Room 103 02 - Thrilling Heaven (14 page)

I gave him a confused look, “What? Who did?”

“Ethan… Jen. He… loves you… this much, baby. Don’t… hate
him… for it.”

“What the hell are you talking about? Just shut up and
hold your strength Kyle, please.”

His eyes brightened for a moment and he grabbed my hand
almost desperately. “Always Je…..”

“NO! KYLE! NO!” I screamed as I punched his chest,
“Kyle….”

I was lifted and shoved to the side as the paramedics
started to work on him but eventually they both looked at me and shook their
heads slowly. “I am so sorry, darlin’” one of the technicians said.

I pushed at him forcefully; knocking him on his backside as
E came running in. “NOOOOOO!”

I choked on my vomit as she huddled me onto her knee and
held me close, my heart-breaking heaves breaking her heart as she held me and
rocked me.

“Shush, Jen. Boss is on his way.” She soothed and I
nodded into her chest; needing my man so desperately.

I needed him.

It was light when Ethan walked through E’s front door and
rushed over to me. “Jen… Jen… Fuck, Jen…” he choked out as though he hadn’t
taken a breath since he left me.

His arms circled me and his lips planted masses of kisses
on my forehead but I remained still and distant. “Jen?”

I stared up into his eyes and locked them down. “Did you
arrange it?”

He frowned but I noticed his tongue roll around his teeth
and a flicker lit his eyes. “What, baby?”

I pushed back into the sofa and scanned his features; the
soft line of his jaw against the harsh contours of his cheekbones and eyebrows
to the rough stubble decorating his chin and back up to the dark wariness in
his eyes.

I palmed his cheek tenderly as I whispered softly to him,
“Did you set it up… for me?”

His eyes flicked over every inch of my face as he fought
with telling me a lie or giving me the truth he did not want to voice.

He nodded slowly as he winced with caution.

My breath froze in my lungs as I swallowed back the bile
that was rising up my throat. I nodded and stood before I made my way to the
door.

“Jen?” he rasped from behind me and I turned to him.

“He was your brother, Ethan. How could you?”

“I…”

I shook my head slowly as numbness crept over my body;
its force froze and hardened everything in its route. “Do not contact me, do
not come near me. We are done.” I told him as I spun back to the door and
palmed the handle.

“JEN! I did it for us, baby. For you…”

I barked out a bitter laugh and shook my head before I
looked at him. “You wanna know why he took me last night? Eh? To tell me he was
setting me free to be with you,” I shook my head in crazy humour as my laugh
turned to a loud and manic guffaw. “He finally gave us his blessing, Ethan.
Ironic, eh? Wouldn’t you say? How fucking ironic!”

With that I opened the door and closed it calmly behind
me, closing my heart and soul to the desperate cries of the man I loved more
than my own life but the man I could never forgive.

Would
never forgive
.

BOSS

“E…” I choked out as my knees gave way and I dropped to
the floor, my hands grabbing for something… anything to support me as Jen
closed the door on me – on us.

She appeared beside me instantly, her tiny frame
enveloping me tight as I fought for breath; my heart exploding in my chest as
my veins closed in and my brain shut down in denial.

“E…”

“Shush, Boss. Give her time. Let her deal.”

“I… I just thought…”

She nodded and squeezed me harder as Jax, Angel, Hunter
and Romeo entered the house, both of them giving me wary looks as well as pity.

I didn’t want their fucking pity, I wanted Jen back. I
needed her to breathe. I needed her for my soul to survive and my spirit to
sing.

Fuck!

“Boss?” Jax voiced quietly but E shook her head at him
with a slight glare. He looked at me then the door before he nodded in
understanding, “Sorry ‘bout your brother… and Jen.”

I snorted and lifted myself off the floor, “Don’t be, I’m
not.”

He pursed his lips and nodded before he helped E off the
floor and pulled her into his side.

The affectionate display fisted my heart and I bit my lip
harshly against the emotions pouring through every single nerve in my body, its
intensity and mockery squeezing the damn life out of me.

Well fuck her! If she wasn’t grateful for what I had done
to protect her then she didn’t deserve me!

Who the hell was I kidding?

It just hurt so much. The pain, the agony and ache as
well as the harsh sting in my heart at the disgust and hatred she had exposed,
ate at me like a disease; its poison seeping into every single pore on my body
as it flowed like a cold loathing within me, twisting my heart to the words she
had previously said to me.

The love she had declared now became a lie, her
statements morphing into just a desperate need for her to rid herself of Kyle
and fuck me. My own bitterness distorting everything we were, everything we had
been.

I didn’t need her; no, I didn’t. I didn’t need anyone;
just myself, always just my own mind for understanding and my own heart to pump
the blood around my body. That’s what hearts were for, right? Just to function
a bodily need. A mechanism for our bodies to live and the wall that now
surrounded mine, the ice that fenced it and sealed it off to everyone and
everything was the very thing I needed to carry on; just a tool in my resolution
to survive this cruel and merciless world.

