Out of Mind (5 page)

The next afternoon, I stood at the window, watching the snow fall to the snow-covered lawn, and let myself breathe it in. I’d dozed off on the sofa for a little while after eating my lunch, and I’d woken up sweating and screaming. Not knowing exactly where I was or even if I’d live. Like fucking usual.

Good thing no one had been here to see or hear it. It was bad enough
I
knew about my weakness—I didn’t need Senator Wallington knowing too. He’d already warned me he wouldn’t stand by and watch me hurt his daughter when he’d visited me in the hospital in Germany. His words may have been cryptic, but they were crystal clear.

I know you love my girl, Griffin. And I know she loves you, too. I get why you fell for her. Who wouldn’t? It doesn’t mean I’m happy about it, though. Or that I’ll accept it. Get well, son. For both of our sakes
.

That last part? Yeah, it meant “get better, or get the hell out of her life.” I knew it. He knew it. And I wasn’t getting better. Not yet. Maybe not ever. My good hand tightened on the coffee mug I held. I wanted something stronger. Something to take the pain away. But I resisted, for Carrie.

I’d gone through hell and back to keep her at my side.

I wouldn’t…no, I
couldn’t
lose her.

A car pulled up, and I narrowed my eyes. It wasn’t Carrie or her parents. They were out getting a Christmas tree. They’d waited till the last minute since Carrie hadn’t been home to go with them until a few days ago. I’d stayed behind because walking around in the freezing cold with an aching arm while the senator frowned at me wasn’t the best thing for me. Carrie had tried to stay behind but I’d insisted she go.

She needed to spend time with them before we went home. Needed to feel normal as badly as I did. I knew it, so I made her leave by telling her I wanted to nap.

I had. Then I’d had a nightmare. Go fucking figure.

The red Porsche parked at the front, but I couldn’t see who got out of it. I made my way over to the front door just in time for the butler to open it. “They’re not at home, Mr. Stapleton.”

“I know. Carrie texted me and told me, but I thought I’d stop by and wait.” He laughed. “She told me she wouldn’t be much longer because they’re freezing outside.”

“Ah, well, come in. You can wait in the family living room, if you’d like.”

I stood in the shadows, waiting to see who the fuck this was. Carrie had been texting him, but I didn’t know a single thing about him. “Thank you, George.”

He knew the butler’s name?

“Can I get you a cocktail?” George asked.

Another laugh. “I’d love a whiskey, if you don’t mind.”

I stepped closer. There was a shuffling sound, and then a tall blond guy stepped through the door. He was handsome, had bright green eyes, and was wearing an impeccable blue sweater and a pair of khakis. He looked…fucking perfect, damn it.

He was everything I wasn’t right now. Who the hell
was
he?

He pulled off his scarf and kept talking to George, but I didn’t hear a word. I was too busy trying not to be jealous of a guy I didn’t even know. He laughed and turned my way…and the smile faded. He looked me up and down, concern clear in his eyes. I
knew
I looked like hell. I
knew
I was a wreck. But seeing him looking at me as if he felt sorry for me?

Fuck no. Not happening.

“Hi,” he said, hesitating. He crossed the room and held out his hand, offering me his non-dominant hand since he knew I couldn’t use my broken arm. How thoughtful of him. “I’m Riley. You must be Griffin, right?”

Son of a bitch, he was nice, too.

I knew right away, within seconds of eye contact, that while this guy was rich, he was
not
another Cory. This guy was kind and seemed to be a guy that even I could like, under different circumstances. In fact, even I had to admit he was the perfect guy for Carrie…

If it wasn’t for
me
being in the way.

“It’s Finn,” I managed to say without my voice cracking. I set my mostly empty coffee mug down on the side table and shook his hand, not dropping his stare. He was sizing me up, and I had a feeling he’d find me lacking. So I stared right the fuck back. I wasn’t one to back down, even when I was clearly the one who lost this battle. My mind was not whole, and neither was my body. “And you are…?”

“Riley Stapleton.” He was a little shorter than me, but not by much, and he was strong. His grip didn’t relax on mine at all, even though I didn’t let go of him as quickly as I should have. “I’m a friend of Carrie’s, and our dads are political affiliates.”

