More Than Miles (A Lost Kings MC Novel) (48 page)

“I’d do anything for you, Heidi.”

I
would do
not I
would have done
. My brain picks up that subtle difference and wonders if Murphy said it intentionally.

“Dinner’s almost done. Let me go check on Alexa.”

She’s still out cold and I decide to let her rest.

When I return to the kitchen, Blake’s pulling the chicken out of the oven. “Is it done?”

“I think so.”

Hope and Rock still aren’t home, so we have a quiet dinner together. I can’t remember the last time we just hung out like this, without things being awkward or uncomfortable.

“This is nice.”

“It is.” He places his hand over mine. “How are you? Be honest.”

I hold his gaze for a moment, before turning away. “Eventually, I need to figure out what the hell to do with myself.”

“You’re here to stay, right?”

“I never wanted to leave in the first place.” He seems so relieved, guilt slides over my skin.

“You want to go back to school?”

“I really do. I can’t live off Hope and Rock forever. There’s supposed to be life insurance from Axel’s company, but they’re dragging their feet paying it out.”

“Why?”

“Something about him not being vested in the company long enough to collect the money? I don’t really understand all of it.”

“Can Hope help you?”

“I don’t think she knows a lot about insurance, but she said she’d find me an attorney who can help if they keep jerking me around.”

“Good. That isn’t right.” He has a look on his face that says he has a way to deal with the problem in mind—and it doesn’t involve lawyers.

“I know. I need to figure out how to support myself and Alexa. But I want to help my brother, too. He’s taken care of me my whole life. I want to be there for him now.”

“You are.”

“Violet said he’s gotten better since Alexa and I have been back?”

“He has. No doubt. Violet’s good at her job, too. Puts up with a ton of shit from your brother, but she never gets flustered.”

“Poor woman. She seems so nice.”

Blake takes a sip of his drink and shrugs.

“Did you ever find the guys who did it?”

His face hardens for the first time tonight and he turns away. “You know I can’t talk to you about that.”

“So, it
was
club related.”

“You’re really too smart for your own good.” He takes my chin between his fingers, forcing me to look at him. “You need to watch that around people who aren’t me.”

His touch feels more tender than harsh, and I’m not insulted by the warning. I’ve been told my whole life to forget anything I hear around the club. Blake’s words almost sound like the kind of warning one of the guys would give his ol’ lady. “What about my brother?” I ask after we stare at each other for a few seconds without speaking.

He drops his hand from my face and stares at his plate. “He prefers to think you’re blissfully ignorant.”

“Are we safe?” I think he understands I mean “we” as in the whole club, extended family and all.

“Yeah.”

He helps me clear the table and put things away. I wrap a plate for both Hope and Rock, not sure if they’ll want dinner when they come home.

“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” he asks after we’ve put everything away.

“Are you sure you don’t have other stuff to do? I’m fine on my own, I swear.” It’s a lie, but I can’t stand the thought of him being here with me out of pity.

“Is it really so unbelievable that I want to spend time with you?”

“No. I just meant if you’d rather hang at the clubhouse, I won’t be offended.”

“I don’t think the clubhouse is a good place for the baby.”

“I meant, you know,
without
me.”

“Why would I want to be without you?” The words aren’t said in an innocent, questioning way. He says it more like a challenge.

Unsure of what he’s looking for, I struggle to answer, “I…I don’t know.”

He slips his arms around my shoulders. “You think too much. Always worried about the wrong things.”

“What should I worry about?”

“Picking out a movie for us to watch.”

The Fast and the Furious
seems like a safe choice. Man candy for me, fast cars for him. He snorts when the movie starts but doesn’t comment on my pick. “Why’re you all the way over there?”

“I don’t know.”

He pats the cushion next to him, and I move a little closer. “What’s gotten into you? You used to sit in my lap, or on my shoulders, or on my feet when we watched movies. Couldn’t keep you off me.”

“Yeah, when I was a kid. You don’t want me hanging all over you now.”

He chuckles, but his voice is soft, almost soothing. “You don’t know jack about what I want.”

I slide over a few more inches and he wraps his arm around me, pulling me to his side. “I’m cold.”

He whips the blanket off the back of the couch and arranges it over me. “Better?”

I murmur a yes and settle my head against his shoulder. One of his hands strokes over my hair, lulling me half to sleep.

“You falling asleep on me?” he asks in a low voice.

“Mmmhhmm.”

He shifts and my eyes pop open to find him staring at me.

“What’s wrong?”

One of his large hands cups my face. “Nothing. I like looking at you.” His intense gaze tells me there’s so much more to his words. I’m lost in the tingling sensation of his palm against my skin. His forehead touches mine, and he inhales heavily. “You know how much I love you?”

I pull in a deep breath and stare into his familiar green eyes, watching me with so much love. “I love you, too.” The words pop out with no thought on my part. I’ve loved him my entire life.

His lips smooth over mine, eliciting a gasp of surprise. He uses it to slide his tongue against mine, so soft, warm, and sweet. His hand slips into my hair, holding my head, so he can take our kiss deeper.

My head swims in confusion and excitement.

