Room 103 02 - Thrilling Heaven (13 page)

“Did you not learn your lesson when we had words last
time?” Bulk mocked with a smug grin.

Kyle turned back to me, his anger etched clearly on his
face as his whole body emitted pure fury. “This isn’t over, Jen. I promise you
that, sweetheart.”

Jax was on him in a heartbeat, his fist smashed
repeatedly in Kyle’s face as he growled and snarled like a caged animal whilst
Buddy screamed and fell off the edge of the bed in her desperation to escape
Jax’s rage.

He eventually stepped away from a bloodied and beaten
Kyle but not before he leaned in close to his face and grasped his chin
forcefully. “Fucking over now.” He spat as he shoved him back down onto the
floor.

I merely smiled at Kyle and continued with my packing, my
heart lighter, my mind clearer and my whole body still humming with Ethan’s
love.

“I wonder how sharks hump.” Ethan mumbled with a crease
on his brow. My own brow puckered as I contemplated his odd question.

We were currently in the Sealife centre in Great
Yarmouth, under the enclosed plastic tunnel, surrounded by an array of colourful
underwater creatures as a huge shark resided above us, directly laid out on the
top of the tunnel.

“I have absolutely no idea, Ethan. You want me to ask him
for a demonstration?”

His arms circled my waist from behind as his chin rested
on my shoulder and a finger prodded me in the ribs. “Go on then.”

I gazed up at the sleepy shark and sighed deeply. “Excuse
me. My friend here is interested in shark porn and we were wondering if you
would like to make a movie. You will be paid handsomely; I have a nice piece of
haddock in my freezer.”

Ethan barked out a laugh and shuffled us further down the
shark’s body. “But, I mean, he doesn’t have a willy, look” he deliberated as he
peered up at the huge fella.

God help me! This was the father of my child…

I blew out an exasperated breath as I closed my eyes.
“You know, we could discuss world peace,” I sighed, mainly to myself “the state
of the British economy, or which colour fruit pastel we prefer but no, we have
to talk about the sexual habits of a shark.”

He chuckled and flicked his lips over the skin under my
ear. “You love my passionate debates, Jen.”

I sighed and nodded as a smile lifted my lips. “You could
be the next Dalai Lama, Ethan.”

He nodded and pursed his lips in admiration, “I should
apply.”

I nodded firmly before he swept me up and spun me round.
“You are so cheeky; you need to respect those in authority, Jen. That’s why I’m
called Boss.”

I scoffed loudly. “God help the minions if you get a
position of authority.”

He narrowed his eyes playfully and tenderly bit the tip
of my nose. “You are my minion, baby. You should kneel and obey.”

I laughed loudly as I placed my arms around his neck and
kissed his own nose. “Yes, master.”

He nodded seriously, “Good girl. You’re master needs
feeding.”

“My master always needs feeding. It’s all the energy
you’re consuming in our many demonstrations of human sex.”

“Yes, Snapper here needs to take notes.” He smirked as he
took my hand and pulled me through the building towards the nearest chippy; his
stomach grumbling loudly as the smell of fried food hit us.

We settled on a bench on the sea front, the view over the
ocean calming both our souls as we tucked into our fish and chips.

“I need you to stay with E this weekend. We’ve got a
concert in Germany and I don’t want you on your own.” Ethan declared suddenly.

I paused the forkful of fish that was on its journey to
my mouth as I frowned at him. “I’ll be okay at Bulk’s house. His security is
brilliant.”

He shook his head adamantly, “No, Jen. Please, just stay
with E for a few days. I won’t be able to relax if I know you’re on your own.”

“But…”

He scowled at me and I sighed but relented, “Fine.”

His features softened and he gave me a tender smile as he
kissed my nose, “Thank you and you don’t go out alone either.”

“Ethan, I’ll be fine…”

“GOD DAMN… will you just do as I ask!” he shouted at me.

