Never Let Me Go: The Complete Set (29 page)

“There comes a time in your life when the past has to stay there. When I met Grace, I knew she was for me. I ran from that for a while, but when I finally came to my senses, I knew that I couldn’t ever let her walk away from me again. We won’t make the same mistakes as our parents, mostly because neither of us would let the other.” I put a hand on his shoulder.

“I know you’re right. I want to just do it, take the plunge and marry her. I mean she’s having my kid, for fuck’s sake. Why in the hell can’t I just ask her to be mine forever?” He threw up his hands in exasperation.

“It’s hard because you have to train your mind into thinking that marriage isn’t a death sentence. I’ll tell you that it’s not always easy, either. Marriage is work, it’s a choice. You choose to love her every day. If you make that promise to her, you better keep it.” I gave him a hard look. Faith was my sister now as much as Smith was a brother, and I wouldn’t let him hurt her if he was jumping in when he wasn’t capable of making the right choice.

“I love her,” he said quietly as we slid into the limo.

“Do you love her enough to always put her first?” I shot back.

“She’s my world, man. I would hang the moon and stars on the ceiling if she asked me to.”

“Sounds like you’re ready then.” I nodded.

“Were you scared when you asked Grace?” He bounced his knee nervously.

“I was terrified. I hoped she would say yes, but you really never know. Once she said I do in that tiny little church, it was like I could really see for the first time. Even though we’re going through a shitty time right now, she’s still the gravity that holds me to the earth.”

We lapsed into silence as we drove to the jewelry store. I knew they were ready. Sometimes, Smith just needed a push to get him moving. In the back of my mind, I worried about Grace and what this infertility journey was doing to her. She was less and less herself as the months went on. I wanted a baby but not at the cost of my wife.

The car pulled up in front of the store, and we hopped out. Smith stood looking into the windows for a moment.

“Come on, man. Let’s go chase your destiny.” I slapped him on the back and walked through the double doors.

There really was no place like Tiffany’s. Even as a man, I could feel it’s magic. Glittering diamonds as far as the eye could see.

“What does she like?” I perused a section with solitaire diamond rings.

“She likes a lot of sparkle. So, no solitaires.” He shoved me along to a different case.

The next case held three stone rings in various diamond cuts. “What shape does she like?”

“Cushion cut, she was very specific on that.” He laughed.

“Okay, that makes this a bit easier.” We found a salesperson to help us and it was easy after that.

In the end, Smith got an amazing ring for Faith. He got a 2.7 carat cushion cut diamond on a bead-set channel diamond band. It brought to mind old-world glamour and was perfect for Faith.

“When do you think you’re going to do it?” I asked as we drove back to my apartment. The girls were there making lunch for us.

“I don’t know. I want to make it amazing for her. And I know I’ll never top Paris.” He rolled his eyes.

“What can I say, when it comes to Grace, there’s nothing I won’t do.” I smiled, totally unashamed at my love for her.

“I’m sure it will be in the next month because there is no way I’ll be able to keep this ring a secret from her for long.”

I laughed. “Do me proud, man. Do me proud.”

Grace and Faith were seated at the kitchen table with sonogram pictures littering the table’s surface. My brave girl, giving her sister exactly what she needed. I knew how hard it was for her to put on a smile these days.

“You guys took longer than I thought you would.” She gave me a weak smile.

“Yeah, we had a stop to make on the way back.” I tipped her lips up to mine for a quick kiss.

“We haven’t gotten lunch going yet.” She rose from her chair.

“I’ll help.” I pulled her into a hug.

“Thanks, babe.” She touched my cheek and smiled.

When we were alone in the kitchen, I backed her against the counter and kissed her. “How was your morning?”

“Not bad.” She grimaced.

“You’re doing great, Kitten. Today’s the last day.” I kissed her nose.

“I know. It’s just getting harder and harder to smile.” The shadow of sadness was descending over her again. I could feel it like a damp chill sinking into my bones. I wished I knew how to make her smile again.

We made a quick soup and sandwich lunch for everyone and joined Smith and Faith at the table. The sonogram pictures were gone and in their place was an air of tension. Something was crackling between Faith and Smith.

“Did we walk into something here?” I asked as I set a platter of food on the table.

“No,” they both said too quickly.

I gave Smith a pointed look, but he wouldn’t budge. Whatever was going on, they were clearly not keen to share.

Lunch was uncomfortable to say the least. Grace and I both tried to pull them into the conversation, but neither was interested in it. So, we ate in silence.

As we said our good-byes, Faith and Grace went out into the hall, leaving me and Smith alone in the entryway.

“What’s going on?” I asked for the third time.

“Nothing,” he said in a tight voice. “Just a disagreement.”

“You’re not going to tell me about what?” I shot back.

“No.” He pressed his lips in a thin line.

“Okay. Well, I’ll see you when I see you then.” I opened the front door to leave.

He closed it again. “Fine.” He sighed.

“Look, if you don’t want to tell me, it’s cool. You’re a grown man. You don’t have to tell me every little problem you have.” I crossed my arms.

“I told her I thought she was being insensitive by showing Grace every single sonogram picture of the baby,” he said quickly.

“And she didn’t agree I take it?”

“She did not.”

