Shifting Gears (31 page)

He separates my legs and stands
between them, and with one stroke, I am wet and aching. Not for
long though, as he quickly shows me what skills he has in the
kitchen.

Three weeks
later...

With Gavin and Galaxy Dynamite in
California, our nights at The Rox have kind of decreased. It’s
depressing, actually, not seeing them there. Cass has spoken to
Gavin just about every night. I was kind of worried he wouldn’t
have time for her after he left, when he got caught up in all the
excitement that is California. I imagined that between recording
their album and being surrounded by all those tanned bikini-clad
women, Cass would quickly fall into the shadows.

He’s been staying true to her, though.
I still think it’s pretty amazing that they’d both been hiding
their feelings, that neither had the courage to speak up until
Cass, seeing it as her last chance, went for it.

Maybe, sometimes, a life-changing
event can make people react in ways they wouldn’t normally. It
makes them come to their senses about what’s important. Whatever
the reason, I’m so glad she did. I’ve never seen her this
happy.

“I’m getting another glass. You want
one, Nik?” Cass asks me.

“Yes, please.”

We’re having a night together,
watching a sappy chick flick over wine. It’s rare for it to be just
the two of us now that Holt is staying with us. He’s working
tonight though, and, from what he told me as he left, he’ll be out
late. He does that a lot. Gets a phone call and has to leave.
Sometimes he doesn’t get back until three or four in the morning. I
never question, I just roll with it, because each and every night
he comes back to me, to my bed.

I let Holt tell me what he wants, when
he wants. It feels good not to be so hung up with fear and worry.
Even better to let go of the past. I’m not letting it control me
any longer. I’m living for today, right now, and I love every
minute of it, with Holt by my side.

Even though he still hasn’t said the
words I so desperately want to hear, I’m closer to him than I ever
was before. I know, from being with him every day, that he’s
working jobs. He gets phone calls he leaves the room to take. On
the nights he knows he’s going to be out late, like tonight, he
makes sure I’m not alone. I’m always with Cass or Ang, or sometimes
even Clay.

Clay is still distant whenever Holt’s
around, but he doesn’t mind keeping me company when I’m alone. On
one of the nights he was recruited to keep me company, we even
managed to hash things out between us.

I told him everything about Holt, from
the very beginning up to the point I’d decided to give my heart a
second chance on him. I told him how much I loved Holt, how I’d
never really stopped loving him. Clay listened to me and shared his
worry. Unlike Cass, Clay wasn’t convinced Holt was worth giving
another chance.

“I don’t trust him, Niki,” he told
me.

He couldn’t explain why, he said he
just had a feeling about him, something he couldn’t
shake.

****

I wake to his body’s warmth and
hardness against me. He knows I’m awake. I’ve proven that to him
time and time again. When he’s out, I doze off, but never really
fall asleep. Only when I feel him next to me can I relax enough to
fall deeply asleep.

He puts his arms around me, and his
lips caress my ear. “Hey, baby.”

“You’re back,” I say groggily.
“Everything okay?”

I always ask him this when he comes
back from wherever he’s been. Most nights, I’m certain he’s with
Jax, but I’m clueless about where they go or what they do. Not
knowing if he’s putting himself in danger is a double-edged sword.
I don’t know what to worry about, and I have everything to worry
about. And with the threat of Vinnie still so strong, I don’t know
if Holt will cross paths with him when he goes out. Vinnie might be
in the area like Holt thinks he is, tracking Doc C. I have no doubt
in my mind, though, that Holt can take Vinnie, and that he’ll
destroy him if he poses a threat to me.

“Yeah, babe, everything’s good. You
miss me?”

I scoot away from him a little,
teasing him. “I don’t know... Maybe.”

The pulse of his hardness rises and,
quite on its own, gravitates toward my ass. The excitement, the
exhilaration I experience whenever I feel his arousal entices me.
Keeps me forever hungry. And to know it’s because of me makes me
feel sexy. Beautiful. Desired.

“Hmm, you missed me,” I breathe to
him.

