Knight in Shining Suit (41 page)

Just then, as if he
couldn’t take it anymore, I felt Ryder’s hand on my shoulder,
forcing me to turn around and then he crushed me into his arms. I
buried my face on his shoulder and cried quietly.

He didn’t really belong to
me and yet, this heaven in his arms just felt so right! There in
his arms, I felt like I could be whoever I wanted to be, and we’d
hold each other this way just the same. But I knew…. I blew away
all the chances I had.

Ryder didn’t say a word.
He just held me, the way I wanted… and needed to be held. He kept
me warm, safe, and comforted. After a while, the tears stopped, but
we still continued standing there, locked in each other’s
arms.

Then he took a deep breath
and said, “You don’t have to break this off to your family yet if
you can’t.”

“
You’ve made it difficult
for me,” I whispered quietly.

“
I told you I would,” he
said. “It wasn’t going to be easy.”

“
But why?”

He sighed. “Because I
wanted you to be sure about what you’re doing first before you tell
your family that I’m not going to be around to take care of you
anymore.” And that just made me want to cry even more.

“
Ash… I didn’t mean to lie
to you about the investment,” he said. “I really was looking for
something to invest in with the first profits I had from Oil Rig
and Rig Style. I saw how lucrative your industry was and I saw how
brilliant you were during that wedding. I knew you were looking for
a job. It presented a great opportunity for me, so I took it. I
didn’t want to tell you yet because when I made the deal with Adam,
you didn’t know who I really was. I couldn’t tell you, but I was
planning to.”

“
When?”

He took a deep breath.
“Every day, I wanted to tell you. It was hard to lie to you every
single day. And I every time I tried… I just chickened
out.”

“
So what do you want me to
do with your business now?”

“
Keep doing it. It’s yours
as much as it’s mine. Your contract with Adam has always been that
you’re a partner. I’m just a capitalist, Ash. You own all the hard
work,” he said.

“
You want me to be your
business partner?”

“
You already are. I want
it to stay that way.”

A mere business
partner
… but what could I expect? Him
telling me that what we had during the past months was
real?

“
I’ll think about it,” I
said to him. “About the fake… engagement… it’s not fair to you if
we keep doing this, Ryder. We both need to keep up with reality…
and I can’t come between you and Alizia. It’s not fair. You’ve
helped me more than enough.”

He pulled back and stared
down at me. His eyes narrowed.

“
Alizia…” he
started.

But then we were cut off
by a voice calling us from a distance. I looked over Ryder’s
shoulder to see my niece, Cathy waving at us.

“
Pictures!” she called to
us. “Come!”

I stared up at Ryder. It
looked like he wanted to say something, but then he took a deep
breath and said, “We better get going.”

I nodded. I was
disappointed. I wanted to know what he had to say about Alizia. As
much as the truth would hurt, I knew I would rather hear it from
him straight. I knew I had no right to be angry or jealous anyway.
And besides, I went out on a date with Tyler in the hopes of moving
on. Ryder deserved to do the same. In fact, he deserved it more
than I did. He was the one who was doing me a favor. I was the one
with the heartache to get over and a face to save.

As we walked back to the
house, Ryder suddenly took my hand and intertwined our fingers. I
stared at him and raised a brow.

He smiled slowly and said,
“You’re still engaged to me here, remember?”

I nodded. “But keep a safe
distance. I know what it’s been like to be cheated on, and I don’t
want the same pain for any other woman… even though we’re just
pretending, Alizia doesn't know that, and she may not
understand.”

Ryder’s face tightened,
but he didn’t say anything.

My heart felt heavier. It
felt more torn than it was this morning. It was as if he was
confirming what I feared… I had lost my chance… I had lost
him.

22.

I DO:

Powerful two little words
that actually mean, ‘I will love you, take care of you, serve you,
protect you, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, for as
long as we both shall live.’

B
efore I joined my parents, I looked at Ryder and said, “Thank
you, Ryder. You’ve been very kind to all of us. I guess this is the
last, huh? I'll call my parents after a week to tell them that it’s
over. Don’t worry. I'll make sure nobody blames you. I’ll tell them
that I want to stay single for a while. To… date
around…”

“
Do you?” he asked
bitterly.

I raised a brow. “Do I
what?”

“
Want to date around?” he
asked.

I laughed… to cover up the
pain that I feel inside… and to hide the truth behind the lie that
I’m about to say.

“
It’s been a while, hasn’t
it?” I turned away because I couldn’t bear to lie to him anymore. I
joined my family for the pictures. Ryder took a picture with us,
too.

I tried to laugh, dance
and chat with as many of my relatives as I could. I was avoiding
Ryder. I didn’t know what to say to him. More than anything, I
didn’t want to feel any more pain. I had gone from one major
heartbreak to a love unrequited in less than one year.

In truth, when he asked me
if I really wanted to date around, what I really wanted to tell him
was…
No. I just want to date you… for
real.

The evening wore on. I
hadn’t spoken another word to Ryder again. I managed to evade him.
We didn’t even dance a song.

It was time to go. Most of
my relatives had gone home. I said my goodbyes to my parents. Bryan
had a smirk on his face in one corner. When I looked at Geena, she
had a wistful smile on hers. I knew I couldn’t stay mad at her
forever. It was pointless. Bryan was nothing to me now anyway. So I
gave her a slight nod… to give her hope that forgiveness would
come… in time. She took a deep breath and it seemed to me like she
was on the verge of crying.

