Orgasm in 5 Minutes (5 page)

Sex with a partner

“The union between a man and a woman is like Heaven and Earth mating. It is because of this correct mating that Heaven and Earth endure forever.”

Chinese proverb

You have learned how to enjoy your body. You know how to reach an orgasm easily and without an hour-long effort. But as the proverb you just read suggests, the union with a man is like being in heaven. Experiencing an orgasm while making love with the person with whom you have chosen to share that moment is really something delicious and unique. The physical sensation of an orgasm is the same as you get while masturbating. After all, as Woody Allen said, “masturbating is having sex with someone I love,” but there is no doubt that emotions implicit in the sexual act enrich the physical sensations and bring it to other levels that are really hard to describe.

In this chapter I am going to talk about sex with your partner. Whether steady or unstable, serious or casual, the relationship established when two people make love is perhaps the most intimate and personal that humans can enjoy. You may have been told that when you truly love someone, failure to reach an orgasm while making love with him is not that important. Maybe you have been told that the feeling of intimacy is so great, the tenderness so crucial, and the communication between the two so intense that an orgasm becomes secondary. Sorry, but I disagree. If it only happens very rarely, maybe it has no bearing, but to never reach it is something certainly frustrating. As my friend Natalia puts it: “Not getting to orgasm while making love with my partner pains me. Sex without an orgasm is like kissing your mother on the forehead: tender, intimate, warm, but . . . clearly insufficient.”

Your body, your mind, your whole being needs to orgasm while making love to feel satisfied, complete, content, and relaxed. Of course, this is not about your obsessing over an orgasm so much that you are unable to enjoy every moment that the sexual relationship with someone offers you. Rather, it is the opposite: to have an orgasm easily during sex, you should be fully relaxed, surrendered, and able to enjoy every one of the small and minimal details of the relationship with your partner. Do not worry. Relax and keep reading, because I will show you what to do to make sex with your partner get to where it needs to get: the ecstasy of you both. And if that should occur at the same time, even better. Shared pleasure is the best way to enjoy sex and feel an intense orgasm.

“I like to climb on top of my boyfriend—play with him, put my breasts in his mouth; I move up and down and rub my pelvis against his thighs and his belly. When I suddenly put his penis in my vagina, he literally goes crazy.”

Adriana, 37 years old

As far as sex is concerned, one of the most widespread ideas is that a man can have an orgasm in just 3 minutes, while women need between 20 minutes and half an hour to get there. This is absolutely false. A woman who regularly masturbates and has reached an adequate control of her vaginal muscles can have an orgasm in just 3 minutes with the proper clitoral stimulation. So, imagine the possibilities that this offers you when making love with your partner. You have already learned in the previous chapter how you can reach an orgasm easily. Now do not hesitate to put it to use when you have company.

“My boyfriend told me once that he masturbated before making love to me so that he could then take longer to have an orgasm. I also masturbate, but for just the opposite reason: before an orgasm, I touch myself until I feel a huge level of excitement . . . but I stop right before it. So, when we make love, I practically orgasm when I want.”

Esmeralda, 30 years old

There are several ways in which you can control your orgasm, so that when you make love with your partner, you get to control when you want to get there, and even do it at the same time with him.

One of them is expressed in Esmeralda’s testimony that you just read. That way, you reach such a high degree of excitement before intercourse that when the time comes, you can trigger an orgasm with a few wisely directed movements. Another is masturbating during sex. In the position best suited for your physical needs, we will now offer you a guide to the more convenient positions; your partner’s own movement will stimulate your clitoris directly, and that will be enough. But if that is not the case, you can resort to masturbating. At first you may think that your partner will find it strange, but you may be surprised when he finds it exciting to feel how you masturbate and see you become even more aroused as he moves inside you.

In any case, it is always important that you take calm pleasure during foreplay. Kisses and caresses stimulate your sexual desire and put your sexual organs in the best position to complete their mission and make you enjoy it the most.

I
ALSO KNOW HOW TO FAKE IT

No woman likes to think that her partner is not enjoying making love. If you have seen a pornographic movie, you have seen the participants sighing and gesturing as if they were effusively enjoying it the whole time: they are good actresses. In fact, they are likely thinking about the fact that the next day they have to take their child to the doctor, or whether what they will get for the movie will pay off the car. In real life, pretending is never a good way to actually reach an orgasm. I must admit that I also faked it a lot, until I discovered that what I really wanted in a sexual relationship was enjoyment. Not that my partner should think that I was enjoying it, but I should actually enjoy it. Everything changed in my relationships ever since.