I blinked rapidly and my teeth sank into my bottom lip at
his anger. He groaned loudly and flung himself off the bench, throwing his
lunch into a nearby bin as he stalked over to the edge of the promenade and
leaned on the fence, his knuckles white in his death grip on the cold metal bar
as he stared out to sea.

I remained seated on the bench, giving him the space he
needed to calm down although my heart ached for his worry and fear.

I watched him simmer down before he strolled back over to
me, picked me up and sat down then settled me on his knee. His nose nuzzled in
my hair as he sighed loudly, “I’m sorry, Jen. I…”

I placed a finger over his lips to silence him. “I know,
I know. I promise I’ll stay with E all the time you’re gone.”

He pulled in a deep breath and blew it out slowly as he
closed his eyes. “I am so fucking frightened, Jen. I’m terrified of him… of not
been there if he…”

“Shush. I promise, he won’t get to me, okay?”

He screwed up his face as if physically in pain before he
nodded and took my hand in his, his thumb tracing circles in my palm as he
figured out how to voice the words he wanted to say. “You just promise that
you’ll be careful, I… it would be the end of me if… anything…
Fuck!”

I swallowed at his deep pain and manoeuvred on his knee
until I was straddled over him and I rested my forehead against his. “Ethan,
baby. Listen to me; we can’t go into a relationship like this.”

He frowned at my words and as he opened his mouth to say
something I shook my head and placed my fingers over his lips. “You will end up
suffocating us in your fear and worry for me.”

He sighed heavily and turned his gaze back out to the
horizon but I could see his understanding of my words. “I just…”

“I know, baby. Do you not think I have exactly the same
thoughts about you as you do about me? For nine years I have lived in fear of a
man that promised to kill the only thing that was ever important to me… you.
Every damn day, I lived with a man that abused me, hurt me, ridiculed me, and humiliated
me just for the one reason of keeping the man I loved alive. So yes, I know
exactly how you feel but you know what, Ethan? I did it and I fucking took it with
a smile because I knew that somewhere, you were not just happy but alive. You
were fucking alive and your life was that important to me. So to me, I had won
because whatever I did or whatever he did, you were safe and that’s all my life
consisted of, keeping you alive.”

I swiped my thumb over the tear that was trickling down
his cheek before I palmed his face.

“If I let that fear eat me up for even one second Ethan,
then my life was over because I knew it would consume me and suffocate me. And
I don’t want to live like that. I don’t want Kyle’s control to rule us anymore.”

His eyes bore into mine with so much intensity I ached at
his desperation.  “We are finally together and I need you, all of you, Ethan.
Not just the part of you that isn’t scared to live, but every single fucking
part of you. I don’t just want the happy part of you, I want to demolish your fear,
and I want to share your pain. I want your sad days because I want to feel them
all with you and bring you a smile. But I won’t let them govern us, baby, we
control
them
. They ask us for permission to surface because we own them,
not Kyle and not the feelings Kyle tries to incur on us.”

He stared at me, silent and penetrating as he took my
words and processed them before a soft smile lifted his lips and he nodded
slowly. “I am yours, baby. All of me, every tiny piece of me is yours and it
always will be. And God damn, I fucking love you.”

He palmed my face and brushed his lips over mine before
he pressed in and swept my heart up in such an emotional kiss I felt the song
his soul sang as he loved me and adored me with just his lips.

He twirled my nose and furrowed his brow. “What’s the
opposite of kryptonite?”

I frowned at him, “Uhh, I have no idea.”

“It’s just that kryptonite weakens Superman but you feed
me baby, you give me strength. So you’re my opposite of kryptonite…”

I nodded at him, my tongue between my teeth to curb my
laug
hter at his serious face.

“Spinach!” he suddenly declared.

“Uhh, wasn’t that Popeye?” I asked hesitantly.

“Same thing” he reasoned.

“Oh yeah, Ethan. I always saw the resemblance between
Superman and Popeye; two peas in a pod.” I smirked as he scowled at me.

He waved off my comment and sighed happily. “You’re my
spinach, baby.”

How nice!

“Now, you promise to stay with E?” he requested for the
eighth time that morning.

