Shifting Gears (13 page)

Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I
stand there in shock. He’s singing to me. Even though he’s not
telling me anything different than he already has, singing it to
me, in front of all these people, makes it more real. He’s giving
me, for the first time, a glimpse inside him.

I have to get out of here. Oh my God.
Like, now.

I start shoving past people to get
away, just as they end the song. The crowd is going crazy, clapping
and yelling.

Gavin takes the microphone. “Holt
Maddox.”

I keep walking, almost running as I
bolt toward the door. I have to get Clay. I reach for my purse and
dig for my cell. I push the door open as I find my cell. It gets
yanked out of my hand when Holt grabs my arm.

“Holt, please. Stop. I have to go.
Please don’t. You don’t understand.”

He tugs on my arm, pulling us outside
and stops as we get to the side of the building. “Did you hear me?
Did you hear me up there?” His face doesn’t show any sign of anger,
but instead longing, need. A need for me to understand.

I just stand there, looking up at him,
wishing he would take me in his arms and make the past three years
disappear. They never happened. I’m normal. Not damaged. And in
love. If only. I shiver as I see what’s in his eyes. Desire.
Hunger.

“Fuck,” he breathes out, tightening
his hold on me. “Baby, I’m trying to wait. Give you the time you
need. But the way you’re looking at me right now…fuck. I know what
you were feeling when I left, because I was feeling it too. You
were pulling me, every fucking time I closed my eyes. I could smell
you. I could feel the softness of your hair on my fingertips, the
warmth of your body on mine. Every fucking night, baby. I couldn’t
escape it.”

“Holt—”

He closes the space between our
bodies, pressing me up against the building. His mouth is on mine,
and I’m letting him. I open to him, so turned on, but scared. My
body reacts to his touch, his words. All my fears slip away as my
need for him takes over.

He pulls away from my mouth and leans
up to my ear, brushing my hair aside.

“Waiting all that fucking time,
sitting in that shit motel, wanting you to know, to understand, it
was fucking torture, baby.”

He grasps my hips, and I instinctively
move into him. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back,
tasting him. God. I groan into his mouth.

“Fuck. I need to get you off this wall
before I take you right here. No fucking way I’m letting anybody
else see how beautiful you are when you come for me. That is
mine.”

I shiver at the thought of lying naked
with him again, and the sweetness of him calling me
beautiful.

“Call your girl. Tell her not to come
home tonight.”

Oh my God. I try to speak, to tell him
I can’t. The words don’t come. The ache between my legs is
controlling me.

“Okay.” With trembling hands, I grab
my cell from Holt’s hand. He reaches for my other hand as I’m
dialing Cass’s number and walks us toward Sex on Wheels.

“Nik, where are you? Are you
with—?”

“Yes.”

“Do you need me?”

“No,” I whisper.

“Can you stay at Angie’s and Clay’s
tonight?”

For a moment, she says nothing. Then,
“You sure?”

“Yes. I’m sure”

“Hells yes. You know I don’t mind.
Please, please, remember what I said though. You know this is gonna
change things. Remember what I said, honey. All on the table. I
love you. And if you need me or Clay, call us.”

“I know. Love you too.”

We barely make it into my house as
Holt rushes me in and slams the door behind us. He pushes me up
against the wall with such explosive force that I have to hang on
to him. I moan and reach for his shoulders, but he grabs my arms
and raises them over my head. His mouth finds mine, and I can
almost taste the desperate need in his kiss.

My body is on fire from the hunger
rippling through my veins. He needs me as much as I need him. He
loosens his hold on my hands only to capture my hair in his fist. I
let out a near-silent moan. As he caresses my hair, he lets the
strands run through his fingers then fists some of it and brings it
to his face, breathing it in. I look into his eyes and see the
pain, the loneliness. He’s remembering. God.

“Torture, baby. Sweet fucking
torture.”

He kisses me then. Hard. My legs
tremble as I taste his need. It’s taking him over, threatening to
tip us both off the edge. Right at that moment, I want to go there.
Beyond the safety nets. I don’t want to think about anything. The
past is gone. All that’s left is here and now. All I want is to be
wrapped up in him. Nothing else, no one else exists. It’s just me
and him, up against that wall. Giving each other what we
need.

He slides his hands down to my waist
and lifts me up. As I wrap my legs around his hips, I feel the
tightness of his ass, the firmness of his legs. He cups my ass with
both hands and squeezes. His arousal is pressed against me, and I
fight the urge to beg.

“I’ve missed you, baby. So fucking
bad.”

His voice—and now, as I open my eyes,
his face—sends chills raging through my body. Like a savage animal
ready to kill his prey, he’s hungry. For me.

He grasps the back of my neck and
pushes his tongue into my mouth, kissing me so hard that it leaves
me panting for more. He pulls at my shirt then slips his hands
under it slowly, stroking my back, going further and further down
until he glides his fingers along the skin above my ass.

He feels the raised bump of my scar. I
stiffen, and he hesitates, but then begins again, caressing across
it and continuing his journey further down. God, I can’t take much
more of his touch without losing it.

He pulls us away from the wall,
walking with my body wrapped around him and his lips locked on
mine. He slowly carries me down the hall, and I can hardly breathe
from the anticipation. The memory of his touch is eating me up
inside. My heart is beating so fast, the blood in my veins boiling
for him.

He tears his mouth away from mine and
groans, “Which one?”

I look at him in confusion.

“Which one, baby? Where’s your
bed?”

I catch my breath when I grasp his
meaning. “At the end of the hall, on the left,” I
whisper.

I lick the crease of his neck, and he
moans. His cock pulses between our bodies. I understand now why
that sound affects him so much when I do it. As it escapes his
lips, it jolts me, increasing the longing to be filled with
him.

