Nothing Changes Until You Do: A Guide to Self-Compassion and Getting Out of Your Own Way (22 page)

Living like we’re going to die is actually about remembering to fully engage in life
right now
, to be grateful for the precious gift that it is, and to take back our power from anywhere and everywhere we give it away. We’re much stronger, more beautiful, more powerful, and more capable than we often give ourselves credit for. As we continue to catch ourselves—with empathy—when we stray off course, discount ourselves, and focus on things that don’t really matter, we can bring ourselves back to the truth of who we are. We can remind ourselves that we’re magnificent, valuable, and lovable just the way we are.

Thank you for taking this journey with me. I feel honored, humbled, and grateful to have been able to connect with you this way, and I hope you found this book useful.

Appendix

MEDITATIONS

In the book, I speak about two meditations that have been very beneficial in my life: the Fulfilling Your Own Needs meditation and the Embracing Powerlessness meditation. Below, you will find instructions for both of them.

F
ULFILLING
Y
OUR
O
WN
N
EEDS

• Find a comfortable position—either sitting or lying down—and allow yourself to relax with your eyes closed. I often do this in bed in the morning, lying down.
  
• Once you are relaxed, imagine in your mind that you are in a safe and comfortable place.
  
• Visualize or imagine a big sphere of light in front of you—and inside of the sphere, there are seven chambers, one for each of these seven needs: safety, security, belonging/value, love, knowing, beauty, and spirituality.
  
• Step inside of the first chamber (safety) and stay there until you feel the feeling of that need at a deep emotional level.
  
• Next, step into each of the other chambers around the sphere (one at a time, in order), with the seventh and final chamber (spirituality) located in the middle of the sphere itself. As you step into each chamber, stay inside that particular chamber until you get a deep sense of the feeling associated with that specific need before moving on to the next one. When you get to that seventh chamber, stay there in the center of the sphere as long as you’d like—it can be a great place to focus on what you’d like to create, experience, and manifest into your life. (Allow yourself to visualize that.)
  
• When you are finished, step out of the seventh chamber and the entire sphere, back into that same safe and comfortable place where you started. Then, allow your eyes to open gently.
  

You can do this meditation as often as you like and for as long as you like. I usually do it for close to 30 minutes, but sometimes much shorter, and sometimes even longer. If you would like to be guided through this meditation, please download the free audio recording from my website at
www.Mike-Robbins.com/meditations
.

E
MBRACING
P
OWERLESSNESS

• Find a comfortable position—either sitting or lying down—and allow yourself to relax with your eyes closed. I often do this in bed in the morning, lying down.
  
• Once you are relaxed, imagine yourself lying down in a field of soft grass.
  
• As you relax into the grass, feel the ground beneath you turn to water, and allow yourself to sink down a bit, and float on top of the surface … then let go and allow the water to support you and your relaxation completely.
  
• As you are floating on the water, say to yourself, “I give myself permission to
  feel
  powerless. Just because I
  feel
  powerless, doesn’t mean I
  am
  powerless.” Keep repeating this mantra to yourself as you allow yourself to float on your back with the water supporting you.
  
• Once you have allowed yourself to fully experience and embrace the
  feeling
  of powerlessness, imagine that the watery ground turns solid again, and allow yourself to lie there in the field of soft grass for a moment. You can then gently open your eyes and come out of the meditation/visualization.
  

You can do this meditation as often as you’d like and for as long as you’d like. I usually do it for about 10 or 15 minutes.

You can also use this same meditative process for any emotion (e.g., fear, anger, sadness, jealousy, rage, shame, hurt); just replace the word and feeling in the mantra. For example, “I give myself permission to
feel
scared. Just because I
feel
scared, doesn’t mean I
am
scared.”

If you would like to be guided through this meditation, please download the free audio recording from my website at
www.Mike-Robbins.com/meditations
.

Resources

Below you’ll find a list of resources (books, workshops, and videos) that I believe in and recommend strongly. Each of them will support and empower you on your path of growth.

