My Blue River (50 page)

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Two days later, Claire and I stood in my bedroom, adjusting her hair and makeup. She slipped into her ivory, strapless wedding dress. The bodice was lace-covered satin with several small pearls. She didn’t want to wear a veil. Her long hair had blond summer highlights. She put it in an up-do, with ringlets cascading around her face. Her hazel eyes sparkled from the happy tears she’d been crying. It was summer and her olive skin had turned a beautiful shade of tan. The train of the dress was shorter than most traditional wedding dresses, but she’d still need help down the stairs.

Her wedding day had finally arrived and she was about to marry her soul mate. She had created a real family for herself and Samantha. This was not what typically happened to an unwed teen mom, but this was Claire’s world. I couldn’t be happier when I met Michael on rehearsal night. He was so wonderful and everything she had described him to be. I didn’t know what was sweeter—his love for Claire or his affection for Samantha—either way, they were a perfect match and a beautiful family. I felt a huge pang of jealousy.

“Ladies?” asked Mom. “It’s time. Are you ready, Claire?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be!” exclaimed Claire. She dabbed at an escaping tear.

Claire was completely radiant. I had never seen so much happiness play out on her face. She couldn’t control her smiles—nor should she. This would be probably one of the best and most important days of her life.

We descended the stairs and arrived at the back porch door. As I pushed the screen door open, my heart began to beat faster and faster. I knew he would be out there in that crowd of people.
Would we hug? Would we even speak?
I kept playing various scenarios over in my mind. Nothing felt comfortable.
Addy, stop! This is Claire’s day. Think only of her.

Under the guise of helping Claire with her train, I kept my eyes to the ground. I fiddled with her hair, then back to the train. I felt another pang of jealousy as I admired her dress until I surrendered. I could no longer delay the inevitable.

“I better go find my seat,” I said, giving her a quick squeeze and peck on the cheek. I whispered in her ear, “I love you—congratulations.”

I heard, “Love you, too” as I walked away.

I rounded the corner of the house and made my way to the garden, where I found my family sitting near the front. I walked my shaky legs down the aisle, feeling every eye on me. I couldn’t stand to make eye contact with anyone for fear those set of eyes would be Jack’s.

When I reached my chair, I tried to discreetly scan the crowd before sitting down.
He’s not here! I can’t believe he didn’t come to Claire’s wedding!
I waited, took another glance.
Nope. He’s not here!

We heard Claire’s chosen entry music begin. She didn’t want traditional music and decided to walk into a country song. The lyrics spoke about
never finding a truer love.
I had to admit it was pretty.

We stood and turned to watch as Samantha began throwing rose petals down the aisle. She was so adorable that I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She wore a white dress that was so incredibly fluffy, I was certain the poor girl wouldn’t be sitting down tonight. Her blond curly hair had grown long and was held back from her face by a headband full of flowers. She feigned shyness but her toss of the flowers was big and dramatic. She only stopped long enough to offer a tiny wave to a guest and when I followed her gaze, I found him. Jack was only three rows away from me, offering a wave in return to Samantha’s.

My heart skipped a beat and I suddenly felt a shiver. I heard a few “ooos” and “ahhs” and realized Claire had now arrived at the entrance of the garden. I took a glance at her and when our eyes met, we offered each other a smile. When I turned back to look at Jack, I found him looking at me. He was smiling and refused to break away from our stare-down, so I broke it first, forcing my eyes to watch Claire walk down the aisle. She was beaming and tears were trickling over her cheeks. Michael was handsome and so eager to make Claire his wife that he left his position, meeting her almost halfway down the aisle. Even more cute was how he also reached for Samantha’s hand and they walked as a family to the homemade altar.

I heard him whisper, “I love you” to her. I fought back my tears as I watched her walk arm-in-arm with Michael. My dad had tucked tiny buds of baby’s breath in with the ivy and rose covered archway that served as their backdrop. This rose garden was indeed stunning, and it tugged at my heart that Jack and my dad had created this together. It was very much like the rose garden I often dreamed about. Once again, I felt disappointed my dream hadn’t been about me.

I gulped back a sob and Dad misread my reaction, patting me on the back, so I decided to let the tears flow and laid my head on his shoulder.
Thank God Jack can’t see my face.

The ceremony was brief but lovely. They had written vows for one another. I helped Claire with her vows, telling me she wanted it to flow like poetry. With each word I had written I thought of Jack. There was an additional song in the middle of the ceremony which made me cry again.
Dang that sappy country music!

We clapped as the minister pronounced them man and wife and told Michael he could kiss his bride. As soon as we left the garden, the reception began. The Kissin’ Kuzzins played music as everyone hugged and congratulated the bride and groom. I was now faced with avoiding Jackson Cooper. I carefully maneuvered through the crowd, greeting Zeek, Sallie, and Mimi. I came in on a conversation already in progress about Zeek and Sallie.

“…and to my surprise, she said yes,” said Zeek.

“Hey, guys. Who said yes to what?” I asked.

“Sallie did. I asked her out and she said yes!”

“What can I say…he was persistent,” said Sallie.

“Nothing wrong with persistence,” declared Zeek as he wrapped his arm around Sallie’s waist. He then gave her a quick peck on the cheek. I could tell from the sparkle in her eyes that she didn’t regret for one minute that she had accepted Zeek’s offer.
Oh, how things can change after high school.