Blake keeps kissing me with all the passion of a man who knows exactly what he wants. He nips at my bottom lip, presses his tongue against mine, and groans into my mouth. His hand drops to my waist, tugging at me. The position is awkward, and I think I know what he wants. I sit up, not breaking our kiss, tossing off the blanket and throw my leg over him. His hands move to my hips, making me straddle his lap. He adjusts his position, sliding down a bit. The movement pushes what has to be a very large erection against me, and I moan. All control leaves my mind, and I rock against him.

His hands slide up my thighs, to my back and under my shirt. His warm, rough hands on my skin leave goose bumps. I rub myself against him even harder, and his kisses become more urgent. His breathing grows harsher.

Alexa screams bloody murder, yanking us out of the moment.

I groan in disappointment as I pull away. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” he answers in a hoarse voice.

“I’ll be right back,” I promise.

“I’ll be here.”

I groan as I watch Heidi hurry away.

My mouth still burns from her sweet kisses. Part of me still can’t believe I finally had her in my arms.

The guilt I expected doesn’t come. Lord knows, if Heidi didn’t want to be kissed, she’d let me know. Considering how much and for how long I’ve wanted her, I’m surprisingly calm. I do have to sit up and adjust myself, though, then stop myself from following her into the bedroom and finishing what we started.

If I want to be with her—and who am I kidding, there’s no
if
about it—I better get used to interruptions like this.

She walks down the hallway, carrying a teary-faced, pissed-off Alexa, who’s still screaming and waving her fists. “I know, baby. I know.” Heidi shushes and coos at her daughter, while taking her into the kitchen. Since most of Hope and Rock’s downstairs is an open floor plan, I track Heidi as she goes from the refrigerator to the counter. “Do you need help?” I call out.

“Nope. I got it. I’ll be right there. Do you need anything while I’m out here?”

Yeah, ‘cause she needs to be fetching shit for me while she’s taking care of her baby. “I’m fine.”

Alexa’s eager to be fed when Heidi returns to the living room and finally calms down when the bottle touches her lips.

“Someone was hungry,” I say, watching the two of them.

“I know. I probably should have woken her up to eat before, but she looked so peaceful,” she whispers. Her eyes never leave Alexa’s face while she feeds her. And my eyes never leave Heidi.

“You can put the movie back on,” Heidi suggests.

“Nah, I’m fine.” The two of them seem to light up my whole world, and I don’t want to look away.

Heidi pops the bottle out of Alexa’s mouth and shifts her so she can pat her back.

“So, anyone can feed her now?” I ask.

She raises an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“The bottle?” I wave my hand in the air, because I really don’t know what I’m asking.

Pink spreads over her cheeks. “Yes, it’s formula.”

She goes back to feeding the baby, and when they’re finished, Heidi hesitates. “Do you want me to take her?” I ask.

“Do you mind? I want to toss this in the dishwasher and change my shirt.”

“Yeah, hand her over.”

Alexa squeals and claps her little hands on either side of my face. “Got a full belly now, baby?” I ask and she makes the funniest shriek-giggling noises in response, so I ask her more questions.

“She likes when you talk to her,” Heidi says quietly as she sits back down next to us.

“You always did, too. I’d come over after school and tell you all about my day. Best part was you couldn’t share my secrets with anyone.” I said it as a joke, but Heidi doesn’t laugh.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, settling Alexa against my chest. She coos in my ear and drools on my neck. Heidi apologizes and hands me a cloth.

“I can take her now if you want,” she says after I adjust Alexa in my arms.

“I’m fine. What’s wrong? You seem upset.”

“We almost…was that okay?”

“It was better than okay.” I watch Heidi for a few seconds, taking in her pink cheeks, dark brown eyes, and the way she can’t keep her hands still. Reaching over, I cover her hands with mine. “There’s absolutely nothing to be sorry about. I meant what I said.”

She stares at me as if trying to remember my words, so I help her out. “I love you.”

“How?”

“I never stopped.”

“Even when I was…When I was so…far away?”

I’d do anything to ease the pain shimmering in her eyes. Will my words will help or make it worse? “Even then. It’s going to take more than a few miles between us for me to stop loving you.”

“Murphy.” She sighs.

“Don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t distance yourself by using my road name. Not now.”

Her eyes widen as if it never occurred to her that’s what she was doing. “I’m sorry.”

I hold my free arm up for her to curl under and she does. I flip the television back on low, and after a while, I realize she’s fallen asleep.

In my arms I have everything I’ve ever wanted and a feeling of peace settles over me. If this is the reward, I can wait as long as she needs me to.

My thumb rubs over her cheek. “We’ll finish that kiss later.”

Sometime after the movie ends, the door opens and Hope breezes into the house. “Oh,” she whispers loudly. “I didn’t realize you were here, Murphy.” Rock follows, stripping off her coat and hanging it in the closet.

“Everything okay?” she asks, approaching us with a smile on her face.

I wiggle the arm holding Alexa. “My arm might have fallen asleep.”

She smiles when she sees Heidi’s face pressed against my leg. “Long day?”

I run my hand over her hair, brushing it off her cheek. “Yeah, we spent time with Marcel.”

Rock joins us and gently lifts Alexa from me. “I’ll stick her in her crib.”

“Where you two been?” I ask Hope.

“Rock picked me up from my office and took me out.”

“Heidi made dinner. It’s in the fridge for you guys.”

Hope nods but doesn’t move. “She’s getting antsy about doing more stuff around here.”

“You guys still okay with her being here?”