New Beginnings (47 page)

“I don’t know,” she said, letting him take her hands as he knelt in front of her. “I just wish you’d tell me what’s going on. You’re making me nervous.”

Looking up at her, all of the carefully rehearsed words fled and he was left with just the raw truth. “When you walked out on me the last time, I had the anger to mask the pain. I held on to that.”

Tears filled her eyes. “Why are we talking about that now? I thought we were finally getting past it. Are you ever going to be able to forget, to forgive me for what happened?”

Drake cursed himself for reminding her of one of the darkest times in their lives. “I’m sorry, I just wanted you to know that everything feels different now. If you left me now, I don’t think I could stand it.” He waited for her to assure him that would never happen, but when the assurance didn’t come, his stomach turned over, reminding him this risk could back-fire on him in the worst possible way.

Letting her eyes fall to the joined hands in her lap, she said quietly, “Things feel different for me too, in a good way. I feel stronger and more confident than I ever have before, like I’ve finally found my place in the world.”

He didn’t know whether she was referring to the bliss she’d found with him or her career. With numerous hits to her credit now, she no longer needed his financial support. She was totally self-sufficient, insisting on sharing some of the financial responsibilities on the home front, even though Drake earned more money than either of them could ever possibly spend. “You’ve come into your own, no question about it.” He looked at her hands. Her fingers were bare. She’d refused to wear another ring since her engagement ring had been stolen. “I want…”

“What?” she asked, her voice laced with impatience. “What do you want? Please, just tell me.”

“I want you.” He knew that much was obvious, but those three words encompassed everything he was feeling. “I want you there when I wake up in the morning. I want you there when I go to sleep at night. I want you there when I celebrate my success and when I need someone to commiserate with when I lose.”

She gave him a wry smile. “Like you ever lose.”

It was true, he rarely lost because he refused to accept defeat, but in this moment, it felt like his life was hanging in the balance. The pendulum could swing either way and just acknowledging that made him feel sick. “I can’t lose this time, Cassidy. I just can’t.”

“You’re not making any sense,” she said, shaking her head.

“I can’t lose you. I love you too much.” Bowing his head, he said, “I need you.” He’d never admitted the depth of his weakness before, to her or anyone else, but he knew he had to make her understand how much she meant to him, how much his future happiness depended on her.

“You’re not going to lose me,” she said, stroking his hair. “Why would you even think that?”

“I see the person you’re becoming.” His voice was raspy when he said, “I love the woman you are now, the woman I always knew you could be, but I’m not gonna lie, I’m scared too.”

“Why?”

“You don’t need me anymore, Cassidy.” He almost hated to acknowledge the truth, but he knew he had to. They’d redefined everything about their relationship from the way they communicated to the way they made love. Everything seemed more intense now that they understood what it meant to live apart.

“Yes, I do.” Raising his head, she said, “Don’t you realize that I wouldn’t be this person had I never met you? You’re the one who planted that seed of hope in me and nurtured it, Drake. You’re the one who made me look in the mirror and see that I had real potential.”

He knew he couldn’t take credit for her transformation, but he loved that she wanted to share that with him. “You would have gotten there eventually, with or without me.”

“Maybe,” she said, lifting a shoulder. “Maybe not. I don’t know, and I don’t want to know. I wouldn’t have wanted to take this journey all alone and I certainly wouldn’t have wanted to do it with anyone else.”

While he loved her words, there seemed to be a finality to them. Journeys had a final destination and he didn’t want their journey to end until one of them drew their last breath. Knowing he couldn’t continue to dance around the question he needed to ask, he withdrew the four carat diamond solitaire from his pocket, holding it up for her to see.

A sob escaped as she fixated on the ring. “Drake, what are you doing?”

“I’m ready to forge a new path with you, baby. These past months haven’t been about recapturing what we had. They’ve been about getting to know each other all over again because you’re not the same woman I proposed to the first time. I thought I loved you then, but what I felt the first time doesn’t even compare to what I feel for you now.”

She covered her mouth with her hand, but didn’t say anything.

