Out of the Ashes (29 page)

“Oh sweetheart, this is a battle you will lose if that is your only defense.  I just can’t believe you wouldn’t tell me.  Why wouldn’t you want me to know that today is your birthday?”  My whole body physically relaxes; I try not
to make the sag obvious but I’m so relieved that that’s what he’s angry about.  I begin to laugh.  “Celeste, I don’t think this is the proper reaction to my anger.  I need you to tell me why?”  He’s really upset by this. 

“Ian,” I walk around and curl into his lap and his face softens, “it wasn
’t purposeful.  It honestly slipped my mind.”  Well not last night as I dreamed about the last birthday I celebrated before I ran.  “It’s not a happy day for me so I guess I just put it out of my mind.” 

He gives me a curious gaze.  “
Love, this is the happiest day for me.  This is the day that the angel who holds my heart came into this world.  That’s a great cause for celebration to me.” 

“How did you find out anyway?” 

“Again not the reaction I was expecting to get.  You forget, Ms. Brooks that I’m your employer and therefore I have access to things such as your address, social security number and birthdate.”  He waves the paper that I filled out when I began here over 6 months ago.

“Well
, no matter what you say, we’re celebrating your birthday tonight.  I’ve already called Gavin and my mother is in town working on her new line so we’re all meeting later for dinner.  Then I intend to bring you home and unwrap my present.  See since you were so sneaky, you get no present as a punishment.  I on the other hand will completely enjoy opening mine.”

Ian’s fingers slide over the back of my hand as we ride in the car to the restaurant.  His thumb trac
es small circles on my palm.  I’m vividly aware of every touch, every glance from the god that owns my heart.  My heart thumps in my chest and I’m afraid that he can hear how loudly it’s beating.  This isn’t the time; but after the scare I had this morning, I need to tell him.  I can’t continue to keep this from him.  “Ian?”  I say trying to get his attention.  He brings his lips to mine in a soft kiss.  As his hands run through my hair, the kiss becomes deeper, hungrier.  What did I want to say to him?  My mind has gone to mush in his arms.  “Ian.”  I breathe out his name.  I hear the privacy glass slide up between Connor and us.  Then I feel his hand working its way up my skirt.  “I can’t wait until we get home to unwrap you.  I need my present now.” 

His hands cup
my breasts through my top.  “I’m more than happy to have you unwrap me but remember we’re on our way to meet your mother so if you tear my shirt off as you have a tendency to do; I won’t be able to join you at dinner.  I doubt the restaurant would let me in in just my bra.”  He laughs, a deep throaty laugh.  The sound warms my heart and also causes my pussy to clench.  Before he can destroy what happens to be one of my favorite tops, I start to slowly slide each pearl button through its hole.  I’m taking my time; drawing out this torture of him. 

“Hey
, that’s my present you’re unwrapping there.” 

“I know but this paper is very delicate and you can’t just rip into it.  So I’m helping you.
”  I continue popping buttons the lace of my bra now clearly visible.  The top of my smooth stomach just peering out.  Ian presses a button on the console, his eyes never leaving me. 

“Drive until I tell you to stop.”  He releases the button as I finish the last one on my top. 
He reaches over and pushes it from my shoulders and it slides down the seat.  “Well, I know you said I couldn’t rip your top but you didn’t mention anything about these.”  His hand is quickly up my skirt and I feel his finger shred my panties.  He removes his hand the lace between his fingers.  He holds them to his nose and inhales deeply before he puts them in his pocket.  “You are so fucking sweet.  Every bit of you absolutely stunning.”  He slides his pants down freeing his straining cock.  “Come sit on my lap, angel.”  I slide across the seat to him and pull my skirt up around my waist before I settle over him.  I take him into me all at once with a loud gasp.  “Just remember, sweetheart, while he can’t see us, that glass isn’t completely soundproof so unless you want Connor to know what you sound like when I make you come, you’re going to have to try really hard to be quiet.”  Then his mouth devours me.  Tongues clashing, hands warring at each other’s bodies.  I know in this moment that I’ll never get enough of him.  I begin to rock my hips over him.  I reach down to cup his heavy sac.