I felt Ryder stand behind
me. I finally turned around to face him. The look on his face was
somber and cold, like he was bottling up all his anger, sadness,
and frustration until he is in the clear to let hell break
loose.

“
You can’t avoid me
forever,” he whispered.

“
I wasn’t…” I started. But
what’s the point of denying the obvious?

He raised a brow at me. I
met his gaze evenly. “Let’s go home. Say your goodbyes to my
parents. It will be the last you’ll see of them.”

He narrowed his eyes. Then
he walked towards where my family was. He shook my father’s hand
and he gave my mother a hug.

On our way to his car, my
father called out to him, “I will hold on to your word,
Ryder.”

Ryder nodded. “Yes,
Sir.”

When we climbed into his
car, I glared at Ryder. “What was that?”

“
Nothing.” He started the
engine.

“
You have to tell
me!”

“
No, I don’t,” he
said.

“
Why not?”

“
Because it’s just between
your father and me,” he replied.

I sat back on my seat,
fuming by the second. How could Ryder make a private conversation
with my father? What did he tell him? Why was my father asking him
to keep his word? Was there a secret that my father told him that
Ryder promised to keep? Was this about money or some investment
that my father was going to make that Ryder agreed to help him
with?

I’ll call my parents to
tell them that Ryder and I are over. I will have to break this fake
engagement. It won’t help if Ryder continued to rub elbows with my
father. I already knew and admitted that I was in love with him. I
wanted this engagement to be over and done with so I could begin
another journey into the healing process. It may feel worse this
time around, but I’d been here before and I survived it. I was a
rock!

What do they say?
“Every day is a test. If you wake up alive today,
it means that you got an “A” for yesterday!”
I got over Bryan. I would get over Ryder too.

Ryder didn’t betray me
when he slept with Alizia, or if he tried to start things with her.
He’s absolutely free to do whatever he wants with his life. He
actually held up his own life in lieu of the big favors I asked of
him.

I was so bent on thinking
that he and I could never be that I didn’t even notice what was
happening to me… that I was falling in love with him for real. I
was stealing moments of heaven with him thinking that they only
happened in dreams, that I forgot the fact that you cannot cheat
your heart and my heart didn’t know it was just a game… my heart
thought that we were for real… that I could have him for my ‘ever
after’.

Had I figured this out
before, I would probably have tried to confront my feelings and see
if I could try existing in Ryder’s world… even though I was scared.
Now that Alizia had officially entered the picture, it reminded me
that if I really did love Ryder, I should let him be happy… with
one who’s fit to be the wife of a tycoon and can raise future
tycoons in accordance with the norms of the upper class society.
One whom his family would easily accept.

That’s Alizia. Ryder
deserved Alizia. For all the good things that he was, he deserved
to have a perfect life, free of complications of geography or
status in life.

We reached my home. I knew
I couldn’t force Ryder to tell me what his deal with my father was,
but I could always pick up the phone and call my dad. When I tell
them that Ryder and I are over, my father will tell me the deal
with Ryder and hopefully not pursue it anymore. Ryder need not be
tied down to do favors he shouldn’t be obliged to do.

I turned to him. “Thank
you, Ryder,” I whispered. He was looking at the road, his
expression cross. He didn’t say anything. “For everything. From the
beginning… you have done more than your part and you’ve done it
beautifully well. It was… a great ‘fake’ relationship.” I giggled
humorlessly. “But you know… it has to end some time.”

He sighed. “Yes. It has to
end.”

I bit my lip to prevent a
whimper from escaping my lips. That hurt. I knew that it had to
end, but hearing Ryder say it broke my heart ten times more. It was
as if he just put out the last glimmer of hope that I had in my
heart.

“
I don’t want to cause
problems between you and… Alizia. I know she won’t be happy about
this, even if you tell her that you were just doing me a
favor.”

He didn’t say anything. He
continued to stare at the road aimlessly. After a full minute of
silence, he got out of the car and opened my passenger door for
me.

This is it!
This is probably the last time I will see him.
The last time that he will exist significantly in my
life.

I got out of the car and
we headed towards my door.

I turned to him and
smiled. I knew that smile looked horrible. I was trying my best not
to cry. I missed him like crazy already.

“
Thank you for coming with
me,” I whispered. “And thank you for pretending to be my fiancé
for… more than half a year. You were wonderful, Ryder. You’re
everything a girl could ever ask for. She’s a very lucky girl.” And
then I tiptoed and gave him a kiss on the cheek.

He didn’t say anything. He
just stared down at me with that grave expression. I stared back at
him and I knew he could see the tears in my eyes.

I turned my back on him
and headed towards my front door. I knew I could only hold back the
tears for less than a minute longer.

Then I heard him say,
“Alizia and I are nothing.”

I turned around to look at
him. “What?”

He took a deep breath and
took a step closer to me. “When you came to my house that night,
she was there to use the bathroom. Said she can’t use the toilet in
the bar and she had to change her clothes or something. If it was a
ploy to seduce me, I want you to know that she didn’t succeed at
it. Nothing happened. I took her back to her hotel just as soon as
you walked out.” When I looked up at him, I thought I saw a glimmer
of light in his eyes. “You know I don’t like aggressive women… and
over the years, I’ve mastered the art of dodging them.”

I took a deep breath.
“It’s actually none of my business. Why are you telling me
this?”

“
Because I want to know
why you came to my house that night,” he said. He was staring at me
intensely. “The truth, Astrid. I think I at least deserve
that!”

The intensity of his look
and his voice almost scared me and made me want to run away. But I
knew he was right. He deserved the truth. No matter what he decided
to do with it.