“I want you to be my wife, my business partner—”

“Your business partner?” she asked, wiping away the tear sliding down her cheek. “What are you talking about?”

“You know this business, Cassidy. You could be an incredible asset to me. If you decide that’s something you want?” When she didn’t say anything, he quickly said, “It’s not a deal breaker. If you decide you want to keep writing songs, or you want to cut a record of your own, go out on tour, whatever you want—”

“I don’t think I see a lot of travel in my future. At least not for the foreseeable future.”

“Why not?” he asked, frowning. She still hadn’t made a move to accept the ring and he was afraid to try and slip it on her finger prematurely, so it rested in his palm, reminding him she hadn’t answered his question.

“Drake, I’m…” Her bottom lip trembled as she whispered the word, “Pregnant.”

Drake closed his eyes as he rocked back on his heels. “Come again.”

“I said I’m pregnant.” Her voice didn’t quaver as much this time, but she still sounded tentative.

“Oh my God.” He dropped his head, trying to process her words. “How long have you known?”

“Only a week or so. I was just trying to find the right time to tell you. You’re not mad, are you?”

Drake chuckled as he stared at her, trying to believe what he was hearing. “Mad? Are you serious? You actually thought I’d be mad that you’re carrying my baby?” Standing, he pulled her into his arms. “I feel like the luckiest guy in the world right now,” he whispered in her ear.

“Oh yeah, how would you feel if I told you I couldn’t wait to marry you?”

The ring. It was piercing his palm and he hadn’t even noticed. Sliding it on her finger, his hand trembled. Looking at her, knowing now that in just seven or eight months they would be welcoming their baby into the world, every fear he’d had about their future melted away. “I can’t wait to be a dad, to be your husband. That’s the only thing that matters to me.”

Kissing him gently, she smiled. “And you and this baby are the only thing that matters to me, Drake.”

Cassidy looked at her reflection in the full-length mirror in their master bedroom. It seemed like just yesterday that Drake slipped the engagement ring on her finger. Perhaps because the past six weeks had been a blur. She wasn’t ready to tell anyone about the baby until she passed the first trimester, but she joked with Drake that she wanted to wear a wedding dress, not a tent, so time was of the essence.

As soon as she said the word, he was on the phone to the most sought-after wedding planner in the state, asking her to drop everything to make their dream wedding a reality in six short weeks.

A soft knock on the door drew her attention away from the mirror and Cassidy held her breath as she said softly, “Come in.”

Her mother and sister stood on the other side of the door, staring at her with tears welling in their eyes. They had come a long way in a short time, and while Cassidy knew they still had their issues to work through, she was confident they would get there. Especially now that little Hannah was here to bridge the gap. With any luck, their babies would grow up together, as close as they had once been.

Drake wasn’t ready to forgive his brother and sister-in-law just yet, but he was coming around, especially since Lee and Katie asked Cassidy and Drake to be their daughter’s godparents.

“You look gorgeous,” Katie said, crossing the room to hug her sister. “I’m so happy for you, sis.”

As Katie held her at arm’s length to appreciate her couture gown, Cassidy said through her tears, “I still can’t believe this is real. Girls like me don’t get to marry their Prince Charming or be the princess in the fairy tale.”

“You deserve this,” Katie said fiercely, squeezing her hands. “You worked so hard to turn your life around and I’m so proud of you.”

“So am I,” her mother said, putting an arm around each of her daughters. “I’m proud of both of you. You’ve come so far.”

“Looks who’s talking,” Katie said, resting her head against their mother’s.

It was true, their mother’s transformation had been remarkable. Since she got her first chip and found a sponsor she trusted, her entire life turned around. She now had a career she loved, was able to support herself, had an ever-growing network of friends who understood her struggles, and a healthy relationship with both of her daughters for the first time in their lives.

“Maybe we had to experience the bad in order to appreciate the good,” Liz said softly. “Sometimes life has a way of repeating the same hard lessons until eventually you have no choice but to get the message.”

“Words of wisdom,” Cassidy said, brushing a hand over her mother’s cheek.

