Room 103 02 - Thrilling Heaven (15 page)

She pulled in a breath and chewed on her bottom lip, the
action lighting my desire for her but I swallowed it back.

Not in church, Boss, bloody hell!

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Ethan.”

I frowned at her. “But, I thought…”

“You thought what?” she hissed quietly as people turned
to hush us. “You thought because I had held your hand through your brother’s
funeral that everything was fine and dandy?” She scoffed and turned her
attention back to the vicar.

“Please, Jen. Just to talk. I need to… talk.”

And touch you and feel you and breathe you and just be
near you.

She sighed and clenched her teeth together before
scorching me with her blazing angry eyes, “Fine.”

“Thank you.” I whispered as I lifted her hand to my mouth
and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles. She snatched her hand away and bit
into her lower lip and I winced at the pain in my chest.

“8 o’clock. I’m staying at Zoe’s” she muttered and I
nodded before I scurried down the church and met E at the bottom, both of us
making our escape before the mob of haters had a chance to execute me. God
included.

Jen opened the door to me and walked away down the
hallway and into the kitchen. I huffed out a weary sigh but followed her.

She waved a hand at a chair and I plonked down heavily in
it. “Coffee, beer?” she asked devoid of emotion or without turning to me.

“Beer would be good, thanks.”

I noticed the drag of her feet across the floor towards
the fridge and my body wheezed at her obvious distress and fatigue. “You okay?”

She shrugged as she handed me the bottle and perched
herself opposite me. “The baby?” I asked although something inside me told me
the answer before she did.

She sighed and turned to gaze out of the window before
she looked back at me and shook her head with a pool of moisture in her sad
eyes.

“Oh, Christ Jen…”

She tilted her head in pain and held a hand up to me as I
reached across the table for her. “I’m so sorry, baby.” I whispered as her pain
decimated me. Her eyebrows lifted quickly whilst she pursed her lips. “When?”

“The night Kyle died, when I got home from E’s” she
divulged quietly as her finger tracked the pattern in the grain of wood on the
table.

“Sweetheart, why the hell didn’t you phone me?”

She scoffed as she drew in a breath and lifted her eyes
to mine, “And where was you, Ethan?”

I rolled my lips and nodded in resignation. She knew I
would have been drunk at the time our baby died and I suddenly hated everything
I was, despised the fact that my own needs came before the woman I loved and
the child I would never meet.

I pushed my chair back and flung myself up. “Fuck, Jen!
How the hell did we get here?”

Palming the counter I gazed through the window at the
small yard at the back of Zoe’s house and smiled at Romeo pinning Zoe down on
the grass as he tickled her, their carefree exploits aching my own heart. “What
did he say?” I asked quietly, not wanting to know but desperate to learn.

She was silent for a moment but her sigh sounded loud in
the quietness of the room. “That he forgave us, he loved me and he finally
realised how much he had hurt us. He said… he said we had poisoned him and gave
him a disease of rage and hatred that was slowly suffocating him.”

I nodded in agreement as I still stared at a now kissing
couple on the back yard but turned back to Jen when Romeo palmed Zoe’s boob.

Jen found my gaze as pain flashed over her face. “When he
was… dying, he told me he didn’t blame you; that you had done it because you
loved me that much. He knew what you had done, even if I couldn’t see it,
Ethan. He knew.”

I rubbed my hands over my face before I looked at her. “I
did it for us, Jen. To stop his relentless push on you, his overbearing,
dominant hold over you – his abuse. I did it for us, baby.”

She shook her head in astonishment. “What the hell did
you expect, Ethan? That I would get down on my knees and be eternally grateful
that you murdered your own brother.”

“I didn’t murder my own brother!” I argued.

Her eyes widened at me in disbelief. “Specifics, Ethan.
You ordered the hit, you took his choices away, and you took
my
choices
away.”

