RUIN - Part Two (The RUIN Series Book 2) (2 page)

"It was a mistake," I say the words to comfort him but their meaning is lost. A mistake is when you forget to pick up a loaf of bread at the grocery store or the due date on the electricity bill passes before you have a chance to pay it. Those are the mistakes we live with, and deal with. Neglecting to check the connections on your mother's oxygen tank isn't a mistake. I don't want to trivialize this. He lost one of the most important people in his life because he neglected to supply her with the one thing she desperately needed.

His hand brushes over his forehead, stopping to rest against his eyes. "It was stupid. Every decision I made that day was idiotic and selfish."

He has beaten himself up over this for more than a decade. It's a part of him now and although the actual day that it happened may be buried in the past, the emotional toll of it is right there, at the edge of who he is. I saw it when he dropped to his knees beneath Noah's accusations.  "You were young."

"It's not an excuse." He jerks his hand from mine. "I was responsible for her care. I broke the rules."

Breaking rules is one thing. Being charged with murder is completely different. It's hard to understand how that happened if it was completely an accident. "Why were you charged with murder?"

He recoils physically at the mention of the word. "I was in a daze. The police came to the house with the ambulance."

That's expected. It's protocol. The same thing had happened the evening my neighbor died when I was a child. The loud blare of the ambulance and police cars had charged me awake. I remember standing on the front porch, staring across the street as they wheeled her lifeless body from her home, her husband shaking with sobs following the stretcher.

"You explained what happened, right?" It's logical. It's an open and shut case in my non-legal brain.

His leg shakes slightly and he grabs hold of his thigh to steady it. "I told them I killed her. I told anyone who would listen to me."

I place my hand against my knee. Its instinct is to jump to his to help calm him. I want to reassure him that I understand because up to this point I do. "You felt responsible for her death."

"I was responsible." The words dart out falling into one another in their haste. "I didn't check the hose on the tank. I walked away."

"There's no way you could have known that she'd die, Ben."

"Kayla." He edges slightly to the left, creating a divide between us. "Alarms were sounding, she was struggling and I wasn't there."

I stare at his face. The guilt is woven into who he is, just as the need to heal is there alongside it. "You didn't do it on purpose."

Abruptly, he faces me, his eyes skimming a path from my forehead to my chin. "You believe in me. It's been so long since anyone has."

The words aren't expected and I'm sure my expression can't mask the surprise. I do believe him. I won't boast and say I'm an incredible judge of character because Parker is proof that I'm not, but with Ben it's different. He's a doctor. His life's mission is to help people get well. He's torn up inside over his mother's death. His reaction to Noah's incessant verbal berating wasn't staged. He was broken, he was remorseful and I saw it with my own two eyes. Just as I'm now seeing a man attempting to forgive himself for what happened when he was barely old enough to drive. "I do believe in you, Ben."

He turns towards me, bending his leg on the couch. "Before me mother died, there was a lot of talk about money."

"Money?" I don’t toss the question at him to catch an answer. I know where this is headed. Alexa had unwittingly told me about the inheritance the twins received from their mother's estate when they turned twenty-five.

He leans towards me, his arm reaching across the back of the couch. "My mother changed her will shortly before she died. She included Noah and me in it."

We've shared our bodies in every way the last few weeks. I've held onto him when I've crashed into the most intense orgasms of my life, yet, now as he talks about money and his mother's death it feels more intimate than anything that's taken place in his bed.

"She talked to us about it." His eyes dart down and out of my view. "She didn't go into details about amounts or terms but we understood it was substantial. My mother's family was very wealthy."

I'm listening intently because I know it's going to take me to a place I need to be. He's going to explain why he was arrested for mistakenly forgetting to attach the hose on her oxygen tank. "Was that part of the reason why you were charged with her murder?"

His hands leap to his face. I watch as his body rocks forward slightly. "That's exactly why."

I don't know how to offer comfort so I rest my hand on his calf. "They thought it was a motive?"

"They did," he whispers softly. "I was a teenager, mowing lawns for gas money for my car. When my mother sat us down and explained that we'd each inherit a small fortune if she died, we both said things we shouldn't have."

"Things about money?"

His tongue flits over his bottom lip. "I told Noah that I wished she would die so I could get my own place. It was during an argument with my dad. I regretted it as soon as I said it."

"He told someone about that after she was gone?" I press on wanting to understand the entire scope of what happened in that house between Ben and his brother.

"He was interviewed by the police." His shoulders tense. "He told them I said those things. I told them I killed her and my father told them nothing."

"So they arrested you?" The surprise in my tone isn't as intentional as it sounds. It had to have been an incredibly emotional situation. A line of blame is easy to cast when someone dies. In this case, the hook fell into Ben's lap and he was the one caught up in the firestorm.

"That night." He rubs his wrists. "They handcuffed me and took me to jail."

