Raven (7 page)

Chapter
9

The weekend goes by faster than I could have imagined. I prayed for it to slow down so I could relish in the new kind of relationship Garrett and I have. The
day after we lost our virginity and after I returned Elaine’s car, we didn’t leave the pool house for anything, including food. We spent the time exploring each other’s bodies—learning what works and what doesn’t. I also had my first orgasm during sex … and my second … and third … and sixth. Needless to say, we’re slowly becoming experts.

Waking up this morning is hard. In just a few short hours, I’m riding with Garrett’s parents to the bus station to drop him off. His packed bag sitting by the door of the pool house is just a constant reminder that our time is almost up.

I have to quit thinking that. Our time isn’t up, it’s just being delayed for a little while. This time next year, I’ll have graduated and just turned eighteen, free to live my life how I choose. I don’t know how I feel about being an Army wife, but I do know that I want to be Garrett’s wife, so I’ll take the good with the bad.

We did some talking, while we weren’t engaging in other activities, about his plans after his enlistment. He doesn’t plan on becoming a career military man like his father. He joined because he wanted to, but more importantly because it was his father’s plan for him and he didn’t want to disappoint him. I guess I can understand that. Had my mother had dreams and aspirations for me, even after being so angry with her during the days leading to her death, I would probably try my hardest to achieve them.

After sitting on the couch for nearly an hour without speaking, just enjoying the company of one another, a knock sounds at the door. Neither one of us moves to answer it, knowing it’s probably Mrs. Rhodes letting us know it’s time to go. When the third, more aggressive knock starts, Garrett stands to answer.

“I thought you were still asleep. It’s time, guys.” It is
, in fact, Gabriella. Biting back my tears, I grab my sweater off the back of the couch and follow Garrett out the door.

I went home the morning after Garrett and I made love for the first time, returning Elaine’s car and packing some clothes for a few days, knowing I wouldn’t want to be far from Garrett. We both decided that it would be just us, no friends or family, until the moment he left. I appreciate that he gave that to me, but can’t help but feel guilty his mom didn’t get to spend as much time with him as she could
have. He really is lucky to have such amazing parents. Not too many adults would be so lenient with their eighteen-year-old son spending the entire weekend alone with his seventeen-year-old girlfriend, but I think they understand. With all the loss I’ve suffered this year, I think they knew it would be hard for me to let Garrett leave.

Getting into the backseat of the car with Garrett, Paul pulls out onto the street and starts the twenty minute drive to the bus stop. The entire way I hold Garrett’s hand while he caresses my knuckles, telling me that everything will be alright. Every mile closer we get, my heart beats a little harder and my breathing becomes a little
shallower. I’m pretty sure that by the time we get there, I’ll be having a heart attack and panic attack at the same time.

I was right about the panic. When we pull into the parking lot of the bus station, the other boys who are leaving for basic are standing around hugging their parents. A few are cuddled up with probably girlfriends, waiting for the driver to announce their departure.

All four of us walk solemnly to the ticket counter where Garrett checks in. Paul’s the first to move, shaking Garrett’s hand and telling him how proud he is of his son. A twinge of sadness hits me harder than I thought it would. I’ll never have parents to tell me anything, let alone how proud they are of me. Still holding back, I refuse to cry or show anything but a fake smile that’s been plastered on my lips since we got into the car.

When Gabriella grabs Garrett and hugs him like her life depends on it, my dam cracks a little, but I still choke back the tears I know aren’t going to stay at bay for much longer. She whispers in his ear something that’s meant for him and him alone, and pulls back, taking Paul’s hand.

“We’ll give you guys some time,” Paul says, hugging his inconsolable wife and walking back toward the car to wait on me.

Garrett and I stand there, just staring at each other, for what seems like an eternity. It’s not until the
driver announces they’re starting to board and departing in ten minutes that I’m jarred back to reality. There’s nothing I can do to hold back my sadness anymore. The tears freely fall down my face as I clutch onto Garrett’s shirt.

“It’s gonna be okay, baby. Just a few weeks. You can write me every day if you want. I don’t know all the rules yet, but I know you can write.”

