More Letters From a Nut (11 page)

Dear Hotel Manager:

I am interested in a suite at your hotel for the following dates: Oct 3-Oct 4, 1996. This will be a business-personal trip. I have a special request:

Although my name is Ted Nancy, I would like to be called Philippe Spotto in the restaurant? I then would like to be called Fred Chancy in the health club. While by your pool, I would like to be addressed as Mr. Marco Salmon and then I want to be called Dr. Frank Del Fudgio while in your lobby after checking in. I will have different people with me when I arrive at these locations and MUST be called these names for business purposes only.

I would like to be announced: “Mr. Fred Chancy and guest, we have your treadmills ready.” And, “Ah, it’s Mr. Marco Salmon, welcome to our cabana area and pool.”

Perhaps a bellman could come up to me in the lobby and say, “Are you Dr. Frank Del Fudgio? I have a message for you.” Then whisper in my ear, “It’s just me.”

Please let me know if I can be accomodated? And if the Oct 3-4 room is available? Thank you. I know the Coronado Bay Resort goes out of it’s way for it’s travelers.

Sincerely,

Ted L, Nancy

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for your interest in Loews Coronado Bay Resort. Unfortunately, we are sold out on October 3 and 4 and will not be able to honor your request. You may want to check with the Hotel del Coronado or Le Meridian in Coronado. Regarding your special requests, you may want to be more specific regarding which restaurant and how one will be able to recognize you at the particular locations.

Best of luck with your venture.

Sincerely,

John Thacker

General Manager

Dear Mayor’s Office,

I want to give back to the community. I want to stage the play “Romeo and Juliet” using otter. There will be no racy scenes but some holding. Otters will play Romeo, Juliet, and the others. We will bring the otters out at intermission to pet. These otters are something to see. They have performed this play many times with only one biting incident.

I wish to put on a FREE performance in your downtown area for workers. Or any other people the Mayor’s Office deems necessary. I want to give back to the community. Perhaps you have some folks that could use a good otter rendition of this classic love story. This is a sensitive, warm telling of the story using sea otters. Audiences will like the otter grunts and sounds especially when Romeo tells Juliet he loves her.

Ohio is the place. I have grand memories of the towns of this great state.

Please let me know how I put on this free show for the good people of Jackson? Thank you. Would you like to see a video tape of the show? I look forward to hearing from you soon. All I require are three stair ramps and a public address system.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Thank you for your letter of March 31, 1997, informing us that you would like to stage “Romeo and Juliet”, in our area, using otter.

This sounds quite interesting; before we schedule a free show, we feel that we “otter” (no pun intended) view a video-tape of the show. Could you please send this to me; then, after reviewing the tape, I will contact you.

Again, thank you for your interest in our City; I look forward to receiving the video-tape.

Sincerely,

John T. Evans Mayor

City of Jackson, Ohio

JTE/rrp