It was like a high school reunion with my Blue River classmates all gathering here today for Claire and Samantha. Everyone was buzzing about what they had been up to and avoiding any buzz about Jack.

I wandered off from Zeek and Sallie, making sure to greet as many people as I could while avoiding Jack. So far, I’d been lucky but running into him, having a conversation, looking him in the eye, and how that might grip my heart was nothing compared to what I saw on the dance floor. Dancing hand-in-hand was Jack and little, sweet Samantha. I heard, “Twirl me, Uncle Jack!” He quickly responded to her request. “Doesn’t my dress look pretty?” squealed Samantha.

Jack bent down and I couldn’t resist moving closer. He pretended he was whispering, but I could hear him clear as day, “Don’t tell your mama, but you’re the prettiest girl here tonight.”

Samantha’s eyes lit up and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him hard. “Thank you, Uncle Jack! Thank you!”

“Just telling the truth, Sam, but you’re welcome.” He held her tight and they spun around several times.

He makes it very hard not to love him
. As I watched them, I could tell he’d been a strong presence in Samantha’s life, which immediately caused a twinge of regret in my heart.
I’ve missed a lot. I should have been here to help Claire. Thank God she found Michael and thank God she’s always had Jack.

It was such a sweet tender moment that there was no way I could interrupt and really, it would only cause me more pain. I retreated to the food table, picking up a plate with a slice of butter crème frosted wedding cake. I had just taken a bite when I heard, “Are you saving a dance for me?” There was no mistaking Jack’s voice. My heart fluttered. Just like a waiter, he’d waited until my mouth was full before asking me a question. I turned to face him and saw he was waving a white napkin.

I quickly choked down the cake. “You surrender, huh?” I pointed to the napkin.

“Well, it is Claire’s special day. I figure we owe it to her.”

“I suppose you’re right and I accept your offer to dance, but only when it’s a slow song. You know I suck at that two-step stuff.”

He must’ve tipped the band, because as if on cue, they began to play a slow song. An amazing sunset was making its appearance, shooting rays of purple, pink and blue into the sky. The tiny, white lights hanging over the temporary, parquet dance floor began to twinkle. It was an extremely romantic setting. The summer breeze was warm, but not too warm, unlike Jack’s hand which he held out to me. I took it and was led out to the dance floor. I clasped my fingers around his neck as he placed both arms around my waist.

“You look good,” he complimented.

“So do you,” I blushed.

“I’d ask what you’ve been up to, but I already know. Your parents keep me posted.”

“Yeah, I hear you’ve been helping my dad a lot.”

“Yep. I have. I enjoy spending time with your parents. They’re great.”

“Your parents are great, too. I was glad I got to see your mom the other night.”

“Oh, yeah, she mentioned seeing you.”

There was a brief silence. This was becoming some weird who-can-compliment-the-other-person’s-parents-the-most conversation. We danced in silence a moment, just enjoying the feel of being next to one another when Jack couldn’t resist pulling me a little closer. His cheek met my forehead.

“I know I’m not the prettiest girl here tonight, so I appreciate the attention. Are you sure Samantha won’t mind you and I dancing?”

He threw his head back and laughed and immediately knew I had heard their conversation and seen their dance.

“Sam is amazing,” he declared.

“So we’re calling her Sam now?”

“Not everyone. Only Uncle Jack gets to call her Sam. It’s our special thing and Claire hates it.”

I giggled, only Jack would try to get under the skin of someone he loved like a sister and only Jack could get away with doing it.

I pondered if I could carry the entire dance through a conversation about Claire and Samantha, but I waited too long.

“I’ve really missed you, Addy.” His voice was a near whisper.

My heart continued to flutter incessantly, giving me great pause to reply. I finally whispered back, “I’ve missed you, too.”

That was all that needed to be said. I looked up at him and our eyes locked. Everything was just so perfect—we were at a wedding, slow, loving music played in the background, and there was a gorgeous sunset as a backdrop—I searched his face. My eyes landed on his lips and I moved in that direction, but my lips were met with Jack’s left hand index finger. He held my mouth at bay yet held my body close.

“Don’t,” he whispered.

Don’t? What the…! He’s rejecting me?

He continued, “Don’t kiss me unless you’re letting me back into your life. Don’t kiss me unless you can say you love me and most of all, don’t kiss me unless you can say you’re staying.”

I sucked in a breath, feeling stunned as blood rushed to my cheeks. I opened my mouth to speak, but my tongue simply danced behind my lips in an aimless rhythm, unwilling to say what he needed to hear. I really wanted to give Jack everything, including a life-long promise, but I couldn’t because I knew it would change my life in ways I wasn’t ready for and frankly, it scared the crap out of me. Even though I’d written the letter saying I would come home after graduation, I got his letter first. I had come too far in getting over him and if we didn’t work out, I couldn’t bear going through it again.

I began to shake my head back and forth. “Jack, I…I…it’s just that…” My head was screaming,
tell him you’ve decided to come home! Tell him about your letter!

He took one step back and said, “That’s what I thought.” He started to leave then stopped, turning back to face me. “Know what, Addy? Love isn’t like one of your photographs. Time won’t just stand still while you decide if you want me or not. I think it’s more like a waterfall that just keeps spilling over an edge, over and over because it doesn’t run out of water. If we just keep loving each other, our waterfall won’t run dry. Go over the edge with me, Addy. It just might be the ride of a life-time.”