“I’m gonna miss you so much. Are you sure you have to go?” I ask, immediately regretting it. I know if he could, he would stay with me. I’m doing nothing but making this harder on him. “I’m sorry, don’t answer that. I love you.”

“Not nearly as much as I love you. Remember this, okay
? I’m gonna marry you, Rian. I’m gonna make you the happiest woman in the world. We’re gonna have a bunch of beautiful babies and maybe a dog or two. I gotta do this, not just for Dad, but for us. I promise, baby.”

“Two minutes,” a loud voice says over a speaker system.
At the same time, all the girlfriends gasp and the entire station is filled with crying, pleading women. Not wanting to make Garrett feel guilty for following his dream, I decide right there that even if it
is
fake, I’m going to put on an act like nobody’s ever seen before.

Jumping into his arms without warning, I kiss him with every ounce of love in my body. I kiss him for our past, our present and our future. I kiss him with promises of becoming his wife and carrying as many babies as he wants to have. I kiss him with the acceptance of everything he’s promised to me. I kiss him with everything.

And he returns it with just as much as I’m giving to him.

“All aboard,” the voice calls again.

Garrett gently sets me down, staring into my eyes. “Just a few weeks until I get to see you again. Wait for me?”

“You don’t even have to ask. I’m yours. Always have been, always will be.”

With one last kiss, he turns away from me and boards the bus. Just like in all the old movies when the men would go off to the Army, everyone hangs out the windows, waving to their friends and loved ones. Within moments, the bus pulls out of the lot, and while our men are leaving, we’re all standing around as if our world has stopped.

It’s not until I see a little boy, maybe five or six years old, saluting the bus as it pulls out of sight
say something along the lines of, “I wanna be a soldier like my daddy when I grow up” that it really hits home. Someone who I assume to be his mother, takes his hand and walks to the car.

Where I’m losing my boyfriend for a few months, some of those men have children and wives they’re leaving behind.

If they can do it, there’s absolutely no reason I can’t.

****

The first few days after Garrett left were the hardest. After spending all my time with him, I suddenly feel very alone. I haven’t made many friends at school, and the ones I did make were mostly Garrett’s and graduated with him. The few friends he had in my grade are the catty girls, and of course Eli. I’m not ready to branch out and start making a life for myself yet, knowing that as soon as Garrett’s back, I’ll be going to wherever he is, so I sulked for the most part.

Elaine picked up a few extra shifts at the factory. I tried telling her she didn’t have to,
that we could use Mom’s estate money for anything we needed, but she refuses to touch it, saying I’ll need it for college. Little does she know college isn’t where I’m going, unless Garrett gets a permanent base assignment and I know we won’t be moving around like crazy. We all know that isn’t going to happen, so the money’s just going to sit in an interest gaining account until Elaine comes to her senses and lets me help her.

Garrett was able to make one phone call when he got to camp, and he used it to call his parents. They relayed the message he sent for me
, though.

“Garrett wants you to have fun and not miss him too much. Enjoy the summer before your senior year. It’s the last summer break you’ll ever have. He loves you and can’t wait to see you.” That was the message on the answering machine when I got home from shopping with Elaine. As jealous as I am that they got to hear his voice, it was super sweet for him to make sure they told me stuff for him. It was even sweeter that they did, especially since he would never know if they did or not.

Now that we’re in week two, life is getting a little easier. Corbin isn’t a super small town, but it’s much smaller than Lexington. Back at home, finding a summer job would have been easy with all the restaurants and such, here though, not so much. We have a Wal-Mart and other shops, but those jobs are reserved for the adults looking to support a family. I tried to have Elaine get me a job at the factory, but she wasn’t having any of that talk. She flat out told me no.

Through Jimmy, Garrett’s
close friend and the one that’s been designated to look after me while Garrett’s gone, I heard about tryouts for the swim team. I’ve never thought much about it, even though I’m pretty quick and have some good stamina, but it’s really the only thing to do while I wait for the school year to start.

Garrett would be pissed if he knew I’d been sitting in the apartment, not even trying to get out. While he’s training to protect our country, the thought of making him angry
makes me want to go outside my comfort zone and try new things. Anything to make him happy. So, with Mom’s estate money and some help from Elaine, I bought a beat up little car. It’s not great for driving around these parts, but it gets me where I need to go.