“You
’re going to completely unravel me.”  He begins a steady thrust up as I rock harder on him.  He unhooks my bra in one fluid movement and takes my breast into his mouth.  He closes around my nipple.  I yelp when his teeth sink into my sensitive flesh.  “You belong to me.  There’s no doubt about it now.”  He says admiring his work.  Then he proceeds to run his tongue around the red mark made by his teeth.  I suck in a breath at the sensation that runs through me.  There is no doubt in my mind that he owns me.  At the same time, with his ownership comes love, comfort, and protection. 

I fist my hands in his hair, tugging as I ride him harder.  “Ian.” 

“Fuck Celeste.”  Neither one of us is quiet.  But he needs to know what he’s doing to me, how he’s making me feel.  I’ll never keep that from him again.  It’s the one place I can be absolutely honest with him. 

“Oh
, Ian, that feels so good.  Oh please, don’t stop.”  His thrusts become harder, pressing his cock deeper inside me.  Our groans mingle.  Loud cursing and cries wash over both of us as we find our release at the same time.  My pussy milking the last of his orgasm from his body. 

“I can’t even… There are no words.  Celeste, I need you forever.  Please say you’ll stay forever.” 

“Nothing could take me from you.”  I kiss him deeply. 

We straighten ourselves and he helps my with my hair running his fingers through it like a comb.  “Sweetheart, your hair is like spun silk.  Once my hands are buried in it there’s only one other
place they would rather be and you happen to hold that between your thighs.” 

“Are you sure we have to go to dinner?  Can’t we just call them and fake an illness?”

“So impatient.  And besides I told you, my mother can read me like a book even through the phone.  This is your night and I intend to make it the best one ever.”  He doesn’t know that he already has.

Dinner is spectacular.  Of course there are multiple courses and I
’m so stuffed by the time dessert comes that I’ll have to spend hours hitting the pavement tomorrow in penance for this.  As they bring dessert, Ian hands me a small beautifully wrapped package.  I carefully pull off the bow and remove the delicate paper.  I open the velvet box and sparkling back at me is the most beautiful Harry Winston necklace I’ve ever seen.  So delicate that it almost looks like lace; diamonds so perfect the sparkle is blinding.  “Ian,” I gasp.  “It’s beautiful.  But I can’t.  It’s too much.” 

He laughs me off with a shake of his head.  “It’s not.  You can and you will. 
In fact, I think I’ll insist that whatever you wear next weekend,” he looks over at his mother, “hint, hint mother, needs to go with this necklace and the earrings I bought you in London.” 

“
I thought you said my punishment for not telling you about my birthday was no present.” 

Gavin almost chokes on his wine at that statement.  “Have you two been reading 50 Shades of Grey to each other?  Exactly what kind of relationship do you have?  Don’t worry your secret is safe with me.” 

“Gavin! That is Ian’s mother you are sitting next to.” 

“Oh
, don’t worry about me, Celeste.  I know my boy.  While I have no doubt he will own you; he’s no Christian Grey.  Though some Christian every once in a while isn’t a bad thing.”  Did I hear her correctly?  How did this conversation go so awry? 

“See Ian
, I told you your mother was naughty.”  I say smiling over at him. 

He close
s his eyes and covers his ears like a small child that doesn’t want to listen to his parents.  “I have no idea what you’re talking about.  My mother would never do such things.  As far as I am concerned I was an immaculate conception and she remains pure and virginal.” 

“Ah but Ian
sweetie, you are forgetting your sister.” His mother grins. 

“Enough.  It’s bad enough that I have had to endure
being compared to a fictional character but to have to listen to it from my mother.  No, I draw the line.  No more.  Find something else to talk about.” 

His mother smiles deeply at him.  “Well if it’s a change of topic you want… 
Maybe Celeste would prefer to discuss Jesse Ward and his reminder fucks?”  There is a collective gasp at the table.  I’m blushing head to toe.  Ian’s hiding in his napkin and Gavin clinks glasses with Marlene celebrating her victory over her son.

“I am taking my girlfriend and leaving before the two of you can corrupt her anymore.” 

“Now Ian, to be fair I borrowed the books from Celeste.” His mother winks at me.  Poor Ian looks like his head is going to explode. 

“Get to the car now.”  He drops a quick kiss to Marlene’s cheek and I hear him promise to call her later.  He shakes Gavin’
s hand and vows if all those books are not out of the apartment by morning he won’t be allowing me to return.  He is still boiling when we get in the car.

