Slut (14 page)

Claire raised a brow. “That sounds intense.”

“Kind of.”

“Let me know when you figure it out.”

“I will. I kind of have to. You and Rosa are my only real friends.”

“Better to have two friends who love you than a million who don’t really give a shit.”

“Preach that.” I poured myself a whiskey sour. “I think I’m going to take a page out of your book. Literally.”

She arched a brow. “Meaning?”

“Stealing your Kindle and reading in the bath with a bit of somethin’-somethin’—” I held up the whiskey tumbler “—to keep it smooth.”

She laughed. “Go for it. But if you read the latest Kresley Cole, make sure you bookmark my spot so I don’t lose it.”

“Most definitely.” I grabbed her Kindle off the counter. “By the way, I missed you. I’m really going to miss you in Paris.”

“You’ll just have to come visit.”

“That sounds like a great plan.” I wandered off to the master bath and slunk low in the roman style bath, keeping the Kindle in a ziploc bag, just in case I dropped it.

I started reading a romance, but I just wasn’t feeling it, so instead, I turned to an old horror anthology and settled in.

My favorite story was about a woman dealing with her husband’s mistress who’d come to the house demanding she let him go. The woman allows the mistress into the house, promising that she could have her husband if she wanted him so badly. She could have all of him. The woman leads the mistress up the stairs to a secret room and shoves her inside where her husband is, because it’s a full moon and he’s a werewolf. She sits in the hall and listens to the mistress scream.

I still enjoyed reading it, but I realized that wasn’t my favorite story in the antho anymore. At one point, it summed up everything I felt about love. That was no longer true.

I could forgive Thornton for changing my thinking about myself, but not about my books.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

“Rebbeca, are you home?” My father said when I answered the phone at eight o’clock the next morning.

“One would expect at this hour,” I grumbled into the mic.

“One would, but one wants to check.”

“You just called to see if I was home?” I creaked my eyes open a little more. “Is that like calling to ask me if my fridge is running and telling me to go catch it?”

He laughed. “You’ve still got your sense of humor, so that’s something.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I have breakfast. Can I come up?”

“I guess.” I clicked the phone off and dragged myself out of bed. I was wearing shorts and a tank, good enough. I quickly banded my hair into a half-assed ponytail and pushed the button on the security door to let him up.

He came bearing gifts of Nutella crepes and coffee.

This was a surprise and completely unexpected. I wondered if he was trying to apologize for sleeping with Rosa. I narrowed my eyes. “If this is about Rosa—”

He had the good grace to look sheepish. “Not really. I’m surprised she told you.”

“Thornton told me. He saw her in the kitchen. So I told her I knew.”

“I didn’t mean to involve you in my, uh, romantic affairs.”

“Oh, please.” I took a gulp of the hot brew. “I don’t care about—wait, no. That’s not what I meant. Previously, I didn’t care. And I was wondering how to talk to you about this, but it has to happen, as uncomfortable as it may be for both of us. Rosa is my friend. She’s one of my best friends and I never had one of those. So, you can’t have her.”

He laughed. Actually laughed. “Well, I think that’s already happened.”

“That’s not funny.” But I laughed too. “But really, Daddy. I don’t want you to take that away from me.”

“I know she loves you. That’s why I’m here.”

“Pardon, what?” My eyebrows arched. Part of me seethed at the rage of betrayal that she would talk about me to my father behind my back, but common sense managed to be louder. Wait, wait to see what Rosa had said. I had to trust her, have faith in her. If I jumped to the wrong conclusion about this before hearing what he had to say, I would be just as guilty as Thornton.

“Don’t be angry.”

“I’m waiting to be angry. Explain.”

This was a new side of my father. He wasn’t ordering me around, he wasn’t telling me what I’d done wrong, he was seeking my approval. He wanted a chance to explain himself to me and he’d never done that before.

Tears pricked the back of my eyes. Again. Shit, I’d just gotten done with all this face-leaking garbage. I sniffed.

“Have a bite of the crepe.” He nodded.

“Ugh, it’s too early for sweets. And that might actually make me throw up. Stomach isn’t very reliable this morning.”

He nodded. “It was tacky of me in the extreme to sleep with your friend. I’m not sure what came over me, usually I have better sense. But I liked her. I liked her a lot. She made me feel something I haven’t, not in a long time.”

“Maybe you might’ve told Miranda that she didn’t do it for you first?” At his pained expression she added, “Or are you trying to work it out with her because she’s more acceptable to the country club set you run with?”

“No, it’s not like that at all. She’s a young woman. I’m…not young. She has better things to do with her time than waste it on me.”

That was the first time I’d ever heard my father say anything like that. Today was full of revelations. “Well, that’s between you two, I guess. I just don’t want you to use her up and throw her away.” I thought about what she said about maids.

“Does she think that?”

“Oh Christ, are you serious? You’re forty-four years old. Please tell me this relationship crap gets easier.”

He gave me a grin I hadn’t seen in a long time. “Not really.”

“She’s important to me, Daddy. Do you understand?”

