Save Me From Me (37 page)

“Oh my goodness! Danielle Brooks? Is that you?”

I hesitantly turn around to the all-too-chipper voice getting closer to me. I take in the longhaired brunette with green eyes and dimples walking up to me. Trisha doesn’t look like she’s aged a bit since graduation. Miss Class President still seems as spunky as ever.

“It’s good to see you, Trisha,” I say with all honesty. Not one shred of sarcasm drips its little way out. Maybe I can do this after all. Maybe I can confront everyone that I felt like I’d abandoned. Hell, from what it seems, everyone else had the same concept as I did.

“You look amazing, Hunny,” she says, accessing me head to toe. “Are you still in Dallas? Isn’t that where you hightailed it to right after graduation?”

I wish I could hightail it to the bar right about now. She’s always been a nosey little thing. Bless her little heart.

“No, actually, I moved back about a year ago. When my dad died,” I say, looking down for a moment.

“I’m sorry to hear about you dad passing. Everyone knew how much he loved you.” She gives me a sympathetic smile as she rubs my arm. “So, what’s new with you, then? What are you doing workwise? You living here in town?”

Freaking A. This woman takes 20 Questions to a whole new level.

“Well, I’m getting into photography. I work for a studio, and I’m taking nightly classes. I plan on opening my own business once I have the funds and knowledge to do so.” I said those words with more confidence than I thought I had in me. I guess when it comes to something you’re passionate about, you just can’t hide it.

“That’s great! I’ll have to come to you for family pictures once you have your own studio.” She pulls her phone out of her clutch. “Let me show you a picture of my little ones. Tyson is three and Tena is thirteen months.” She fiddles with her touch screen before plastering the picture of her adorable kids in my face.

“They’re beautiful. You did good.”

She smiles in amazement. “Yes, I am so blessed.” She glances down and catches me playing with the ring on my finger. “What about you? Are you married? Do you have any little DJ’s running around causing havoc yet?”

There it is. The one thing, more than anything that I was hoping to dodge tonight. The mother question. I don’t want to have to explain my situation to people. Have some pity party about how sad it is that I can’t have kids. Ahh, why did she have to ask that? And just as I’m about to answer her, Holden slides his arm around me and pulls me close against his side.

“We’re adopting,” he says proudly. I look up at him, amazed by how he always shows up at the perfect time. Not to mention, he puts me at complete ease.

Trisha looks at Holden, and then back at me, and I just nod in agreement with what he just announced. A smile slowly eases its way across her pretty, tan face.

“Trisha, this is my fiancé Holden.” A smile lights up my face as I introduce them.

“That’s amazing, guys. Congrats on everything! There are so many kids out there that deserve to have a good, loving family. I’m excited for you guys,” she genuinely says, and then excuses herself to go find her husband.

“Thank you,” I say as I turn to face Holden.

“I told you I’d never let you fall.” He winks.

All is going well in my little ‘class reunion world’ until Gage walks in hand-in-hand with Loralee. I’m not sure why it cuts me deep, but it does. I think it’s more the fact that I know he’s hating me right now, and I did what I never wanted to do again by hurting him—at the worst time possible as well. But I couldn’t have him living off of false hope, and if he was only doing rehab for me anyways, then it would have never stuck. You don’t do shit for other people. You do it for yourself.

When I come out of the bathroom, I’m shocked to see Gage propped up and waiting against the outside wall.

“God, Gage. Do you eat anything these days, or just stay so high you don’t care?” I ask, noticing the rapid weight loss that is more than apparent.

“What does it matter to you?” He pulls away from me.

“Believe it or not, I will always care about you.”

He smirks. “Yeah, I can tell.”

Right about then, Holden walks up. “Is everything okay?” he asks with concern.

“I’m sure for you, everything is great,” Gage says, directing his sneer at Holden.

“Look man, I didn’t come here to fight.”

“Yeah, I’d hate to see you get your ass handed to you in front of your woman.” Gage laughs.

“Seeing as though your eyes are the size of Frisbees, and you’re as high as the sky, I think it’s safe to say my ass wouldn’t be getting touched,” Holden says firmly.

Gage lets out a humph, then replies without being a smartass. “Yeah, you’re probably right,” he admits. “Well, just be careful with that one.” He points at me. “You don’t want to end up like me.”

“Oh, yeah? And how would that be?” Holden asks.

“Broken,” Gage replies. I see sadness flash through his eyes, but anger replaces it all too quickly.

“I’ll be fine.” Holden tightens his grip on my hand. “She’s my world.” He looks down and smiles.

Gage snickers. “She used to be mine,” he says before turning around and kicking over a chair as he storms his way out. I hear someone saying hey to him as he passes by. He replies, “Fuck you,” without even glancing their way.

“Well, that went better than expected,” I say sarcastically as guilt starts to settle on me.

Holden turns me towards him, places his hands on my shoulders, and crouches down so that he’s eye to eye with me. “This isn’t your fault, Dani. Do you hear me?” I nod, not really feeling any relief from the guilt. “You aren’t getting it, Hot Shot. The only person on this planet you are responsible for is yourself, and one day, our kids.” He smiles before continuing. “What he does, or your siblings do, or anyone else does, has nothing to do with you. We all make our own choices, and dammit, let them learn their own. If something bad happens to someone, it isn’t your fault. We all have the choice to do what’s best for our lives, and if someone you love chooses otherwise, it isn’t your fault. You have to quit taking the blame for everyone else’s shit. You got me?”

