stared up at her again, I saw that she has
a genuinely happy smile on her face. “I’m okay now, Ash. Maybe
forgiveness will come between us. Someday. But thank you for giving
me the hope that it will.”

When she left, I felt all
sorts of emotions run over me. Relief, because I knew that somehow
Geena meant every word she said. Guilt, because I’d cheated
everyone by letting them think that I was okay. Confusion, because
even though I was set to break my fake engagement to Ryder, my
heart felt heavier than it did when I broke up with
Bryan.

When Ryder came into my
life, he picked me up from whatever hole I was in. He was the glue
that put me back together. He knew wedding planning was my passion,
so he invested in it and banked on my talents. Maybe he did it as a
businessman. But he helped me up. Without telling me what he was
doing.

He became a constant thing
in my life. Time breezed through without me noticing that slowly, I
was becoming my old self again, maybe even better and Ryder was
becoming the pillar of my strength. He could be so persistent; I
couldn’t shake him off. In bed, we’re like a dormant volcano
exploding. We shared a passion that sometimes seemed uncontainable,
and yet we had this bond that seemed so comforting.

Now… we’re approaching the
end of our charade, I knew it was the right thing to do. But
somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It felt like the most
difficult thing I ever had to do in my life. I couldn’t tell my
parents that we’re over because then it would mean I was really
letting him go.

And God knows I didn’t
want to! Because even though he was the epitome of the lifestyle I
stayed away from since I was a teenager, I knew that he was also
the epitome of the man I hoped to have an ‘ever after’
with.

Tears kept rolling down my
cheeks. I’d reached the shoreline. I stood there staring at the
ocean. When I was younger, I came to the beach a lot… to think… to
tell my troubles to the waves and hope that they would take all of
it away.

I thought about Geena. I
knew she was not happy with Bryan. But the fact that she wanted to
know if I was happy with Ryder told me that she was truly sorry for
what she did. I searched my heart for any grudge for her or even
for Bryan… I found that there was none. Not anymore. I just didn’t
care anymore.

And then Ryder… how could
I bring myself to tell my parents that it’s over? I’m not even
wearing my engagement ring anymore, which surprisingly nobody
noticed… not even Geena. When it’s over, that will be it. Ryder
will be out of my life. How can I bring myself to let him go… to
wake up from the dream? To admit that he belongs to someone like
Alizia after all. And all I had were a few moments of borrowed
heaven.

Just then, I felt that I
was no longer alone. I felt Ryder’s presence behind me. Tears still
kept rolling down my cheeks. I wanted so much to lose myself in his
arms. To hold him, touch him and tell him that…

I love him…
even though he was just a dream. Even though it
was time to wake up now. Even though I was scared… of having a
relationship… especially with a guy like him.

Even though he had Alizia
now…

Could I blame
him?

How many times did I turn
him down? I never gave him a chance. How long did I make him wait?
For nothing!

I should have taken a
chance when he begged me to. And now… I was too late. I closed my
eyes, and more tears came. I wrapped my arms around myself and I
silently whimpered.