Sacred Surrender (19 page)

“Why?  What’s the point, Madison?”  

“Just come outside and talk to me.”  

Madison walked away from the bar toward the front door hoping he would follow her.  When she glanced over her shoulder, she was happy to see he had.  After walking past a crowd of patrons who were out in the smoking section, she turned to face him. 

“Won’t your date be upset that you came outside with another man?”  He asked before she could say anything. 

“He’s not my date, he’s my co-worker.” 

“Mmmmhmmm,” was his only response. 

Relief flooded Rowan and all the tension bolted from his body.  When he’d seen Madison standing there with the other man he wanted to rip his limbs off.  Knowing that she’d not been there on a date with him brought a smile to his face.  A smile that was short lived. 

“What the hell was that in there, Rowan?” 

“Wow, such language.  First, you throw away your virginity and now this.  What other surprises do you have for me?”  He said rudely. 

The next thing Rowan felt was her hand across his face.  The sting of her palm brought him back to the senses he apparently left at her feet the day she dumped him. 

“Fuck you. How’s that surprise for you?”  She said, her nostrils flaring from her anger.  She should have never asked him to come outside with her.  When she was angry, she never made good decisions.  Never in her life had she struck someone, nor had she ever spoke to anyone in such a hateful way.  She wanted to blame his actions with Nikki for her own, but had she not pushed him away in the first place, they’d not even be standing here.  It didn’t diminish her anger, though. 

“I’m sorry, Madison,” he said shaking his head,  “That was uncalled for.” 

“You’re damn right it was.  You’re apparently not the man I thought you were,” she said walking past him heading back to the bar. 

Rowan grabbed Madison’s arm, spinning her around.  The last thing she expected was for him to press his lips to hers in a bruising kiss.  She tried to push away from him, but his grip was too tight.  A part of her wanted to give into him, to feel once again that closeness she’d been missing, but the stronger part that was really pissed at him right now wanted to kick him so hard in his nuts so he felt them in his throat.  When she continued to fight him, he released her.  She knew deep down in her heart that even though he had acted like an ass, he would never force himself on someone. 

“Madison, tell me you don’t have any feelings for me and I walk away right now. Tell me right now that you don’t want to have anything to do with me and that’s it.  I’ll move on, but until you tell me, I can’t.” 

Madison turned her back to him, “I don’t want to have anything to do with you.” 

“Look me in the eyes and tell me.  Turn around, face me and tell me.  At least have the common courtesy to look at me.” 

Madison couldn’t.  She couldn’t look at him and tell him that because she didn’t believe it herself.  The past three weeks had been hell for her.  Not talking, texting or seeing him had been the hardest thing she’d done in her life.  There had been too many days when she’d wanted to run back to him, throw herself at his feet and beg for his forgiveness for being such an idiot.  Aside from the closeness they shared while they made love, she missed the closeness she felt just by hearing his voice.  She’d not laughed or felt happy since the night in the cave with him.  She couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat.  Hell, she wouldn’t even be here tonight had she not let her co-workers convince her that she needed a night out.  Now, she wished she’d just stayed home with a sappy love movie and a gallon of chocolate ice cream.  Without another word, she walked back into the bar. 

“Can one of you take me home?”  Rowan asked when he finally made his way back to the table Cade and Tessa occupied. 

Tess stood up, “I will.  I want to talk to you anyway.” 

With his hand raised, “If you’re going to lecture me I just as soon walk home.” 

“I’m not going to lecture you, dumbass.  Let’s go,”  turning to Cade, Tessa leaned in, kissing his lips, “I’ll be back shortly.  Do not let any girls sit at this table with you,” she said with a smile.  She knew he wouldn’t, she just liked saying it. 

As Rowan and Tessa made their way through the crowd to head out the bar, he glanced over to Madison, who hadn’t given him a second look.  His chest clenched and for the first time in his life he felt as if he had no control over what happened.  Even with all that Erin had done to him, he was the one that controlled what happened afterwards.  He turned to walk back toward her when Tessa placed her hands in the center of his chest. 

“Not right now, Rowan.  You both just need time.” 

“Like three fucking weeks isn’t enough time?”  He asked, not able to keep the hurt from his voice or his eyes.  Rowan gently grabbed Tessa’s hands from his chest looking down at her.  “You’re right, sis, let’s go.” 

The ride home was a silent one; a very uncomfortably silent one.  It had taken everything within Tessa not to go over and give Madison a piece of her mind, but she’d stood where Madison stood now.  If Madison was as wonderful as Rowan had described to her not but a few weeks ago, she knew she was struggling with their separation just as much as he had been.  Why she had decided to break things off with him, she couldn’t figure out, but she had to trust that things would work out the way they were supposed to.  Rowan just had to have the patience. 

As if reading her mind, “I don’t know how much more I can take, Tess,” he said shaking his head. 

“I know, Rowan, but you just have to be patient.  It’s not the right timing.” 