“Ian
, they’re just teasing you.” 

“Celeste
, it’s too much for me to handle.  I just want to get you home and bury myself inside and think about none of this until the morning.” Happy to accommodate.

Unfortunately
, our sleep is interrupted by another nightmare.  This is perhaps the most frightening one of all because it’s not some memory dredged up from the past.  But true horror conjured from my own mind.  I wasn’t the focus of
his
torture any longer.  I see Ian clearly lying in a pool of his own blood and I’m frozen in terror.  But the real terror comes when I look at what
he
holds in his arms.  Our son, Ian’s and mine. 
His
smile was monstrous and black.   There was no time.  He took our baby and killed him all the while looking at me in the eyes, smiling.  “If you weren’t such a filthy whore this wouldn’t have happened.  I told you I would find you.”  I wake screaming and crying.  Ian can do nothing to stop the sobs that heave from my chest.  He holds me and I cling to him like my life depends on it.  I’m no longer just afraid for myself but terrified at the realization that Ian is in just as much danger as I am.

You are nothing but a lying whore. I know about the lies you are telling and he will find out about them soon enough.  I don’t know how a whore like you thinks that she is good enough for him.  But you will never be enough.  I am watching you and will continue to until you are gone or dead.  I warned you what I would do if you didn’t leave.  I will not give you another warning.

When I first opened the letter, my only reaction was a scream.
As I read the first words on the page, I was filled with dread.  How did they find me?  I have been so careful. 
Have been,
those are the key words.  Since meeting Ian, I’ve been very careless.  Too many highly publicized outings and functions; meetings with people who they are sure to cross paths with.  No, no, please no.  The urge to run is so strong.  It’s what I did last time.  Hell, it’s the only way I know how. The tears are cascading down my cheeks. From the rest of the letter, I can see that it’s not from whom I thought initially.  I feel a sense of relief even though the words on the page should be making me feel anything but. 

They
make me weak.  I can deal with anything else but not them, the very people I had once trusted implicitly and loved fiercely.  I read through the words on the page again.  They didn’t send it but I can’t imagine who could have or what they could possibly know about me.  If anyone knew my real secrets, they would never come to me; they would go straight to
them
,
to him
.

I
’m still standing there, crying, holding the letter in my shaking hand when Ian walks in.  There’s no hiding this from him.  He asks me what’s going on but I have no voice.  I hand him the letter in answer to his question and collapse to the floor.  I’m so afraid that when he reads it, I’ll be exposed for the liar that I am; he will know and I will have to tell him.  “Fuck, that bitch!”  He runs his hands through his beautiful hair and I watch wishing I could just get lost in him right now.  “Sweetheart, I’m sorry.” 

“Why are you apologizing to me?” 

“Celeste, I think it’s obvious who sent this.”  It is?  Because I certainly can’t think of anyone right now, though my brain is fried due to my initial thoughts and shock.  “I mean I knew she was unstable and I knew she could do some crazy shit but this is… She’s delusional.” 

“Who?  What are you talking about?” 

“It has to be Rebecca that sent this.” 

I should have seen it from the lines about Ian
but my initial fear was definitely clouding my cognition.  “Why?  Why would she…” 

“Shh,
love, this isn’t about you.  She just can’t deal with not getting what she wants; she never could.  I’m so sorry to put you in this situation.  I knew the day you came for the second interview that Rebecca was going to have a problem with this, with us.  I had a meeting and she showed up there so I gave her ride back to the office.”  Oh, that was when I saw her getting out of his car.  “She just kept going on about how Patrick was the biggest mistake of her life and how she wanted us to try again.  I told her that she was pushing it.  That I didn’t even want to think about that time let alone take her back.  She seemed to straighten up at that and played it off as being under a lot of stress.  By the time we got back to the office she was fine.  I should have paid more attention.” 

“But what could you have done?” 

“I could have tried to stay away, to let you be.  I would have failed miserably but at least, I could have tried to protect you.”

“Ian, I love you.”  I pull his head down until I can reach his lips.  I pour all of the fear and
anxieties that I had earlier into this kiss and let my body melt into his.  When he pulls back, his eyes are dark with desire but I also see fear in them, not for himself but for me. 

