Losing Control (21 page)

I had been on the laptop typing away random thoughts when I heard someone coming into the room. I knew who it was before I even heard his voice.

“Let me guess,” I said, without looking away from the laptop. “Penny let you in.”

“I just needed to talk Elena,” Thorne said. The bandage covering the cut on his cheek was a new addition to his face. “Can you give me five minutes to explain myself?”

I heaved a sigh out of frustration, and set my work aside, turned towards him, ready to listen to whatever he had to say. “Go on,” I said. “You have five minutes.”

“I saw you two at some event,” Thorne said. “I saw you and I saw him, and I couldn’t help myself. I wanted to get to know you but someone told me you were engaged to Nick. It felt to me like I’d never get a chance. I decided to let it go but then, sometime later I went to the men’s room and I saw Nick making out with some girl from the same party. I realized what he was doing and it made me mad. I just felt like maybe I should tell you but I wasn’t even sure you’d believe me.

“Then, I had a friend find out some history about you and I found out about your writing. And the more I read you, the more I started to learn about you Elena, and the more I wanted you. That night, the first night we met, when you left Nick, it wasn’t a coincidence. I was the one who set Nick up with Cyndi. I even made sure there were pictures, just in case you didn’t get home when you were supposed to. I would have made sure you found out one way or another. I don’t know why I did all that Elena; I’ve never done this before. I just couldn’t bear the feeling that I would never get to know you. Or worse, that that bastard would keep doing this to you.

“So I was there, just in case, waiting when you walked out of Nick’s place. I wanted to make sure you were okay. That’s all. That’s why I followed you to the motel. It was because of me Elena and when I saw you all alone that night, crying, I wondered if I made a mistake. But when I found out more about Nick, I wasn’t sorry anymore. I saw what a jerk he was to you that day and I saw how you reacted to him, how you tried to make it sound like it didn’t bother you, like Nick isn’t that person but we both know that he is Elena. We know he’s not a good person, not for you, and you’ve known it for a while now, you told me yourself. You’ve had plenty of chances to go back to him but you didn’t.

“He obviously wants you! So what’s stopping you? You chose to stay single over being with him. You chose to stay with me over being with him, Elena because you know how much you mean to me. I’m not lying about that. I’ve never lied about that. I love you more than I’ve loved any woman I’ve ever been with. And I know, I’m not the perfect person, and I know I should have told you sooner, but I’ve lost so many good things…I didn’t…I didn’t want to lose you too.”

“Is that all?”

“For now.”

“You know what,” I said. “Thorne I’m starting to hate surprises. And I’m starting to think that people, who have these surprises in store for me, are really just not the right match for me. Look at what happened with Nick. If I let this go, you’re going to do something like this again! Because you obviously do this a lot! You met me and you never told me anything and you’ve been lying to me ever since! How can I possibly trust you again?”

“I wasn’t lying to you about everything,” Thorne said. “Just this one thing. I’m still the same guy, Elena. I’m still the same guy you met once when you were really sad and I am still the same guy you brushed off so many times, and I’m still the same guy you started seeing because you saw something in me. Because you wanted to be with me.”

“Did you maneuver the whole work arrangement too?” I asked. “Did you somehow make Penny give me Brenda’s card?”

“I may have spread the word.”

“I don’t know what to say to you,” I said. “I don’t know if everything I felt for you was even true. It feels like something you manipulated.”

“So what if it was manipulated?” Thorne said. “What matters is how you feel about me now, and how I feel about you. That’s what you need to focus on when you start deciding the fate of this relationship.”

“How are you not getting this?”

Thorne walked towards me. “I get it,” he said. “I do get it. It’s just, by the time I realized what I was doing, I was already in too deep! I’m sorry, Elena. I’m sorry I made things harder for you and I’m sorry about the whole manipulation bit but please, you need to think about this before you decide to throw all of this away.”

“That’s not what I’m doing—”

But my words hadn’t finished when Thorne kissed me on the forehead. “My five minutes are over,” he said. “I hope you can come to a decision soon, because I’m really missing you.”

He said this and started walking out the door, but stopped and turned to speak. “I’ll be waiting,” he said.

And then he was just gone.

The night was so dark and the city was visible from this height. The terrace in Thorne’s loft was hands down one of my favorite places in the city. Thorne was standing there close to the edge, in an almost transparent white shirt, looking just as gorgeous as ever. But there was a lost expression on his face. When I walked up to him, I tried not to let him hear my footsteps but that didn’t work.

“Lane let you in?” he asked, without looking at me.

“You’re not the only one who has the right to intrude in people’s private living set-ups.”

He turned to face me. “Touché.”

“What are you doing up here?” I asked. “Trying to solve life’s mysteries?”