“That’s not from missing you. It’s
from having your body next to me.”

I understand, because it’s the same
whenever he’s near. The need is uncontrollable. It consumes
me.

I roll over to face him, nudging
myself up into the ridges of his chest. I love to lie with him this
way. In his arms. Feeling safe.

He caresses my lower back, and when
his hand snags on the fabric of my tank, he lifts it above my
waist. He goes directly to my scar, brushing across it with his
fingertips, and pauses. I can tell by his body language that he’s
wondering. He wants to know. But he doesn’t ask. He’s waiting. He’s
made a point not to touch me there as I think he’s realized it’s
not something I want to talk about.

I lighten the mood the best way I can
think of: by showing him what my body wants.

****

Holt’s cell rings as the three of us
are watching a movie. We’ve taken to doing this a lot since nights
at The Rox are scarce now, not to mention Holt getting a complex
every time I want to go out because of Vinnie. Holt’s in the
kitchen getting us beer when it rings. I’m not answering it. I
learned my lesson the one and only time I ever tried it. The night
I talked to Jax…

Holt was still in the shower when his
cell started ringing. I was lying across the bed, reading, but when
I saw that the screen said J Steele, I couldn’t help myself. At
first when I said hello, there was silence.

After my second hello, a very deep,
rough voice said, “Nicolette?”

God, he did sound hot. “Yes,” I said.
“This is Niki. Is this Jax?”

He laughed. “Yes, beautiful, this is
Jax. It’s nice to finally hear the voice of the woman Maddox drives
us insane about. I feel like I already know you, darlin’. It’s a
shame we haven’t been formally introduced yet.”

I giggle. “Well, maybe we can change
that. It’s very nice to talk to you too.”

“Hmm, not so sure the big man will go
for that, but make no mistake, I would love to meet you. Name the
time and place, and I’m there.”

I laughed again just as Holt walked
out of the bathroom and looked over at me. When he saw his phone
pressed to my ear, he gave me an intense look that made me stiffen.
I tried to keep my cool as he stalked toward me.

“Well, the big man just walked into
the room, so I’ll give the phone to him. It was nice talking to
you, Jax. Maybe one day we will actually meet.”

He laughed and said much the same as I
handed the phone over to Holt, who looked even more
enraged.

“Maddox. Talk.” He walked out of the
room, but not before I heard him say, “What the fuck did you say to
her?”

I laughed. He was being an ass. I just
wanted to meet Jax because he has a connection to Holt. I want to
know everything there is to know about the man I love. I barely
know anything, and I desperately want to fill myself with him. He
should know that already.

Holt never actually told me he was
upset that I answered it, but when he came back into the room, he
told me he had to leave and wasn’t sure how long he would be
out.

I asked him if everything was okay,
and he said it was just work.

He leaned down to kiss me before
leaving, but when he moved away and I tried to pull him back to me,
to continue our kiss, he stopped me.

“I have to go, babe. I’ll be back as
soon as I can.” And then he was gone.

I lay there, dumbfounded. That was the
first time since he’d come back into my life that he’d stopped me
from kissing him, touching him. I pushed past the negative thoughts
quickly forming in my twisted mind. He was in hurry, maybe he’d
just got a good lead on whoever he was trying to track
down.

Tonight, Holt answers it a moment
after I see it’s Jax calling, like always.

“Maddox. Talk.” He walks out of the
room.

As much as I’d agreed with Holt that I
didn’t want to be a part of that world, I’m quickly beginning to
realize that if there is a future for us, I need to be. At least in
some way. His work, it’s a part of him, who he is. He loves it. I
can tell. Without even asking, I know he likes the sense of control
it gives him. Being out on the street gives him satisfaction. I
want to share that with him. Somehow, over time, I need to get him
to understand that. I’m not going to push it though. I’m still
clinging to the hope that he’ll slowly start sharing with me on his
own.