"I'm sorry." I lean forward to embrace him. I'm doing it as much for him as for myself. "I'm so sorry, Ben."
He pulls me into his chest, adjusting his body so it's as close to mine as possible. "I was terrified. My father didn't come down to help me. There was no one."

"What?" I pull back to look at his face. "That's horrible."

"My best friend's father was an attorney." He eyes me. "He came down there and cleared everything up. The charges were dropped the next day."

The arrest may have been short lived but the damage was far reaching. It's now twelve years later and the wall of agony behind Ben's eyes is proof that the pain of that day has never subsided.

"My surprise bridal shower is on Sunday at Axel NY. Did you get pink roses for the table settings?"

It's Friday, which means I have two days to convince myself that going to this bridal shower is a good idea. After leaving Ben's apartment last night, I'd gone straight home to bed. The conversation had been too intense for me to even think about anything beyond it. I had barely slept. I'd wanted to stay and cradle him in my arms but I knew that's not what he needed in that moment. He needed to be alone as much as I did.

"It's not a surprise if you're helping plan it, Lex." I run my hand over her shoulder. "You’re not supposed to know anything about it. Sadie's going to be devastated."

It's not an exaggeration. Sadie Lockwood is Alexa's matron-of-honor. This bridal shower is everything right now to her. She's worked tirelessly for weeks making sure each detail is exactly the way she wants it to be. Creating a special celebration in honor of Alexa's impending marriage to Noah is Sadie's way of showing how much she treasures them both.

They've been friends since they were children and have held each other's hands through the most trying and important moments in each other's lives. When Sadie needed a heart transplant, Alexa had camped in the hospital waiting room until the surgery was over. When Alexa struggled to adjust to living in Paris for a semester in college, it was Sadie she turned to.

I showed up during Alexa's junior year in college. I'm second best. It's never been a secret. We all know it. The fact that Alexa has chosen Sadie as her matron-of-honor illustrates the dynamic of our friendship to a tee.

"You can handle Sadie." She grabs my hand. "You can tell her that I don't have a clue. A little white lie isn't going to hurt her."

What about my big multi-colored, lights flashing, horns blaring lie? When I first got to Alexa's apartment an hour ago she asked if I'd spoken to Ben. I hadn't answered and although that's technically not an outright lie, it's not who I want to be in this friendship. I want to be open and I want Alexa to understand why I went back to Ben's place to get his side of the story.

"I don't want to lie to Sadie." I try to sound cool and calm. "If she asks me if you know, I'll tell her."

"She's fragile, Kayla." Her words bite into me. "I don't want you to upset her right now."

Right now translates to always. When Alexa had returned from Paris I was the one she confided in about her torrid love affair with a man who was deeply involved with another woman. I had held her while she cried and helped her shed the regret that she'd wrapped herself tightly in. I wasn't supposed to tell Sadie because she knew the man and it would only upset her. It was only one of a string of moments in Alexa's life that Sadie wasn't granted knowledge of. I'm tired of it.

I pull my hand from hers. "She's stronger than you think she is. It's just a surprise party."

She arches her neck back, finally pulling her gaze free from the invitations sitting on the table in front of her. "I know she's strong."

I nod my head as I scroll my finger over the seating chart. "There are a lot of people coming to this wedding. Who knew you and Noah were so popular?"

She tilts her head back, jutting her tongue out at me. "You're not funny. It's so much to organize."

"I'll help in any way that I can," I offer genuinely. I've seen the stress that she's been under the past few weeks. I haven't stepped in to help because my focus has been divided between work and Ben. My new job being Vivian's assistant doesn't stop at five o'clock, she has me emailing, researching and doing odd jobs for her at random times. I feel like a well-paid puppet on a string but it affords me the chance to have my own apartment, so I'm not going to complain.

"Sadie's been great with taking care of most everything."

"I'll text her later to see if she needs help with anything." I don't even blink as I say the words. I mean them.

She spins around in the chair she's sitting in to look up at me. "You know I love you."

The words touch me deeply. I needed to hear them. There's been an undercurrent of misunderstanding floating between us since she learned about Ben and I. "I love you too, Lex."

"I didn't choose her because she's more important to me."

I smile at the proclamation. We haven't openly discussed it. I'd waited for weeks for her to ask me to be her maid-of-honor. A group text message one morning asking me to be a bridesmaid pushed me back into the place I belonged in her life. I was one of four bridesmaids. We're all sorority sisters, all wearing the same color dress, all standing next to Sadie. "I know, Lex."

She pats her hand lightly on her chest. "I had to follow my heart."

"Your heart?" My hand leaps to my own chest. "What do you mean?"

"I talked to Noah about who to choose." She turns both her hands over so the palms are facing up. "Part of me wanted Sadie because we've been friends for so long. The other part of me wanted you because we're so close now."

