Orgasm in 5 Minutes (7 page)

I
DO NOT KNOW HOW TO FANTASIZE

That is not true. Everyone knows how to fantasize. What could be happening is that you are afraid, or you are under the impression that you are doing something wrong or at least inappropriate. I know many women who feel guilty because they have sexual fantasies about their husband’s friends, or movie stars or singers. This makes no sense. Fantasy is absolutely free and does not hurt anyone. A woman is no more faithful or more decent because she only has erotic fantasies about her partner. Faithfulness and decency are elsewhere. Fantasizing about different men is absolutely normal, and you should not try to stop it. In fact, the appeal of having sexual fantasies is that they leave us free to have any sexual experience outside of reality. Enjoy this great advantage! How about a passionate romance with Brad Pitt while you shower? Having certain fantasies does not mean that you truly want them to become reality. Consider them more like a game, or assistance, something important to help you focus on sex and enjoy it.

“Do I have fantasies? Many and of every kind. I have fantasies about my gynecologist, where I imagine him penetrating me on the examining table, with two men holding me down at the same time; one is inside my vagina and another in my anus. I imagine myself making love with someone while my partner watches us, or that a stranger fondles me under the table at a restaurant. Normally, I do not have time to come up with an elaborate fantasy while I am making love because I orgasm quickly, but it helps me a lot to bring to mind quick images like those I just mentioned.”

Isabel, 39 years old

H
OW DO
I
DO IT?

Nevertheless, if you are the type of person who considers herself incapable of fantasizing in a pleasant and fun way, follow these tips:

1.
Discard the stories that have a beginning, a middle, and an end.
We agreed that fantasy is free. Forget the plot! Focus on particular details and brief images that you find exciting: a glance, a touch, penetration, kissing.

2.
Images need not be sexually explicit.
Sometimes it is more exciting when it is romantic and sensual, like an unexpected touch, or a tight embrace at the end of a cliff, as the sun sets at sea.

3.
In almost every fantasy
the most exciting parts are often the small details: imagining the face of an attractive man at the moment you orgasm; a passionate encounter in an unexpected situation, like in the dining room at home or in the backseat of the car; a certain special touch that “turns you on.”

4.
Practice all kinds of fantasies while masturbating;
you will see how it helps when you do it with your partner.

Now that you have read my tips, lie down on the couch, turn off the TV, and turn on soft lighting. Unplug the phone, and if you can, turn off the doorbell. A little soft music can also come in handy. Start exploring your body slowly while your mind finds exciting situations. You can start in a small and intimate restaurant. A stranger that you have been looking at for a while, because you find him attractive, gets up from his table and appears to be approaching you. The next image you see can be a passionate kiss with that stranger at the restaurant’s exit or in the car . . . and now you can go on your own! Imagine that hot men caress you, or watch you touching yourself and come up to you and fondle you. Remember that in your imagination everything is allowed! You would be surprised by the high percentage of women who get excited at the thought of being forced by a man or several men; if that is the case, do not deprive yourself! Give yourself permission, let yourself go . . . and keep touching yourself as you do so. Remember what I told you in the section on masturbation. If you feel like you are going to have an orgasm, stop for a moment and continue imagining; the next wave of excitement will be even stronger. Go back to the previous situation, or change it if you no longer find it as exciting; let your mind wander freely to places and situations that really prove irresistible to you. Think about your favorite actor, or the upstairs neighbor, or your friend’s husband . . . anything goes; this is nothing more than just a fantasy! Imagine how he approaches you, smiles at you, and begins to caress you. When you feel the excitement rise up again, and it starts to become an orgasm, arch your hips, moan, or say the words that come to you and that will increase your arousal. You might even feel like screaming. The interesting thing is that your thoughts will rise in tone and intensity as your arousal grows, until you reach an orgasm in your fantasy . . . and in reality.

Another possible way to start a fantasy can be the memory of a previous sexual experience that proved to be enjoyable. It is not about imagining it exactly the same way it was. The secret is in reimagining it with all kinds of details that may not have happened but that are right now most tempting to you. He is now even sweeter and gentler than on that occasion, the light is dimmer, and the position is even more exciting. You could even try writing your favorite fantasy and describing every detail. Do not worry if you do not get a script worthy of Pedro Almodóvar. It does not matter if the scenes do not have a credible continuity. This is about you putting down in writing the details, situations, and caresses that excite you. You can also include the words you like to hear when making love. Then, later, when you go to put your imagination into practice again, read what you have written, and that can really help you begin to imagine.

