More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (23 page)

Marika McCoola:
Odyssey Bookshop, Massachusetts, USA.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for the fourth
Fifty Shades of Grey
book.

BOOKSELLER:
There are only three in the series.

CUSTOMER:
No, there are four. I saw it in another shop yesterday. It’s really big. It’s called
Fifty Shades Trilogy
.

BOOKSELLER:
... That’s the box set.

CUSTOMER
(staring intently at the bookseller)
: Are you Mary Magdalene?

BOOKSELLER:
No.

CUSTOMER:
Are you sure?

BOOKSELLER:
... I’m pretty sure.

CUSTOMER:
Because you look like Mary Magdalene.

BOOKSELLER:
...

Danae Huff:
Barnes & Noble, Columbus, Ohio, USA.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have any of those books on symbols and stuff?

BOOKSELLER:
What type of symbols do you mean?

CUSTOMER:
You know, like a horseshoe – which I know is good luck – but what I want to know is: what does it mean when someone puts a dead bird through my letterbox?

BOOKSELLER:
... I think it means they don’t like you.

Dave Newman:
Waterstones, Hastings, UK.

CUSTOMER:
Thanks for helping me find those books the other week! Here – I’ve brought you a cheese pasty.

BOOKSELLER:
Erm ... well, er, thanks!

Philippa Powell:
Waterstones, Godalming, UK.

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for a book but I don’t know much about it so this could be hard.

BOOKSELLER:
OK.

MAN:
The title is
The Immortal Life of Something Something Something
...

BOOKSELLER
(and the two other booksellers at the desk, in unison):
Henrietta Lacks
.

MAN
(smiling): Great, thanks. So, what is a hard question?

BOOKSELLER:
A hard question is ‘Do you have this book I saw six months ago? It’s blue.’ And it turns out the book they want is actually yellow, and we haven’t had a copy in the store for the past three years.

Melissa Ward:
Barnes and Noble, Coralville, Iowa, USA.

CUSTOMER:
I need to return this book on ghosts.

BOOKSELLER:
Is there a problem with it?

CUSTOMER:
Yes. It’s haunted.

Susan Holland:
SmithBooks, Victoria, British Columbia, Canada.

CUSTOMER
(approaching the desk with a £7.99 paperback)
: I’d love to buy this book ... But there’s really no point.

BOOKSELLER:
What makes you say that?

CUSTOMER:
I have no grandchildren. Who would I pass it down to in my will? These days I never buy anything without questioning posterity.

CUSTOMER
(in an urgent whisper, having waited for the other customers to leave the shop)
: Hello. Is your name ‘Bookish Becca’?

BOOKSELLER:
No, I’m Sarah.

CUSTOMER:
You’re not the person I’ve been chatting to online?

BOOKSELLER:
Not that I’m aware of ... Did this lady say she’d meet you here?

CUSTOMER:
No.

BOOKSELLER:
Does she live near here?

CUSTOMER:
I have no idea.

Bookseller: What made you think it might be me, then?

CUSTOMER:
Well, you look, you know, ‘bookish.’