Knight in Shining Suit (39 page)

Tyler removed his arm from
my shoulders and started pushing Ryder.

Oh God! Kill me
now!

“
Stop!” I said to both
men. I was doing this for Tyler. For his health and his pride.
Ryder could doubtlessly strangle a man with his bare hands with all
the martial arts training he had.

Ryder gave me a hard look.
“Please?” I pleaded him.

He gave me one last stern
look and then I saw defeat cross his face. “Fine!” Then he stared
at Tyler one last time and then he walked away.

A part of me wanted to run
after him. Another part of me kept scolding myself for feeling bad.
Ryder was not my boyfriend. Yes, we did sleep with each other
sometimes. Yes, we did go out… as a favor to each other. But other
than that, there is nothing about us that is real. All of those
kisses, all of those hugs were for the show and for the favors we
did each other… there were some that were real, but we both decided
on their expiry dates and they never happened again after the last
time.

But why did I feel so
guilty? Why did being there with Tyler feel so wrong? Was there a
part of me that truly belonged to Ryder?

When Tyler took me home, I
still was not in the mood to talk. When he walked me to my door,
and leaned his face down to kiss me, I turned away. “I’m sorry,” I
said to him. I couldn’t bear to kiss him.

“
I thought so.” He smiled.
“I guess, you’re not ready to go out with somebody else
yet.”

I stared up at him. “What
do you mean?”

“
Is that your ex? The guy
in the bar?”

I didn’t answer. Because I
didn't know what Ryder was to me anymore.

“
Seems that he’s not over
you yet either. Maybe you two just need to sort out your
differences. He looked like he was about to murder me when I put an
arm around you. And you… you look like you wanted to be with
somebody else all evening.”

Tyler smiled at me and
then he leaned forward to kiss my forehead.

“
I really did like you,
Astrid,” he said. “But perhaps in another lifetime…” He
smiled.

He went to his car and
before he drove off, he said to me, “See you at the photo shoot.
Good luck with your guy.”

Was Tyler right? Did I
really want to be with somebody else? Did I feel wrong about going
out with him because I really do belong with Ryder already? And if
he looked like he wanted to murder Tyler, did that mean he felt I
belong to him too?

I didn’t know what I was
doing, or why, but the next thing I knew, I was sprinting towards
Ryder’s house. I didn’t know what I would say to him, but maybe
when I saw him, I would know. When I stared into his eyes at the
bar, it seemed that some things made sense… especially about the
way I felt about him. Maybe all I needed to do was talk to him once
and for all. Maybe it was time to wake up from the dream and start
facing reality.

Whatever came out of our
conversation tonight, it seemed that I would have to break off my
engagement with him tomorrow in front of my family. I need to stop
living a lie. For both our sakes… I need to start moving
on.

His car was parked in
front of his house.
Great! He’s
home!

I rang the bell twice. No
answer.

Courage, Ash.
Courage.
I said to myself.
It’s now or never.

I heard movement from the
other side of the door and I braced myself.

When the door opened, I
was shocked. I guess the answer to my questions would be…
never!

Long legs, light blonde
hair, sparkling blue eyes.

“
Oh my God!” Alizia
breathed when she saw me. “I’m… I’m really sorry… I didn’t mean to…
Ryder is upstairs. I thought…” I saw shame cross her face as she
trailed off.

Ryder came up behind her.
“Who’s that…” He trailed off when he saw me.

Not this again!
When can my relationships not end with another
woman on the background?

I composed myself and with
all the courage I could muster, I said, “Just me. I just wanted to
tell you that you don’t need to come to my parents’ thing tomorrow.
It’s better that way. I’ll be the one to tell them that it’s over.”
I stared up at Ryder.

I refused to let tears
blind me.
I’m not crying over some guy who
wasn’t really mine!
At least not in front
of him. “We’re… over,” I said and then I turned on my heel and
left.

21.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY:

A celebration of another
year of marriage, no divorce, no separation. Whew!

F
riday morning, I
called up Adam. I
wasn’t really mad at him. I knew that he was only looking out for
me. I told him that I would catch a ride with him, as I wouldn’t be
going with Ryder to my parents’ party.

“
And if they look for
Ryder, what will you tell them?” Adam asked.

“
That we’re taking time
off. That I wasn’t ready. Ryder is a wonderful guy, but he was too
serious about getting married and I’m not ready for that commitment
yet. Plus, he’s in Manhattan eighty percent of the
time.”

“
And what will you
really
do about Ryder,
Astrid?” he asked.

I took a deep breath.
“He’s not my boyfriend. He’s… my boss apparently. I’ll keep working
on this, until the profits start coming in. And then I’ll look for
other opportunities. Don’t worry; you can hire Nicole to take over.
She’s just as good as I am,” I said. “Then give me a month or two,
I’ll move out of my room too.”

“
You didn’t have to do
that, Ash,” Adam said. “Ryder has no intention of pulling out his
investment.”

“
I don’t want to owe him
anything anymore, Adam.”

He sighed. “Alright,
whatever. I’ll pick you up at two.”

Ten minutes to two, I went
out of the house to wait for Adam.

I almost choked when I saw
Ryder’s car outside. He was leaning on the passenger
door.

“
Wh-what are you doing
here?” I asked him.

He was wearing a pair of
pitch-dark shades, I couldn’t see his eyes. The arctic look on his
face matches the glacial tone of his voice. “If you want to end
this, let’s end it together.”

“
What do you mean? You’re
gonna come with me to my parents’ anniversary so we can tell them
that we’re over?”

“
Yeah, why not? That’s
what you wanted, right?” he said coolly.