Moments later, Holt bustles back into
the room, clearly in a hurry. I hear the jingle of his handcuffs
and see the bulk of his gun under his shirt. He’s heading out. He
leans over the couch and reaches for my chin to turn it in the
direction of his waiting lips. His kiss, with all its intensity,
leaves me breathless. Much like the kiss he gave me that morning in
my room. Making love to my lips. That’s what it feels like. But
this kiss, it’s even deeper. It’s desperate.

Those prickly fingers slide down my
back, and I pull away. “Everything okay?”

He ignores my question. “Gotta go,
babe. Not sure when I’ll be home, so don’t wait up for me,
okay?”

Before I can argue, question, object,
he’s out the door.

I whisper, “I love you.”

Cass sees what I do, I’m sure, because
she’s trying her best to get me back into the movie. No hope there.
I can’t help but think of Vinnie. Damn it.

I debate calling Holt, but think
better of it. Just as he respects that I don’t want to discuss my
scar, I have to do the same for him. But with nights like this,
it’s clear we have to talk. I sit, staring at the screen, my mind a
million miles away.

Before I know it, Cass is tapping me
on the shoulder. “Goodnight, honey. I’m sure everything is fine.
You know how he is. He doesn’t like to talk about the
street.”

“I know, I know.” I sigh. “Goodnight.
Tell Gavin I said hi.”

“I will, honey. Sleep
well.”

I pull myself off the couch and stop
in the kitchen to pour myself a cup of coffee before I reluctantly
walk to bed.

What seems like only moments later, I
startle awake to Holt sitting on the edge of my bed, shaking
me.

“Hey, you,” I say to him. “What time
is it? Did you just get back?”

“Yeah, baby, it’s late. Listen, I need
you to wake up. Sit up for me, okay? I need to talk to
you.”

The urgency in his voice scares me. I
sit up, wide awake now. My heart is beating fast.

“Baby, I found the doctor.”

I’m speechless at first. That was not
what I was expecting to come out his mouth. But then what he said
registers. “You did? Oh my God.” I jump into his arms, hugging him
then pull back. His body is stiff. I can see in his face that
something’s not right. “Where is he? When can I talk to
him?”

Holt hesitates and lets out a sigh
before answering me. “I can’t tell you where he’s at. You can’t see
him either. It’s complicated, baby. He’s going to be calling you on
your cell in about five minutes, but he won’t be able to talk to
you long, okay?”

I blow out a breath as I push away
from him. Frustrated as hell with all this secrecy. “So you know
where he’s at? You’ve seen him, but I can’t?” I’m so close to
tears, my voice is cracking. “Holt, I just want to know that he’s
okay. I gotta have that.”

He grabs my hands and cradles them
within his own. “Babe, that’s why he’s calling you. I told him you
needed to hear his voice. To know that he’s okay.”

The tears are streaming now. “Well,
how did he look? Can you at least tell me that, damn
it?”

“He looked okay, babe. Tired, but
okay.”

My phone rings, and I jump, my heart
exploding in my chest.

Holt moves in close, dropping my hands
and brushing my hair away from my neck. “It’s okay, baby. He’s the
same man you’ve known all these years. Just answer the phone. Talk
to him. Ease your mind.”

I take a deep breath and answer.
“Hello?”

“Niki, sweetheart, I am so sorry. It
seems you’ve been pulled into the middle of all this. Your friend
has promised me he’s taking good care of you until Mr. Calhoun
leaves town.”

Wait, what? He’s in Coral Springs?
Does Holt know this? Damn it. I look over at him, certain he’s
overheard what Doc just said to me, and his facial expression
answers my question. I force my attention back to Doc C.

“So, Niki, I need you to promise me
that you’ll do as Mr. Maddox says and stay safe. It would kill me
if any harm came to you because of me. Mr. Calhoun is not a very
nice man. Unfortunately, I know this firsthand.” He lets out a deep
breath and the phone is silent for a moment. “I only hope you don’t
think any less of me right now. I promise you if I get the chance
in the future, I will explain all this to you. How I got into this
mess. I know everything is going well at the hospital, so I’m not
worried about that. I knew from the first time I laid eyes on you
that you were destined to be a leader. I have to go now, Niki.
Goodbye, my dear...”