Books

Carry On, Warrior: Thoughts on Life Unarmed
, by Glennon Melton

Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead
, by Brené Brown

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams
, by Debbie Ford

Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff … and It’s All Small Stuff: Simple Ways to Keep the Little Things from Taking Over Your Life
, by Richard Carlson

Dying to Be Me: My Journey from Cancer, to Near Death, to True Healing
, by Anita Moorjani

Emotional Equations: Simple Steps for Creating Happiness + Success in Business + Life
, by Chip Conley

Enjoy Every Sandwich: Living Each Day as if It Were Your Last
, by Lee Lipsenthal

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway: Dynamic Techniques for Turning Fear, Indecision, and Anger into Power, Action, and Love
, by Susan Jeffers

Five Wishes: How Answering One Simple Question Can Make Your Dreams Come True,
by Gay Hendricks

Forgive for Good: A Proven Prescription for Health and Happiness
, by Fred Luskin

I’m Okay, You’re a Brat: Setting the Priorities Straight and Freeing You from the Guilt and Mad Myths of Parenthood
, by Susan Jeffers

Kitchen Table Wisdom: Stories that Heal
, by Rachel Naomi Remen

The Last Lecture
, by Randy Pausch

Loveability: Knowing How to Love and Be Loved
, by Robert Holden

Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life,
by Byron Katie

A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
, by Eckhart Tolle

The Sacred Journey: You and Your Higher Self
, by Lazaris

Self-Compassion,
by Kristin Neff, Ph.D

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know,
by Meg Meeker

Way of the Peaceful Warrior: A Book that Changes Lives
, by Dan Millman

The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to Mastering the Challenges of Women, Work, and Sexual Desire
, by David Deida

Will You Still Love Me if I Don’t Win?: A Guide for Parents of Young Athletes
, by Christopher Andersonn with Barbara Andersonn

Wishes Fulfilled: Mastering the Art of Manifesting,
by Wayne Dyer

You Can Heal Your Life
, by Louise Hay

Workshops

Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women (for women only)—
www.understandmen.com

Financial Peace University—
www.daveramsey.com/fpu

The Landmark Forum—
www.landmarkworldwide.com

The New Warrior Training Adventure (for men only)—
www.mankindproject.org

Next Step to Being the Change—
www.challengeday.org

The Shadow Process—
www.thefordinstitute.com

Videos

I Am
, by Tom Shadyac

Miss Representation
, by Jennifer Siebel Newsom and Kimberlee Acquaro

The Shadow Effect
, featuring Debbie Ford, Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, and others

The Shift
, featuring Wayne Dyer

TED.com
(any and all videos on this site, especially those by Brené Brown, Elizabeth Gilbert, and Steve Jobs)

You Can Heal Your Life
, featuring Louise Hay

Acknowledgments

I’m filled with a deep sense of gratitude as I reflect upon all of the amazing people in my life who have supported me with the creation of this book. First and foremost, Michelle Benoit Robbins, thank you for being the amazing woman, wife, and mother that you are. You’re a miracle worker, and I’m so honored to get to spend my life in partnership with you. Thanks for holding down the fort in the midst of creation of this book and our move. I’m grateful for the incredible love, support, and magic you provide for me, the girls, and our life. I could not have written this book and could not do what I do without you. I am so lucky to be married to you. Samantha Benoit Robbins, thanks for your passion, your inspiration, and your love—you continue to teach me so much and I’m honored to be your daddy. Annarose Benoit Robbins, thanks for being the loving, cuddly, sweet soul that you are and for reminding me what truly matters in life. I love being your daddy and watching you grow.

Melanie Bates, what a blessing you have been in my life, for my business, and with this book. Your partnership, support, feedback, editing, and vision helped this come alive—it wouldn’t have happened in the way and the time it did without you, your gifts, and your incredible support. Thank you! Michele Martin, thanks for believing in me, for your feedback, your wisdom, and your support. I feel honored and grateful to have you as my agent.