“Fuck it!” I declared as I slammed E’s front door behind
me.

“Boss!” she shouted as I climbed into my car and headed
for the pub.

“Fuck you! Fuck you all!”

***

“You wanna find somewhere private, sweetie?” the blonde
asked me as I squinted through the blurriness at her.

I had been in the pub for five days straight and this
bitch beside me had been trying to get into my pants the whole time.

“Why the fuck would I wanna screw you,
sweetie
?” I
mocked cruelly.

Her face contorted foully with her confusion, “But… you
just said. You just told me you wanna fuck me?”

I laughed at her, her own stupidity and my drunkenness
making the situation more humorous than it actually was. “Noooo, I said I wanna
‘get fucked’. Huge difference,
sweetie
. I meant high you stupid cow.”

Her palm connected with my cheek and I hooted at the
hilariousness of it. “Christ,
sweetie
. My woman can give me more shit
than you.” I smiled at the memory of Jen’s hard slap in the toilets of The
Black Pod when I had called her a name I didn’t want to recall.

I waved a hand at Jesse as he entered the pub and I made
my way over to him, somewhat precariously but I eventually made it and pulled a
couple of twenties out of my wallet and handed it to him.

He grinned and pulled the white pouch from his pocket but
as he moved his hand to mine he stiffened and shook his head before depositing
the coke back in his packet.

“What the…”

A hand gripped the back of my neck and pulled me
backwards through the room, my legs dragging on the dusty wooden floor in an
effort to remain upright as I was yanked through the door and into the car
park.

I peered over my shoulder at a stern faced E, her anger
and disappointment in me giving her the strength to handle me forcefully.

“You stupid twat” she spat as a current of air stormed
through her nostrils in her attempt to stay calm. “Get a fucking grip, Boss.
You are burying your brother tomorrow. Sober up, clean up and man up!”

I released a bark of humourless laughter as I brushed
myself off and fought with the wobble that was threatening to pull me to the
ground. “I’m not going.”

She inhaled sharply but nodded. “Don’t you think that’s
gonna look a bit suspicious, Boss? He was your brother!”

I screwed up my face as anger surged through me, “My
brother? My fucking brother?”

I could see her tongue peeking between the clench of her
teeth as she closed her eyes for a moment to rein in her temper. “I don’t give
a damn shit Boss, but Jen will. She will need you there.”

I laughed with mirth this time. “Yeah, okay sweetheart. Sure
she will!”

“Don’t be so damn selfish. That woman still loves you,
you idiot. She’s just hurting and trying to understand why. You wanna lose her
forever?”

I glared at her in amazement. “She made it quite clear
how much she needs me, E. Hell, that woman never needed anyone, only herself
and her abusive husband. Fuck, she probably even enjoyed it.”

E’s slap was harder than Jen’s or Blondie’s and I grit my
teeth at the pain that smarted through my face. “Christ, hot stuff!”

She opened the car door and pushed me in, my arse hitting
the seat with oomph as my head slammed against the headrest. “Get in and shut
the fuck up Boss, before I bury my fist in your jaw.”

Okay, jeez.

***

E squeezed my hand as Jen climbed from the funeral car
with my parents and Erica, my younger sister.

They all turned to me, my family’s faces filled with
disgust and horror at my attendance. Since my ‘affair’ with Jen when we were
kids, they had never forgiven me for what I had done to their precious Kyle.

Always the outcast, me; never quite good enough for their
expectations of life.

E’s arm slid around my waist as I brushed off their
stares and my eyes found Jen’s. Her throat bobbed and her chest heaved as our
souls linked but her eyes filled with sadness and she turned to my father,
giving him a soft smile as he said something to her.

She greeted many people, smiling and nodding at their
condolences before her breath caught and the pall-bearers appeared with Kyle.

I watched her knees jolt and Erica’s arm shot out to
catch her from falling as my own hand reached for her even though she was
meters away from me, the need to support her raging through my system like a
torrent in a river.

E inhaled a deep breath and pushed back her shoulders,
her knowledge of my family’s hatred towards me saw her much needed support
doubled as she leaned towards me. “I love you, Boss. You’re worth twice what
they are. Your heart is triple the size of theirs and I love you for who you
are, baby.”

Her open, affectionate words were just the words I needed
and my courage and confidence boosted with each syllable as I planted a gentle
kiss on her forehead and smiled my thanks, words were not needed to display my
own love for my best friend.

We followed them in, stares and glares from the many
people roasting me from inside as E led me into the pew at the back of the
church. “I think we might be safer here. Quicker route to the exit when they
pelt us with fermented eggs.”

I snorted and nodded as everyone took their seats and
silence descended.

