Sacred Surrender (20 page)

“Shut the hell up,” Rowan laughed as he placed the wooden triangle on the green surface adding the pool balls in preparation for another game.  He took a drink from the cold beer bottle as he placed the last ball in. 

“Rowan, why don’t you come into practice with me?” 

“That’s the last thing I need right now, Cade.  Work is the only stability I have in my life at this point.” 

“Don’t let your sister hear you say that.  And you know I’ll keep asking until I no longer have a practice.” 

“You know what I mean.  Outside of you and Tess work is the only thing that’s keeping me sane.  And you can keep asking; I’ll just keep declining.” 

After a few more hours of shooting pool and drinking beer, Cade dropped him back home.  Rowan had some time before Madison would be over, so he showered to get the musty smell of the pool hall off him then sat in front of the television flipping through the channels.  He hadn’t had much sleep the past week and he dozed off with his feet propped on the glass coffee table.  The ringing of the doorbell startled him from his sleep.  Wiping his eyes to clear the fuzziness, Rowan checked his watch and realized that seven o’clock had snuck up on him.  Damn it, he must have been really tired to have passed out that hard.  When he reached the door, he opened it to a smiling Madison.  He wasn’t sure if he should hug her or kiss her or just let her walk in.  He opted for the latter since they weren’t together any longer. 

Motioning for her to enter, “Come on in.” 

“Thank you,” she responded lifting the two brown bags she had in each hand.  “Chinese.” 

“Perfect choice.  Come on into the kitchen.  You’ll have to excuse me, I fell asleep and wasn’t as prepared as I would normally be,” Rowan felt awkward and to him his words sounded rehearsed.  What had happened between them that brought them to this point? 

“It’s not a problem. I’m sure you’re pretty exhausted from work.  I won’t keep you up too late.” 

Rowan grabbed two plates, silverware and two wine glasses.  While Rowan watched Madison pull the food from its containers, he set the table and grabbed a bottle of red wine.  Holding the bottle up, “Is this okay?” 

Continuing with her task, Madison simply nodded.  She felt very self-conscious and wasn’t sure if they should talk before they ate, during the meal or just waited until after.  She was so new at this whole relationship thing and she’d already screwed it up so much. She didn’t want to do anything else wrong when it came to her and Rowan. 

Rowan filled the two glasses sitting just as she did to begin the meal.  He found himself smiling when he saw that Madison brought extra egg rolls.  That’s my girl, he thought.  Then, he quickly squashed the thought, because she wasn’t his girl; not any longer.  She was simply a neighbor who was in the process of a peace offering and nothing more.  Just as he brought a fork full of chow mien to his lips, Madison spoke. 

“Rowan, I want to talk to about the other night at the bar.” 

Slowly, he lowered the fork back to his plate, “Do we really need to?  I’d like to just forget the whole thing, if possible,” he picked up his wine glass and took a quick drink.  Liquid courage was what he was going to need it to get through this meal. 

“Yes, we need to,”  Madison pushed her plate away from her, folding her arms on the table in front of her,  “Look, I’m not good with any of this, with relationships.  Which probably explains why I was a virgin up until recently.” 

“Madison, I am so sorry for my actions and what I said.  I’m not going to make any excuses, they were completely uncalled for.” 

“I know, Rowan; I know you aren’t that kind of man.  I actually feel responsible for the way you acted.  If I’d just talked to you before I broke things off, we wouldn’t be in this situation.” 

“That’s bullshit.  I’m responsible for the way I acted.  You’ve been nothing but wonderful and I’ve been nothing but an ass.  To be honest with you, though, I just don’t understand why you changed your mind about me.  I don’t know what I did to make you not want to be with me any longer.” 

Madison sat dumbfounded at his words.  He hadn’t done anything, but treat her with the utmost respect and care, at least before the bar.  She now felt like a bigger ass than before she even stepped through his front door.  Madison pushed her chair away from the table, stood and made her way to him.  He turned to face her, still sitting.  Standing before him with her hands shaking, an indication of what she was feeling on the inside, she placed her hands on his cheeks then slid them up until her fingers were buried in his hair.  She felt his gentle grip on her wrists as he pulled them down. 

Shaking his head, “Madison, I don’t understand what you’re doing.  I thought you wanted this to end.” 

“I thought you didn’t really want me, so I ended it,” she said, her voice shaking as she looked into his eyes. 

Rowan released her wrists as he leaned back in his chair, “Why would think that?”  He was completely shocked by her confession because surely their time in the cave and his texts and calls should have been more of an indication he wanted her. 

“Because I’m an idiot.  Look, Rowan, I told you I’m not good at this.  Honestly, I’ve seen a lot of women give themselves to a man and fall head over heels in love with them and it not be reciprocated.  Then, they get their heart broken and I-” 

Before she could finish her sentence, Rowan pushed so hard on his chair as he stood, causing it to crash against the wall.  He wrapped an arm around her waist, bringing his other hand up bunching in her long black tresses walking her backwards until her back was pressed to the counter.  He kissed her with all the pent up frustration he’d been feeling since she’d taken her girl’s weekend all those weeks ago.  Pressing his body closer to hers, he relished the feel of their bodies meshed together.  Rowan felt her relax in his arm and it felt like a coming home after being gone entirely too long.  He’d finally found a shelter from the storm that had been constant since he walked away from her.  His tongue dueled with hers and he loved the way she tasted in his mouth.  The fruit taste from her lip gloss mixed with a minty flavor shot electricity through his body. 