“What the hell, Jen. What do you want me to say? Hell, I
dunno… Yes, I ordered the hit, yes I wanted him dead. Wrong? Yeah… very, but
that’s the only way I could see a way out, Jen. I won’t apologise for wanting
you. I won’t say sorry for trying to protect you and I
will not
ask for
forgiveness for loving you that much.”

“Just go, Ethan.” She sighed as she ran her fingers
through her hair in frustration.

 My anger with her dismissal saw me trapping her against
the wall under my heat, her tiny frame simmering beneath me as her breathing
sped up and her eyes flashed. “Move!” she hissed at me as she pushed at my
chest.

“No, not until you listen.”

“I’ve done nothing but listen to you, Ethan, but that’s
the problem; you are all fucking talk. Where’s the remorse? Where’s the guilt
and self-hatred at what you have done? He died whilst he held my fucking hand,
Ethan. His last words were that he loved me! Fuck, ya’ know! After everything
we did to him, he still fucking loved me and forgave us. That’s pretty fucked
up, Ethan.”

My eyes scanned from her hairline, along her pert little
nose and down to the soft supple contours of her pliant lips. I closed my eyes,
frantically trying to control myself at the urge to kiss her, her feistiness
turning me on and making me hard.

“Do you think I don’t feel the burden of what I have done?
Do you think I have just brushed under the carpet what I have done to my own
brother? For you, Jen. FOR YOU, DAMN IT!”

Her eyes fired as her teeth sank into her lip to stop the
retort she wanted to voice. “I don’t expect you to be grateful, Jen but fuck, I
expected you to understand why.”

She drew in a heavy breath and glared at me. “I do
understand, Ethan. That’s the problem. That’s the fucking problem because…
because I – understand…”

She broke down then, her tears mixing with her snot as
she fought to breathe against the violence of her sobs, her whole body
trembling with each desperate cry and her retches fierce at the strength of
each howl.

I pulled her in tight, holding her hard and firm as she
let it out and grieved for Kyle, mourned the loss of our baby and just accepted
it all.

“Ssshhh, baby. I love you, Jen. So damn much that I… I
did it for you…”

She pushed at me, pushed me away harshly as her face
darkened. “No! Stop saying that, Ethan. You did it for yourself! Please, just
go!”

“I won’t let you do this, Jen. Not after everything we’ve
been through. I will – not – accept – it!”

“You don’t have a choice, Ethan.” She turned to the
window and I noticed her fists clench, “I don’t want you. I don’t want you
anywhere near me, you disgust me.”

The bile rose up my throat rapidly at her harsh words as
my stomach churned and my heart broke, shattered within me as my soul fought to
catch the pieces before they turned to dust around me.

“No, Jen… you don’t… you don’t mean that.” I rasped as
she screwed up her nose whilst she stared straight into my soul and burnt it
right inside of me, the fierce internal fire searing my lungs as she continued
with each of her punishing words.

“Yes, Ethan, I do. I hate you, I hate every single
fucking thing you have ever done but you know what? I hate you for all the
things we hurt Kyle for. I hate you because you make me hate myself. NOW GET
THE FUCK OUT!”

I stumbled backwards as I shook my head at her. “Baby,
please…”

“Don’t call me that! Don’t ever call me that again. Get
the fuck out!” she yelled as she launched her cup at me.

It hit the top of my head, coffee spilling over me as it
bounced off and smashed against the edge of the table. She picked up the bottle
of beer I had luckily finished and that retraced the route the cup had taken,
rebounding off my head and smashing against the worktop this time.

Romeo came up behind me and grabbed my arm as Zoe ran
over to Jen. “Come on, Boss. Let her deal. Let her calm down.”

I shook my head at him, my face still showing my astonishment
at her words but he nodded gently, “Come on, mate.”

“Romeo, she… she hates me.” I stuttered out as he led me
to his car and eased me in, my shock numbing my movements and my brain.

“She doesn’t, Boss; she’s just angry and hurting. Give
her space and time and I promise she’ll look differently at all this.”

I winced as I heard Jen’s loud screams through the open
window, the pain and desolation in her cries tore through me and ripped me
apart.

