Shifting Gears (28 page)

I try to come up with something fast.
No way I’m telling him about her wishes.

“Um, she was just reminding me to make
sure I use protection.” Dear God. I’m never good at being put on
the spot.

“Babe, that’s actually something we
need to talk about. If you aren’t on the pill, you need to start,
because I am not letting a fucking condom come between
us.”

I’m embarrassed, because I’m not on
the pill, not anymore anyway. After he’d been gone a year, reality
sank in. My sex life wasn’t going anywhere, and being the penny
pincher I am, I decided to stop taking them. I had no need for
them, so why bother?

“Okay,” I say. “I’ll make an
appointment with my doctor next week.”

Halfway home, I’m resting my head on
the seat, and Holt has his hand on my thigh. I turn lazily to him,
and he seems to be as relaxed as I am. Lynyrd Skynyrd’s “Simple
Man” is on the radio, another one of his favorites. This feels
good. It feels right. Us. Together. Still, I can’t help thinking
back to that phone call. Not knowing who was on the other end, who
he was talking about, wondering still if he was referring to me
when he said “she.”

I look up at him. “Holt, who were you
talking to on the phone up in my room?”

There’s silence for a moment, and I
begin to think he didn’t hear me.

“Who was—”

“That was Jax, baby. My partner.
Jackson Steele.”

“You have a partner?” Damn, I really
don’t know shit.

“Yeah.”

“So, um, what were you talking about
on the phone when you said I got her?”

“You gotta ask that?
Really?”

“Oh,” I say quietly. Well that answers
that question. “Is Jax around here? I mean, am I going to meet him,
or is he, like, deep undercover or something?”

“Yeah, he’s undercover right about
now. Anyway, if I can help it, you’ll never meet him, because I
know him, and once he takes a look at you, I’ll have to put his ass
in check.”

I fight back a giggle because I want
to know more. “Are you two on a job together?”

“Yeah.”

Damn, he’s not giving me shit. “But I
thought...guys like you, you work, like, on your own or something.”
Not wanting to feel completely stupid, I stop talking.

“Most times I am, babe, but sometimes
we need eyes and ears elsewhere, so we’ve got each other’s backs
when we need it.”

Why does he need eyes and ears
elsewhere? Vinnie? I know I’m not going to get answers, judging by
what little he’s giving me, so I don’t bother asking. Instead, I
say, “So it would be cool to meet him, I think.”

“Yeah, not happening. I’m good with
him a safe distance away from that ass.”

My cheeks warm, and I fight back a
giggle again. Wonder what this Jax looks like? I bet he’s
hot.

As we pull up to my condo, I see
Cass’s car. Good. I’ve been sending her texts here and there,
updating her on everything I’ve learned about Holt over the
weekend. She was flipping out because I didn’t have the time to
explain much to her, so I know she’s going to go into attack mode
when I walk in the door. And she does. As soon as the key hits the
door, I hear her yelp.

She meets us at the door and rushes
me, hugging me like she hasn’t seen me in years.

“Seriously, Cass, I’ve only been gone
two days.”

“I know, honey, but I’ve missed you.”
She gives me kiss on the cheek. She looks over at Holt when he
walks in with my bags then looks back at me. Her eyes get big, as
if she’s suddenly realized something. I’m afraid of what’s about to
come out of her mouth, because she’s ten times worse than Aunt
Helen when she’s got something on her mind.

“Oh my God, something’s changed. I can
feel it. I can see it.”

“Quiet, Cass. Later,” I whisper to
her.

Too late. Holt heard her, and he’s
laughing all the way down the hall. Great.

“Okay, babe, that’s the last of it. We
doing your place?”

I’d forgotten about our sleeping
arrangements, and I’m dazed for a moment. I turn to Cass, looking
for an okay that he can stay with us.

Naturally, being the head cheerleader
for the fan club, she says, “Don’t look at me. You know I got no
probs with it, girl.”

Holt walks up to me, pulling me to
him. “So you’re okay with it?”