Driving up to the school in search of the swim coach, I
do the one thing I said I wouldn’t this year; I try out for a team. Well, I can’t really say I try out, because there isn’t much competition. Already having knowledge of the sport, it’s a no brainer on the coach’s part. He basically hands me my monogrammed swim cap and gives me a spot on the team.

The only thing that could make this moment better would be talking to Garrett. He’d be proud that I’m going out of my
little box and trying to follow his strict instruction.

Conditioning starts next week, so I have some time to kill before then. As soon as I get back home, the first thing I do is sit down at my desk to write Garrett a letter, informing him of my last week. I know he said I could write every day, but I want to have stuff to talk to him about when he comes home.

Garrett,

Hey, baby. I miss you so much. I know I didn’t tell you before, but I’m so proud of you. It takes a strong man to offer his service like you are. I can’t wait to see you in a few weeks.

The first week was hard, but I’m doing better now. I still wish you were here, though. I found a way to keep myself occupied until you come home. I joined the swim team and I’ll start practice and stuff next week. You might even be home for my first meet.

Who knows, I might be really good at it and they’ll give me a scholarship. That would be cool, right? I’m not sure why I’m asking you questions you can’t answer. Just seems like the logical thing to do.
Like we’re having a conversation and I’m not alone talking to myself.

Well, I’m gonna go. I have to buy some stuff for swim and get an oil change. Oh yeah, that’s right, I bought a car. Not as cool as your truck, but it’s mine and no you can’t drive it.

I love you, baby.

Always have, always will,

Rian

Putting the letter in an envelope, I toss it in my purse
so I don’t forget to mail it when I run into town.

“Rian, are you here?” Elaine yells as the front door slams shut.

“Yep, be right there.”

“Hurry please.” Something’s wrong, she doesn’t sound right. It’s not like Elaine to over exaggerate, so whatever it is, it must be important.

Rushing out of my room, I see Elaine bent over the back of the couch getting ready to fall. I run over to her, and as soon as my arms wrap around her waist, she collapses into my arms.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, panicked.

“It’s my chest.” The words barely leave her lips before her eyes roll backward and her body goes limp.

“Elaine!” I yell, shaking her. No response. “Elaine, wake up. Please wake up!” I continue to scream and shake, but nothing.

Gently laying her on the ground, I rush to the phone to call for help.

“Please hurry, something’s wrong with my aunt. I think she’s having a heart attack.”

Chapter
10

In only minutes, the EMS arrives and wheels Elaine out on a gurney. They offer me to ride with her but, I decline. When we leave, I don’t have anyone else I can call for a ride home. Getting in my car, I follow closely behind the rig as they drive full lights and sirens to the hospital.

While they take her in through the ambulance bay, I park my car in the lot and run as quickly as my legs will take me to her side. What I wouldn’t give to have Garrett here with me. He’d know exactly what to say … what to do.

The woman at the triage desk stops me before I can walk into the ER, telling me the doctors are working on Elaine and I’ll have to stay in the waiting room until it’s okay to go back. I take a seat in the cold, plastic chair and impatiently wait, looking up every time the doors open, expecting a doctor to come for me.

After about twenty minutes, my lack of patience wins and I charge straight for the new nurse that’s taken over the triage desk. “I’ve been waiting for almost a half hour for someone to tell me about my aunt. Can I go back to her now? I’m sure she’s wondering where
I am.”

I give her Elaine’s full name and she punches some information into the computer. When her face drops and she excuses herself to go find a doctor, my heart races. My head’s telling me that everything is fine and she has to make sure the doctors are done working on her, but my gut tells me something way worse is about to come crashing down on me.

When a straight faced, middle-aged doctor appears from the doors, heading straight for me, I know my gut’s right. Then the emotionless words fall out of his mouth and I wish for nothing more than him to take them back and tell me it’s all kind of sick joke.

“Ms. Fields, I’m Doctor Blaine. I worked on your aunt,” he says.
Worked
. I’ve done this before and when they use past tense, it’s never a good sign. “Maybe it would be best if you took a seat.”