“Give her a break. She’s hormonal, and I don’t think she would ever be intentionally insensitive when it comes to Grace. She’s excited about the baby, and she’s entitled to be. Grace is a tough cookie, she’ll be okay. Seeing those won’t break her.”

“I just don’t want to put more on her than she can handle.”

“And I love you for that. I really do. You go fix this with her.” I gave him a hug then we went out to find the girls in the hall. Faith was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

“Ready?” Smith asked.

Faith glared at him but nodded. I pulled her in for a hug.

“Be easy on him okay?” I whispered in her ear. “He’s only looking out for my girl.” I kissed her cheek.

“Yeah, well shouldn’t he be looking out for me?” she hissed back.

“Faith.” I smiled. “He’s always looking out for you. He loves you, just remember that okay?”

After she had nodded, I released her and went to hold Grace’s hand. When they had gone, Grace sagged against me and I held her tight.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” I hoped that I hadn’t pushed her too far with this.

“No, not so bad,” she murmured against my neck.

SHOTS, SHOTS, AND MORE SHOTS
. That was my life. It revolved around sticking myself in the stomach every night and going to get my blood drawn at the crack of dawn three times a week. I knew all the lab techs and nurses at the doctor’s office by name now.

Logan didn’t come to all my appointments for this. He offered to, but really, what good would it do to have him with me while I got an ultrasound?

“How are you feeling?” Dr. Welsh asked as she slid the wand in for the ultrasound to look at my follicles. I prayed they were bigger than they were two days ago. We were on week four of the shots with no sign of stopping.

“I don’t know, okay I think. The emotional side effects with this are not as bad as with the Clomid.” I winced as she twirled the wand to the right angle to see my ovaries. These were never pleasant. In fact, I was growing to hate them.

“That’s what most of my patients tell me,” she said softly as she continued looking. “Well, we have some good news here. Looks like we’re almost ready. You’ve got a few big ones on your right ovary. I think one more day of injections. I’ll have you come back tomorrow morning so I can be sure.”

My heart lifted with those words. I had been expecting to hear that we weren’t anywhere near close. It was what I had heard for weeks.

“We’re in the homestretch, Grace. Not much longer. Hopefully
,
tomorrow we should be able to give you the trigger injection to force the eggs to drop, and then a day or so after you’ll come in for the insemination.” She wrote a few things down on her notepad.

“I’m so relieved to hear you say that.” I sighed and lay my head back against the pillow.

“I know it’s been a long road for you.” She patted my leg. “I’ll let you get dressed. Make an appointment for late morning tomorrow or early afternoon so we can decide on if you need another day.” She smiled and left me alone to wipe off the goo they used for the ultrasounds and get dressed.

I called Logan as soon as I stepped out onto the busy sidewalk. James answered on the second ring.

“Logan McFadden’s cell phone, this is James, how may I assist you?”

“What do you have his phone for?” I laughed at how he had answered.

“He’s in a meeting, but he wanted me to put you through if you called. I hope we have some good news for him?” He sounded so anxious. He was one of the sweetest guys ever, and I was thankful Logan had him.

“I think we do.” I smiled as I said the words.

“That’s great!” he said in an exuberant voice. “I’ll bring him the phone, hang on a moment.”

I could hear muffled conversation. He had the phone pressed against his shirt. Logan came on a moment later.

“Hey, beautiful, how did it go?” His voice was warm. I could picture him standing out in the hall in front of his office.

“She thinks I’ll be ready tomorrow or the next day!” I almost screamed.

“Kitten, that’s awesome news! We need to go out and celebrate tonight.”

“No, not until I have my trigger injection will I celebrate.” I tried to rein in my enthusiasm but had a hard time doing it.

“So, what happens next?”

“Do you really want to talk about this right now? Weren’t you in a meeting?” I asked and continued walking toward our apartment.

“I do want to talk about this now. I don’t know how many times I have to tell you that you’re more important to me than work. Please tell me what she said.”

The sky seemed brighter to me today, and everyone around me looked happy. My mood was as shiny as the sun.

“She said that if we look good, then I’ll get the trigger tomorrow and then a day or so after you do your job in a cup and then they’ll do the insemination in the office.”

“So, we’re almost there then. How are you feeling with all of it?” I could hear him pacing around as he spoke. He was always restless on the phone.

“I feel amazing. This is the first day in almost a month that I don’t care that I have to give myself a shot.”

“Go do something fun today. Go to a spa or go shopping or something. Just get out and enjoy yourself today.” I could hear the smile in his voice. My heart squeezed in my chest, full of love for him.

“You know, I think I might do just that. I’ve taken up enough of your time. You go on back to your meeting. I’ll see you tonight when you get home.”

“Okay, I love you, Kitten.”

“I love you, too, honey.” I was smiling as I put my phone in my purse.

I found myself wandering down Madison Avenue. I didn’t really want to buy anything, but window shopping sounded fun. Lord knew I didn’t need any more clothes. Logan was always buying me something new to wear for some made-up occasion.

The only store that caught my eye was Crate and Barrel. I was a sucker for home goods for some reason. I wandered through the store, looking at plates and glasses.

I laughed when a familiar face stared back at me from behind a huge pyramid of glassware.