Romeo sped off, revving the engine to drown out the
desperate cries of the woman I loved, the woman I would never give up on – the
woman who abhorred me.

     The next few weeks dragged by and I hauled my heart around
on a piece of rope behind me. I missed Jen with each breath I took; the ache
inside me was agony as her eyes haunted me and her hatred consumed me and all I
wanted to do was get drunk to eradicate it, to be free from it for a while.

The guys had hauled me into some posh club somewhere but
I was so pissed I didn’t give a damn where we were as long as it sold whisky.

We were recognised as soon as we entered and Bulk grinned
happily as we were surrounded by women.

“Hey, sugar.” A voiced purred from beside me and I turned
to it, taking in the huge tits of the redhead smiling at me. “Boss, right?” she
asked as she identified my face.

I nodded at her as I scanned her tight body and her long
legs. “You looking for a good time?” she asked almost sweetly.

I stared at her through my hooded eyes, my intoxicated
state slowing my movements and my ability to process her words. “No, I’m just
looking for my heartache to fuck off.” I laughed as she furrowed her perfectly
plucked brows together.

“Oh, baby. You broken-hearted? Did some bitch hurt you?”

I scowled at her, “She’s not a bitch! She’s fucking
gorgeous, amazing, bright, sexy, funny… and she bloody hates me…”

Redhead nodded sadly as she patted my arm, “You wanna
talk about it?”

I peered down into her face and was surprised at the
compassion she showed, her features soft as her eyes soothed me.

I nodded and she steered me towards a booth and gestured
to the waitress for a few bottles of bubbly to be sent to us.

She climbed in and patted the space beside her and I
virtually fell on top of her as I clambered in after her. She giggled and I grinned
at her as I removed my face from her ample chest. “Soft landing” I told her as
she giggled again.

She smiled her thanks as the buckets of expensive
champagne were placed before us on the table and she filled our glasses
eagerly.

I eyed her sceptically. “I’m not that pissed, love. You
paying for them?”

She paused with her lips around the edge of her glass and
her nervous eyes fixed on mine. “Well, I…”

“You just thought I would because I’m notorious?”

She shrugged and I sighed. “Don’t worry about it” I
answered in resignation.

To be honest, I was past caring and she was listening.

Two hours later, I was still droning on and she was still
hanging on. “You really love her don’t you?” she sighed heavily. She was
plastered, utterly and completely after downing two of the bottles. “If you ask
me, sugar, she doesn’t deserve you. You’re a sweet guy and she sounds totally selfish!”

I nodded in agreement, my own drunkenness believing her
every word. “You need to move on and bang someone to get her out of your
system.”

I smiled at her. “You offering?”

She grinned lazily at me and tipped her head. “Would you
like to fuck me, Boss?”

My brows lifted at her directness and I smirked as I
cupped her chin and moved towards her.

Her eyes held mine as I brushed my lips over hers then
took her hard and feverish under my mouth, my lust and denial consuming each of
her breaths and whimpers until she pulled back and fought for air. “That answer
your question, sweetheart?”

She smiled sexily and nodded. “Yeah, you wanna get out of
here?”

I nodded as I pulled a few hundred out of my wallet and
placed it on the waitress’s tray as I took Redhead’s hand and directed her
through the mass of sweaty dancers on the dance floor.

We laughed and fought for air as we exploded through the
front doors and fell onto the ground in front of someone’s high red heels. High
red heels that I had seen before. High red heels that Jen had been wearing when
I had fucked her over her desk.

I closed my eyes in distress as Redhead pulled on my hand
and yanked me upright, straight in front of Jen, Zoe and a few other women.

“Hello, Ethan” she said calmly as her eyes swept between
Redhead and me.

“Jen.” I swallowed harshly as she eyed Redhead with a curl
to her lip.

I watched her throat bob as she pushed down her indignation
and forced a smile on her lips. “I’ll, uhh; I’ll let you get on with... uhh…
Take care, Ethan.” She breathed quietly as her gaze locked with mine.