“Celeste, I…  I need to speak to Connor about this right away.”  He walks over to his desk and calls Connor. 
I walk over to sit down as I’m not sure my legs will support me much longer.  After explaining the situation to Connor, Ian moves to sit next to me.  “I have arranged for a security detail for you.  But we need to discuss where you will be staying.  Security at your building is a bit lax.” 

“Do you really think she would do something?” 

“I don’t know.  Connor is looking into things now but I’m not willing to leave any of this to chance.  I just got you back…” He wraps his arms around me.  “Stay with me?” 

“Ian, I stayed here last night.  I need to go home tonight.” 

“No, Celeste, stay with me.  Move in; if you don’t want to live here I understand.  I have a house about 20 miles outside of the city; the commute can be awful which is why I stay here but I want you with me.  Always.”  He says the last word on a sigh.  I’m stunned into silence.  He wants me to move in.  We just got us back. 

“Ian, Gavin… I can’t…
” Emotions are completely overwhelming my body.  A huge part of me wants to jump into this with both feet; but the other part knows that sometimes when you put both feet into a pool you find it’s filled with sharks.  I’m afraid and the fear is ruling me.  What if we do this and he changes?  What if he becomes like him?

I
t’s completely unfair to compare the two of them but I can’t help but worry.  I had what I thought was my happily ever after once but he turned out to be the thing of nightmares instead of fairy tales.  I realize that what I felt for him doesn’t even begin to compare to what I feel for Ian.  My heart starts to win the battle with my head.  Ian knows I have reservations about us.  “Please Celeste; let me take you out to the house tonight.  If you don’t like it, we can figure out something else.  I would say I would just come stay with you but I can’t put Gavin out like that.  Please, we can get a place of our own in the city if that’s what you want.  I just want you with me every night when I go to sleep and every morning when I wake up.”  His eyes are pleading with me.  There’s no going back from here; it’s time to sink or swim but I don’t know if I’m that good at treading water. 

“Ian, I don’t think we need to get another place.  The apartment here is fine.  Though I would like to see your house.” 

“Does that mean you’ll come live with me?” 

“You’ll probably want to kick me out after the first week.  I can be really annoying or so Gavin tells me when I
’m constantly telling him to clean up his messes.” 

“Sweetheart, I
’ll never get tired of you.  And if I’m too sloppy for you, I will just hire a housekeeper.”  I can’t help but laugh.  “I love that sound.  You really should do it more often.” 

I brush my hand against his cheek and my eyes bore into his.  “You make me happy. Perfectly happy.”

I can hear Ian yelling at someone; vowing to kill him once he is free. 
He
steps into my line of sight.  “I knew you were nothing but a stupid whore.  You go out and spread your legs for any cock that wants entrance.  But now I have you again and the only way you will ever leave me again is when they bury you in the ground.”  I hear faint crying and I think that it’s my own but then I see
he
is holding a baby.  I know instinctively that this is my child, my son. 
His
smile is one of pure evil.  “The child of a whore and her bastard of boss.  Did you like it when he fucked you?  Did he tell you he would love you and protect you?  Well, he’s certainly not doing anything now.  Pity, I bet you thought he was your forever.  But,”
he
leans in close and I feel
his
hot breath in my ear, “I told you a long time ago baby that you are mine
forever.
” 

“Leave them the fuck alone.  I will kill you with my bare hands if you dare hurt either one of them.” 
He
clicks his tongue at Ian and when
he
turns I can see Ian bound to a chair in the corner.  “Doesn’t look like you’ll be doing much of anything to me.  Except watching them die.”  Ian’s struggling against his restraints but it’s only proving to weaken him further.  “Now whore, beg for the life of your son; beg me to spare him.  Get on your knees like the good little whore that you are and show me what you’ll give me if I spare him.”  I’m frozen; I feel everything hanging in the balance and yet it’s all slipping away from me.  I drop to my knees and see Ian squeeze his eyes shut, knowing that there is no way he can handle this; knowing that I’m destroying any love he may have had for me. 
He
sucks in a sharp breath as
he
thrusts himself into my mouth.  My eyes are tightly closed; tears streaking down my cheeks.  I hear Ian cry out as if someone has struck him; then I realize that I’ve just heard the sound of his heart breaking.

