She's Only Seventeen: A Novel of Sex, Drugs and Rock & Roll (18 page)

I looked down at it, lyrics.

“Show them to Tom yet?” I asked

“No, I wanted you to look them over first,” she said with a smile

I looked it over, “I guess I’d have to hear it with music.”

“Let’s go downstairs then and you can play the guitar part,” she suggested

“You don’t want to do it with Tom?”

“No, I want to see what you think first,” she said

She had been all smiles, like she was playing a part. I still couldn’t trust her, but I did still love her.

Thomas

May 1989

“When can we start things up again with the band? The guys are getting restless,” I asked her.

“I’ve been writing, Tom, but I need to fix this with Shane before I even consider doing anything at this point.”

“Kat…”

“Shush,” she said as she took my hand

“Where are you taking me?”

She plopped me down on her couch, “Sit here for a minute,” she asked sweetly

She came out of the kitchen a moment later with a plate.

“Try one,” she suggested

I picked up the cookie she had made, “you’re baking now?”

“Well I wanted to do something to make Shane happy but I’m really not good at this,” she let out a small laugh

I broke it in half, “We could play hockey with them.”

She broke down in laughter, “Thank you,” she said taking a bow

She was so beautiful, I wanted to scoop her up and take her away,

She sat beside me, “I’ve missed you, Tom… a lot…”

“I know me too, Kat.”

I held her to me, she trembled as she looked up at me, “Kat,” she stopped me with her lips. My hands held onto her waist while she pulled me down to her.

“Mommy?’

I sat up quickly; Darla was staring right at us.

Kat slowly lifted herself up, “hey baby,” she said softly.

“I hungry” she said reaching for the broken cookie I had sat on the coffee table

“I wouldn’t eat that,” I said to her

Darla smiled running away with it in her hand, Kat got up and went after her.

I sat on the couch alone, wondering to myself what had just happened and whether Darla would say something to Shane.

Kat

June 1989

I watched Drew through the glass in Shane’s downstairs studio in our basement.

“Kat, can you turn the bass up a bit?” Shane shouted

I sighed as I reached over and pushed up the bass volume.

Drew looked over and me and smiled, I looked away, trying not to smile.

I knew he was still angry at me, but that didn’t mean the tension was no longer there.

Shane and I had been sleeping together again casually. The spark which had ignited our marriage was no longer there, although we both tried.

I could feel my life slipping through the cracks.

“Now a little lower, Kat” Shane shouted

I pressed the bar down lower, playing the obedient wife.

I had never felt more trapped.

Gary

August 1989

I was invited to Darla’s third birthday by Kat and of course I attended. She had a chance to pull me outside near the oak tree in her backyard.

“I just wanted to apologize for…”

“It’s cool, Kathryn don’t mention it, really.”

She met my eyes and smiled as she leaned against the tree, her arms crossed.

“We’re okay, right?” she asked

“Yeah of course.”

She smile and hugged me. I looked over her shoulder and met Shane’s eyes who glared at me.

I let go of her, she turned and saw him, waving him over.

“Gary’s here,” she said to him

“I can see that” Shane responded sarcastically

He put his arm around her, “We’re gonna cut the cake now, “he directed her attention away from me.

I observed the two of them together as Tom came over to where I was standing, “Kat?” he asked me.

“What about her?”

“That’s who you’re looking at, isn’t it?”

“No,” I lied

“Right, cause it looks like you are,” he said

“Does it?”

“Yeah,” he turned in to me, “so if I were you, I’d direct my attention elsewhere.”

He walked away.

Great now I’m taking orders from a fucking twenty three year old

Kat

October 1989

“Did she go down okay?” I asked Shane as he came into the bedroom. He had just put Dar to bed for the night and looked exhausted.

“Yeah, it was okay, she just has so much energy,” he said, sitting on the bed with a sigh.

I came up behind him and massaged his shoulders

He leaned his head back, “god that feels good,” he murmured.

I traced the side of his neck with my tongue as he turned to face me, “take off your clothes,” he said.

I stripped them off and lay in the middle of the bed. He settled in between my legs, thrusting wordlessly inside of me. I lay quiet while he spent himself, he didn’t even kiss me, and it had been like this for months, me just laying there, no passion, no love. I felt like a vessel in his possession used solely for sexual purposes. The spark which had once been was dimmer than ever and I began to lose myself, I had to find a way to bring it back.

January/February 1990

We resumed
Neptune
around the beginning of the year. Things were good between Kat and Shane with the exception that she was still battling depression. We went on a mini tour throughout the United States that only lasted a couple of weeks, but it did Kat good just to be with Ian, James and myself. I began to see the Kat I used to know.

She was exciting and free without the restrains of family responsibility and especially Shane.

Hopping on my lap, she said,” Thomas, if I was single, would you fuck me.”?”

“You know I would, Kat,” I said in a low voice.