I nodded dutifully, “Yes, Ethan. I promise to stay with E
at all times. I shall check in with you at regular intervals, master and I will
put my life on hold while you are gone.”

His face tightened considerably as he glowered at me but
I grinned widely and fluttered my eyelashes lightly until a smile crept up his
face.

“I’m gonna miss you, baby.” He whispered as he twirled
the tip of my nose with his own, his signature display of affection always
pulled at my heart and I brushed my lips over his.

“Me too.”

A light flashed from somewhere and we both blinked at the
brightness of the explosion of paparazzi cameras.

“Time to go” Romeo urged before we were swamped by the
press.

“Go steady in the fight to get out and don’t say anything
to them” Bulk advised me and I gave him a smile and a nod before Ethan kissed
me feverishly and almost desperately.

“By the way…” he whispered against my lips.

“I love you” I mouthed to him as he disappeared with the
rest of the band through the private departure gate.

“Ready?” E asked from beside me. I nodded back at her and
trusted her and the airport security to get us out of here without getting
trampled in the press’s resolution to get a story.

“Straight through, not a glance, not a word and definitely
not a ‘fall flat on your arse’ moment” the guard directed as E winked at me and
I laughed.

“If anything it will be a face plant not an arse tumble.”

They both laughed as a few guards surrounded us and
escorted us through the building and into a waiting car.

“Is it always like this?” I blew out a relieved breath
when we scrambled into the back of the car.

E nodded sadly. “I’m afraid so but you’ll get used to it.
Room 103 don’t get a private life. That’s the price of fame.”

I shrugged and sighed at her burdened life. “I don’t know
if I’d ever get used to it.”

She rubbed my forearm with affection. “You will. For
Boss.”

I nodded my agreement. Hell, I would walk through the
gates of hell in a meteor storm for my man.

“Yes” was all I said in reply but she smiled tenderly
with the conviction of my response and nodded knowingly.

***

“So,” E started as she passed me a bottle of beer and
settled beside me on the sofa with her legs tucked underneath her tiny frame.
She had just settled Lily down for the night and we were awaiting the pizza
delivery as she began her inquisition, “you and Boss.”

I eyed her over the rim of my bottle and smirked as she
grinned widely at me with no hint of embarrassment or discomfit at being nosy.
She was Ethan’s best friend and I had expected it.

“What do you wanna know?”

She shrugged as she pulled at her own drink. “The
beginning.”

I sighed and settled further into the comfort of the
sofa. “I met Kyle at school. He was the school bad boy, the school hot boy and
he wanted me, it was quite flattering if I’m honest and he was relentless in
his seduction. We fell in love, adored other, the usual stuff, you know.”

She nodded as she pointed a remote at the iPod dock and
Thriving
Ivory
filled the silence.

“Two years later, he changed. Became dark and moody.
Don’t ask why cos’ I have no idea. Just how it was. It was like someone,
somewhere flicked a switch and he was instantly a different person.”

She nodded in understanding that sometimes life didn’t
come with instructions or explanations, it just took a different route and the
normalcy and routine you became accustomed with changed forever. You just had
to learn to adapt and follow the diversion signs.

“We argued and fought so much and so volatilely that
sometimes he frightened me, made me lose all my respect and adoration for him
but funnily enough I still felt like I loved him, ya’ know. There was still his
gentle side that would burrow through now and again.”

I pulled in a deep breath at the old emotions that were
resurfacing with the memories. “That’s when Ethan and I became closer. With him
being Kyle’s brother he would hear it all when I was staying over at their
house and he picked me up and fixed me. He would hold me, make me laugh and
just drag me out of the darkness.”

I smiled at the recollection, Ethan’s younger face
swimming in my vision. “We fell so hard and deep for each other but believe me
E, we fought it for so long. We were both horrified at our disloyal feelings.
He was Ethan’s brother at the end of the day and what we felt was wrong, so
wrong.”

