Out of Mind (9 page)

I lowered my hand over the tattoo he’d gotten for us. It said:
the sun is finally shining
. Our code word for
I love you
. Guess we didn’t need a code anymore, though.

Everyone knew about us.

“I’m only good because of you,” he whispered. “You’re the only good part about me.”

“That’s a lie.” I placed my hand over his heart. “Your goodness is in here. It was there long before you met me. It was there when we met, and it’s what made me want to kiss you that first time. It’s what makes me want to kiss you now.”

He made a small sound and squeezed my thigh. “Then fucking kiss me already, Ginger.”

There he went using that nickname again.

He kissed me, his hand skimming up my body, and over my breasts, before settling on my lower back. He pulled me closer as his lips crashed over mine, stealing away all my thoughts. All my doubts. All he left behind was this.
Us
.

His tongue slipped between my lips, and I whimpered into his mouth. He swallowed my cries and his own moan melded with mine. I pressed down against his erection, my entire body begging for more, and I knew I was lost.

I always had been when it came to Finn.

Finn

I could feel her hesitation. Her doubt. She was worried she might break me even worse than I already was, but it didn’t matter. I needed her more than I needed my sanity.

I needed her to need me.

And I knew the exact second she stopped fighting me internally. She melted against me and gripped my good shoulder, her nails digging in. I deepened the kiss and cupped a breast, toying with her nipple with the perfect amount of pressure. When I tugged hard, she cried out into my mouth, grinding down against my cock.

When she pushed down, I arched up, stealing her breath in the process. Good. I still had it in me. I might only have one good arm, but I’d still make her come so hard she wouldn’t be able to look at me without blushing for a week, damn it.

Her nails dug into my shoulder, her other hand dipping past my broken arm and between us to massage my cock. “Finn. God.”

“Undo my pants,” I commanded, my own voice a little bit broken. “Then take yours off, too, but hurry up. I need you.”

A desperate need to be buried inside of her consumed me. While she took her pants off, her hands trembled over every button and zipper. It consumed her, too. I could see it. Even though the light was on and I was looking like I now looked, she still wanted me.

This was what love was.

She dropped to her knees between my thighs and undid my button. I gritted my teeth and helped her remove my jeans. Next went my boxers, and then she grabbed a condom out of the drawer by my bed. Instead of putting it on me, she lowered her mouth to my cock and licked it.

Holy fucking shit.

“Carrie, not tonight. I need…I need…” I grabbed the condom and ripped the foil open with the help of my teeth. “I need to fuck you. Hard. Hot. Now.”

“
Yes
.”

Her cheeks flushed, she rolled the condom on my cock. She straddled my hips, her pussy right where I needed her, and lowered herself onto me with a soft sigh. With my good hand, I gripped her ass and drove into her fully. She let out a strangled scream, biting down hard on her lip. I paused. “Are you okay?”

“No.” She shook her head, still biting her lower lip, and smacked my uninjured arm. “You stopped. Don’t. Stop.”

Game fucking on. I moved beneath her, and she rode me hard. I could tell she was close, and I was close, too. So fucking close. “Touch yourself. I can’t do it, so you have to do it for me. You have to be my hands. Play with yourself like I do.”

She skimmed her hands over her belly. There was no hesitation. My Ginger was getting bolder. I loved it. “Where do you want to touch?”

I used my good hand to roll her nipple between my fingers. I wasn’t gentle or sweet at all, and she loved it. “Massage your clit while I fuck you.”

She let out a moan, lowering her hand inch by torturous inch. When she started moving her fingers in a circle, masturbating in front of me, my stomach tightened and twisted. I almost came right there. I needed her that bad. “Oh my God.
Yes
.”

I squeezed her breast and pumped my hips up hard. She moved over me faster. Her fingers picked up speed, too, and then she was arching her back and tensing. Her pussy squeezed down on me, and I let myself go. I didn’t close my eyes this time. I just watched her as she came; her lids squeezed shut and her pink lips parted.

She was fucking gorgeous.

I came so hard it almost hurt, and I clung to her as well as I could with one hand. She collapsed against my good shoulder and I let myself fall back against the mattress. I rubbed her back gently, trying to catch my breath. She seemed perfectly content to stay there on me, snuggled up as if we hadn’t just fucked each other rather than sweet lovemaking.

We’d both needed it.

She traced an invisible pattern on my shoulder. Or maybe she traced my tattoo. I couldn’t tell. “When I sleep next to you, do you have the nightmares?”

“No.” My hand stilled on her back. “But you usually only come in after I’ve already had at least one.”

“Want me to stay the whole night?”

Fuck yeah, I did. “Your dad won’t like it.”

“If he isn’t happy with it, we can go get a hotel room.” She lifted up on her elbows, resting on my chest. It was then that I realized she hadn’t even taken off her shirt. I’d have to make sure she got naked for me next time. “Your peace of mind is more important to me than my father’s rules.”

The painkillers kicked in, thank fucking God, making my mind all fuzzy and loose again. “Then stay. I miss sleeping with you in my arms. Maybe you’ll chase away the nightmares.”

She nodded against my chest. “Get on your pillow. You look like you’re about to pass out.”

I scooted up backward to my spot, rolling halfway over on my side. I didn’t even bother to remove the condom. She rolled me onto my side more fully, removing it for me. Even though I wanted to protest, I couldn’t say a word. My eyes closed, and I started drifting off into my drugged la-la land.

Maybe with her here at my side, I’d actually sleep. Maybe she was my pretty little dreamcatcher, fighting to keep the demons at bay.