"What did Noah say?" I cock a brow waiting for her response.

"He told me to listen to my heart." She leans back so her eyes meet mine. "We all need to listen to our hearts more."

"I'm trying to," I say, knowing that for me the words hold more meaning than Lex can ever know.

"You have to, Kayla." She pulls my hands into hers. "I chose Sadie because my heart knew it was right. That's why I chose Noah too. My heart knew he was the man I was meant to be with."

My heart knows what's right for me too. I just have to find a way to convince the people I love that my heart knows best.

I am in his arms the moment he opens the door of his apartment. It doesn’t matter that we haven't spoken at all since the other night. The fact that I didn't call before I got in a cab and came here isn't important to either of us. What does matter is the way his hands reached out to me when he saw me. All that I care about is the touch of his lips against mine and the hunger within his eyes.

"I've been waiting for you," he growls the words into my mouth. "I've been thinking about you every second since you left me."

It's the same for me. My appearance at his door is proof of that. "I've thought about you too," I offer weakly.

His lush lips feather a path over my cheek before they forge hot over mine. I part my mouth to take him in, drowning in the taste of his breath and the softness of his touch. I can't resist him. I don't want to. I only want to feel and let my heart guide me back to being close to him. I need that. I need to be as deeply connected to him, as I was the first night we spent together.

"I want you in my bed." His hands are on me, shedding my body of the sweater I'd pulled on over my dress. "I want to taste you. I need to be inside of you."

I push against him, inching him backwards towards his bedroom. "Ben." His name is heavy as it spreads from my lips onto his. "I want this."

He scoops me up and into his arms in one graceful movement. I hold tight to his shirt as he walks down the hallway and into his bedroom. We don't share words as he tenderly removes my clothing, taking time to kiss a path over my skin as its revealed. I close my eyes, soaking in the touch. This is what I need. This is where I belong.

"Your cunt is so sweet." He's on his knees at the foot of the bed, his head between my legs. "I crave the taste of you, Kayla. I touch myself thinking about how good it is."

I pull my fingers through his thick brown hair, raking my nails across his scalp. "Make me come, Ben."
He pulls his tongue slowly over my smooth slit, stopping to rest it against my swollen clit. "You're going to come on my face." It's little more than a breathless whisper against my thigh.

I arch my back into the bed, pushing my hips up and into him. He scoops my ass into his palms, pulling me closer. His tongue laps at me with one delicious stroke after another. I cling to his head, losing myself in the pleasure. "It's so good," I moan. "Just like that. I want to come."

His teeth scrape over my clit, coaxing every sensation to the surface. He grunts into my flesh, the whispers of his breath sending me right over the edge.

I cry out his name at full force as the orgasm grips me. I cling to his hair, pulling tightly as I try to dislodge his mouth from me. I'm so aware of every cell that is crying out from the climax. My body is so close to the edge again already. It feels like too much. I can't handle the intensity and I whimper beneath him.

He flips me over with one skillful movement. I'm on my knees. His face between my legs again, kneading the flesh of my buttocks as he circles my entrance with his tongue. He slides two fingers in before he hones in on the spot that throws me back into the rush. I scream his name this time, unable to quiet anything I'm feeling. It's more than I knew existed. My body can't stop its natural reaction to his touch and his desire.

I fall forward lazily on the bed when his hands leave me. I hear the pad of his feet against the hardwood and the unmistakable slam of a drawer. The soft sound of the condom package ripping spurs on my desire even more. The bed shifts when he gets back on.

"I'm ready to fuck you, Kayla." The words are terse, direct and decisive. "That beautiful cunt of yours is going to take all of me."

I whine knowing that it's going to sting. There's a potent bite of pain when he enters me fully. He's wider and longer than any man I've been with. It's only going to be more intense when I'm like this. I'm wet, spread, ready and open to take him.

His hand runs over my ass cheek, stopping to linger on my pussy. "You're so fucking wet. You love when I eat you, don't you?"

It's not a question I can answer. I can't breathe right now. I know what's coming. I know that within seconds he's going to be buried deep within my body, his balls crashing against me as he pumps his cock into me. I whimper from sheer want.

"I can't stand it." The words accompany his entrance. There's no warning at all. He plunges into my body fully and harshly.

I fall forward but his hands grab my waist, pulling me back onto him. He pumps harder, increasing the intensity with each thrust. The only sounds in the still air are his muted grunts, my moans and the slap of his flesh as it hits mine.

"I could fuck you forever." He bites the words out in a deep voice. "I could fuck this body for the rest of my life."

"Do it," I whisper into the pillow. "Do it."

My body lunges forward as his hips grind into mine, each thrust deeper and harder than the last. My name falls from his lips over and over again as he nears his release.

I hold tight to the bed, push my wetness back into him and scream as we both come long and hard.