S
HOULD I SHARE MY FANTASIES WITH MY PARTNER?

Relationships are very personal, and even more so when sex is involved. There is no single and final answer to that question. It depends on the type of relationship you have with your partner. It depends on your personality and his. What should be clear is that you are not obligated to share your fantasies. We all have a private world that we do not share with anyone. Imagination is an essential part of that privacy. Perhaps it is the only territory in which we are truly free. There is no need to explain or say why we imagine something. We do it simply because we like it, because we enjoy it, and because it excites us. Respecting that privacy is essential in a relationship. If sharing these fantasies with your partner will help improve your relationship, do it. But if you feel that he will not understand you, or it embarrasses you a little, or you believe that this is something that only belongs to you, do not worry at all. Nobody has the right to invade that part of you.

If your partner gets irritated and asks you again what you are wondering while you make love, just tell him what you know he would like to hear. You can say that you only think of him, and that it excites you to think of what you do in real life, or that he is such a good lover that you are unable to imagine anything else, because he excites you so much that your imagination gets blocked. Anything to make him feel happy. Do not think that you are lying. In any case, it would be his fault for trying to invade a territory that does not belong to him.

But it can also be another type of situation. Maybe your partner is so open and understanding to hearing your fantasies that he not only does not mind it, but it excites him even more. If that is the case, go ahead. As my 35-year-old friend Adela told me, “I never imagined that I could tell my sex dreams to a man so frankly. With my previous partner that was unthinkable. So I knew right away that Fernando was the man of my life; I tell him everything I imagine, and not only does he not get angry, but he gets even more excited and loves me with more passion.” I must admit that Adela’s situation is much like the ideal that we all crave—a completely frank and open relationship where you share absolutely everything. But based on my experience with men, do not open up too much on this topic, because men are usually very sensitive and tend to feel hurt if you tell them that you had an almost unbearable orgasm imagining that you had a romance on the beach with your favorite movie star.

T
OYS AND STIMULI

Humans are the only animals that use fantasy to have an orgasm. We do not need the visual stimulus for sexual satisfaction because the mind is so powerful that it can replace it. However, there are many external aids that enhance the imagination and, in some cases, cause or increase pleasure.

In this section I will offer a wide variety of things that you can use alone or with your partner, for your own arousal, to help you fantasize, or to provoke an orgasm. We will start talking about “toys” that can be found in specialty stores.

Ben Wa balls.
These are two metal balls joined by a latex string. They are inserted into the vagina and move every time that the pelvis moves, causing a peculiar excitement and, in some cases, an orgasm. They can be worn in any situation—be careful, because in a business meeting, your gestures of pleasure can give you away! They are recommended for women who have underdeveloped vaginal muscles, because their movement helps strengthen them. Many times, they are hollow with a smaller ball inside that hits the walls of the big one when it moves and cause even more excitement.

Vibrators.
They come in all colors, shapes, and even flavors. They run on disposable batteries or a battery that is charged with a plug. If you have never had an orgasm while masturbating, run to buy one at the first sex shop you find! Start by using it directly on the clitoris, and get ready, because those sensations are indescribable. You can also use vibrators with your partner and apply them on different parts of your body.

Penis extenders.
They are so called because they are like a condom with a tip that has a sort of ridge that gives the feeling of penis enlargement. With that little bump, your partner’s penis has easy access to the G-spot. Longer or shorter, you will never forget the feeling that it will give you.

COCK RINGS

Does your partner suffer from premature ejaculation? These metal rings are placed on the penis and testicles, and he gets a longer-lasting erection. Encourage him to give them a try! You will enjoy it more, and it will make him feel better.

Panties with stimulator.
You know that kind of harness that mountaineers wear? This is similar, but it is used to reach this other type of climax. Place these panties below your normal panties; where they meet your vagina, there is a small protrusion that rubs the clitoris. Can you imagine wearing them while you stroll through the park?

Massage gloves.
Yes, like the ones you wear in the snow, but in latex . . . and they vibrate! You can use them for your morning shower, use them to caress yourself, or give them to your partner to touch you wherever you like.

Condoms.
They may not be an instrument of pleasure, but for many reasons, it is very advisable to use them in relationships with a partner. They come in all shapes, colors, and flavors imaginable. How about a bit of raspberry-flavored oral sex?