Suddenly, Madison broke the kiss, “We still have a lot to talk about, you know.  I’m still not sure where we are going.” 

“To my bedroom,” he said with a wink. 

“I’m serious, Rowan,” she responded, placing her hands on his muscled chest. 

Rowan grabbed her hands, brought them to his mouth and placed a kiss in each palm.  “I know.  I don’t have the answer to that.  All I know is that I don’t want us to end.  The past few weeks have seriously sucked and I hate who I am when I’m not with you.” 

“I feel the same way.  I honestly thought my feelings for you were only because I gave my virginity to you.  I thought what I was feeling would pass, but it only grew stronger the longer we were apart.” 

Rowan hadn’t thought for one moment what Madison must have been going through giving up something so precious.  Not because he was an ass, but honestly he never had anyone give him their virginity and men and women just saw that differently.  He pulled her into his embrace again. 

“Let’s make a promise to each other right here and now; from here on out, we talk to each other instead of just assuming.” 

“I’m good with that,” she said smiling. 

“Good.  Now, how about getting back to this meal before it gets too cold to eat?  Reheated Chinese is not my favorite,” he pushed her chair in after she sat, leaning in for a quick kiss, then took his own seat. 

Madison was a little taken aback that he didn’t want to drag her down the hall to his bedroom and have his way with her.  And being honest with herself, she was a little disappointed.  As if reading her mind, he winked at her and reached over taking her hand. 

“I want very much to ravish your body right now, but you need to understand that I want you for more than the physical.  You make me want to be a better man, Madison, and that part of you comes from your heart and mind, not your body.  How your body makes me feel is a bonus.” 

With heated cheeks, Madison pulled her plate back to her and they finished their meal.  Dinner consisted of mostly small talk and a lot of laughter.  She knew the laughter that filled the kitchen was the first for both of them in weeks.  Having the tension between them diminish was a relief. After they cleaned up the kitchen, Rowan lit a fire in the fireplace and turned on the stereo.  Madison protested when he tried to change the song, as Do I Ever Cross Your Mind came on, explaining it was one of her favorite songs.  He couldn’t help but think if she only knew that he’d holed himself up in his home for a week with the song on repeat, she might have a different view of the song.  They sat on the floor in front of the fireplace enjoying the fire, the music and the company.  

Chapter 22

A month had passed already since Rowan and Madison mended things.  Rowan silently laughed.  That’s exactly what Madison offered him.  She had mended his broken heart and he would forever be thankful to her.  

They still hadn’t seen much of each other since their schedules were so screwed up, but the time they did have, Rowan made sure that it was quality time, getting to know each other the way it should have been from the beginning.  They’d decided to put the physical aspect of their relationship on hold, both agreeing they knew they meshed physically and wanted to focus on the emotional.  Rowan found it hard to keep his hands off her, but was happy for the time they spent together.  Madison truly was a remarkable woman and every moment he spent with her only confirmed that.  When she stepped into his arms and he felt her body pressed to him, his body automatically came to life.  As frustrating as it was physically, though, it was so worth it emotionally. 

On his days off, they met for morning runs, had lunches on the beach, would either stay in for a movie or hit The LaunchPad.  They even double dated once with Tessa and Cade to Eddies for a night of pool.  Thinking back to that night, Rowan laughed because the girls ganged up on him and Cade and kicked their asses at pool.  Madison ended up being quite the little pool shark.  There were so many wonderful things he found out about her that he loved.  And, honestly, two nights a week weren’t enough for him.  Something had to give. 

Rowan had been contemplating his schedule in the E.R for a few weeks now.  He loved working the night shift, loved the excitement it offered, but he’d much rather spend his nights with Madison.  He finally started putting serious thought into Cade’s proposal to go into practice with him.  Earlier in the week he called Cade to set up a lunch with him.  The time had come for him to discuss his options.  As he sat on the outside patio of The Bare Knuckle, a small pub near Cade’s office, he dialed Madison’s direct line at work.  His heart flipped when she answered, “Advance Pharmaceutical, this is Madison, how can I help you?” 

“Mmmm, there are so many ways you can help me, gorgeous,” he said seductively. 

“Hi sexy,” she responded immediately recognizing his voice.  How could she not?  He was the only one who could make her pussy wet over the phone.  Hell, he made her pussy wet just thinking about him. 

“How is your day going?” 

“Better now that I’m hearing your voice.  I thought you were having lunch with Cade?” 

“I am, just waiting for him.  I just needed to hear your sweet voice.  And I wanted to see about dinner tonight.  There are some things I want to talk to you about.” 

“Of course to dinner, but now you have me worried.”