More Letters From a Nut (15 page)

Dear Mr. Nancy,

Of course we can help you with your heel pain!

I would encourage you to call our Granada Hills office. That would be closer for you than our Victorville office. That phone number is (818) 368-2841.

I’m sorry to say, we don’t treat parrots. I’m sure there’s a good bird doctor out there. (Maybe he’s just having sympathy pain for you?)

Hope to see you at our Granada Hills office soon.

Sincerely,

Michelle Wade

Office manager

Victorville office

Doctors Foot Care Center, Inc.

Dear Records Dept.,

I’ll get right to the point. I have a problem. I was in a coma for 5 years. And when I woke up I found out my wife had left me. For another man in a coma.

I was in your hospital from 1989 to 1993. I need my records to give to my paralegal so I can get my wife back. She is now with this other person who is still in a coma. I am groggy. She just sits there all day with him. Nothing is going on! At least I am up.

Can you please send me my records? My doctor’s name at Akron General is Dr. Jharbdi Del Fudgio. Thanks. I look forward to hearing from you soon with my medical records.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

We are unable to comply with your request(s) for medical information on the above patient as (
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