Liz looked younger and more vital than she had in years. She had a sparkle in her eye now that she never had before, and Cassidy knew that was because she was finally awakening to life’s possibilities. She now understood she didn’t have to let her past define her future. She could be whomever she chose to be.

“I have something to tell you,” Cassidy said. She had intended to wait, but this seemed like the perfect time to share her news. “Drake and I are going to have a baby.”

“Oh,” her mother said, covering her hand with her mouth as a tear slid down her cheek. “Really? Two grandbabies in one year?”

Katie and Cassidy shared a smile before Katie said, “Remember when we were younger, we always said it would be cool to have our kids grow up together?”

“I remember,” Cassidy said, trying to hold back her own tears. The make-up artist and hair stylist did a beautiful job and she wanted to preserve the look until Drake saw her walk down the aisle. She suspected as soon as they began sharing their vows, all bets would be off.

“I still want that,” Katie said, holding her sister’s hand. “More now than ever. I know how important family is and I want my little girl to know that too.”

Katie and Cassidy hugged as she looked over her sister’s shoulder to see Lee standing at the door. While they’d never confronted the past, she knew that forgiveness was a part of her journey and that if she could forgive her mother and sister, not to mention herself, she had to forgive her brother-in-law’s indiscretions as well.

“Katie, I think Hannah needs to be fed before the ceremony,” Lee said.

“You’re right,” Katie said, squeezing Cassidy’s hand one last time before she made her way to the door.

“Do you need anything?” Liz asked Cassidy.

“No, I’m fine.” She smiled. “Just anxious.”

“Not as anxious as your groom, I’m sure,” Liz said, laughing. “He looks like he’s about ready to pass out.”

“My brother won’t have to wait much longer,” Lee said, consulting his watch.

“I should check on things downstairs,” Liz said, smiling. “Poor Dora seemed a little frazzled. Maybe I can help her.”

Cassidy was pleased to see her mother and Dora forming a friendship. Drake’s housekeeper had become like family to her, so it was important to her that her mother and sister welcomed her into their family too.

Lee stepped aside so his mother-in-law could pass through the doorway. When she was out of earshot, he said, “Do you mind if I have a word with you, Cassidy?”

She didn’t want anything to spoil this day, but she couldn’t continue to shut Lee down the way Drake had. She preached to her fiancé about the importance of forgiveness all the time and now she had to lead by example. “Sure, come on in.”

Cassidy couldn’t deny Lee had been making a real effort, not only to be a good husband and father, but to rebuild his life. He’d gone back to school and was working full-time as a caretaker at the inn where they were living.

Lee closed the door, offering a shy smile when he glanced at Cassidy’s creamy silk strapless gown. “You look great.”

“Thanks.” There was no sign of the flirtatious jerk he’d been when he was using and Cassidy was grateful for that. Just thinking about what happened between them still turned her stomach if she allowed herself to dwell on it.

“My brother’s a lucky man.”

“So are you. Don’t forget that.” Cassidy sensed there was discord in Lee and Katie’s marriage, but she didn’t know if that was because of the stress of having a new baby to care for or the realization that they were moving in directions now that they were both in recovery.

“I know.” He looked Cassidy in the eye when he said, “Hannah has changed me, Cass. I had no idea I could love anyone the way I love her.”

Cassidy’s hand went to her stomach and she immediately regretted the action when Lee’s eyes followed the gesture. She suspected Katie would tell her husband the news, since she hadn’t asked her not to, but that didn’t mean she was ready to count Lee as a member of her inner circle just yet.

“Are you…?” Lee smiled when Cassidy nodded. “Seriously? That’s amazing.”

Now that Lee was off the drugs and taking better care of himself, the resemblance between he and Drake was startling. Cassidy had to tear her eyes away when looking into his eyes almost felt like looking into Drake’s. There was a warmth and compassion, a genuine affection, she never expected to see in Lee.

“I think so.”

“Wow, my brother’s gotta be stoked.”

“We’re both pretty excited about it,” Cassidy said, offering a slight smile.

Lee was always going to be her child’s uncle and the father of her niece. That wasn’t going to change regardless of how she and Drake felt about it, so she decided then and there to accept him as part of her family, for the sake of the children they loved.