More Letters From a Nut (15 page)

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Authors: Ted L. Nancy

Tags: #Humor, #Form, #Essays

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Full text of the above letter to follow.

September 10, 1996

Dear Mr. Nancy,

Of course we can help you with your heel pain!

I would encourage you to call our Granada Hills office. That would be closer for you than our Victorville office. That phone number is (818) 368-2841.

I’m sorry to say, we don’t treat parrots. I’m sure there’s a good bird doctor out there. (Maybe he’s just having sympathy pain for you?)

Hope to see you at our Granada Hills office soon.

Sincerely,

Michelle Wade

Office manager

Victorville office

Doctors Foot Care Center, Inc.

Full text of the above letter to follow.

560 No. Moorpark Rd. #236

Thousand Oaks, CA 91360

Sep 5, 1996

Records Dept.

AKRON GENERAL MEDICAL CENTER

400 Wabash Ave.

Akron, OH 44307

Dear Records Dept.,

I’ll get right to the point. I have a problem. I was in a coma for 5 years. And when I woke up I found out my wife had left me. For another man in a coma.

I was in your hospital from 1989 to 1993. I need my records to give to my paralegal so I can get my wife back. She is now with this other person who is still in a coma. I am groggy. She just sits there all day with him. Nothing is going on! At least I am up.

Can you please send me my records? My doctor’s name at Akron General is Dr. Jharbdi Del Fudgio. Thanks. I look forward to hearing from you soon with my medical records.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

Full text of the above letter to follow.

We are unable to comply with your request(s) for medical information on the above patient as (
) indicates below. To assist us in locating a record for the above patient, additional information is needed, please furnish the following (
):

When applicable, please return to.

Medical Record Department, Correspondence Section

AKRON GENERAL MEDICAL CENTER

400 Wabash Avenue

Akron, Ohio 44307

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