More Than Miles (A Lost Kings MC Novel) (19 page)

“Why you lettin’ them fuck with our champagne room?” Z asks. He’s laughing, though, so I doubt he gives a fuck.

Wrath shrugs. “Were you planning to use it this morning? No. So leave ‘em alone.”

Z throws his hands up. “Settle down, fucker. I’m just kidding.”

Wrath lifts his chin at me. “Ready to head to Furious?”

“Yup.” I slap Teller’s back and get a punch from Z before we take off.

I can’t avoid my brother forever.

Especially not on his birthday. Every day since I left, I’ve regretted moving my stuff out without talking to him. Ignoring his phone calls. Punishing him for something that probably isn’t even his fault. All of it.

Besides feeling bereft without my big brother around, I’m scared to tell him why I’m such a mess. Why I’ve reverted back to acting like a brat. Why I’m so damn terrified.

Yes, I’m hurt Axel left the club. And while at first I suspected my brother and Murphy had something to do with it, I realized the reason doesn’t matter. Marcel and I have never gone this long without talking, and I feel like a part of me is missing.

The only thing that’s been keeping me together is my schoolwork. There has to be at least one area of my life I don’t fuck up.

I’ve aced all of my exams so far this year, so at least I have some good news to tell my brother. You know, right before I tell him Axel and I are getting married. He’s going to question me. He’ll assume I’m knocked up. I can’t tell him that yet, though. Axel and I are the only ones who know.

I think Axel’s still hoping I’ll change my mind.

“Can we do something fun this weekend?” Axel asks when he gets home.

“I wanted to go up to the clubhouse. It’s my brother’s birthday.”

Axel stares at me for several seconds without speaking. “Yeah, okay.”

I let out a relieved breath. I’d been prepared for another argument. “Thanks.”

He nods.

“I’m just so stressed out and tired and I miss my brother.”

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and the stress will cause a miscarriage,” Axel jokes. He might as well have punched me in the stomach with his words.

A couple seconds of intense silence pass. “How can you say that?”

“I’m just kidding.”

“That’s not funny.”

He lifts his shoulders and walks into the kitchen.

“I want to tell him about our engagement.”

“Okay,” he yells back.

“But not the baby.”

He pokes his head around the corner. “Good call.”

“I was thinking of asking Trinity to help me put together the wedding. Maybe at the clubhouse since it’s too cold now to do it outside.”

“Whoa. I thought we’d have the wedding at my parents’ country club.”

“What exactly about me says ‘country club wedding’?” I tease, but deep down I’m annoyed he even suggested it. “Besides, it’s not open now.”

“No. I thought we’d do it in June. After I graduate.”

In my head, I’m counting to ten so I don’t strangle him. “Axel, I’ll be huge by then. No frickin’ way.”

“Oh, shit. Yeah. I didn’t think of that.”

Big surprise. He’s still pretending the baby will magically disappear. And don’t think I’ve forgotten that miscarriage comment.

I’m way too hurt to examine those words right now.

Every Mile a Memory

Five Years Earlier…

I
barely stopped my bike in front of the house before Heidi came flying down the sidewalk. The sight of her left me struck dumb, mute, paralyzed. I was also pretty sure my jaw was hanging and drool dripped from my chin.

What the fuck?

The club had been keeping me busy for the last few months. A lot of long rides with Wrath, shoring up different business interests. Heidi and I kept in touch. Marcel got her a cellphone for her twelfth birthday and I either talked or exchanged texts with her every day. Even if it was just a word or two. I would send her postcards from each interesting place I’d visit, too.

Except for the occasional selfie she’d send my way, I hadn’t seen her in months. She’d done a lot of growing up in those months.

Fuck me.

I didn’t even have a chance to greet her properly. She grabbed my shoulder and threw herself on the bike.

“Happy Birthday, Bug.”

“Thanks,” she answered breathlessly.

“Helmet?”

“Got it.”

Marcel was out on club business, so I offered to come see Heidi during the day. He’d stop by later that night. At least that way, we knew she wouldn’t be alone on her birthday. It was doubtful her grandmother even acknowledged the day.

She wrapped her arms tight around me and squeezed me with her legs. “Please go.”

The distress in her voice had me rethinking our ride. Maybe I needed to have a
chat
with her grandmother instead.

But she squeezed me tighter and I took off.

We ended up at Friendly’s. Somehow we always came here first on her birthday. She hopped off and waited patiently for me. When I finally turned and faced her, she jumped into my arms, giving me a big hug. “I’ve missed you,” she said against my neck.

“Missed you, too, baby girl. Everything okay?”

I swear she sniffled as she pulled back, but she nodded and let me lead her inside.

Once we’d placed our orders, I grabbed Heidi’s hand. “What’s wrong? You seem upset.”

“Grams said she wasn’t going to let me out of the house.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. She’s pissed at Marcel.”

“Great. She gonna call the cops on me?”