“It’s been so long since you’ve had me” she purred

“Yeah, and that almost ruined shit with Shane, remember.”

“So?”

We were celebrating the last show of the tour and Kat was tipsy. She had learned how to control her alcohol intake and was far from the mess she had been a year ago.

She pushed my hair away from my ear, “Will you,”

“Don’t tempt me, Kat”

She giggles and wiggled around in my lap.

It excited me.

“Okay, that’s enough, go to bed, Kat. We have a long day ahead of us tomorrow.”

She laughed at me while standing up.

“Fine,”

I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to the bed. She plopped down looking up at me.

“We have to stop doing this, Thomas,” she said, sweeping hair out of my face again, as I looked down at her.

Her breasts were pushed up, peaking out of her dress. My eyes were drawn to them. She caught me looking.

Sitting up on her elbows, she tilted her head to the side.

“Ah” she said in a low voice.” So you do want me.”

“Fuck me I want you, Kat, but I’m not going to this time.” I said frustrated.

“If you’re sure,” she said as she sat up and took off her dress so her bare breasts spilled out. She was left with only a thin piece of lace covering her private areas.

My cock was throbbing in my pants as she straddled me and pushed me on my back on the bed. She ran her hand down my chest, to my belly and onto my crotch where she knelt between my legs.

“Should I let it loose?” She asked.

I nodded uncontrollably as she freed my manhood from its holding. I gasped when she started rubbing me.

“Kat.”I pleaded. “Kat… God… Kat,” I said as she moved faster and faster.

She suddenly stopped.

“What… why did you stop?”

She let go of my cock completely so it bounced against my stomach.

She got up and removed her underwear and then lay on the bed.

“If you want me, take me.” She said boldly.

My cock was pulsing with wanting, but I couldn’t bring myself to take her. I couldn’t betray Shane again. We had become such good friends in the last couple years and hadn’t I had done enough damage already.

“No, Kat.”

“No?” her eyebrow raised

“I can’t”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Both”

She threw herself back down on the bed and sighed. “Alright.” She said. “You can leave now; I’m tired and want to go to bed.”

“Really, Kat?”

“Yup, goodnight Thomas.”

“And where am I supposed to sleep?” I asked

“I don’t care where you go”, she responded.

“All this, because I won’t have sex with you because you’re married?”

“Fine,” she said pulling on her dress and grabbing her bag, she left, slamming the door behind her.

James

February 1990

Knock knock

I answered the hotel door and saw Kat, whose hair was a mess and visibly angry. She strolled into the room I was sharing with Ian.

“I am NOT staying in a room with that man tonight,” she said yelling at the wall between our rooms.

She looked at Ian,”Can we switch?” she asked him.

“Sure, Kat, I’m not even going to ask what happened,” he responded.

He packed up his things and shut the door behind him.

Kat turned to me, her eyes full of wanting.

Thomas

February 1990

I answered the door and saw Ian standing outside.

“Kat wants to switch,” he said.

I felt a pit form in my stomach; she was probably sleeping with James. I felt disgusted as I let Ian in and went to bed.

Kat was normal in the morning, like nothing had happened. She even sat with me on the bus back home, sharing chocolate she had gotten from the hotel store.

When we got back, Kat was told by
Arctic Circle’s
manager Roy, that he wanted her help promoting their new album and asked her to sing on the album with Brian. This would also feature a music video in which Kat was excited to act in. She was overly excited at the prospect of it.

It would also help us out also, as Kat being featured would boost and advertise for
Neptune
. I was excited for her.

Shane

March 1990

Kat came home all smiles when she came home. She dragged me to the bedroom first thing and when she kissed me I felt my fears that she could have been cheating disappear. Her mouth came down harder as her kisses grew more eager. She got on top of me while she was still holding onto me. I put hot mouth on her breasts, my tongue all over her body. When I entered her, I had to stop first because it was too much. Although it lasted only minutes, she and I both came together. I couldn’t have been happier with the result. It was the best we had together in a long time.

Roy

April 1990

I had chosen Kat to be in the video and the track because of her popularity. When we had released
Doom
so many years ago featuring her in the video, it had been the most demanded song we had ever had. I hoped this one would have an equal amount of success.

Brian

April 1990

Kat and I recorded the song together and were preparing to the video. Although Shane was a little defensive about what Roy had planned for the video, in the end he agreed to it.

It would feature me and Kat in many different ways, including in a sexual manner. I’d be on top of her on a bed in the middle of a field, moving against her. Of course we would be covered and nothing would be showing. The fact that I would be kissing Kat set Shane’s nerves on edge.

“It’s just acting,” I told him

He huffed and turned away from me.

The day of shooting arrived and we finished everything but the “sex” scene. Roy’ energy excited us all and we found ourselves in good spirits as Kat lay on the bed in a teddy and her underwear. I would be wearing boxers and would not be touching her body sexually. As Roy positioned us correctly, he placed the sheets over my bottom so it looked as f I was naked and Kat was half-dressed. Slowly I moved myself against her in the motion as if we were really having sex. I could feel myself growing.