His shirt was open from the front, just casually hanging on his body. The sight made me nervous. He also had a glass of whiskey in his hand and his eyes looked like he had been at it for a while. “A Bon Jovi reference,” he said. “I should have known.”

“Are you surprised that I’m a Bon Jovi fan or that you know the reference?”

He looked at me with the beginnings of a grin. “Word play is your thing, Elena not mine.”

“No wise-ass remarks,” I said. “Some would say you’re losing your touch.” I paused and then added, “And you’re obviously drinking too much.”

Thorne walked right up to me and just stood there,
looking like that
.

“You’ve come here to make me stop?” he asked, all blue eyes and open shirt and masculine fragrance.

“Don’t do that,” I said.

“Do what?”

“That whole ‘I’m too sexy and you know it’ routine.”

“Did it work?”

And that made me laugh.

“Great,” he said with mock seriousness. “You’re breaking my heart with that laughter.”

“Well you almost broke mine,” I said, serious now.

“I’m sorry Elena,” he said. “Remember once I told you to give me a chance when you caught me with Cyndi at the club? I hadn’t done anything, but I had kept it from you. And I never gave you reason to be sorry, did I? I kept my word. You need to have that kind of faith in me again. I will never give you reason to regret it.”

After a while of looking at his face, I finally said what I had come here to tell him.

“Fine,” I said. “I’m going to forgive you.”

“Seriously?” he asked. “No penalties?”

“Sure,” I said. “I can think of a few.”

I went closer to him and I had to stand on my toes a little to reach his lips but when I did find them, the desire comes right back.

“In that case,” Thorne said, breaking off. “You’re free to discipline me for a change.”

This time, I couldn’t help grinning wide. “So,” I said. “Now that we’re doing the whole full disclosure thing, I need to know Thorne: what did you have to do to get me a job at your office?”

“Well,” Thorne said. “I might have…sorta created an entire department for you.”

My jaw was seriously left hanging this time. “Please tell me you’re joking?”

Thorne laughed. “I’m sorry but I’m not joking.”

We both heard a thud from inside the loft and then the sound of glass breaking and we both rushed inside the loft to find Lane collapsed on the floor next to the breakfast bar. He was bleeding through the nose and unconscious.

“Lane!” Thorne tried to shake him awake but nothing. He checked Lane’s pulse. “He’s not breathing!”

I rushed to call 911 but Thorne picked Lane up and carried him outside the loft, and I went with him. We got into the elevator and all the way down, Thorne didn’t say a word. He quietly placed Lane in the back of his Lexus and we drove to the emergency room.

Lane was propped up in bed, still connected to the machines when I went in. He looked a little worse for the wear but at least he was vertical. I felt a strange sense of relief. I went straight to him and hugged him.

“It was an accident,” he said the minute I pulled away. I could tell how agitated he was.

“It’s okay,” I said.

“Thorne, I swear it was an accident,” Lane repeated. “I didn’t do it on purpose.”

“Lane, with your history—”

“It was a fucking accident!” he yelled loudly this time. “Why won’t anyone believe me?”

“Lane,” I said. “They found heroin in your system. It reacted with the antidepressants.”

“I must have miscalculated…”

“Lane, are you listening to yourself?” I said. “You told me you wouldn’t use that stuff again, you promised me!”

“I know,” he said, in the same agitated voice. “I know I did.” He paused, and then grabbed my arm. “Don’t let them send me to that place,” he said, and he was almost in tears. “Please. You gotta talk to Mom and Dad, Thorne. I can kick this thing on my own, I just need your help.”

“I’m here for you Lane,” I said. “But you have to go to the facility.”

“What?”

“With your history, they’re right to be concerned. The doctors all say the same. You need help and they can get you help.”

“No!” Lane yelled. “I won’t go back to that hell! I just won’t!”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “But you leave me no choice.”

“Get out.”

“Lane—”

“Get the fuck out of here! I don’t need you!”

He looked angry.

Angry and hurt.

I could think of nothing more to say to him.

So I got up and left the room.

“How’s he doing?” Elena asked when I stepped outside the hospital room. She had barely gone home ever since it happened yesterday.

“He’s better now,” I told her. “But he hates me.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m sending him to a care facility,” Thorne said. “It’s the only option. I talked to the doctors. I can’t let him harm himself and if he stays here, that’s exactly what’s going to happen.”

“Thorne,” Elena said. “He will understand. He’s messed up right now, but you’re getting him help. That’s all that matters. You need to be a parent to him now more than ever. And parenting isn’t a popularity contest. You don’t always win the votes.”

“I know that,” I said. “But it still hurts just the same.”

Six Months Later