E settled her hand on my arm and squeezed gently. “We
can’t help who we fall in love with, Jen. It’s how god created us to procreate,
and sometimes the attraction we feel between us is so damn intense and passionate
that we can’t fight it; we weren’t made to fight it, we were shaped to love and
I firmly believe god gave us each a soul mate and when you find that person,
there is not a damn thing you can do to control how you feel. Boss is your soul
mate, Jen and you are his. You can see by the way he looks at you. It’s written
all over him.”

I nodded and smiled at her. “I knew he was made for me
the moment he kissed me. The very first time was like my heart had been
dormant, frozen and buried until right then, right at the instant his lips
touched mine I woke up, my body flourished and bloomed as though the sun had
just broken through the clouds for the first time in sixteen years.”

I gave her a shy smile, feeling foolish at the cheesiness
of my words but she shook her head and regarded me openly.

“I know, Jen. I know because after eighteen years of
feeling exactly the same, as soon as Jax kissed me…” she paused as though
trying to find the words to explain herself. “His kisses were like none I’d
ever experienced. Like his lips had been carved and created to fit mine
perfectly and his heart had been built just to link with mine. Soul mates, it’s
simple.”

I nodded, knowing her words through to my soul. “Then I
found out I was pregnant. I knew it was Kyle’s cos’ Ethan had been on some work
training course in Scotland for a few weeks, and the dates didn’t coincide. I
became moody and irritable and Ethan cottoned on straight away. It hurt him; I
know it did, to know I was still sleeping with Kyle. But what could I do? If I
stopped sleeping with Kyle, he would’ve realised something was up. Anyway,
Ethan got roaring drunk one night and turned up at my house when Kyle was
there. He just turned to Kyle and said ‘been fucking Jen for two years Kyle.’”

E’s eyebrows rose in astonishment and I grimaced and
nodded, “Yeah, you can imagine how that went down. Kyle gave me the order to
choose but Ethan didn’t hang around anymore, he just left and Kyle…” I sucked
in a huge breath against the shudder that rippled through me with the memory,
“Kyle told me he would kill Ethan if I chose him, so in the end, I chose Kyle
just to keep Ethan safe.”

E sighed heavily and patted my thigh, “The baby?”

I frowned and flinched at the ache that surfaced but
shook my head. “I had a termination as soon as we hit London. I couldn’t and
wouldn’t
bring a baby in-between the most volatile relationship in history. It wasn’t
fair to the baby and it would’ve made the situation with me and Kyle worse. I
know he would’ve thought it was Ethan’s baby.”

We both nodded but frowned when Lily grumbled through the
monitor. “She’s started teething.” E explained as she unfolded herself off the
sofa just as the doorbell chimed.

“You see to Lily and I’ll grab the pizza.” I told her as
I made my way to the door and she bounded up the stairs towards a now screaming
Lily.

I grabbed my purse off the table and opened the door as I
hunted through the receipts and papers in the notes section, fumbling for the
twenty I knew I had in there.

It dropped to the floor as Kyle’s fist shot out and knocked
me out cold.

***

I squinted at the bright light as I moaned at the
pounding in my head.

Fuck!

Sighing heavily, I rubbed my hands over my face and
pulled myself up to sit on the sofa I had been laid out on.

Oh god, not again.

I stared at Kyle as he sat with a tumbler of whisky on
the chair opposite me. “Why can’t you let me go?” I asked with more composure
than I felt.

He turned his guilty face towards the fireplace and
exhaled loudly. “That’s what I brought you here for, Jen. To finally let you
go.”

I frowned in confusion at his words before he turned to
me and his expression was so full of pain and resignation that my heart
clenched in sadness at the utter desolation in it.

“I know you never belonged to me, Jen. But I couldn’t… I
needed
you, I still need you. My heart craves you constantly and my body… it’s like
I’m going through the worst withdrawal ever without you.”

He pulled himself upright and walked over to the cupboard
and refilled his glass before he gestured to me for one. I nodded, knowing I
would need the tiny bit of serenity it would grant me.