Fuck
I thought to myself.

She must have felt it to because her eyes widened as my erection pressed against her panties and towards her core.

Her legs came up further around me which spread her apart more, pushing her underwear to the side and forcing my cock to slide inside of her.

I squeezed my eyes together; she tightened her grip on my arm.

It didn’t occur to me to stop. I kept thrusting into her right then and there in front of everyone. It could have looked like good acting right?

She just laid there and continued to look as normal as she could.

“Alright, stop” Roy said.

I had to force myself to, as I lay frozen in between her legs, my body pulsing in her.

“One more time guys. Trying moving faster against her, Brian. Like you’re actually doing it. More…er… realistic?”

“Okay,” I breathed out, resuming my rhythm, but faster this time.

I felt my orgasm come on.

Kat held me close as I suppressed a moan into her hair.

I realized I had paused slightly and Roy yelled “keep going, almost got it”

I forced myself to continue moving, my whole self sensitive to the touch. I looked down at Kat where she kissed me. My cock had begun to soften and was slipping out of her.

I felt relief take over me.

“And… cut…” Roy said finally after what seemed like forever.

I got up slowly away from Kat and sat on the edge of the bed as she wrapped the sheet around her. She got up. “I gotta pee,” she told Roy before walking away towards the trailer.

I felt Shane’s eyes on me. He was looking at my crotch to where my cock was poking through slightly. His eyes suspicious.

Shane

April 1990

“How was it?” I asked Kat.

“Fine,” she said fixing her hair.

We were getting ready for bed that night and I was still upset about the ending result of the shoot.

“I wish I hadn’t done it, Shane,” she confessed, facing me now.

“Why?”

“I don’t know, it was awkward... and I know it was Roy’s ‘vision’ but… oh I don’t know, I think it exposed me in the wrong way”

“It’s okay, Kat,” I said putting an arm around her.

She kissed me then.

“Come to bed with me,” she asked.

I wrapped my arms around her as she fell fast asleep against me. She was quiet and breathing softly. I hugged her closer to me, she stirred a little. Kissing her cheek, I let myself drift off to sleep. I really did love her.

Kat

April 1990

Brian pulled me behind the stage as
Arctic Circle
played the prolonged solo break in between our part. We left the stage since it was an almost six minute interval. He pressed me against the equipment, pushing my legs apart. His lips crushed mine. His hands rummaging in my skirt as he pushed his cock into me. He slammed his body into me as he moved viciously. I grabbed onto his shoulders as when he pushed harder and harder. I threw my head back as he pumped into me. He moved away from me as I readjusted myself. We were about to go back on stage when I looked over to the right. Roy had seen us. He just shook his head at me; I felt a pit form in my stomach.
Fuck
I thought. Brian grabbed my hand as we went back on stage to continue. The rest of the night was a blur. As Shane handed me a twenty to roll with, I looked over at Brian, my heart beating fast already. I took in the line and let myself fade into a sort of high I had always loved. I knew I had to stay away from Brian. What was it about him that made him so addicting? I had wanted nothing to do with him; he disgusted me, but his body… in me… I was too tempted. I felt guilt run through me, silent pain of something I could not control anymore, my sexuality. I was chasing a feeling that I had only felt with one person, Tom.

Thomas

May 1990

Kat had begun to act strangely after the release of the video. She spent all her time with Shane; she clung to him like she was afraid to lose him.

“Everything is perfect finally,” Shane would tell me.

I wouldn’t ask Kat what she was going through, but I had known her for a long time to know something was the matter.

Neptune
had been asked to play a show in downtown for a night which we gladly accepted.

We were getting ready in the back dressing rooms when I knocked on Kats door.

“Kat, can I come in”

No answer.

“Kat”

She answered the door, her eyes puffy and tears ran down her cheeks.

“God, Kat,” I said pushing the door open and shutting it behind me.

She stood there, her arms crossed.

“What’s wrong, Kat,” I asked

She sobbed, uncontrollably.

“Kat, Kat!”

I tried to pull her hands away from her face.

“Tell me what’s wrong!”

“I can’t tell you!”

She sobbed; I freed her hands from her face and kissed her hard. She froze, and then opened her lips to mine, hungrily taking me in.

Her arms came around me tight as mine wrapped around her, unable to let go.

My hands reached up to her waist, traveling towards her breasts, as she grabbed at my shirt.

A knock on the door separated us.

She looked up at me, her eyes big.

I answered the door; it was Shane, “I was coming to check on…”

“Hey, hey,” he cooed at Kat when he saw her, “what’s going on?”

He looked back at me. “She’s just a little nervous,” I explained. “It’s been a while since she’s done this”

She shrugged, trying to laugh, wiping the tears away and glancing in the mirror to fix her makeup.

“Sorry, I’m fine now really”