More Letters From a Nut (22 page)

Dear Submissions Dept.:

I have a book that I’m sure you will want to read. I believe I have been examined by Aliens. I was probed, touched, examined and searched. All this was done in a bush.

My story is real! Only myself, and the aliens know the truth. (Maybe a leaf blower man). Are you interested in reading the entire story from the supermarket parking lot to a pet store alley? I am almost finished with the manuscript now.

I am on chapter 61 where I was taken aboard the mother craft, my pants taken down, my area washed, (and noted in a journal), and then released after being examined, probed, and tickled. I was then taken to the bush where the study was finished. I enjoyed everything but the tickling.

I have pictures that were taken then given to me. People looking at them are startled.

THIS IS A TRUE STORY. I believe this book could be very educational to high school students and others. Everyone should read this book. This is a authentic account of my visit with the other world.

Please let me know if you are interested in looking at my pictures of me being tickled? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

January 30, 1997

Dear Mr. Nancy,

Thank you for taking an interest in Viking Penguin. Your story of alien abduction sounds quite fascinating. As we’re sure you know, we receive many hundreds of requests from people who want to have their stories published by our company, and are unable to publish them all.

However, we are willing to consider whatever material you would like to submit. Please include the photos (or color copies of them) so that we can determine the validity of your account.

Send to:

ARKANA

Viking Penguin

375 Hudson St.

New York, NY 10012

We look forward to receiving your material.

Best regards,

The Editorial Department

Dear City Of Lewisville:

I am sure that I am in possession of a “deed of grant” from the transitional government of the “New State Of Texas” that verifies I own all the land for what you call Lewisville.

Naturally, I don’t want to throw the good people of Lewisville out of my land. You have the best Sizzler! However, I do want to change the name to Perry King. The city of Lewisville will in effect be now known as Perry King, Texas, 75067.

Who can I communicate with regarding my ownership of the city of Lewisville? I have a legal document signed giving me ownership to this land.

I just would like to show my deed to someone. It says TED L. NANCY OWNS LEWISVILLE, TEXAS. I am looking at it now. I keep it in my refrigerator for safekeeping. It is moist, but still readable. Please write and tell me what office I should communicate with regarding my claim. Thank you for getting back to me on this.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

I love your Sizzler!

August 27, 1996

Dear Mr. Nancy:

Congratulations! It has recently come to my attention that you are now the legal owner of the city of Perry King, Texas, formerly known as Lewisville, Texas, by virtue of a deed of grant from the transitional government of the
New State of Texas.

As I have been intrigued with how this venture was accomplished, I am writing to you today to request information on how I, too, may obtain a city in Texas through the transitional government of the
New State of Texas.

I would appreciate obtaining a list of all available cities and towns in Texas, as I want to own a good one. Please be so kind to send this information to me in the envelope provided.

After you respond, and conditioned upon the fact I am able to achieve this goal, I will then share with you my ideas to form a “townowners association” for membership of owners of cities and towns in the
New State of Texas.

Thank you for your favor in reply.

Sincerely,
Atina Noslen

PS: I would advise you to keep all important documents in a place other than a refrigerator (they could mold).