He returned and passed me the glass before he settled
down beside me, his eyes fixed on me as his turmoil radiated through the room
potently.

“I love you, Jen. I will always love you but now, I’m
setting you free to be with him” he said so quietly I had to hold my breath to
hear him.

“Why now?” I asked hesitantly and somewhat sceptically.

He swallowed harshly before he rested his palm on my
cheek tenderly. “Because I love you. Because you finally showed me enough is
enough, and how much I had been hurting both of us by just holding on to you.”

I scanned his agony, its strength tearing through to my
soul as I finally and at long last connected with my husband.

“I did love you, Kyle. In my own way and even after
everything I still love you but just…”

“Not enough” he finished for me.

I nodded but took hold of his hand. “We never once, ever,
meant to hurt you, Kyle.”

He ran his tongue over his top teeth as he closed his
eyes and stroked over my knuckles with his thumb. “I know, Jen but… I
understand.”

I rolled my lips and sighed heavily as he opened his eyes
and gazed at me. “I am sorry, Jen, for everything I did. I don’t know why but
suddenly I see it. My anger, my rage, and every damn fucking wrong thing I ever
did to you but…”

He paused for a moment, his expression showing his
struggle at how to voice how he felt. “But, after my violence and fury, Ethan’s
gentleness was like a balm to the wounds I inflicted on you. His tenderness an
elixir to my rage.” He whispered as a tear dribbled down his cheek and I
reached out to wipe it away but he flinched and turned his face to the side,
trying to mask the heartache that was written all over him.

“You poisoned my heart, Jen; both of you. You gave me a
disease that I couldn’t cure.” He sobbed now as he turned to me and held me
hostage under his ache. “You both broke me and I couldn’t…
can’t
seem to
fix that. The rage, the hurt, its locked inside me so fucking deeply that I
can’t dig deep enough to drag it out and mend it.”

My own tears flowed freely with his admission, my own
heart searing at how I had hurt him. How Ethan and I had betrayed him
immeasurably and I would now carry that guilt to the ends of the earth with me.

“I know, Kyle and god, I can’t tell you how much Ethan
and me hurt at what we did to you but the love we hold, it’s… it’s so… I don’t
know how to explain it, Kyle.”

He shook his head slightly and bit his lower lip. “I
know, Jen because that’s how I feel about you.”

My heart and soul screamed in pain at his own pain. “I’m
so sorry” I whispered.

He smiled softly. “I know, me too.” He whispered in
return as a tear dripped off his chin and dropped onto his white t-shirt, it’s
trek demanding my attention and showing me just how hurt and wounded he was.

We both jumped at the sound of the doorbell and Kyle
sighed as he lifted himself up. “Stay there.”

I nodded before he strolled out of the room.

I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or saddened by this
latest development but my thoughts slammed to a halt when I heard a pop in the
air.

“No…” I breathed as I registered what the sound was and
my legs wouldn’t support me as I scrambled off the sofa and fell to my hands
and knees.

“KYLE!” I screamed out as I crawled across the floor to
the hallway. “Answer me, damn it.”

I made it through the door and my stomach exploded at
what greeted me. “NO!!! No, no, no, no, no.”

He was laid flat on his back, blood seeping from his
chest and mouth as he gurgled and reached for me.

“Nooooo….”

I stumbled over to him and grabbed his hand as I reached
up for the phone from the table and dialled 999.

“J..J…Jen, listen…”

I shook my head at him. “No, shush, shush….” I warned him
as the operator’s voice came over the line and I reeled off some details as I
sunk a fist into Kyle’s wound.

“J… Jen… please, I…”

“No Kyle, you will be fine. I promise.”

He shook his head slowly, the light in his eyes dimming
by the second as he reached up to my face and stroked away my tears. “Dar…ling,
I… I love… you… Jen. Alw…always.”

I nodded feverishly as I choked on my tears and wiped at
the snot covering my face, “I know. I will always love you too.”

The corner of his lips lifted slightly as his breathing
slowed considerably. “He… he did it for you… Jen.”