Orgasm in 5 Minutes (12 page)

Stillness and ecstasy.
At this point, you probably want to start moving like crazy. However, in tantric sex stillness is essential. Neither you nor your partner must move. Remain in the same position, with half of his penis in your vagina, and look into each other’s eyes and continue with the visualization described above: take in air through your vagina and breathe it out through your mouth; your partner inhales through his mouth and exhales through his penis. Stay like this as long as you can. The only allowed movement is that which you are able to perform with your genital muscles but without using your hips at all. You are taking part in the cycle of sexual energy, the primal and creative energy. When you realize it, you will have one of the deepest orgasms of your life.

A
NAL SEX

“I love to practice anal sex with my partner. It is a completely different feeling, and it makes me feel wild and capable of anything.”

Patricia, 37 years old

Not all women like to practice anal sex. The connotations that this part of the body has for most of us are not exactly sexual. However, I know many women who practice anal sex and enjoy it. The muscles around the anus are highly sensitive, and stimulating them can create intense and unexpected pleasure.

If you have never practiced anal sex, you should go step by step. It is not advisable to indulge in a sudden fit of passion, because you can do real damage. It is best to start in a relaxed and comfortable position. Lie on your side on the bed and bend your waist slightly to give your buttocks to your partner—some proposition! Use an alcohol-free lubricant to prevent irritation. Your partner should start caressing your vulva and clitoris and then your buttocks until you are excited. Then, with a well-lubricated finger, he can caress you around the anal opening, lubricating the entire area well. Keep in mind that the anal muscles are much stronger than those of the vagina, and they are unaccustomed to opening easily. When it looks as though you are ready, tell him to proceed and insert his finger up to the second knuckle and gently begin to move. The next step is the insertion of a second finger. Gently, your partner can move both fingers inside and out for a while. The first time, you can leave it at that and switch to a bit of oral sex, for example, to reach stage 4 (remember?) and then enjoy a long simultaneous orgasm.

In later sessions you can go forward a little more. After caressing the area and inserting two fingers (never forget the lube!), your partner can bring his penis closer. At first, he must insert only the tip and stay still. The feeling will be new and strange and possibly a little scary. Wait until you feel comfortable. Only then tell him to continue. How far? As far as you say. I have friends who can stand a huge penis in their anus, while others are extremely sensitive and immediately feel pain. Only you can know how far your body allows being penetrated. At this point, your partner may begin to move smoothly. If he is well lubricated, you will feel a strong excitement and desire to caress your clitoris. He can do it for you, or you can do it yourself. With a little practice, you will get a different and intense orgasm.

Some common questions.
Anal sex is a relatively uncommon practice, and it is therefore normal that doubts arise. There is certainly nothing off or wrong, and if you find it exciting and pleasurable, do not hesitate to practice it. Whenever you want. Many women I know have asked me questions about it, and these are some of the most common:

Why do most men like it?
My dear, men like to put it anywhere, for the simple reason that it stimulates the most sensitive part of the penis, located at the bottom of the glans, and they get to have an orgasm easily.

My partner likes it when I insert a finger in his anus when he is going to have an orgasm; does that mean he is a homosexual?
Not at all. Like I said, the muscles around the anus are highly sensitive, and many men and many women feel great excitement when penetrated there. In fact, sex shops sell “anal cones” that are purchased not only by homosexuals.

Does it hurt?
If you follow the advice I gave you a moment ago, no. However, it is imperative that you practice it with a man whom you trust, especially in the beginning. Penetration that is too abrupt can be quite painful. It is essential to do it gently and that your partner follow your instructions to stop whenever you are in discomfort.

Isn’t it a little “dirty”?
As I have said several times throughout this book, the only limits on your sexuality are those that you impose on yourself. Dirty? And who does not like to feel a little dirty, wild, or animal-like occasionally?

What is a black kiss?
Well, this question is not as common, but since you have asked me, I will tell you that a black kiss is oral sex . . . on the anus.

V
ARIATIONS AND VARIANTS

“I love making love, and Daniel is great in bed . . . But what really drives me wild is doing it on the beach, behind a dune, and knowing that there are people nearby who could surprise us.”

Laura, 35 years old

I will repeat it once again: limits? Only those your own imagination can impose. Sexuality is virtually unlimited. Do you want to find new ways to enjoy sex? Do you want to “deepen” your sexual relationship with your partner? We have reviewed a number of alternatives to the typical 10-minute “marital” sex, but, of course, the catalog is far from over. Explore things outside of the routine. For example, if you always shower before making love, go to bed after sunbathing for hours, when your sweat runs down your crotch and your breasts appear to be bathed in olive oil. If you like slow and restful sex, practice it when you have 10 minutes before you are late for work. If you always do it in your room, why not try it in the kitchen or bathroom? A friend used to tell me that her husband was not very fiery and seemed bored with sex. They used to make love only before bedtime or before getting up on weekends. One night, she woke him up by stroking his penis at 4:00 in the morning. Since then, every time we talk about our respective sex lives, my friend sighs and looks out into space.

