Sacred Surrender (18 page)

Rowan stopped by the local flower shop as soon as he finished his shift and picked up a dozen purple lilies.  Knowing they were Madison’s favorite, he wanted to surprise her with them before he headed to bed.  She’d be getting ready for her Saturday morning run, so he’d get to see her for a few moments.  Once he parked his car, he grabbed the flowers from the front seat, set the alarm, and headed toward Madison’s home.  His steps slowed when he saw her loading a suitcase into the trunk of her car. 

“Hey beautiful,” he said when he reached the back of the car, placing a kiss on her lips. 

His heart dropped to his toes when she stiffened.  An overwhelming fear shot through him like he’d never felt before.  Then, the realization that she was putting a suitcase in her trunk hit him.  She’d not returned any of his calls or texts within the last twenty four hours, but he thought she’d just been too busy or sleeping. 

“What’s going on, Madison?” 

“I’m going out of town for the weekend,” she said trying to keep her voice from shaking. 

“With whom?” 

“What difference does it make with
whom
?  I’m a big girl, Rowan, I can pick up and go whenever I want and with whomever I want.  We aren’t exclusive, you know.  What we had was fun, but we both know that’s all it’s been; a fun way to pass the time.” 

Madison needed to walk away from him.  Being an ass was the only way she could do it without breaking down and crying right in front of him. 

“Had?  A fun way to pass the time?  Madison, you aren’t making sense.” 

“I’m making perfect sense, Rowan.  Look, it’s been fun.  You’ve been kind and have shown me a great time, believe me, but now it’s time to move on.  I’m sorry, I’m already late and I need to go.” 

Rowan blocked her from moving any further,  “I don’t understand what’s going on, but you can’t just say that what we had was fun and expect that to be the end of it.  I don’t know why you’re acting this way, but this hasn’t just been a fun way for me to pass the time.  I don’t give myself to just anyone, you know.” 

“Really?  From the whispers I’ve heard around town, that’s not so true.  I’ve heard you’ve passed the time often this way. I’m sure a few nurses at the hospital might have something different to say.” 

Madison hadn’t intended on hurting him when she decided to break things off.  When the girls at the office had heard she was seeing an E.R. doctor and convinced her to tell them, they had filled her in on his reputation.  She figured she could pull out the big guns if she needed to and right now she definitely needed to.  She needed to get away from him before her heart burned anymore than it did now. 

Rowan softly placed the flowers atop her car feeling defeated, “Yep, that’s me.  I’m all about a great time.  Enjoy your trip.” 

As Madison watched him walk away, her heart shattered into a million pieces.  Pushing back the tears that threatened to spill, she reminded herself she was doing the right thing.  Damn it to hell though, if it was the right thing then why did it hurt so fucking much.  She’d not felt this much hurt since she got the call about her father passing away. 

Chapter 19

“Damn it, Rowan, open this fucking door!” 

Cade didn’t lose his temper often, but he’d been pounding on the door for at least fifteen minutes without any response.  He knew Rowan was home; he could hear that damn Ray Charles & Bonnie Raitt song, Do I Ever Cross Your Mind, blaring in the background.  He wanted to rip the fucking speakers out of the wall. 

Cade was taken aback when Rowan finally opened the door.  He hadn’t seen him look this bad since his break up with Erin.  Actually, he was certain he hadn’t even looked this bad.  His short blonde hair stuck out from every direction, he had on a pair of old black sweatpants and black torn t-shirt.  And the darks circles under his eyes were not something an E.R. doctor needed to be sporting.  When that wretched song started over, he realized that Rowan had the song on repeat.  He walked over to the stereo and shut it off just as Ray’s smoky voice spilled out from the speakers. 

“What’d you do that for?”  Rowan asked surprised. 

“Oh, now you speak?  What the hell is wrong with you?” 

“Not now, Cade, I’m not in the mood.”

“Well, get in the mood.  Go get dressed.  You’re going out with Tess and me.  You need a nice healthy trip to The Launchpad” 

“I don’t really want to go-” 

“I’m pretty sure I didn’t ask you a question.  Get your ass in the shower, get cleaned up and presentable and let’s go.  Otherwise, your sister will be walking through this door in an hour at which point you can explain to her why you stood her up.” 

Rowan huffed and made his way to the master bathroom.  He really had no desire to do anything.  He’d rather sit home and sulk about being dumped by Madison.  He wanted nothing more than to sit in his darkened home, questioning over and over what he did to push her away.  He’d played every conversation he’d had with her over in his mind, thought back to every action he made toward her and he couldn’t think of one thing he’d done wrong. 

It had been three weeks already since Madison had taken her weekend trip and since Rowan had walked away from her.  He should have moved on by now, hell, he’d gotten back to life much quicker than this when he broke it off with Erin; she had given him a good reason, though.  Madison hadn’t once said she didn’t want to see him; just that it’d been fun.  She’d said the time had come to move on, but never said it was time for her to move on.  Maybe he was reaching for something that wasn’t there, or maybe he just needed to hear the words from her mouth that she didn’t want to see him again.  He wouldn’t be getting them, so maybe he should just move on.  He’d seen her out on her porch a couple times and she’d not even glanced once in his direction.  That had hurt him more than anything.  How could someone give themselves so freely heart and soul, then just turn it off?  A knock on the bathroom door pulled him from his thoughts. 

“Rowan, get your ass in gear.  We are already going to be late and Tess is already pissed for it.” 