“Come on, sugar. A girl has can only hold on so long.”
Redhead giggled and pulled on my hand guiding me away from Jen.

I could feel the stare of each woman as Redhead wrenched me
towards a waiting taxi and as I climbed in after her I turned to look at Jen
but she had gone. Zoe hadn’t however and she shook her head sadly at me before
she turned and entered the club.

“Fuck!” I hissed out as I banged my fist into the
headrest in front of me.

“Oi, anymore and you’re out, mate.” The driver chastised
and Redhead frowned at me.

“You okay?”

Was I?

I couldn’t seem to stop hurting Jen, everything I did
turned out wrong and she was always there to pick up the pieces of my fuck ups,
always there to witness my humiliation and stupid mistakes.

 I turned back to Redhead and smiled sadly. “Sorry,
sweetheart but I can’t do this.”

“What? Why?” she spat out, her hurt at my words turning
into anger at me.

I shrugged as I handed the driver a twenty and told him
to make sure she got home safe before I ventured back into the club and went in
search of the real woman I wanted.

I spotted her immediately, her face sad and hurt as she
walked out of the toilet doors and my heart beat rapidly at what I was about to
do but my inebriation gave me courage.

I stepped in front of her and smiled wickedly before I
reached into her as she gasped. “Hello, baby” I whispered in her ear as I
inhaled her familiar delicious scent.

She gasped again as I fisted her hair and pulled her head
back, the fire in her eyes pulsing straight into my dick and turning it to
steel.

“I want you, Jen. I fucking
need
you. I need to be
inside you. I need to feel every fucking gorgeous inch of you underneath me and
around me.”

Her chest heaved with her own arousal, her eyes now
bright but heavy as she fought with herself over my revelation.

I titled her head back further and she whimpered at the
slight pain as I gripped her hair harder and licked a soft path down from her
ear to the corner of her mouth. “You want me, Jen. You want my hard cock
sliding into that perfect pussy of yours, filling you and pleasuring you. You
need to feel me inside you just as much as I need to feel you grip me tight in
your desire.”

Her eyes closed as a slight moan erupted from her throat.
“Yes” she whispered against my mouth.

I couldn’t control the groan that forced its way from my
chest and into her mouth as I pressed my lips against her soft pink ones. She
fought me for a while, her teeth biting as she fisted the material of my shirt
but then I felt her submit, her own denial melting under us as she kissed me
back just as passionately and fiercely. Her tongue hesitantly swept into my
mouth and I caught it with my own and flicked against her.

The groan she emitted choked my cock to a near imminent
orgasm and I pulled back as I grabbed her hand and towed her through the club
and out into the fresh air before I lured her into the alley behind the
building and shoved her up against the wall.

Her arms were already around my neck as she pulled me
back into her and took my mouth again. Her hands rose to my hair and she tugged
on my band before ploughing her fingers through my locks and yanked my head
back.

Her teeth sank into my neck and I groaned at the same
time as I hissed through my teeth at her carnal appetite.

“Fuck me, baby. Fuck me hard.” she mumbled as she pulled
more of my flesh into her mouth, sucking on it harshly and relentlessly as her
fingers tugged at my belt before she released my rock hard cock into the cool
air and flicked the tiny ball at the end of my bar sending a shot of white hot
pleasure straight up my spine and into my brain as my balls constricted
rapidly.

I scrutinised her face, reading the lust and craving in
her as I swept my hands up the outside of her dress and bunched it around her
hips then I twisted my thumbs in the edge of her thong and ripped them off.

Her gasp vibrated straight through to my dick as he
begged me to bury him in her wetness.

“You want me, Jen. You want me hard and brutal?”

“God, yes, I need you to take me rough, Ethan. I need
your power and your control to bring me off hard.”

I growled at her plea as I palmed her backside and lifted
her until she wrapped those sexy little legs around my waist and I slammed into
her firmly.