She turned off the light, pulled on some clothes, from the sound of it, and then slid into bed beside me. As she tucked me in, my last conscious thought was how very like my father I was right now. I’d tried to help him undress for bed so he could rest, and now Carrie was doing it for me. He and I were kinda the same.

We were both slowly dying from the inside out.

I got ripped from my sleep when Finn’s door flew open, banging against the wall. Finn cursed and sprung up as well as he could, picked up a knife I hadn’t even known he had from beneath the bed, and faced the door¸ breathing heavily. I scooted back against the headboard and blinked against the hallway light. Finn was completely naked, holding a knife, and mumbling under his breath.

He looked…terrifying.

“Who’s there?” he snarled, positioning himself between me and the
threat
at the door. “Speak now before I kill you.”

“It’s me.” A man cleared his throat. And, God, I recognized that voice. “Senator Wallington. Sorry to barge in unannounced, Griffin, but you have to—”

“
Stop
.” Finn looked over his shoulder at me, his face highlighted by the moonlight. I could see that the look in his eyes was somewhere between anger, fear, and desperation all mashed into one. He still held on to the knife. “Can you please give me a second to get dressed? I’m…I’m not decent.”

I couldn’t see my father, but I could picture him taking in Finn’s nakedness. And he’d realize
why
Finn might be naked in three, two, one…

“Who is in there with you?” Dad asked calmly. I heard him come closer. “You’re not alone.” It wasn’t a question.

“Stop right there.” Finn stepped forward, blocking the light switch. “You’re not turning that light on, sir.”

“The hell I’m not,” Dad growled under his breath. “If you’re messing around behind my daughter’s back, I assure you that my wrath is worse than what you experienced over there. You will never sleep again without picturing
my
—”

Finn let out a strangled sound. “I’m not cheating on Carrie, sir.”

“Then who…?” He broke off. “Carrie. That had
better
not be you behind him.”

I closed my eyes in embarrassment. This was hell. Right here. Right now. I opened my mouth to talk, but Finn beat me to it.

“Which is it you prefer, sir? For me to be cheating on her, or for her to be here instead of someone else?” Finn asked, his voice strained. He set down the knife on the nightstand. “What makes you think someone is here at all? Maybe I just sleep naked.”

“I can see it all over you,” Dad said, his voice tinged with disgust. “
Who
is back there?”

A light shone, and I cringed away from it. Damn those flashlight apps on the iPhone. Finn tried to jump in front of me, but it was too late. He’d seen me in Finn’s bed.
Gr-eeeeat
. “Hi, Dad,” I said softly, waving a hand. “Fancy seeing you here.”

Dad shut off the light, completely ignoring me. “I was quite clear about my rules, Griffin.”

“Yes, sir.” I saw Finn’s shoulders droop. “I’m sorry.”

“I came to him, Dad. Not the other way around.” I tugged the covers higher, even though I had a shirt on. I felt exposed. “Stop yelling at him and yell at me.”

“Or better yet, tell me why you’re in my room at—” Finn picked up and lit up his phone, “—one in the morning.”

“I…you…” Dad trailed off, making a frustrated sound. “It’s your father. Get dressed and come quickly.”

“My dad? But what—oh God.” Finn tossed his phone to the side, and I lunged out of the bed. “Oh God.”

Before he could turn the light on, I already had his plaid pajama pants out of the drawer and was holding them out for him. The room flooded with light, and I thanked God I’d gotten dressed before I’d fallen asleep because my dad was standing right there watching us with disapproval clear in his eyes.

“Is he okay?” I asked, helping Finn into his pants. He was trembling. “Is Larry…is he…?”

“Dead,” Finn said, his voice hollow. He met my eyes, looking broken and terrified. “She’s asking if he’s dead.”

My dad’s face finally cracked. “No, but he had another heart attack. The ambulance is on its way, but with the snow this heavy, it might take a while.”

“Shit,” Finn said, his voice broken. He closed his eyes, his jaw flexing. “Please, no. Not him, too. Not my dad.”

I swallowed and placed a hand on his biceps. “Shh. Let’s go to him and—”

Finn shook me off and pushed past Dad, bolting toward Larry’s room. He was only wearing his pajama pants, so I grabbed a sweatshirt out of the drawer and followed him. Dad stepped in my path before I could leave the room. “Carrie.”

I glowered at him. “Now isn’t the time to lecture me for disobeying you. Finn needs me.”

“I know. And I’m angry. Make no mistake.” Dad hesitated but grabbed my hand. “It’s bad, Carrie. He’s dying. He won’t make it this time. I can see it.”

My heart slammed to a halt and sped up, all within the span of two seconds. My chest heaved, the tears that wanted to escape choking me, but I refused to let them free. “B-But he can’t die. Finn…h-he…
no
.”

I slipped past him, running after Finn. If my dad was right, and Larry was dying…God, this would kill Finn. He was already going through so much. Could he possibly recover from this, too? He was still an unstable mess after all he’d been through overseas. If he had to bury his father on top of that, he would never be the same.

He’d never be able to heal.

I stopped in the doorway of Larry’s room. Finn knelt at his side, holding Larry’s hand with his uninjured one. “Dad, I’m here. You’ll be okay. Help’s coming.”

I hovered in the doorway for a second. Finn kept talking to Larry, but Larry looked…oh God, he looked dead. His skin had an ashen gray color to it, and there were no signs of life left within him. Finn squeezed Larry’s hand and called out to him, but there was no reply.

He was dead. Larry was dead.