“How can it not be?”  He questioned staring out the window, trying to make sense of it all. 

“I don’t know, brother.  I just know  that when I think of what Cade and I went through it all worked out in the end.” 

“It’s not the same.  You and Cade had a history.” 

“Doesn’t matter,” she simply said. 

“Tess, the first time Madison and I slept together, I was her first.  I keep thinking maybe she’s regretting it; maybe that’s why she decided to break things off with me.  I could have pushed too much to be physical and now she hates me for it.” 

“What?!  She was a virgin?”  Tessa practically yelled.  “Damn, Rowan, that explains a lot.” 

“Well, I’m glad you get it because I don’t.” 

“Rowan, listen to me, just give her some time.  Honestly, I don’t know enough about the girl to care what she is feeling, but I do care about you.  And as a woman, I know she just needs some time to sort things out.  Can you just do that, give her some time?” 

Rowan didn’t answer and Tess didn’t push.  He continued staring out the window; buildings blurred as she drove past each one.  His heart ached and the one person who could stop it didn’t want to.  Tess pulled into the drive, shut the engine off and turned to Rowan.  She placed her hand on his arm when he reached for the door handle.  “I’ll be fine, Tess.  I promise.  I just need to get my shit together and move on.  It’s what she wants.  I can’t change that.”

“You don’t know that, Rowan.” 

He kissed her on the cheek before sliding out the car.  Leaning in before he closed the door, he thanked her for the ride. 

“Do you want me in come in for a little while?”  She asked, hoping he’d say yes. She didn’t like seeing her brother this way, but she knew he’d have to work it out on his own. 

Shaking his head, he closed the door and made his way into the house.  Rowan realized what he said to Tessa rang true.  He did need to get his shit together.  Trying to change something that couldn’t be changed was a lost cause and he wasn’t into lost causes.  Tonight he’d sleep off the buzz he had and in the morning be thankful for another day to set his life back on the right track. 

Chapter 21

Work had be so hectic, that when Rowan’s replacement came sauntering through the E.R. doors, he was surprised to see that his shift had actually been over twenty minutes prior.  He didn’t even care Dr. Addison was late.  Work had been keeping him so busy, he had little time to dwell on Madison and by the time he made it home, he was so tired that all he wanted to do was sleep.  He was thankful for his days off, though, so he could allow his body to catch up on much needed rest. 

Today was the first of his two days off since he’d seen Madison at the bar a week ago.  He planned on getting a few hours of sleep, then he and Cade were going to shoot some pool in the afternoon.  They hadn’t spent much time together lately and he was ready to just hang out with his best friend again.  Rowan pulled his car into the drive, turned the engine off and grabbed his backpack from the back seat.  As he stood he looked over the roof of his car to Madison’s place, just out of habit.  He was taken by surprise, when he saw her standing there holding a cup of coffee up to her lips glancing over the rim at him.  She looked as beautiful as ever in a pair a faded blue jeans and pink sweatshirt, her hair pulled up in a ponytail as usual.  He smiled and was surprised when she waved at him.  He gave her a nod, turned his back to her and took the steps up to his porch.  His chest ached all over again.   That aching feeling  was actually something he was getting used to, enduring until the pain subsided.  Everything within him at the moment, begged him to run across the two lawns and snatch her up in his arms.  When he reached the front door he was surprised to see a lined pink piece of paper taped to it.  He pulled it from the tape, unfolded it and read. 

Rowan, there are so many things I’ve done wrong in my life and walking away from you the other night was one of them.  We need to talk.  Dinner?  Tonight?  My treat. 

Madison

He slowly turned to find her still standing on her porch, now leaning against the banister.  Rowan nodded his head, turned and walked inside.  Shutting the door, he leaned his back against it just as his cell phone vibrated in his back pocket.  He pulled it out, tapped the touch screen and saw Madison’s name next to the smiley face indicating a text message. 

Seven?  I’ll bring dinner to your place.  *wink* 

Deal. 
He wasn’t sure how much he should text her, so he left it at that. 

After a short nap, Rowan quickly showered before Cade came over.  One thing he could always count on with Cade, he was always on time.  One o’clock on the dot his door bell rang.  He and Cade went to Eddies, the local pool hall.  They both needed guy time desperately and he was thankful Tessa was tied up with a photo shoot.  Halfway through the second game, Cade finally spoke his mind. 

“So, how are you doing?” 

“I’m hanging in there.  You know, taking it day by day.” 

“Have you talked to Madison lately?” 

“No, but she left a note on my door.  She wants to bring dinner over tonight; said we needed to talk.” 

“That’s good, right?”  Cade asked wondering why Rowan wasn’t more excited. 

“I want it to be, but I’m not getting my hopes up,” he said sinking the eight ball before he should have.  “Damn it.  How many times am I going to do that today?” 

Laughing, Cade responded, “You’ve always been a better doctor than a pool player.”