“Alright already.  Damn, Cade, Tess really is rubbing off on you and it’s not very becoming.” 

“Oh, she rubs off on me alright.” 

Swinging the door open, “Fuck, Cade, that’s my sister you are talking about.” 

“And my soon to be wife,” he laughed,  “Calm down, it was the only way I could get you out of the bathroom.” 

Rowan dressed as quickly as his mind would allow him to go then headed out the door with Cade.  He glanced over to Madison’s place seeing every light in the house was off and her car was gone; another girl’s weekend, maybe.  More power to her.  She’d been living her life, so he needed to do the same thing. 

“Just put her out of your mind, bro.” 

“Easier said than done; you of all people should know that.” 

The parking lot at The Launchpad was packed so they had to park in the overflow lot across the street.  Just what Rowan didn’t need was a crowded bar to hang out in.  Unbuckling his seat belt, he sighed then opened the door.  The night air was chilled causing him to pull his jacket tighter around him.  He shoved his hands in his pockets and followed Cade across the street.  They were quickly waved in by the bouncer, Jonathan, at the door.  Not only had they been regulars for years, but he and Cade graduated from high school with Jonathan.  They’d rarely even had to show an I.D., usually only when a plain clothes cop was on the premises.  Tonight, it was business as usual.

Rowan quickly spotted Tessa in the back corner and they made their way to her.  Tessa stood, kissing Cade on the mouth then hugging Rowan tighter than he ever remembered her hugging him. 

“It’s about time you got here,” she yelled over the music. 

“Yeah, well, you can thank your brother for that,” Cade responded. 

Rowan immediately noticed the young waitress making her way over to their table to take their drink order.  He’d really not given much thought to her appearance other than she was dressed in a purple mini skirt, black tank top and a pair of black stilettos.  Rowan could only think that by the end of the night she’d need to be soaking her feet.  Cade and Tess both ordered Corona’s without lime.  Rowan needed something harder.  Tessa shot him a look of disapproval when he ordered a Jack and Coke and two shots of Tequila.  Yep, tonight he’d forget about Madison.  Hell, if he was lucky he’d pass out and forget about everything.  He’d let life stop for a few short hours.  When the waitress returned with their drinks a short time later, Rowan downed the two shots just as quickly as she set them down.  As a matter of fact, she was still standing there when he finished off the second one and she removed the empty shot glasses.  When he ordered another shot Tessa piped in. 

“Rowan, don’t you think you need to slow down a little, you just got here.” 

“Tess, I had a mother.  She died a long time ago and I don’t need another one.” 

The hurt look on Tessa’s face didn’t go unnoticed by either him or Cade.  Rowan wished he could take back what he said.  What the fuck was wrong with him? 

“Rowan, don’t,” Cade said as he took a drink from his Corona. 

“Whatever,” Rowan shot him a look as he grabbed his Jack and Coke, stood from the booth they were sitting in and made his way to the closest of three bars that were spread throughout the club.  He set his drink down and motioned for the bartender.  He ordered another shot, turned with his back to the bar and watched the action that was taking place.  Couples were dancing to the gyrating music streaming from the multitude of speakers that filled the club, men and women alike prowled the club as if hunting for their next prey, while on the small stage set just behind the dance floor a band set up their equipment.  Rowan couldn’t remember the last time a live band played here.  No wonder the place was packed.  Why the owners didn’t have a live band more often was surprising because it always brought out the big crowds. 

As Rowan turned to reach for the shot the bartender placed in front of him, he caught a glimpse of Madison across the bar.  Standing next to her, a little too close for his liking, was a young man probably in his early twenties.  As if Madison sensed someone looking at her, she looked away from what was apparently her date and caught him staring at her.  Shaking his head, he thought two could play at that game.  Evidently she moved on a lot quicker than he could.  What they had shared, apparently, meant more to him than her.  Rowan downed both his shot and his Jack, pushing away from the bar, all the while keeping his eyes locked with Madison’s.  He walked over in her direction, noticing Madison kept her eyes on him also.  He stepped up next to her, but instead of acknowledging her, he turned to the thin blonde making small talk with her. 

“Would you like to dance?”  He asked holding out his hand. 

“I’d love to,” the blonde responded.  “My name is-” 

“I don’t care much for your name, darling, just looking for a dance, not a relationship,” he said loud enough for Madison to hear. 

Chapter 20

What an ass, Madison thought, as she heard Rowan speak to Nikki, one of her co-workers.  He could be upset with her all he wanted, but to treat someone else badly was not something she expected from him.  Maybe she really didn’t know him well at all.  Evidently, she’d been wrong about him and his compassionate ways.  She watched Rowan as he took Nikki into his arms when the music slowed.  He pulled her tight against his body, his hands splayed on her ass.  Watching him press his body against Nikki’s was almost too much for Madison to bear, but the crushing blow came when he placed his lips on her skin.  She had no right to be upset or hurt because she’d been the one that drop kicked their relationship to the curb.  The fact that she’d been the one to push Rowan away didn’t stop the ache in her chest where her heart resided.  A heart that had been breaking for the past three weeks and now shattered completely as she watched him place his hands all over her.  His actions weren’t what Madison expected out of him.  She was fuming by the time the two of them returned to the bar.  Hell, she was surprised that he even walked the woman back to the bar.  She hoped everything he did tonight was just to piss her off because if not she’d not survive the night with him all over another woman.  As he turned to walk away, she grabbed his arm.  “Can I talk to you outside?”