More Letters From a Nut (21 page)

Dear City of Anaheim:

I am building a small business in the shape of your Anaheim airport. Mine will be a hair care shop and pet bath business. I may sell pet ointment. Maybe salve.

I was told to write to the city of Anaheim so that I may get permission and proceed with my business that will look like your Anaheim airport.

Can you please direct me so that I may get the paperwork started? I am anxious to get my business going. Hair care and pet baths are very important in this area (plenty of pets) and I can’t proceed unless I get the permission to use your airport as my reproduction.

Thank you very much. I look forward to hearing from you soon. I have always thought the Anaheim airport was a model of efficiency. Tell me where I get the paperwork.

Respectfully,

Ted L. Nancy

Dear Mr. Nancy:

This is in response to your letter dated August 10, 1996, regarding the reproduction of an airport to model your business. Although your idea is very appealing, unfortunately, the City of Anaheim does not have an airport. However, a municipal airport is located in the City of Fullerton, and the Orange County John Wayne Airport is located in the City of Costa Mesa. I hope this will be of some help to you.

I appreciate your interest in our city, and hope you will find a model for your business.

Sincerely,

David M. Morgan

Assistant City Manager

DMM/lr

200 S. Anaheim Blvd., P.O. Box 3222 Anaheim, California 92803
FAX (714) 254-5164    
    (714) 254-5162

Dear Business Permits Dept:

I am interested in obtaining a business permit.

I own “TED L. NANCY’S CLEAN UNDERWEAR KIOSK.” I sell clean underwear from a kiosk. I want to place 65 of them around the city.

You ever get to the mall and say I want to change my underwear? Now you can do it from my clean underwear kiosk. There is no need to go home, change your underwear, and come back. How many times do you want to go to an important business dinner? Wouldn’t a change of clean underwear be nice?

I have a changing screen where you can change your underwear and even leave your ‘dirties’ where they will be disposed of. (Need information on this. Rules, county dumpage, etc.).

I am interested in setting up my “CLEAN UNDERWEAR KIOSK” in your malls and airports and at night by your music centers and theater districts. Clean underwear creates foot traffic! I sell fresh, personally supervised, hand crafted, pre washed underwear competitively priced, sizes petite to triple XXX 61 waist.

Can you please tell me how I get permission to do this? What permits I need, paperwork to fill out, etc.

I also operate an adjacent frankfurter stand and feature a daily “UNDERWEAR AND LUNCH SPECIAL.” One classic brief and a krautdog for five bucks is the most popular.

What is the process for me to have a mobile underwear and hot dog business in your city? I look forward to a wonderfully symbiotic relationship.

Respectfully,

Ted L. Nancy

Dear Mr. Nancy,

The License Office is in receipt of your letter requesting information regarding licensing a hot dog cart and clean underwear kiosk in the City of Santa Monica.

The Zoning Code only allows outdoor sales activity on Third Street Promenade, the Santa Monica Pier, and six locations bided on in a lottery program every two years. Carts are only allowed on Third Street Promenade through a cart program administered by the Bayside District, and requires Planning approval and a Business License, for more information on the Third Street Promenade cart program please call (310) 393-8355. Currently, the Santa Monica Pier is not taking any applications and the next lottery will be held February 1998.

If you have a location inside a building the enclosed brochure explains the Business License and Planning procedure.

If you have any questions please call the License Office at (310) 458-8745.

Sincerely,

Debra Sowers

License & Permit Supervisor

(nancy)