I look at him, puzzled. Why is he even
asking me? “Well, yeah, Holt. You already made it perfectly clear
there’s no way I’m sleeping alone anymore, so yeah, you can stay
here.”

Chuckling, he says, “Okay, babe,” and
he dips his head to kiss me so passionately it leaves me
breathless.

I didn’t see it coming, standing right
there in front of Cass.

I hear her chuckle as Holt breaks
away.

“So I’m going to go pack some shit up.
I’ll be back, babe.”

“Um, okay,” I say, even though I don’t
understand why he needs to pack anything up—he’s only staying the
night. Still, his absence will give me the chance to spill it all
to Cass about our weekend together.

She goes in for the kill as Holt walks
out the door. “Nik, damn, what was that? You are glowing,
honey.”

“I am?”

“Uh, yeah, girl. Have you not looked
at yourself in the mirror? You were already beautiful, but, honey,
you are absolutely stunning now.”

“Really?”

“Hello! It must be from all the sex
you got this weekend! Don’t even try to say you didn’t, because I
can tell, I can tell you got some cock up in you, girl.”

“Cass!”

“What? It’s okay. I got some this
weekend too.”

“What! Who?”

Cass has been having a dry spell for a
while. Tired of messing around with the same old type—the
get-a-piece-of-ass-then-lose-her-number kind—she’d started being a
little more selective about who she gave it up to, which I was glad
to see, finally.

“Girl, we are so not going to talk
about my sex life right now, when we could be talking about how
yours has taken off like a bat out of fucking hell!”

“All right, all right. But first,
before I forget,” I reach over and kiss her on the cheek, “That’s
from Aunt Helen.”

“Damn. I love that woman. Next visit,
I’m in the car with ya.”

I smile, remembering all the late
nights we had together at Aunt Helen’s. We never got any sleep,
really. Our nights always ended up full of listening to music, Cass
talking on the phone with boys, and doing each other’s hair and
makeup. Aunt Helen would join us sometimes, because she was cool
like that.

“Sooo, what are you waiting for? Spill
it, woman!” Cass cries.

And so I tell her every single detail
of what Holt shared with me about his childhood, the man he was
chasing after those years ago, how he led him away, and why Holt
had to go after him.

Much to her delight, I confirm that we
did, in fact, have sex over and over again, and that it, along with
his revelations, has definitely changed my way of thinking. I tell
her how I put it all on the table.

She cheers at that, starts
clapping.

I tell her how I told him over and
over again how much I loved him then and still do, that I’ve never
stopped.

She squeals and jumps up then
literally twirls around.

“Seriously, Cass?”

“Honey, you just don’t get it. The two
of you are meant to be together. I didn’t see that before, but that
night at The Rox when he came to our table, I saw it. I felt it.
Angie did too. It makes me so happy to see maybe you’re starting to
see that now too. Did you tell him about—”

“No, Cass. No. I can’t. Not yet.
Honestly, I don’t know if I ever can.”

“Nik, honey, you have to.”

“Well, he definitely knows how I feel
about him, but, Cass, I’m not so sure I’m not rushing into things
with him again. I’m pretty sure he love me, but he hasn’t actually
said those words yet.

“We haven’t really talked about his
future plans either. I mean, you know I’m not going anywhere. I
have my job. You. Aunt Helen. I can’t just go on the road with him,
if that’s his plan, and I say that not even knowing if that
is
what he wants—me with him.

“Truth is, I still don’t know much
about him at all. I mean, I only found out today that he’s got a
partner.”

“Partner? Hmm. What’s his name? Is he
hot?”

Should’ve known that was coming. “His
name is Jax. That’s all I know.”

“Hmm, Jax. Sounds hot.” She shakes her
head as if she’s trying to focus on what we were talking about.
“Look, Nik, he’ll tell you stuff about him over time, and if you
want him to tell you more sooner then maybe you need to motivate
him, give him an incentive to talk. Work it out of him, honey. Men
love to be teased, turns them the fuck on. I promise. You should
try it.”