The vicar started his spiel but paused and frowned as Jen
stood up and lifted a hand to halt him.

All eyes swung to her as she heaved her shoulders and
walked down the aisle towards me, her eyes locked on mine as she appeared
before me.

We both secured gazes, hers blazing and feisty and mine
cautious and anxious at what was to come.

I puffed out a breath as she lifted her hand to me. I
frowned at her but she nodded, her silence hurting me but her need for me
lighting my core.

I placed my hand in hers and she enveloped her fingers
around mine as I stood. The mere touch of her brought forth the determination
and strength I needed to see me through this ordeal.

She steered me up the aisle and I flinched at the anger and
revulsion radiating off every person who loved Kyle as I passed them. Their
knowledge at what I had done to him nine years ago spoke volumes for their
hatred of me.

“He knew it was you and he accepted that,” she whispered
as we walked up the channel between the pews. “He would want you up front.”

My breath caught at her revelation as I stared at her
with my mouth open. My eyes searched her face for a lie in her words. I wasn’t
sure how I felt when I didn’t find one.

Kyle knew! He knew what I had done and he had still given
Jen his blessing to be with me.

How hard did that hit me?

Oh Christ!

As we reached the front bench, Jake, Kyle’s best mate
stood up to challenge me but Jen shook her head firmly and held up her hand.
“Kyle wanted him here and it’s Kyle’s wishes we are honouring today.”

He stared at her but relented and seated himself back
down, but not before I caught his words. “You did this, you fucking prick, and
you’re gonna get what’s coming to ya’.”

Wonderful!

My grandparents smiled encouragingly and nodded in pride to
me from the opposite pew, their love for me displayed openly and I sucked on my
lips at their exposed heartache of a squabbling family.

I had always been their favourite grandchild and I had
called them and treat them as my folks from the moment my own parents had
disowned me. They had been the only ones who had understand mine and Jen’s pure
potent love for each other and they had accepted that, although we had done
everything within our power to push back our feelings, they had been too strong
to fight and my grandparents had supported as well as blessed us.

The vicar sighed heavily, the atmosphere in the room
sucking the life out of the place as the air seemed crushed and stale in our
lungs but he bit it back and started his speech.

“We are here to give thanks to the lord for the life of
Kyle Richard Hart….”

Jen slipped her hand into mine and I threaded my fingers
through hers as I closed my eyes to the images of Kyle and me as youngsters,
our laughter and fun filtering through each of my memories and a small smile
lifted my lips as I remembered how close we used to be.

“I’m so sorry” I whispered to Kyle as I opened my eyes
and penetrated his coffin trying to give him my apologies for everything. For
Jen, for my betrayal, for the ultimate sin I had performed and for the guilt of
his death.

“He knows.” Jen whispered back and I turned to look at
her. A soft smile curved her soft lips as a tear skimmed her cheek, “he knew.”

I swallowed back the anger, and reined in the heartache
but I openly displayed my guilt at what I had done to her.

She nodded slightly before she turned her attention back
to the service but I couldn’t look away from her utter beauty. Her face pale was
gaunt and troubled but her pure exquisiteness and vividness was still there and
it stole my breath and melted a small piece of that ice I had formed around my
heart.

I would never stop loving her and maybe Kyle had finally accepted
just how much I had loved the woman he had loved just as deeply.

My sister caught my attention as she stood and approached
the altar with a piece of paper held in her trembling fingers.

She settled behind the wooden stand and took a deep
breath before she looked out at the mourners.

“Kyle was a brilliant brother; he was kind, affectionate
and gentle.” She began and I swallowed back the snort that was impending and
Jen clenched my hand in silent agreement of my feelings.

Erica’s hard face found mine and her lip curled in
disgust. “From September 2003 I only had one brother and Kyle made up for that
in so many ways.”

“Sit down and keep quiet.” Jen breathed beside me as she
felt my body needing to argue with my sister’s grievance.

“The way he handled an awful situation was semblance to
what a deep and caring man he was. He was fun, outgoing and wasn’t afraid to
show how much love he held for you.”

Jen snorted loudly and I felt her stiffen before she
coughed to hide her mistake. Erica smiled at her when she presumed Jen had
coughed not scoffed but I sucked on my lips and sighed.

It suddenly occurred to me that my family loved Jen as
one of their own, even though we had both betrayed Kyle but I would approach
her about it later, now was not the time.

Erica continued with her speech, often and regularly
bringing in digs at me but I fed from Jen’s strength beside me and breathed
through it until she stepped down, glared at me and retook her seat.

The vicar looked around the room to see if anybody else
wanted to say some words but nobody moved and he resumed his monotonous dialogue
and ended the service.

“I’m gonna go before it finishes and everybody in this
room lynches me.” I whispered to Jen. Her eyes perused my face but she nodded.
“Can I come and see you later?” I asked cautiously.