Holt reaches the darkness of my room,
lit only by the moonlight creeping through my windows. He slowly
carries me to my bed and slides me down his body. We face each
other, still pressed together. I can’t breathe as I stand, waiting,
aching for his touch.

Finally, he cups my face and kisses me
slowly, pulling at my lip with his mouth, sucking it, biting it. He
brings his lips to my ear, grazing it with his teeth. I tremble as
the sensation drives me wild.

“Baby. You sure you’re ready for this?
You’ve got to tell me to stop now, because in a minute, there’s no
fucking way I’m going to be able to.”

My mind screams at me:
Tell him to
stop, Niki. Here’s your chance. Back away. Don’t do it to yourself
again. He’s going to hurt you again. He’s going to leave you.
Alone. Again.

I whisper, shyly, “Don’t
stop.”

“Thank fuck, baby.” He drops his head
to my neck and begins teasing my skin with his lips. He stops when
he reaches the base of my neck. His hot breath on my skin has my
body beginning to spasm. Without hesitation, I lift my neck to him,
begging for more.

“That’s right, baby,” he whispers,
“show me how much you want me.” His words bring me back to that
increasing wetness between my legs.

He trails his hands down the sides of
my body as he slowly lifts my shirt over my head and throws it
across the room. I stand there, facing him in nothing but my bra,
skirt, and boots. He brings his hands back to my sides and
continues sliding them down ever so slowly, sensually, past my
waist, to my thighs. His touch on my bare skin is making me
delirious, so blissed out I can barely stay standing.

I moan as he thrusts a hand between my
legs, slowly pushing them apart. I’m dripping. I want him to inside
me so badly. Knowing it’s coming, I’m not sure I can hold
back.

“Fuck, baby. So wet. So
ready.”

He pushes the fabric of my panties
aside and massages me, finding my clit and rubbing it between his
thumb and forefinger. Yeah, I’m going to embarrass myself and let
go, just like this. I can feel it building. I’ve gone without for
so long. Without him. With only thoughts of him. With only me and
my own devices to please myself. Nothing compares to this man.
Nothing. The way my body reacts to him, to his touch. Like no one
has ever done to me before. My body belongs to him, it screams for
him.

I gasp with pleasure as he slides his
finger inside me, stroking quickly in and out while still working
his thumb and forefinger. I can’t hold on and moan as the waves
crash all around me. I’m panting and almost fall to the floor in
ecstasy.

He catches me and pulls me back up
into his arms. I’m still swollen, aching for more.

“Baby, your face when you come...it’s
the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. If you moan like that with
just my fingers, I can’t fucking wait to hear you scream when I
slide inside you again.”

God. That drives me over the edge.
“Holt,” I whisper to him. Pleading. I need more. So much more. I’ll
never be full of him.

Something changes in him then. I can
feel it. The tenderness is suddenly gone, replaced by urgency.
There’s fire in his eyes.

The hardness of his chest is up
against mine as he forces me down onto my bed. Standing over me, he
reaches for my skirt and jerks both it and my panties off with one
forceful yank. He cups my breasts and tugs at my bra, ripping it
off.

Aside from the boots still on my feet,
I’m completely naked before him, and I can’t help covering myself
with my arms. He might not like what he sees—my body has
changed.

He gently pulls my arms to my sides.
“Don’t hide from me, baby. I want to see you, all of you. It’s all
I’ve dreamed about for so long, and now that I have you here, I
want to see every inch of you, touch every part of you, kiss and
taste all of you. So beautiful.”

My heart stops, my breathing is
erratic. In an instant, he washes my insecurity away.

I reach down to take my boots off, but
he grabs my hand to stop me.

“Don’t even think about taking those
fucking boots off.”

I can’t keep up with his mood
swings—sweet and sensual to demanding and controlling. I can’t
decide which I like best either.

He tugs his shirt off impatiently,
throwing it across the floor, and I take him in. So masculine. So
tight. His body hasn’t changed. His torso, with that beautiful,
intricate tattoo, the one I used to trace with my tongue, is in
full view. My gaze trails to his hands as he unbuttons his jeans,
pulling them down to reveal his perfect V. The zipper glides down,
and a moan escapes my lips at the thought of what’s
coming.

His jeans and boxers gone, he stands
before me naked. I slowly drop my gaze to take in every inch of
him. The moonlight sneaking through the curtains dances off his
body. Sublime. It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. His
hard, muscled build, his ripped and lickable abdomen, his strong,
broad shoulders. All so easy to lose myself in.

My eyes stop at his cock, remembering
how frightened I was the first time I saw it. The mere sight of it
now, hard because of me, stirs the fire he’s started between my
legs. I wait for his touch. He slowly sinks to his knees and
spreads my legs. I shift my hips as he pulls me to the edge of the
bed and puts my legs over his shoulders. I can’t speak. As much as
I ache for him to be inside me, I don’t resist, because I remember
just how good he is with that mouth.

My eyes roll back in my head as he
submerges his face in me. As he licks and sucks and thrusts in and
out of me with his tongue, my moans get louder and my grip on him
tighter. I don’t ever want to let go.

He lifts his head. “Still just as
sweet.” He licks his lips.

Oh my God. That’s it. I have to get my
hands on him. I can’t take it anymore. I drop my legs to the bed
and slide away, pulling him with me. Just as he begins to shift his
weight on me, I force him down to his side and mold my body against
his with the fearlessness that comes out of hiding when Holt and I
are together. He makes me a different person. I’m not chained by my
insecurities. I act on impulse. I listen to what my body tells me
it wants.

I trail my lips across his chest to
taste him. A sweet saltiness fills my mouth as I lick down his abs
until I reach that tantalizing V. I trace its ridges with my finger
until I get to his cock. I grasp him in my hand and squeeze as I
hungrily take him into my mouth.