More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (24 page)

CUSTOMER:
Thank God you’re open. The cat has sprayed all over my reference books. Can you help?

BOOKSELLER:
... With the books – or the cat?

CUSTOMER:
(having spent two hours reading the same book in the shop)
: This book’s great. I think I’ll buy it.

BOOKSELLER:
Excellent. It’s £8.99 please.

CUSTOMER:
Wait – these books are for sale? I meant I was going to buy it in a bookshop.

BOOKSELLER:
This IS a bookshop.

CUSTOMER:
Really? I just thought it was a place you let people read your books in.

LITTLE BOY:
Does this bookshop make money?

BOOKSELLER:
Excuse me?

LITTLE BOY:
I said, does this bookshop make money? I bet it doesn’t. It’s a bit of a silly idea having a bookshop on a boat, isn’t it?

BOOKSELLER:
... A lot of people like it.

LITTLE BOY:
What’s your business model? Do you have a five year plan?

BOOKSELLER:
...

LITTLE BOY:
You really don’t know what you’re doing, do you?

BOOKSELLER:
... I’m selling books!

LITTLE BOY:
It’s not going to make you a millionnaire, though, is it?

BOOKSELLER:
Well, no, but–

LITTLE BOY:
When I grow up, I’m going to be a millionnaire.

BOOKSELLER:
Are you?

LITTLE BOY:
Yes. I haven’t decided how, yet ... But it won’t be from selling books on a boat!

(on returning two weeks later)

LITTLE BOY:
Hello. You still have no customers. If I owned this shop I’d fire you.

BOOKSELLER:
Wow. Brutal. And then how would you proceed?

LITTLE BOY:
I’d buy a megaphone and shout at people to buy my books. That’s your problem – you don’t shout at them.

CUSTOMER:
I know I look like Saddam Hussein but, don’t worry, I’m not him.

BOOKSELLER:
It’s OK. To my knowledge, he’s dead. I wasn’t too worried.

CUSTOMER:
Really? Even with my moustache? You weren’t even slightly panicked?

BOOKSELLER:
... No.

Sarah Henshaw:
The Book Barge, Staffordshire, UK.

CUSTOMER:
Will you be getting Tolkien in for a signing soon?

BOOKSELLER:
No, I don’t think so.

CUSTOMER:
Oh, that’s a shame.

Kate Robotham:
Ottakers, Basingstoke, UK.

LITTLE BOY:
Excuse me, do you think this book will be too old for me?

CUSTOMER:
Well, it depends how well you can read.

LITTLE BOY
(scornfully)
: Well, duh, I’m only three – I can’t read at all!

Janet (via David) Hicks:
Bookstack, Berkhamsted, Hertfordshire, UK.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for a book called
Not Your Ordinary Average Day in the Park
.

BOOKSELLER:
I’m not familiar with that one. Do you know what it’s about?

CUSTOMER:
It’s about a boy with autism, and a dog.

BOOKSELLER:
Do you mean
The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
?

CUSTOMER:
Yes, that’s it. I knew it had a title like that.

Josh Schasny:
Chapters Bookstore, Pointe-Claire, Montreal, Canada.

CUSTOMER:
Where are all of your paperbacks?

BOOKSELLER:
All the books are in their specific sections, such as fiction, biography etc, organised by author.

CUSTOMER:
You mean you don’t separate the paperbacks from the hardcovers?

BOOKSELLER:
No, only when they go on one of the New Release tables.

CUSTOMER:
It’s terrible that you just mix them in like that! I just can’t believe it!

Ryan Dwyer:
Barnes and Noble, Lone Tree, Colorado, USA.

CUSTOMER:
Is this the only version of
Wolf Hall
that you’ve got?