He nodded. “And you’re important to her. She didn’t give me details, but she told me that you and Thornton broke up and it had something to do with Miranda’s cousin. She said we needed to talk.” My dad looked down at his hands, then back up at me. “I realized it’s been a while since we really talked. That’s my fault. I wanted to avoid talking about your mother and that turned in to avoiding talking to you.”

Shit, shit, shit. I just knew I was going to cry again.

“So tell me, what happened?”

I thought about everything that had happened, and I didn’t know where to start. So I decided to just cut to the chase. “Thornton caught Brendan trying to kiss me.”

“I see.”

“I know it drops a bomb on your merger, but—”

“I don’t care about that, Rebecca.”

“What?” My heart couldn’t possibly have heard him correctly.

“I told you at the lake house, the company is going to be yours. Not your husband’s. I approved of him because he’s from a good family, seems like a decent young man who is balanced and close with his family. That’s what I wanted for you. A foundation like what you didn’t have with me. With your mother being…sick.”

“I kind of wish we could’ve had this conversation five years ago.”

He met my gaze. “Me too.”

“And I wish you wouldn’t have shaved my nose. I liked having your nose.”

“Why?” He seemed genuinely confused.

“Because it reminded me that I’m yours. That even though I’m so much like her, I’m like you, too. And that… that…” Sorrow, grief and shame choked me. “That I didn’t have to end up like her. That I wouldn’t let go.”

He looked like I’d punched him. “I’m sorry.”

The little girl in me wanted to yell that sorry didn’t fix my nose, wouldn’t put it back the way I wanted it so the when I passed a mirror I’d know myself. But that was wrong. I was getting to know myself in a way that had nothing to do with my nose.

While sorry didn’t fix anything tangible, it was another ray of light on the seeds in the soil of my heart. Things could grow there, maybe. Healthy things. Real things.

To do that, I didn’t need to hurt him. So I said, “It’s okay. I know you were just doing what you thought was best.”

“I really was, Rebecca. That’s all I’ve ever tried to do and I know along the way, we’ve hurt each other. We talked about this a little bit at the lake house, but it’s important to me that you know. That you really know. From the way Rosa spoke, it seemed like you didn’t.”

This conversation had gone much differently than what I expected. I thought I was on the verge of losing everything, but instead, I gained another piece of myself.

Is that how this all worked? I had to risk it all to get any traction?

Maybe so.

Maybe that meant I had to make Thornton listen to me? But what was the point of pushing it on someone who didn’t want to hear it?

“You have always been the most important thing to me. Always.”

I hugged him and I don’t know if it was just the rose-colored shine on our conversation, but everything was going to be okay.

“But I do want to talk about the company.”

At one time, I would’ve dreaded the conversation, but I didn’t now. I knew what he wanted. I knew what I wanted.

I knew how to make it happen.

“Me too.” I nodded. “I know I’ve been playing around with no real direction here at school. Let’s be honest, sometimes, I don’t even go to class. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. But if you want me to take over, I want it. But I’m not prepared for that. So maybe I should finally declare a major in business and get serious.”

“Is it really what you want, Rebecca? If you don’t want it, you’ll still have your trust.” He took my hand.

“No, I really want it.” I nodded. “I’ve been looking for a direction and I know it’s not going to be easy.” Especially given my reputation. “But I do want to do this.”

“I’m glad.” He smiled. “I know you can do it.”

Again, I thought about the universe and it seemed that’s really what it took. I had to risk everything. I had to face my fears. It sucked, but I’d catapulted forward to where I wanted to be.

Or close to it.

“Since we’re all being honest, I don’t like Miranda.”

“I knew that.”

“I mean, at all. I think she’s a gold-digger. Brendan is an asshole.” I pursed my lips.

“What did Brendan do?”

“He was a counselor when you sent me to fat camp and he was very cruel.”

“The Tates aren’t doing very well socially or financially. Miranda’s father gambled away her trust in Monaco. They’re existing by the grace of me. That’s why Miranda didn’t throw a bigger fit. But we’ll fix that. Little bastard needs to learn his place.”

As much as I wanted to take glee in that, I said, “No. If you wanted to help them before, you should still help them.”

“Really? Why shouldn’t I cut them off at the knees? You bite the hand that feeds you, that’s what you get.”

“Because we all have our own turmoil.”

“And they made their own.”

“I don’t want to tattle to Daddy.”

“You didn’t. If they’ll be like this now, when they need me, what about if I were to marry Miranda?”

“Why would that thought ever cross your mind?”

“Because I’m tired of being alone.”

“I’d rather see you marry Rosa.”

“I thought I was supposed to leave her alone?” he eyed me.

“I just didn’t want you to hurt her. I don’t want to lose her.”

“What if she were to break my heart? I’m an old man.”

“Shut up with that.” I knew he was teasing me.

“Actually, I’d like to see her again.”

I’d thought for sure it was some kind of twisted one night stand, but the way he talked about her, about her having this fire, this life that he was missing. I couldn’t deny him that. I’d just have to trust that Rosa’s and my friendship was strong enough to withstand this.

Because what if they made each other happy? Who was I to stand in the way?

