Orgasm in 5 Minutes (13 page)

Yes, you are wrong. AIDS can be transmitted through blood, semen, and vaginal fluid. So, if you practice fellatio on your partner and his semen gets in your mouth, there is a risk of contagion. The same applies if he gives you cunnilingus: your vaginal fluid will reach his throat. With regard to AIDS, it is recommended that you and your partner get tested. It is a simple blood test, and any hospital will do it for free. In these times, you need to be sure. And, therefore, always use a condom if you make love to strangers. Sex is to be enjoyed, and no shadow of suspicion should darken the horizon.

Changing positions.
“My partner asks me to change positions many times while making love. And I almost always lose my arousal with so many changes. What do I do?”

You are not the only one! Men think they impress us by changing positions and choreography. And they are convinced that in doing so, we consider them more desirable.

There is nothing special in getting distracted before such skill deployments. Help your partner relax and forget his alleged feats, for instance, by touching each other. The important thing is to make him “see” what you enjoy, literally: show him with your body and with your gestures how you have an orgasm. When he contemplates you in that wonderful state, he will forget his athletic “prowess” and try to do what it really takes for you to experience that again.

Ménage à trois.
“My boyfriend has asked me to bring a friend to make love with us. I do not dislike the idea, but I have my doubts. What do you recommend?”

In erotic films, it is very common to see several actors making love together. Of course, real life is not a movie, but why not try it sometime? It is essential that you do it only if you are sure of it. If you do it to please him, but you do not find it appealing, it is likely that the experience will be a complete failure. Now, if, as you say, you do not dislike the idea, forget your doubts! Playing with two bodies at once, instead of the same old thing, may be very exciting.

Ridiculous.
“I cannot help it. When I have my partner’s head between my legs, I feel so ridiculous that I start to laugh and I cannot feel anything.”

Laughter is good therapy for almost anything, but in this situation? This position is really a bit strange, especially if he is going bald. But the solution is not difficult to find. Focus on your feelings. Hold his head in your hands and set the pace of his movements. After a few seconds, you will be so comfortable that your fear of ridicule will have disappeared. And if you laugh, there will be other reasons for it: some orgasms are so pleasurable that it is impossible not to laugh.

HE WILL NOT LIKE ME

“I don’t like making love with the light on because I’m sure that if he sees me naked, he will not like me.”

As I said in
Chapter 2
, a woman is rarely ugly for a man if she is naked and wants sex. They are so absorbed in what awaits them that they do not usually notice the details. While you convince yourself, light colorful candles and put on some sexy clothes. How about taking off all your clothes but leaving your stockings, suspender belts, and heels? The image of your panties sliding down your legs, while leaving your private parts exposed, will drive him crazy with excitement . . . And why not? Wear that sexy outfit while you make love. This scene will become material for his erotic fantasies and memories.

Masturbation.
“I’ve masturbated since a young age and I’ve always felt good, but I get the feeling that my current partner is not amused by the idea. What do I do? Should I give up?”

I hope you are referring to giving up on your partner. Masturbation is perfectly natural, pleasant, convenient, and even healthful. And nobody has the right to interfere in such personal matters. Ideally you should try to show him how nice it is to masturbate. You can try touching him, and teaching him to do the same for you. When you see pleasure on his face, his scruples will disappear.

Gynecologist.
“It seems a bit stupid, but I’m embarrassed to go to the gynecologist because I think he will notice that I masturbate.”

Have you ever thought that gynecologists do not give a damn whether you masturbate or not? When you go to the doctor for a checkup or because you do not feel well, you expect a treatment or a remedy for your situation—not for him to investigate exactly how you touch your clitoris. But just so you will remain calm: there is no way a gynecologist would know whether you masturbate or not—unless you tell him.

S
OME COMPLAINTS

“Why is there so much to know and so much effort in order to enjoy sex? Isn’t it something natural?”

Nothing prevents you from having sex without knowing absolutely anything about your genitals, or the importance of masturbation, or the role of fantasy . . . But then do not complain if you do not have an orgasm! A friend of mine always says that making love without an orgasm hurts. Perhaps she exaggerates a bit, but if you do not know where the clitoris is, and do not know the risks of AIDS transmission, or you are not interested in feeling attractive and desirable to your partner, your sexual relations will soon fall into the routine, and your orgasms will hardly come with the speed and intensity you want. Do not be lazy! Read at least one book about sex every year, mind your appearance, and explore the feelings that give you pleasure. It is never too late to start. Your sexuality will be enriched, you will enjoy life more, and the world will seem a much more beautiful place. You will be much happier.

“I never have fantasies while making love with Carlos. It would seem to me as a kind of infidelity.”

Have you ever wondered if your partner fantasizes about other women? Have you seen his expression when he sees Sharon Stone taking off her clothes in a movie? Do you think that he is then thinking about the bank account? Is he cheating for that? Make no mistake! Fidelity is a very serious issue that every couple should determine in their own way, but, of course, it has nothing to do with fantasizing! As
Chapter 5
says, having certain fantasies does not mean we want them to be fulfilled. My friend Amelia, who just turned 40, told me, “When I finally realized the importance that fantasies lend to reaching an orgasm, I began to imagine many times that I practiced anal sex, and that excited me much. One night, Jesús and I tried it. And it was a disaster! I did not like it; it was anything but sexy. However, when we make love, I keep imagining scenes of anal sex, and I find them very exciting.”