“Please, Doctor. Just tell me what’s wrong and when I can go back to her.” I know in my heart I’m asking for the impossible, but until he says the words, I won’t believe it.

“Your aunt suffered a heart attack. The paramedics had to shock her heart on the way to the hospital and we had to do the same two more times and administer drugs to get her heart going again. She had been without oxygen for quite a while, more than any one person should be.”

“Is she dead?” I whisper, needing him to just rip the bandage off and stop pussy footing.

“She is
not
dead, but we
are
concerned about permanent brain damage. Without oxygen, the body can be brought back to life, but the strain caused to the other organs can be extreme. We’ve called for a consult from the neurologist. We won’t know anything more for a few hours. You can go wait with her, but I need to prepare you for what you’re going to walk in on.”

“But she’s alive. That’s a good sign, right?”

“She is alive, but she’s on a machine that breathes for her.” Dr. Blaine turns and I follow him. I’m not even sure what to feel right now. Happy she’s alive? Sad because she might be brain dead? Terrified because the one family member in this world I have left could die? Frustrated because Garrett’s not here to help me? I’ve never had so many conflicting emotions all at one time.

Walking through the threshold of her room, nothing the doctor told me could prepare me for what’s before me.
There are machines and tubes everywhere. The dull beeping measuring her heart rate is the only thing that doesn’t scare me. As long as that thing keeps chirping, she’s alive. Cautious of all the equipment, I stand next to her bed and take her hand, mindful of the IV on the top.

I vaguely hear the doctor calling for the nurse to bring me a chair. As soon as he’s out of the room and I have some privacy with my aunt, my chest clenches and the emotion I tried
so hard to hide pours out. Clasping my hands together, I drop to my knees and pray. I’m not sure what good it will do, but it’s the only logical thing I can think of doing. I’m useless otherwise.

It’s the nurse, a kind elderly woman, who helps me off the ground and into the chair. She whispers in my ear that she’s praying, too, which is actually comforting.

I lay my head on the bed, right next to Elaine’s hand, and continue to beg for God to spare her. She’s not ready. I’m not ready. Just when I think that I can’t experience any more emotions, I start to get angry. I’m remembering all the times I told Elaine that we could use my mom’s money to get us through so she didn’t have to work so hard and pick up extra shifts and side work. I don’t know enough about heart attacks, but I’m sure stress has something to do with it.

In only a few months, Elaine’s life changed so drastically. Never having kids, now she has me to care for. Having to support
only herself, she’s now responsible for me, taking on more than she could handle, and it’s all my fault. If I hadn’t done what I did to Tom, my mom wouldn’t have killed herself and Elaine wouldn’t have lost a sister and gained a child.

I don’t try to hold back anything, letting the tears fall freely and sending as many prayers as I possibly can. I’m not aware
my swollen eyes closed for a nap until a new doctor comes in the room, followed by a few other younger looking doctors.

“Good afternoon. I’ll be conducting a few tests on Ms. Fields. You’re more than welcome to go to the waiting room or
grab something to eat from the cafeteria. We’ll probably be a few hours.”

I guess they’re all supposed to act like robots, free from showing any kind of emotion including sympathy. It’s getting really annoying. Where’s that nice nurse when you need her
?

“I’ll go grab something to eat and come back. Thank you.” Walking out of the room, I smile at the elderly nurse on my way out.

Instead of hitting a fast food spot, I decide to go home, make a sandwich and change clothes. Unfortunately, my stomach revolts at the sight of food and it ends up going into the trash. Wanting to get back as quickly as possible, I don’t spend much time screwing around. I’m just about out the door when the phone rings. Running back inside, I answer just before it goes to the answering machine.

“Hello.”

“Rian, sweetheart, it’s Gabriella. I wanted to make sure you and your aunt got invited to our Fourth of July barbecue. I know you remember how much fun we used to have when you and Garrett were little. The fourth is on a Saturday, which makes it perfect. Do you think you can make it?”

“I don’t think so,” I respond, void of any emotion. I guess the doctors know what they’re doing.