Richard Carlson, I miss you, brother, and wish you were still here with us in body. I appreciate all of the love, support, and mentorship you provided for me. And, I’m happy we’re still connected through time and space. I feel your presence in my life and am grateful for it. Kris Carlson, thank you for your generosity. I appreciate your specific support and blessing with this book, with my work, and in my life. Thank you!

Reid Tracy, thank you for staying in touch with me over the years, for your patience, and for your continued interest in partnering with me. Louise Hay, thank you for your amazing work and for creating such a wonderful company with a beautiful mission. Patty Gift, thank you for your support and for choosing to work with me. Laura Gray, thank you for your partnership, your commitment, and your skill—you are a wonderful editor. Nancy Levin, Richelle Zizian, Christy Salinas, Jennifer Simmons, Elizabeth Kelley, Johanne Mahaffey, Margarete Nielsen, Kyle Thompson, Dani Riehl, Mollie Langer, Wioleta Gramek, Donna Abate, Stacey Smith, Erin Dupree, Heather Tate, Sally Mason, Shay Lawry, Shannon Godwin and the rest of the amazing team at Hay House—thank you for being such kind, warm, fun, and talented people to work with. I feel honored and grateful to be a part of the Hay House family.

Steve Sisgold, thank you for your guidance, and for those amazing sessions that created such healing, clarity, and peace for me. Amy Ahlers, thank you for your love, support, and enthusiasm. Christine Arylo, thank you for your creativity, passion, and vision. Lissa Rankin, thank you for your inspiration, the amazing introductions, and for all that you’ve taught me.

Lori Robbins, thank you for your courage, support, friendship, and love. You amaze me and I’m grateful to be your little brother. Rachel Cohen, thank you for your love, wisdom, and perspective. I love having you for a sister. Dad, thanks for all you taught me and gave me. Mom, thanks for the incredible lessons and your belief in me. Steve Farrell, thank you for always seeing me, “getting” me, and loving me through the years.

Theo Androus, thanks for being the kind of friend you are and the kind of man you are. I learn so much from you and continue to be grateful for our connection. Asa Siegel, thanks for being my brother for all of these years and for continuing to support me, believe in me, and be there for me. Chris Kyle, thank you for your brotherhood, support, and love. I’m grateful we are friends and appreciate having you in my life.

Gabrielle Bernstein, thank you for your light, passion, and inspiration. Lisa McLeod, thank you for your feedback and support. Rich Fettke, thank you for your continued guidance and friendship through the years and on this journey. Karen Drucker, thank you for your gifts, your inspiration, and your beautiful music. Juliet Funt, thank you for being my friend and success partner. Patty Koch, thank you for your love, support, and enthusiasm.

Fred Luskin, I’m grateful for your mentorship and generosity. Robert Holden, I’m so glad we’ve met and become friends—thank you for your amazing work and for your guidance. Dan Millman, your work and your books have inspired me for many years; I’m grateful to know you. Brené Brown, your work has touched me deeply and influenced this book and my work; thank you. Glennon Melton, thank you for your passion, love, and authenticity. Your writing and approach have had a big impact on me, my work, and on this book specifically.

Chris Andersonn, I continue to be deeply grateful for your presence and influence in my life over all of these years; thank you. Eleanor, I’m not sure I can even put into words the extent of my gratitude for you and the incredible work we have done together over the past few years. Cai Bristol, you are amazing and your work has had a profound impact on me personally and professionally.

To my many wonderful clients, thank you for allowing me to come into your organizations, speak at your events, and connect with your people. I feel honored, grateful, and humbled to be able to share my work, my insight, and my passion. Specifically to the clients who have brought me in multiple times in recent years, like Google, Wells Fargo, Gap, eBay, Schwab, Adobe, and others, thank you for trusting me, for allowing me to support your people, and for helping me support my family and do work that I love.