“I never have an orgasm with a man. I enjoy kissing and fondling, but only climax by masturbating.”

Now that you have read this book, be prepared to get there! An orgasmic woman, and you are one, is “always” orgasmic. Do men move too fast? Do they finish before you have a chance to get aroused? Do they not touch you in the right places? Teach them! When you are with a man, show him the way, tell him what you like, get in the proper position so that his movements stimulate you where you find it most enjoyable, and masturbate while he moves inside you. Listen to what Alejandro told me: “When Martha and I make love and she is on top of me, my eyes enjoy her entire body. I can see how my penis enters her vagina. I love watching her breasts swaying, and I run over her body with my hands. I squeeze her buttocks, or I rub her belly, or explore her clitoris, and with my fingers, I feel my penis rubbing her vagina. But what really drives me wild is her facial expression as she touches herself and starts to have an orgasm.”

“I had an orgasm the first time I made love, but since then I only have them occasionally.”

Orgasms are part of our nature. Sex attracts us in such an intense way because we expect reaching that climax of pleasure. You yourself know what it is, because you have felt it. What happens then? Why does it happen sometimes and not others? As always, the key is information. If you know exactly what happens to your body when you climax, if you know your sexual organs and their most sensitive spots and you feel ready and confident, orgasms will become commonplace. Natalia, 25, summed it up for me with these words: “I had an orgasm the first time I made love with my boyfriend. It is not strange because we were working up to it for 5 months before having full sexual intercourse. I was so excited that it did not take me long to climax. However, the following times it was not as easy. Sometimes I would and sometimes not. We both thought about it and started asking friends and reading books about sex. We learned a lot of things that we had no idea about. Now we try to make love whenever we can, because orgasms are sure to happen!”

“Making love for me is not very fun; I prefer to masturbate. When I’m with my partner, I dare not take the initiative because I think he likes it better that way.”

Are you aware of what you are missing? We often have this idea that men like demure and passive women. We think that with a woman like that they feel more masculine and enjoy sex more. Nothing is further from the truth! In today’s world, men are attracted to women who are active, who work, who take action, who know what they want. Listen to what Ricardo, a 35-year-old friend, said to me: “Like most men, I fantasize about women who are a little sexually aggressive, but most women I know are very shy about sex, do not like to talk about the subject, and when it comes to having intercourse, they are content with simply lying in bed. At one point, I even thought that women do not really like sex and only did it to please men. Then I met Fina, who loves sex. And not just because she cares about me, but because she enjoys it as much as I do. It’s the best thing that could’ve happened to me.”

T
ESTIMONIALS

One of the issues of most concern to women in long-term relationships is keeping sexual attraction alive. Since experience is always the best teacher, I asked all the happy couples I know what the trick is. Here are some of their responses:

“I think Armando continues to like me because I’ve never asked him if he likes me. I feel attractive, even if he does not tell me so. And that also gives me self-assurance. I try to take care of myself and stay fit: I exercise, follow a diet, dress up to go out. I never ask him if he wants to make love because if he likes me and I feel like it, why would he not want to? It seems obvious to me.”

Arantxa, 29 years old

“My husband and I love surprises. When he least expects it, he gets home from work and finds me naked on the living room couch. ‘Where are the children?’ he asks alarmed. I’ve sent them to my sister’s house. He approaches me, and I can tell by his expression that he has realized that the perfume I’m wearing is not the usual. He still hasn’t been able to speak and is beginning to show signs of excitement. Then I start to undress him slowly, starting with his pants. Before touching his penis, I unbutton his shirt. What happens next depends on the moment, and the best part is that we never know who will surprise whom. Sometimes the surprise takes weeks to arrive, and other times several days in a row. We both stay alert, knowing that, at any time, we could end up fucking like crazy.”

Consuelo, 43 years old

“Javier and I had been living together for more than 10 years. At first everything was wonderful, but over time our sex life started getting cold. Not that I did not have orgasms, but the two of us started to show less interest. I got worried because I was afraid that making love was starting to become something of a formality. Then a friend lent me a book on tantric sex. What a discovery! I spoke with Javier, and at first he was a bit skeptical. But one day I convinced him, and we gave it a try. Wow! The both of us there, facing each other, naked, trying not to think about sex and caressing each other by candlelight . . . It was fascinating! Since then, when I think of formalities, I just remember those at the bank. Sex now fills our lives even more than when we met.”

Irene, 38 years old

“We use the technique of the ‘ideal night.’ We have normal intercourse whenever we want, but each week one of us, taking strict turns, proposes an ideal night. It does not need to be a fixed day. Rather, it depends on our inspiration. What does it consist of? Well, there’s the catch. The one in charge that week proposes anything that comes to mind, and the other has to agree to it. The only condition is for no one to get hurt. I’m a little embarrassed to confess this, but I’ve discovered some things that if someone were to tell me about them, I wouldn’t believe them. I would’ve never figured out that anal sex was so exciting! Or that José Luis enjoys it when his hands are tied behind his back. One day he showed up with a vibrator, and since then it has become a regular part of our games. It’s priceless!”

Nazareth, 31 years old