More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (20 page)

BOOKSELLER:
…

CUSTOMER:
Oh, never mind. You look too young to have read a good book.

Madison Butler:
Liberty Bay Books, Poulsbo, Washington, USA.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for a book called
I Know Why the Care Bear Sings
.

Liz Scott:
Waterstones, Bradford, UK.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have any blank books?

BOOKSELLER:
You mean like a journal?

CUSTOMER:
No, a real book, just blank.

Erica Hensley:
Bound To Be Read Books, Atlanta, Georgia, USA.

CUSTOMER:
This
Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
book has to be the most historically accurate fiction book I’ve read.

Carrie Austin:
Island Bookstore, Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, USA.

CUSTOMER:
Can you help me find a book, please?

BOOKSELLER:
Sure, what are you in the mood for?

CUSTOMER
(leaning in very closely)
: I’m feeling very vulnerable right now.

Meaghan Beasley:
Island Bookstore, Kitty Hawk, North Carolina, USA.

(Phone rings)

CUSTOMER:
Hello. I’m looking for a first edition of
The Sun Also Rises
by Ernest Hemingway.

BOOKSELLER:
I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t stock secondhand or rare books.

CUSTOMER:
I don’t want a secondhand copy! I want a new one!

BOOKSELLER:
Sir, the first edition of this book was published in 1926.

CUSTOMER:
I don’t want one that old!

BOOKSELLER:
But–

(Customer hangs up)

Karen T. Brissette:
Barnes and Noble, Union Square, New York, USA.

CUSTOMER:
I would like to buy a book called
Never Let You Go
.

BOOKSELLER:
Do you mean
Never Let Me Go
, by Kazuo Ishiguro?
(holds up a copy of the book)

CUSTOMER:
No. The book I’m looking for is by Kazuo Ishiguro but it’s definitely called
Never Let You Go
, not
Never Let Me Go
.

BOOKSELLER:
…

CUSTOMER:
He must have written two books with very similar titles. I’d be grateful if you could track the other one down for me.

Jefth Chan:
One Page Bookshop, Hong Kong.

BOOKSELLER:
Can I help you find anything?

WOMAN:
Yes. We’re looking for the portal.

BOOKSELLER:
… Sorry?

MAN:
We’re looking for the portal.

BOOKSELLER:
…

WOMAN:
We’ve been tracking the portal to Lemuria for a long time, and we’re pretty sure it’s here.

BOOKSELLER:
In this bookstore?

MAN:
Yes. We’ve been tracking the energy for years and we’re certain it’s in a bookstore in Lincoln City. We’re pretty sure it’s this one, but it’s possible it could be in a bookstore a few miles away.

WOMAN:
No. Everything indicates that it should be here. Maybe under the stairs.

BOOKSELLER:
Right. Well, have a look around, I suppose. Let me know if I can help you find anything!

Diana Portwood:
Bob’s Beach Books, Lincoln City, Oregon, USA.

(Teen daughter holds up a copy of
The Canterbury Tales)

HER MOTHER:
You’re not old enough to read that. I’m not old enough to read that!

Lauretta Nagel:
Constellation Books, Maryland, USA.

CUSTOMER:
Hello! I’m searching for a book. I’m not sure of the publishing house, but it’s really great and I just have to read it again.

BOOKSELLER:
Sure. What was the title of the book?

CUSTOMER:
Well, the thing is, I don’t really remember …

BOOKSELLER:
OK, then how about the author? Maybe we can search for their work and find the one you’re looking for?