I nodded and released him. He watched me with bright green eyes. His flawless skin and impeccably styled hair made me run a hand over my own roughly shaved head, ending up on my long, jagged cut. “I’ve never heard of you.”

He smiled easily. “It’s not too surprising. I didn’t really become friends with Carrie till the holiday party. And after that, she left and stayed with you. We’ve only been talking via text and phone.” He nodded toward my arm, his eyes warm and compassionate. “I hear you’re doing better?”

“Oh yeah. Much.” I looked him up and down, trying to dislike him on principle, but failing. He genuinely seemed to care. Un-fucking-believable. “So you were there when the call came in about me?”

“I was.”

I flinched. “How bad was it?”

“It was pretty bad,” Riley admitted, laughing lightly before motioning me into the living room. “Please. Let’s sit. I don’t want to tire you. Carrie would be angry with me.”

Tire me? What was I, a fucking baby? “I’m fine.”

“Still. Let’s sit.”

Damn it, I should have been the one to invite him to sit, since I kinda sorta lived here. I should have been polite and mannerly, and invited him inside. Instead, I’d questioned him in the foyer like a dickhead. I led him into the opulent room, hovering by the couch awkwardly while Riley seated himself. I sat beside him, letting my broken arm rest against my chest, and gripped my knee with my hand.

George came in with two glasses of whiskey and set them in front of us. He left the bottle behind and I knew it was because of me. One drink wouldn’t hurt, would it? I eyed it, knowing I wanted it way too badly and unable to stop myself from picking it up. I drained it in one gulp, turning to Riley with more confidence. I wasn’t used to this feeling. It fucking sucked.

I felt inferior and incompetent in the face of such perfection.

“So.” I looked at him again. He’d been watching me drink. When I met his eyes, he quickly looked away and picked up his own whiskey. “You’re a friend of Carrie’s, huh?”

“I am.” Riley’s hand tightened on his crystal glass. “You don’t need to worry about me, man. I’m not after her or anything.”

I blinked at him. “I never said you were.”

“I just wanted to make that clear. I mean, she’s a great girl, and you’re a lucky guy.” Riley looked down at his drink and shrugged. “But anyone with eyes can see she loves you, and I’ve never come between a guy and a girl before. I won’t be starting now.”

“You don’t get why she loves me though, right?” I poured more whiskey with a trembling hand. “You don’t understand why we work.”

Riley let out an uneasy laugh. “I get it perfectly fine.” Riley reclined against the couch and watched me. I half expected to see criticism in his eyes. Or judgment. There wasn’t, damn it. “You seem like a good guy. Why would I question that?”

“I’m not one of you.” I motioned down his body. “I’m different.”

“Different is good sometimes.” Riley took a small sip. I forced myself not to gulp down the contents of my whole glass. “I’m not like her father any more than she is. Don’t assume I am just because I run in the same circles.”

I set the bottle down and raised the glass to my lips. As I drank, I thought on his words. He was right. I was judging him, and that wasn’t fair of me. “I’m sorry.”

Riley started. “Excuse me?”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t make assumptions.” I lifted my glass to him and tried to brush my prejudice and insecurities aside. “If you’re a friend of Carrie’s, you’re a friend of mine.”

He seemed surprised at my about-face. “Uh, good.” He shifted his weight. “How’s the arm doing?”

I looked down at the sling. “Still broken.”

“That’s unfortunate,” Riley said dryly, amusement in his eyes. “Maybe tomorrow it won’t be?”

“Maybe.” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. “What do you do when you’re not here?”

Riley took another sip. “I’m still in college. Upstate California, but I’ll be finished with my bachelor’s degree soon. Then next year I’ll be moving to Southern California for my master’s and doctorate.”

So he’d be by Carrie and me soon. Fucking fabulous. “Let me guess, somewhere really close to the University of California in San Diego?”

“Yeah.” Riley flushed and looked out the window, so I took the opportunity to study him. I tried to picture him as this villain who was out to steal my girl, but I couldn’t. I really wanted to, but it wasn’t there. “That’s the plan anyway.”