Her mouth tipped down and her eyes widened, as if that thought had never occurred to her.

“Shit, Blake. I don’t want you to get in trouble because of me.”

“I ain’t worried about it. Besides, if anyone’s worth gettin’ in trouble for, it’s you.”

That seemed to make her a little happier and a quick smile brightened her face.

I stared at her probably longer than necessary. Cataloging all the changes that had taken place. “Are you wearing makeup?”

Her startled eyes met mine and she ran her hand over her lips. “Yeah, why?”

“Nothing. Not used to it.”

She pulled out a little mirror and checked her reflection, brushing a few stray strands of hair back into place. “Penny gave me an eyeshadow palette for my birthday.”

It was fucking weird. Since when did Heidi care about any of that stuff?

“Are you planning to meet boys while we’re out?” I teased.

Startled, she dropped the mirror on the table and it spun around a few times before she slapped her hand over it. “No. Why would you ask something like that?”

“I don’t know. You seem different.” Older, curvier, prettier. All sorts of things I shouldn’t have been noticing about my best friend’s thirteen-year-old sister.

“Maybe
you’re
the one who’s different.”

There’s my smart-mouthed little bug.
“Maybe.”

“Tell me about all the places you’ve been.”

“Didn’t you get my postcards?”

“Yeah, but it’s not the same as hearing it.”

So, for the next half hour, I gave her the clean versions of all my travel stories. She watched me, fascinated. Every now and then she stopped me to ask questions. Smart questions, like if the ride was better going east to west because the country “opens up” as you headed west and left the congestion and over-populated places behind. Things you wouldn’t have expected a thirteen-year-old girl to know or think about. Other times she asked if I’d taken a picture of something or someplace I’d described. With Heidi, I felt free to share little details that I wouldn’t have with anyone else. Like how pictures came out better at dawn or dusk, so I tried to be someplace interesting at those times to catch a good shot for her whenever possible.

She sighed. “I’ve always wanted to see the Bitterroot Mountain range.”

“You will one day.”

She glanced down at her plate and pushed her food around. “But it would be more fun with you.”

“So, I’ll take you when you’re older.”

“You mean it?”

“Of course.”

One hand rested on her chin and she absently tapped her finger against her lips. Plush, pouty pink lips that made me wonder how they’d feel against mine.

“But, you’ve already gone so many places. I’d want to discover something new with you.”

It took my brain a second to catch up to her words. “Okay.”

More tapping. That finger against her lips drove me half-crazy. “Have you ever read about the Pan-American Highway?” she finally asked.

“Yeah, that’s a hell of a long road trip. Lots of rough roads.”

She flashed a grin at me. “Don’t you always say the hardest roads take you to the most beautiful places?”

I couldn’t help but smile back. I loved the way she remembered stuff like that. “It’s true.”

“We don’t have to do the whole thing. But some of it would be cool.”

“Okay. Is that what you want to do for your first trip?”

She drummed her fingers against the table while she thought about it. “What about the Blue Mountain Scenic Byway?”

“Oregon? You don’t have something a little more local in mind? Shelburne Falls?”

Disappointment pushed her lips into a pout, but she nodded. “Sure. Anywhere’s better than here.”

“Heidi, is everything okay?”

I don’t think she realized it, but she shook her head
no
at the same time she said, “yes.”

“That doesn’t sound very convincing.”

“I just hate it here. I miss you guys. You’re both gone all the time now, and Grams hates me—”

“She doesn’t hate you.”

Heidi just stared at me and I felt like I was missing a giant piece of the Heidi puzzle.

“It’s just, you guys have the club and I have nothing. I’m all by myself and I hate it.”

Every word made me feel worse, because I didn’t know what I could do to fix things for her.

“You can always call me.”

“I don’t want to
bug
you.”

“What about your friend, Penny?”

“Yeah. She and Skye and I are close. But Grams doesn’t like either of them, so I can’t have them over. We all mostly hang out at Penny’s. Her mom’s never around, so we have the house to ourselves.”

That sounded like a situation I didn’t want Heidi involved in.

My hand covered hers to stop the restless tapping. “I know you don’t think so, but I do understand how you feel.”

“How?”

A long sigh eased out of me. I wasn’t comfortable bearing my soul in the middle of a crowded ice cream shop, but if it helped Heidi even a little, then I needed to suck it up. “You know before I met your brother I spent a lot of time on my own. My mom was off scoring drugs or whatever. You’re one of the most important people in the world to me. So, if you need something, call me.”

She lowered her gaze to our hands. “Okay.”

The waitress dropped our check off, but I didn’t take my eyes off Heidi. My mind was spinning, trying to figure out what else to say.

“What do you want to do next?” I asked.

Her eyes widened. “You’re not dropping me off at home?”

“No. I’m yours for the whole day.”

She bounced around in her seat and clapped her hands in front of her. “Oh, I wish it wasn’t Sunday. I’d love to go to the drive-in. We haven’t done that in years.”