“Fuck! So… damn good…” I hissed as my cock shouted his
delight at being buried to the tip of her. Her warmth sheathed me tightly and
magnificently as the girth of my rigid dick stretched her wide and filled her
perfect pussy to the hilt.

“Fuck…” she choked out herself as she lifted up and
slammed back down on me, her lewd grin firing my hunger for her. “You always
feel so good, Ethan” she purred as she clenched her muscles strictly around me.

“Don’t do that, Jen. I’ll come hard and quick if you do
that.”

She grinned again as her tongue swept her top teeth and I
bit my lip at the pure sexuality she emitted. “Then fuck me.”

I wrapped one arm around her waist as I placed the other
under her arse before I powered into her hard and brutally.

“Oh god, yes” she cried out as her head rested on my
shoulder and I gave her everything she wanted and demanded.

“Harder, damn you. Fuck me like you wanna hurt me!” she shouted
with ferociousness at me and I frowned and stopped immediately. My dick was weeping
at the sudden stillness but her words clogged my throat.

“What did you say?”

She opened her eyes and stared at me. “I asked you to
fuck me hard, Ethan” she snapped as she tried to move herself on me but I
enclosed her harder against my body until she couldn’t move.

“Not that part, the other part?”

She swallowed and I watched her throat restrict and
loosen as she shrugged nonchalantly. “JEN!”

She jolted at the tone in my voice but she diverted her
face away and stared down the alley at another couple who were currently just
about to climax if their moans were anything to go by.

“Answer me, baby” I asked softly, my heart breaking at
her self-hatred.

She shook her head and refused to turn her beautiful face
to me so I cupped her chin and made her look at me but she closed her eyes.
“Stop fucking defying me at every turn.”

She pushed harshly at my chest. “Let me go if you’re not
gonna nail the shit out of me.”

“What the hell?” I choked out as my eyebrows hit my
hairline, “What the fuck, Jen. Where did you go? This talk isn’t you.”

She twisted her lips cruelly at me and my stomach lurched
at the vice in her expression. “Picked it up off a couple of guys the other day
whilst they each
nailed
the fuck out of me” she shrugged casually as my
heart blasted to pieces inside my chest, the force of it reverberated through
my whole body and crashed into my brain as I registered what she had just said.

I dropped her to her feet and stared at her as the
amorous couple screamed their indication that they had just come but I just
stared at the woman in front of me, the woman so full of hatred and abhorrence
that she gave herself freely to hide the pain that was inside her.

“Problem, Ethan?” she smirked and I had to fight the urge
to wipe the smugness from her face.

“Please tell me you didn’t mean that, that you were lying
to hurt me.” I pleaded but she tipped her head back and laughed manically.

“Why hurt you with lies when I can do it with the truth”
she sneered and my heart beat plummeted with my stomach.

 I shook my head at her, “Why, Jen? You… you’re not like
that… you’re sweet, innocent, and too pure to do that.”

She laughed again as she leant into my ear and I winced
as her soft breath whispered against the tender spot she had bitten. “One in my
arse and one in my pussy, Ethan. Epic, fucking epic and so damn hot. Came like
a fucking freight train, baby.”

I closed my eyes and held back the vomit that was rising
as she patted my cheek and walked away, her laughter dying with her as she
disappeared around the edge of the building.

My legs gave way and I sank down the wall, my arse
grazing the brickwork on its route down as my whole body wept and bled.

“You okay, mate?” the bloke from down the alley asked and
I just stared up at him with confusion masking my face but I nodded at him.
“You want me to fetch someone?”

I shook my head slowly as Jen’s words bounced around my
head.

One in my arse and one in my pussy, baby. Epic,
fucking epic.

Picked it up off a couple of guys the other day whilst
they each nailed the fuck out of me.

Harder, damn you. Fuck me like you wanna hurt me!

I had destroyed her spirit, demolished her gentleness and
completely obliterated her soul in my endeavour to gain her selfishly for
myself. My utter determination to fix her had been the very thing that had
broken her. That had broken us.

That had massacred my own soul.