This time, I nod with a smile as his words find their way into my hard head, and settle into my soul where I finally find comfort in them.

“You’re the best choice I ever made,” I say as I bend in for a kiss. “Let’s dance.” I pull him by his hand to the dance floor.

“Yes ma’am,” Holden eagerly replies.

This has to be the third time that I’ve brought out the vacuum today. My house can’t seem to be clean enough, or maybe it’s my nerves, or more like excitement. The big day is looming over our heads, and I can’t shake the jitteriness. Holden comes in the room. I see his lips moving, but I can’t hear what he’s saying over the noise of the vacuum. I stop it so that I can hear what he has to say.

“How many times are you going to vacuum today?” he asks, humored by my over-cleaning.

“I don’t know. This vacuum sucks, and not in a good way. I need a vacuum that sucks as good as a well-seasoned hooker.” I give up my effort and pull the cord from the wall, wrapping it around the plastic hook.

Holden doubles over laughing. “That’s a good one. I can just see the infomercial now,” he says as he motions his hands in the air, painting the invisible image. “Are you tired of your vacuum cleaner blowing,” he pauses for dramatic effect, “all your dust around? That’s why you need this one. It sucks stronger than a XXX porn star.” He ends with the biggest, fakest, cheesiest grin ever.

“That was good, Holden. I think you missed your calling,” I tease him, remembering how he said the same thing to me once.

“You, my dear, are my calling.” He walks over, kissing my forehead before hugging me.

Two days later, my phone ringing wakes me in the middle of the night. It’s my mom calling to let me know that it’s time. I somehow twist myself up in the sheets, and then fall out of the bed because I’m so excited.

“What’s wrong?” Holden groggily asks as he wipes his eyes, trying to adjust to the light I turned on.

“It’s time to go. Brandy’s having the baby,” I say, jumping into a pair of jeans and running to the closet for a hoodie and shoes. Holden is up and at ‘em just as quickly as I am.

“Do we have everything we need? Diapers? Clothes? Baby food?” He’s being so concerned and cute that I can’t help but stop and walk up to him, stopping him before he can throw on a shirt.

“I have you and you have me, and tonight our daughter is being born. I think we have everything we need, and more than I ever thought I’d have.”

“She’s only allowed one family member in the room,” my mom says as Holden and I walk to the room that has a guard posted outside the door.

“Okay,” I say nervously. “Well, keep me posted.”

“No, Dani. She wants you in there.”

“What?” I ask, shocked that, out of the two of us, she’s choosing me.

“She’s going to be your baby girl. You’re the one who needs to be in there to experience it and hold her first. All that stuff.”

The guard pats me down to make sure that I’m clear to enter the room. I’ve seen where some hospitals make the other people in the room basically scrub up and cover their clothes, but not here. They let me go in as I am. Brandy’s right wrist is handcuffed to the bed, so I walk to her other side. I want to hold her hand through this, because even though I’m not the one pushing and feeling all of it, I want to experience as much as I can. I also want her to know that I’m here for her. I know it can’t be comfortable especially in handcuffs.

“How ya doing?” I ask, grabbing her hand.

“I’ve been better,” she says through quick breaths.

“You’re contractions are getting closer,” the nurse says from between her legs. “You’re almost ready.” She pulls her hand out from under Brandy’s gown. “You’ll start pushing very soon.”

Her grip tightens on my hand while she holds her breath, before finally releasing one huge one all at once. I can’t even imagine the pain. Wait, if it’s anything like the pains I’ve already experienced, then I can say that I’d much rather not be in her position right now. But I have a feeling that, after having a baby grow inside of you for a good nine months, you grow attached to her every move and love her more and more every day. To some women in the world, the pain they must endure to be able to hold their baby for the first time is a much welcome experience.

“You got this, Brandy. Just a few more pushes and she’ll be here.” I keep trying to encourage my sister through each painful push.

“Congratulations. It’s a girl,” the doctor says. I keep my hand wrapped around Brandy’s, and we watch them carry a crying baby girl over to a table where, from what I can see, they are cleaning her up.

“You did amazing.” I bend down and place a light kiss on Brandy’s forehead.

“Thank you for being in here with me. You’re the one who needed to be,” she says as tears fall down her face, and in turn, cause more to roll down mine. I see how sad she is to be giving up her daughter, but I also know that she knows she’s doing the right thing.

“One day, Brandy. When the time is right, we will tell her you are her momma.”

She just nods.

They walk my wrapped-up, bundle of joy back over to us, and offer her to me first. I shake my head. “Can she hold her daughter first?” I ask the nurse who then turns towards Brandy and rests the little beauty in her arms.

“Do you have a name for her?” Brandy asks, not taking her eyes of Baby Girl.

“Yes. Stella Rae Reynolds,” I say proudly. Ray was my father’s name, and I’m so glad that I’m able to include it in my daughter’s name as a reminder to always follow my dreams.

“That’s beautiful,” she says as she reluctantly hands her to me.

A few hours and tests later, they wheel Stella into the room where they’ve placed Holden and me. Of course, my mom comes in, as well. Tyler would have his happy ass in here, too, if he weren’t a state away.