I laugh at the thought of being able
to work anything out of Holt.

“Well, I can see sleepovers at Clay
and Angie’s are in my future, and I am totally down with that.
Taking one for the team to help that much-deprived sex life of
yours soar like it’s been needing to for way way too
long.”

“Huh, what do you mean?”

“I know you feel all that pent up
energy inside you dying to come out,” she says,
laughing.

“No, not that.” (Although she’s
absolutely right—losing control with Holt is the best fucking
feeling) “I mean about you sleeping over at Clay and Angie’s. Why
do you think you have to do that?”

She laughs harder. “I knew it! You
don’t realize what happened when Holt left here, do
you?”

“Uh, yeah. He went to get some clothes
to stay over here tonight.”

“Uh no, try again. H went to pack up
whatever shit he’s got left in that motel because he’s coming to
stay here, sweetheart, and you gave him the okay to do
it.”

“What? I did not!”

“Yeah, you did. I heard you with my
own ears. Why the heck do you think he asked you what you thought
about it? He was getting your permission to move in.”

Holy fucking hell.

“How did I miss that?”

“I don’t know, but I’m kind of glad
you did, otherwise you would’ve put too much thought into it,
convinced yourself it wasn’t a good idea, and turned him away.
Although, something tells me that man would’ve convinced you
otherwise. Yummy! And just so you know, what I see, that man adores
you, girl. He loves you, no doubt about it. Men are different. In
his mind, he’s already told you he loves you. They just don’t use
the same words as us, honey. I’m betting he’ll come out and say it,
though. I’m sure of it.”

“I’m gonna go unpack before he gets
back. Shit. I can’t believe all that went over my head.”

“That’s because you’ve got your mind
on other things. I know that look. And if your weekend was anything
like that kiss, it’s a miracle your ass is still standing. Jesus,
Nik.”

I drag my bags down the hall to my
bedroom. How I could I have agreed to let Holt move in with me and
not even realize it?

Well, now that Kilo’s gone, there’s no
reason for us to be in the motel, so he would’ve been here anyway
since he made it quite clear I would be in bed with him every night
until we get shit straight with Vinnie. An arrangement I totally do
not object to now.

I click my iPod on to my new favorite
song, Aaron Lewis’s “Tangled Up in You.” After hearing Holt sing
it, I fell in love with it and can’t seem to get enough. Every time
I play it, I get the visual.

Someone knocks at my bedroom
door.

Thinking its Cass, I shout, “Come in,
babe.” I look up to see that it isn’t Cass, it’s Holt. He’s back
already. He looks around for a moment then smiles when his gaze
settles on my iPod. He hears the song, making the
connection.

“I’m thinking you need to call me babe
more often, because hearing it just made my cock hard.”

I blush as he closes the distance
between us and pushes my hair to the side. He traces my cheek with
his finger. “Damn, I love that I can make you do that, babe. My
sweet Nicolette.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not so sweet anymore.
Thanks to you.”

“Fuck, yeah, baby. Your first and, if
I have my way, your last.”

I tingle, instantly hungry for
him.

Cass busts into the room in a frenzy,
stopping me from showing him what his words do to me. “I completely
forgot to tell you, Niki, Gavin and the boys are playing at The Rox
tonight. It’s going to be their last time before going out to Cali
to start recording their album. I thought you might want to go but
wasn’t sure if you’d be too tired. In all the, um, excitement,” she
looks over at Holt, “I forgot all about it.”

I turn to look at him as he says “Up
to you, babe. I’m game.”

“Hell yeah, I want to go. I wouldn’t
miss it for the world!”

“Yay! Okay, gonna call Clay and Ang to
let them know we’re on. I thought maybe we could dress up a little
too, since, you know, it’s their last night and all. I already
pulled you out something out to wear. It’s in my room.” She winks
at me. Clearly, she had the whole thing planned. She knew I’d want
to go.