Once
he
has finished with me, I remain on my knees staring blankly at the floor.  “See I knew you would do it.  What else will you give me to spare him?”  The answer is simple I will give
him
whatever
he
wants but in the end it will all be for nothing.  “You will give me whatever I want, whore.  The problem is I’ve already had your mouth so you only have two more things to negotiate with and once I have had those, what will you do?”  I allow
him
to use my body in any and every way
he
sees fit.  I’m crying and wishing for Ian to wrap me in his arms; wishing for him and our baby to be far from here.  I brought this all on them; all the misery, all the shame is mine and mine alone to bear.  “See baby we are so good together.  The problem is now there’s nothing else I want from you except to watch you writhe in pain.  And I know just where to begin.”  Our baby is back in
his
arms; he’s crying and I begin to plead with
him
.  “This should have been my son.” 
His
eyes are hard and I can see straight down into the pitch black that was once
his
soul.  There’s nothing left there;
he
has gone somewhere
he
can never come back from.  “Do you understand me, whore?  This should have been my son.”  I hear my baby cry out in pain and then he’s still in
his
arms. 
He
fades away like a fog and I’m left staring at Ian.  Ian stares blankly at the floor and will not meet my gaze.  “How could you?”  His voice is hard.  “Why didn’t you do more?  Why didn’t you save him, save me, save us?  How could you?”

I bolt upright in bed, sweat drenching the sheets around me; biting back the scream that
’s on my lips.  Ian tries to soothe me, calm me; but there is no hope for that now.  “I’m sorry, Ian.  I’m so, so sorry.  Please Ian, forgive me.” 

“Shh
, love, it was just another nightmare.” 

“No
, Ian, I let him in.  I let him kill our son.  I did things…  I broke you.  Please, please I’m sorry.  I never wanted any of this for you.  You couldn’t even look at me because I was so weak; I couldn’t protect you, keep you safe, either one of you.”  My chest is heaving with my sobs now.  “I’m sorry, Ian.  I’m sorry I’m so weak.  I’m sorry I couldn’t save him.  I’m sorry that I’m the whore that he always told me I was.”  I’m bordering on hysterical now and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I finally look up into those blue eyes, knowing all to well that what I find there will rip my heart from my chest.  I can see the pure terror in them but also the disgust and just below that the anger is boiling up in him.  I knew he would be angry and disgusted with me once he found out what I was.  I back away from him on the bed. 

“Fuck
, Celeste.”  His arms come around my waist pulling me back to him.  “Sweetheart, please talk to me.” 

“I knew you wouldn’t want me.  I knew there was no way I could keep a man like
you after what I let him do.  He knew I was a whore.  A filthy lying whore.  And now you know too.”

“Stop, Celeste, please stop.  I don’t know what happened but think I can venture a guess.”  Oh no, Ian you cannot even begin to comprehend the depravity of what I have done.  I want, in this moment to tell him everything, to explain about Lauren but I have already done so much damage I can
’t bring myself to do anymore.  “Sweetheart, I’m not angry with you.” 

“But I disgust you.  The things I did…
” I can’t continue.  I stumble from bed trying to find my purse.  I often have anxiety attacks with these nightmares so the doctor prescribed some medication to help me calm down.  Without thinking, I take the bottle into the bathroom and lock the door.  I hear Ian pounding on the other side; I see
his
face as
he
takes the life of my child; I see how broken Ian is by what I’ve done and what I had allowed to happen.  I know it’s only a dream but if we continue down this road, one day it will be reality.  “Celeste, I’ll break down this fucking door if you don’t open it right now.”  I don’t know what I intend to do.  I only came in here because I wanted a pill or two to calm me down.  But staring into the bottle, I see an escape.  Not like the one I made last time, but a permanent one.  No one could ever hurt me or the people I love again.  There’s a crunch as Ian shoulders through the door, leaving it hanging off the hinges.  His hands are on mine gripping the bottle, scattering pills all over the floor.  “Celeste, no.  Whatever this is, whatever has happened…  Nothing could ever make me love you less.  You aren’t any of the things that you just said.  You are my stunning girl.  Please, love.”  I let the bottle drop into his hand but it only leaves me feeling weaker.  I can’t even walk away from him to save him.