“I’m so sorry to hear that. Do you have other plans?” It’s not like Gabriella to pry, so this must really be important to her.

“No, we don’t. I wasn’t going to say anything until I knew more, but Elaine had a heart attack today. I just came home to eat and change clothes. They’re worried about brain damage. I’m headed back to the hospital now, but I don’t think she’ll be in any shape to do anything
for a while.”

“Oh, sweetheart. Okay, what do you need me to do? She’s your only family here and you need someone to take care of you. How about you pack a bag and you can stay in the pool house until she’s well enough to come home?”

“That’s very nice of you to offer, but I need to be with Elaine. Hopefully, when I get back the neurologist will tell me she’s perfectly fine and will come home soon. I’ll probably just stay at the hospital with her until she’s discharged. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”

More than likely, I won’t be sleeping at the hospital, but in my own bed. I don’t know how to tell Gabriella that the pool house reminds me of Garrett and the fact that I don’t have him to lean on. Sleeping on the bed that we shared for a few days, getting all of our firsts out of the way, would only break my heart that I can’t see him now … hold him … have him comfort me. That’s not one of those things you tell your boyfriend’s mom, no matter how cool she is.

“Keep me updated, please. If you need anything, and I mean
anything
, Rian, you better call me. Don’t let me find out you didn’t.”

“I promise.” We say our
goodbyes and I’m off the phone and back at the hospital within fifteen minutes. Record time for evening traffic and my little car that hates all the hills.

I walk into Elaine’s room just as the doctors are finishing up. I’m drea
ding the news, but I’m hopeful. I’ve said enough prayers for a lifetime; I just hope it wasn’t too late.

“How’s it looking?” I ask, not sure I want to know yet.

“Well, there’s good news and bad. Good news, she’s able to breathe on her own. We took out the tubes and she’s holding steady. Bad news, her brain scans aren’t looking so well. We would have liked to see a much higher number. There’s a slight chance for improvement. The ICU floor will be monitoring her while she’s here and then we’ll scan again in three days.”

“Thank you,” I mutter, not sure if I should start getting excited. He nods, pats my shoulder lightly twice and is out the door with the rest of his minions following close behind.

With the sun starting to set, I pull the blinds closed to avoid the glare that’s nearly blinding, and flip on the television. I figure I’ll spend a few more hours here with Elaine and then head back home to sleep.

I’m about
halfway through Jeopardy, answering all the questions correctly of course, when a knock on the door frame startles me out of my winning streak.
Ken Jennings, watch your ass.
Glancing that way, Gabriella stands tall and poised with a sympathetic smile on her face.

“Mrs. Rhodes, what are you doing here?”

“I’ve known you since you were a little girl and you probably haven’t eaten. When you would get stressed about something, you didn’t take time to make sure you were taken care of. Elaine would kick my butt if I didn’t try,” she says, holding out a plate wrapped in tin foil. “Old habits die hard,” she smirks.

“You’re too good to me.” I accept her offering, pull back the foil and inhale the scent of sweet and sour chicken, my absolute favorite. “You didn’t have to go out of your way, I would have been fine.” Picking up a piece of chicken and dipping
it in the sauce, it’s heaven. Pure heaven.

“Paul and I ordered in tonight and there was more than enough for you. Actually, I thought you would take me up on my offer and come to the house. I remembered this was your favorite and thought it
might be comforting.”

“It’s delicious,” I say as I
shovel some rice into my mouth without shame. This might be the greatest meal I’ve ever had in my life. I didn’t even know I was hungry until I smelled it.

At this moment, I don’t feel alone in the world. Gabriella didn’t have to come down here just to bring me
dinner, but she did. She cares for me. Maybe even loves me. At seventeen, I shouldn’t be thinking like this, but knowing that if Garrett and I ever have children, they’ll have a loving grandmother melts my heart. Then again, at seventeen, I shouldn’t have experienced half the stuff I have … and lived to tell the tale. I might not have it so bad.

Patting the seat next to me, I encourage Gabriella to sit down and hang out for a bit. She obliges, picking a piece of chicken off my plate. As
Master Chef starts, I feel slightly content, even among the potential tragedy that could take place.