More Letters From a Nut (25 page)

Dear Sir,

We have received to your letter. But unfortunately we have no space at our airport to lease since our terminal buldings are little and narrow.

There fore we have to give negative answer to you regardless what business you’d like to do.

Dear MS. Tilton:

I am a 675 pound look a like for George Harrison. I am in a group called the “FAT BEATLES.”

We have a tubby Paul who is 490 pounds. He is the cute fat Beatle. We have a huge John - 751 pounds and gaining. Could be 800 pounds by time of show. We may have to put him in something other than our collarless Beatle jacket as he cannot fit now. Yet he really wails as a fleshy John. Our drummer is a 585 pound Ringo. The girls go nuts when he woo woos and shakes his head. He has to be lifted onto his drum stool.

Do you want to see our tape? We sing for 90 minutes then answer questions on what it’s like to be a FAT BEATLE. We are the best!

Sometimes we have a thin Bachman Turner Overdrive open for us. (Can get in touch with them if you are interested). They are rail thin - less then 100 pounds each. They’re “SKINNY BTO.” We have a tape.

Please let me know how the FAT BEATLES can play your theater? This is an act who’s time has come. I look forward to hearing from you soon. You should really see this tape.

Sincerely,

Ted L. Nancy

George

October 30, 1996

Dear Mr. Nancy

I heard about the “Fat Beatles” from Mariana Tilton at the Normandie Casino, an account of mine. I would very much like you to send me a tape ASAP. This sounds like it could be a very enjoyable and profitable project.

Sincerely,

Marc Berman

6233 Hollywood Boulevard, Los Angeles, California 90028 • 213•468•1700 FAX 213•468•9636

Dear City Planners,

I understand the city of Stockton is sponsoring PETE BEST DAY in recognition of the former Beatle and the contribution he has made to Beatlemania. Without Pete Best, we may have had a different Ringo.

I am a fan of Pete Best going way back to Germany when he was known as the hot dog from Hamburg. I think this event is far overdue and I can imagine Pete Best thinks it’s far overdue. He must be simmering. I saw him at the airport once and he was grimacing. This man has had some restraint! He had held himself in for 33 years and now deserves his own event!

Please let me know when PETE BEST DAY will be taking place? I would like info on Stockton hotels, transportation, clothing, tickets, laundry service, egg salad sandwiches, Beatle wigs, and eyeglass repair shops. Thanks.

I look forward to hearing from you soon as I have to travel to Stockton and make arrangements.

Sincerely

Ted L. Nancy