A little curiosity, an open mind, and great confidence in your partner are enough to deepen your sexual relations. Try some of these ideas when you feel like innovating your sexual encounters:

Rent a pornographic movie
and learn the script. They are usually very simple, and it will not take a lot of work. When your partner comes home, play the video and try to re-create the dialogue.

Explore the tantric orgasm:
try seven brief halfway penetrations. Then a long and deep one.

Wait for him naked
to get home from work. It is a provocative and exciting way to get his sexual attention.

Ask him to pour
a glass of champagne on your clitoris. You can imagine what follows.

Play with an ice cube
as it begins to melt. You can rub yourselves with it, and then run your tongue wherever you want.

On your genitals,
apply vanilla ice cream and try to do a “sixty-nine.”

Play
“everything is allowed minus penetration” until you both have an orgasm.

Doubts, questions, and testimonials

Does your mind wander while making love? Does your partner have an orgasm so quickly that it barely gives him time to have intercourse? Did you like it when he tied your hands to the bed, but you are afraid it might be a perversion? Are you unsure how AIDS is spread exactly? If you still have doubts and questions, or you just do not feel satisfied with your relationships, this is your chapter.

D
OUBTS AND QUESTIONS

Premature ejaculation.
“My partner has an orgasm almost immediately. I barely touch his genitals and he gets so excited that he ejaculates even before penetration; what can I do?”

Your case is much more common than you think. Men have sex on their minds almost all the time, and sometimes it just takes a suggestive look for them to shudder with pleasure. That makes them suffer. And we end up suffering. Fortunately, there is a solution. If he manages to enter you before ejaculating, you can use the “pause” technique to stop any movement seconds before climax, without removing his penis from your vagina. After a while, you can start gently moving again. If his case is so severe that he ejaculates before penetration, you must use the “gripping” technique: when he is about to ejaculate, hold his glans and press it firmly at the bottom to stop the flow of semen. He may lose his erection, but he will recover quickly. With a little practice, he will get better control over his ejaculations. And you both will be happier and satisfied.

SUBMISSION

“When Felipe suggested tying my hands to make love, I did not think it was a great idea. I agreed because he promised to behave delicately . . . And I must say it was a delight to be immobilized while being touched. On another occasion I was the one who tied him . . . It was a super exciting experience to have my guy fully available to my wishes. I also blindfolded him . . . and I still quiver when I remember his moans of pleasure.”

As I have said several times, any manifestation of sex is as good and natural as the others. It is not recommended that you let just anyone handcuff you. But if you trust your partner and you are sure that he will not go too far without asking prior permission, go ahead and practice as much as your body desires!

Does he enjoy it with me?
“My partner always reaches an orgasm when we make love, but sometimes I’m not sure if he enjoys it. Asking him seems a little rude.”

I advise you to reverse the question: do you enjoy it with him? Women often give too much—or all—importance to whether the man enjoys it. Don’t you think that if he makes love to you whenever possible, he has to like it? Despite their boasting, men are quite shy when it comes to talking about sex with women. And they tend to keep quiet during and after lovemaking. Some would even feel humiliated if they were to admit to having enjoyed themselves as never before. In this case, I recommend that you be indirect yet straightforward: the next time you make love, tell him how wonderful it was and what a great lover he is. Give details; tell him how good you felt when he caressed your breasts. Hopefully, he will also be able to express himself more freely.

Vibrator.
“Several friends have told me how exciting it is to use a vibrator, but it still embarrasses me.”

And why are you ashamed? The vibrator is an absolutely harmless gizmo used to spend delightful moments. I know many women who use it and masturbate to full satisfaction. It hardly makes any noise, it does not stain, it does not get tired at the ideal time . . . it is a dream! I only recommend that you not use it for penetration. It is more pleasant for stimulating your clitoris and other parts of the body. Find a rather small one to carry in your bag without problems. If you trust your partner, suggest that you use it during lovemaking. When the time comes for penetration, get on top of him, and as you move with his penis in your vagina, tell him to caress your clitoris with the vibrator. Then you will not want to do anything else!

Premenstrual syndrome.
“In the days before menstruation I do not want to make love. Am I sick?”

Many women feel a little weird in the days before menstruating. Some feel that their breasts are swollen and they seem more irritable than usual. If you do not want to make love during those days, try to have sexual relations that do not include penetration. Oral sex or masturbation can provide you with more pleasurable orgasms. And I assure you that your sex life will be more enriched. Talk to your partner about this. Caress him and guide his hand to where you most like.

AIDS.
“I thought it was impossible to contract AIDS through oral sex; am I wrong?”