A relationship in which I get no sexual pleasure is not worth it. Now I know how to orgasm regardless of whether my partner is an expert or novice, or knows the points I find pleasurable . . . because I learned how to tell him.

It is said that there are no frigid women, just inexperienced men. That is one of the most sexist statements I have ever heard in my life. In any case, there will be inexperienced or ignorant women, or, at least, women who do not know their own sexuality. When you know what you like, when you know your body and know how it reacts, when you are sure of where and how you like to be touched to get pleasure, all you have to do is guide your partner, or do it yourself.

Communication is essential for him to know how to make you quiver. And if he disagrees, or does not like to be led, or thinks he is so “manly” that his erection is all you need to orgasm, he is probably not someone worth your while, and you should make it clear to him that either he changes or he’d better find someone else who is willing to put up with his arrogance.

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HE
10
MOST EXCITING POSITIONS

Much is heard or seen in magazines or movies about positions. Some seem more appropriate for a circus than for a sexual encounter between two people of different genders. There are many positions for making love. One is no better than the others. It just depends on the individuals, the situation, and the environment. It is not the same thing to make love in an elevator with a stranger before arriving at your floor as it is to do it in the suite of a luxury hotel on your wedding night after three bottles of champagne. That is why it is important to have all possible information regarding the most desirable positions, and that you chose them at any given time, for yourself, your partner, and whatever it is you want. Sometimes what you want is a quick orgasm because you have to go to work and do not want to be late; other times you have all afternoon or the entire night to take chances and try a few things.

1.
The missionary position.
Also called “Adam and Eve” or “marriage.” It is the most common position in the Mediterranean area. In it, the man lies on top of the woman, facing her. The woman can wrap her legs around the man’s body or just spread her legs open. If you are the type who has her clitoris connected to the labia of the vagina, your partner’s pelvic motion will be enough to indirectly stimulate you and provoke a very intense orgasm. If not, your partner can stimulate your clitoris with his pelvic bone; the penetration angle will be slightly different, but the end result will be just as good.

Ideally, the man will keep a pace of a few thrusts, four or five, then briefly stop, and then continue with the same pace. It is also very pleasant for the man to make a circle with his movements, so as to not only push and pull but keep constant pressure on the pubic area and the woman’s clitoris. Ideally, it is up to you to guide the speed and pressure of the movement. You can do it with your hands or his buttocks . . . . They are so erotic!

“Although a little tarnished, it is the position that my boyfriend and I prefer. We look into each other’s eyes; we can kiss with tenderness and passion and see how pleasure takes a hold of us. There is complete bodily contact, and the feeling of fullness is unmatched. We like it so much that we have to make an effort to try other positions.”

Amanda, 31 years old

2.
Woman on top.
This is ideal if you want to take the initiative. You can control the depth of penetration and the pace of your movements. It also allows both you and your partner to have easy access to the clitoris with your hands. If your boyfriend is also particularly soft and gentle when he caresses your breasts, this may be your ideal position.

If you like to have your G-spot stimulated, you can sit on his penis, so that when you move, you will stimulate the anterior vaginal wall, and I assure you that you will have a very, very good time. Just keep in mind not to land on him with all of your weight!

“I love it when Susi and I make love with her on top of me. I can see her entire body, caress her breasts, see and touch her vagina and clitoris. But what I like best of all is to see the passion reflected in her face.”

Agustín, 25 years old

3.
Woman on top, facing away.
A very attractive variant of the earlier stance is for you to face away from your partner. You have access to the clitoris, and your partner can stimulate and caress your anus and buttocks. Having no eye contact, you can fantasize as much as you feel like and make all the gestures you want. Sometimes it is pleasantly liberating to look fierce, without any fear of what your face may look like! In this position, you are the one who controls the movements, but you have to do it carefully, because until you get a good rhythm, it is not difficult for the penis to slip out. If you hold on to his feet as you move in a gentle swaying motion, you can get him to delay his orgasm.

“I like this position because the movements are smooth and harmonious. More than going in and out of my vagina, his penis is always inside me while we touch forcefully and gently backwards and forwards. Wow!”

Adela, 39 years old