More Weird Things Customers Say in Bookshops (25 page)

BOOKSELLER:
I’m sorry?

CUSTOMER:
Wolf Hall
, is this the only version?

BOOKSELLER:
I’m sorry, I don’t know of another version. I’m not really sure that I know what you mean, though.

CUSTOMER:
It’s far too long. I want the shorter version.

BOOKSELLER:
I’m really sorry, but I don’t think there is one.

CUSTOMER:
Well, there must be. My neighbour says she’s read it, and I know what she’s like; she couldn’t possibly have read anything that long.

CUSTOMER:
It’s a beautiful shop you have here.

BOOKSELLER:
Oh, thank you.

CUSTOMER:
It’s just a shame that you filled it with all these ghastly books.

Hereward Corbett:
The Yellow-Lighted Bookshop, Nailsworth and Tetbury, UK.

CUSTOMER:
Do you have copies of
Fifty Shades of Grey
?

BOOKSELLER:
Yes, they’re right over here. We don’t have any secondhand ones in right now, though.

CUSTOMER:
Oh, that’s OK. I don’t think I’d WANT a secondhand copy of that book, if you know what I mean!

(Customer and bookseller look at each other and burst out laughing)

Stefani Kelley:
The Book Nook, Brenham, Texas, USA.

CUSTOMER:
If I had a bookstore, I’d make the mystery section really hard to find.

Anonymous

(Customer is doing push-ups in the middle of the bookstore. Lying beside him is an exercise book)

BOOKSELLER:
Excuse me, sir, what are you doing?

CUSTOMER:
I don’t see why I can’t practice the exercises first, before buying the book!

Anonymous

(A couple approach the desk)

BOOKSELLER:
Can I help you find something?

MAN:
Yeah, we’re looking for a vocabulary book. It’s either called
The Soars
or
The Sars
.

BOOKSELLER:
Let me look it up and see what we have.

WOMAN:
Oh, it’s OK; I made a note of the title.

(Customer pulls a napkin from her purse and lays it down for the bookseller to read. Written on it is: ‘The Saurus.’)

Anonymous

CUSTOMER:
I’m looking for a book for my son. He’s one of these weird people who still like the paper ones.

Anonymous

CHILD:
Mom, how did Anne Frank escape the Nazis?

MOTHER:
I’ll tell you later.

CHILD
(screaming)
: BUT I WANT TO KNOW NOOOOOOWWW!

BOOKSELLER
(to fellow bookseller)
: Someone should tell her that she kept away from the Nazis for so long by being quiet.

Anonymous

(Phone rings)

BOOKSELLER:
Thanks for calling Barnes and Noble, how can I help you?

CUSTOMER:
Yeah, hi, um ... do you sell Scrabble dictionaries?

BOOKSELLER:
Yes, of course. Do you want me to put one on hold for you?

CUSTOMER:
Oh, no that’s OK. But, listen, I’m about to win this round, can you check to see if ‘Kennedy’ is included?

Anonymous

CUSTOMER:
Hi. I’m looking for a stuffed animal.

BOOKSELLER:
I’m afraid we don’t really have any of those. We do have some books for babies, though. They’re over here.

CUSTOMER:
Er, it’s for a B-A-B-Y. What’s wrong with you? Babies can’t read!

Anonymous