I nodded even though he wasn’t looking at me. “I plan on starting at Carrie’s school soon, too.”

Riley turned back to me. “Oh yeah? What major?”

“Uh…” I racked my memory for what I’d decided to do, but the word wouldn’t come. I knew it, but my fucking mind wouldn’t work. Another side effect of being almost blown to pieces, I guess. I couldn’t remember a damn thing. “I’m still deciding. Things got a little confused when I came home like this.”

Riley nodded. “I can see why. I wish you all the best of luck, man.”

“What are you going for?”

“Law, of course.” Riley twisted his lips. “My father wouldn’t have it any other way.”

I was about to ask him what he would do if it weren’t for his father, but the front door opened. “Is that Riley’s car I see out front?” Senator Wallington asked. “Where are you, boy?”

George cleared his throat. “He’s in the living room, sir.”

“They’re back,” Riley said unnecessarily. My brain might be scattered, but it wasn’t completely useless. Riley rose to his feet and smoothed his shirt. “You need a refill?”

I looked down at my glass. I hadn’t even noticed I’d finished it again. How many had I had? My head was spinning a little bit already. Shit. “No, thank you. I’m fine.”

My voice slurred on
fine
. Riley was polite enough to pretend he didn’t notice. “All right.”

“Riley? Sorry to keep you waiting. We had to search for the perfect tree and—” Senator Wallington stopped in the doorway, his eyes going from me to Riley. I didn’t have to be sober to know who he preferred. “Oh. I see Griffin was keeping you company.” He eyed the whiskey on the table, and then pointedly looked at my empty glass. “Hopefully you two got along all right.”

I flinched. Riley laughed and dragged his hand through his perfect hair. I missed my fucking hair. “How could we not? He was wonderful. Welcomed me into the home with open arms.”

“Indeed.” Senator Wallington eyed me dubiously. He wasn’t flat-out rude, never that. But I knew he didn’t like me with Carrie. He tolerated me. Nothing more. “I’m glad to hear it.”

I looked past him. “Where’s Carrie?”

“She’s coming.” The senator gave me a tight-lipped smile. “She stopped to talk to your father.”

Right. My father. I should have been spending time with him instead of drinking in the living room. I had questions to ask him. “Oh.”

Senator Wallington turned to Riley. “Come and see the tree. It’s humongous.”

“Sure thing.” After a quick nod, Riley turned to me. “You coming, Finn?”

I shook my head. I didn’t need to go out there with a man who hated my guts to stare at a tree that would be inside the house soon enough. Especially when my head was spinning like a fucking carousel. I’d rather wait for Carrie to come inside. “Nah. Go on without me.”

Senator Wallington eyed me suspiciously, but grinned at Riley. “Come on, then.”

Riley went outside with him, not looking back again. Unable to resist, I stood at the window and watched him and the senator as they stood next to the car with the tree on the roof. It was fucking
huge
. Would probably fill up my entire apartment.

But in this house? It would be just right.

As I watched, the senator threw his arm around Riley’s shoulders and said something that made Riley laugh. He’d never accept me like that. Broken or not, he never would have been so friendly to me. It was time I accepted it. I was second choice.

Hell, probably his last choice.

Riley gestured to the tree while saying something that had the senator grinning. Carrie and her mother came up. While her mother beelined for Riley and the senator, Carrie started for the door. Her father called her over, and she turned to him and walked to the car.

As she talked, she turned to Riley, smiled, and smacked his arm while also laughing at something he said. She didn’t hit me anymore. Was probably too scared to hurt me or some shit like that. As a matter of fact, she didn’t smile with me anymore. Not like that. I hadn’t seen her smile like that for way too long. Not even with me.

But without me?

She looked happy. A hell of a lot happier than she’d been.

I grabbed the bottle of whiskey off the table and stalked out of the living room, out into the foyer, and headed for the servant’s entrance into the kitchen. I needed to clear my head. Maybe some fresh air would help me think clearly, since I couldn’t seem to do that anymore. Hell, if I was smart, I’d see the one thing that was staring me right in the fucking face, even if I was too selfish to admit it.

She was better off without me.

And she was better off
with
Riley.