I took a deep breath.
“It’s gonna be harder for me to tell them if you’re
there!”

“
Then it’s gonna be
harder. I’m sorry, love, but if there’s one thing I will not make
easy for you, this is it,” he said raising his brow.

“
Adam is supposed to pick
me up!” I said.

“
No, he’s not,” he said.
“He’s probably on his way there.” Then he motioned his hand for me
to get into his car. “Ma’am?”

I groaned and then I got
in. He rounded his car and hopped into the driver’s seat. We drove
off in silence. I looked out the window. My heart was hammering
against my chest.

I wanted to touch Ryder.
He looked even more handsome than he did the last time I saw him.
Only then, his expression was warm and jolly, like I was perfect in
his eyes. But now, the look on his face was serious and
irritated.

The music inside his car
was loud. He made no effort to lower the volume. It was as if he
wanted me to know that he was in no mood to talk. And I was glad. I
didn’t know what to say to him either.

Finally, we arrived at my
parents’ house.

My family greeted us
warmly. Ryder removed his sunglasses to reveal his eyes. He looked
like he hadn’t slept in days. When he smiled at my parents, that
smile didn’t touch his eyes. When his eyes met mine, his expression
was dry and impassive.

Where is the Ryder Van
Woodsen I’ve known and liked?

I felt like crying. I
missed him—the Ryder that I fell asleep talking to over the phone
and in bed; the Ryder who playfully gets carried away with hugging
and kissing me.

We greeted our relatives.
Ryder felt right at home with them. He played with my nieces. Many
of them still remembered him from the wedding. We were with my
family all day, but somehow, we avoided each other.

I was trying to find the
right time to tell my parents that Ryder and I were over. I knew
they would be very concerned. I’d tell them that we decided to
remain friends and that is why he still came with me.

I found my mother in the
kitchen. I helped her with the cupcakes she was
preparing.

“
You seemed very happy,” I
told her.

“
How can I not be? Your
father loves me the same way after all these years!” She beamed.
Then she looked at me. “My only daughter is with a man who will
take care of her better than I hoped.”

I looked away from her
guiltily. I took a deep breath. “Yeah, about Ryder and I…” I
started. “We’re not…”

Just then Ryder burst into
the room with my eight-year-old niece Carol on his back.
Must he be such a pain?

“
I’m beat, little
princess,” He told her as he put her down. “Why don’t you play with
your brother outside while I catch my breath?”

Then he turned to us. My
mother was smiling at him widely.

“
You need help there,
Mom?” he asked.

Mom? What the
hell?

I narrowed my eyes. “Why
are you calling her ‘Mom’?” I demanded.

“
I told him to. You’ll be
married in a year’s time anyway,” my mother said.

“
Who said we’re getting
married in a year’s time?” I asked.

“
Ryder did. I asked him
when the big date is and he said he’s just given you a year to tie
all the loose ends in your life and he’ll keep the pressure on! But
by the looks of it, maybe it’s less than a year.” My mother
smiled.

I stared at Ryder. How
could he tell my mother that? He knew I was going to tell them that
we’re over!

I glared at him. He gave
me that crooked smile. And instead of being fazed by my anger, he
winked at me and turned to my mother. “Yes. I can’t wait for her to
be Mrs. Astrid Van Woodsen.”

My mother laughed. “We’ll
always be thankful for the day you met Astrid. When Bry….” my
mother trailed off.

“
It’s okay,” Ryder said.
“I know everything about Bryan and what he did. In fact, it was
during those difficult times that I met Ash. It was his loss, and
my gain. Astrid is a gem.”

“
You’re too sweet, Ryder.
And you know we already consider you a part of this
family.”

Oh great! Just
perfect!

Then my mother turned to
me. “You were about to tell me something, dear?” my mother
asked.

Ryder raised a brow at me.
“Yes, love. What were you about to say to
Mom
?” He won this game and he knew
it. There was no way I would tell my mother that Ryder and I were
over after all
that
.

I was fuming. How could he
make this so hard for me?

“
Nothing,” I said. “I’m
going to get some air.”

I went into the backyard
and found my father sitting on one of the tables smoking a
cigar.

“
How are you Dad?” I
asked.

He smiled. “I’m happy,
sweetheart. Thirty years of marriage. And I’m still in love with
your mother the same way.”

“
I envy you. You found
your ‘ever after’.”

He laughed. “You found
yours, too,” he said motioning over to where Ryder was now, talking
animatedly to Uncle Reynolds and two of my aunts. “You’re very
lucky. He didn’t have to be rich as long as he’s in love with you.
Looks like you got lucky in both departments.”

I took a deep breath. I
opened my mouth to tell him that Ryder and I were over. Then I
looked at Ryder. He looked genuinely amused when he laughed at
Uncle Reynolds’s joke.

“
That’s one man who will
do anything for you, Ash,” my father said. “I didn’t really like
Bryan that much, but you loved him and you were happy when you told
us you were engaged. When he cheated on you, I wanted to shoot him
between the eyes.”

My eyes widened at my
father’s comment. I didn’t know he felt that way when he found out
about Bryan and Geena.

“
Then you went to that
wedding all happy and in love… with a man who is more in love with
you than Bryan ever was… and Ryder is a more decent man. He makes
an effort not only to impress you, but also your family. And I
couldn’t be any happier this day. I’m happy about my marriage to
your mother, and I’m happier to see my one and only daughter being
taken care of by a man who can give her a better life than I ever
did.”

I knew I should have
spoken. I knew I should have ended it there. But instead, I stood
there quietly, tears brimming in my eyes.