This last week had been full of revelations and it seemed like this one would be no different. Although, I didn’t know if I could stand any more.

“Okay.” I exhaled. “I just want you both to be happy.”

“For the second time, you’ve really surprised me.”

“You too, Daddy.” I took a deep breath. “I think it’s all going to be okay.”

“I think I’m supposed to tell you that.”

“I think it works both ways.”

All it had taken was one real conversation with my cold, distant father and I learned that he wasn’t so cold or distant after all. He was just protecting himself. Protecting me.

Maybe all of the things I’d been trying to find elsewhere were right in front of my face.

Like a demonic Easter Egg hunt. Would’ve been nice if somebody would’ve told me… only, I didn’t think I’d have listened. Like most hard things, this was something I just had to figure out for myself.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Even though I kept thinking about Thornton, I didn’t call him. I didn’t text him. Didn’t even check his Facebook status. Although, I’d admit to desperately wanting to. I hadn’t decided what I was going to say to him, if anything.

And when the door buzzed and I saw a figure standing with his face covered with a dozen lavender roses, my heart soared. We were going to be fine. I knew it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but we would be.

So I buzzed him in. I flung open the door waiting for him with a big smile on my face. Until he stepped off the elevator.

It wasn’t Thornton at all, but Brendan.

“You have some damn nerve.”

He thrust the roses at me. “Hear me out.”

“Why?”

“So I can apologize and fix this?”

The logical part of my brain screamed why would he want to, but the part of me that newly hopeful wanted to hear him. Wanted him to be sorry for what he’d done.

“How can apologizing fix anything? Did you tell Thornton the truth?”

“Not yet.”

“Not yet?” I squinted at him because it was almost like I wasn’t sure if he was actually there spewing this crap at me. “Why not yet?”

“Because I want you to see if I don’t do it for you just like Thornton.”

“You’ve lost your fucking mind.”

“Come on, Sexy Bexy. Birds don’t change their feathers. I could feel that you wanted me when I kissed you.” He stepped closer to me. “And after all that cock you’ve had, you know pretty boy Thornton isn’t man enough to satisfy you.”

I backed up into the penthouse, and tried to slam the door in his face. “Fuck you, Brendan.”

“Yeah,
fuck me
,” he growled and put his booted foot between the door and the jam and pushed the door open.

I was home alone, so I hit the panic button on the security module. It would take the private security company exactly eight minutes to respond, and the police fifteen. Fear coiled in my belly because eight minutes was a long time to be alone with someone who wanted to hurt me.

“You bitch. Did you push that button? You fucking whore cocktease,” he growled and lunged at me and grabbed my hair.

I hit the auto dial on my phone, I didn’t know who I called, someone. Anyone to help me. It was Ryan, I heard his voice asking, “Bex? I can’t hear you. Are you okay? Rebecca!”

He hit me again, and I raised my leg hard, but he caught my ankle with his thighs and he pushed me down on the counter.

“You don’t get to tell me no.”

I screamed then, hoping someone, anyone would hear me, but that earned me a jerk to my hair that hit my head back down on the floor. “Shut the fuck up,” he snarled.

“If you do this, my father won’t—” I was desperate to try anything to get him to stop.

“Bitch, he already cut my cousin off. So I might as well get something out of you,” he snarled.

He was bigger than me.

He was stronger than me.

I couldn’t stop him.

The panic that rose in my throat like bile, I pushed it down. Sex didn’t matter to me. I could make this not matter to me. So I stopped fighting. I went limp and lay still.

It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter
.

I kept repeating that to myself and there was a part of me that shut down. The part I’d been trying so hard to bring to life.

He was suddenly ripped off of me, that heavy weight pushing me down was gone.

“I will fucking kill you,” Ryan growled as his fist connected with Brendan’s face. Ryan punched him again and again.

Brendan was big, he had health club muscles as Claire liked to call them, but Ryan had bulk. Ryan trained for aggression.

And Ryan was enraged.

I’d never seen so much anger in him.

“You want to hit someone, you fuck? Hit me.” Ryan punched him again. “You want to hurt someone? Hit me back, bitch. You motherfucker.” He kept punching him.

Brendan’s face was nothing but ground beef by the time the security team showed up and it took three cops to get Ryan to stop beating Brendan.

When they dragged him off of Brendan, Brendan said, “I’m going to sue.” And spat blood.

“And I’m pressing charges,” I said, surprised at the calm in my voice.

“No one will believe you said no,” he gurgled.

“I do,” Ryan said. His fists were bloody, his veins stood out, muscles bulging and rage still seething under his skin.

“No one will believe you either, fag.”

Ryan’s fists clenched, but I put my hand on his arm. He looked down at me, almost as if he was suddenly aware I was real and next to him.

“Are you okay?” His attention was completely on me.

I nodded, even though I was pretty far from okay.

“We’re going to need a statement,” one of the officers said.

“I, um, the security company should have surveillance.” My hands were shaking. I wanted Thornton to be here and make all the ugly go away, but that wasn’t what I was going to get. I had Ryan. Ryan came. Ryan…

“Do you want me to call him?” Ryan asked, breath still heaving.

I knew he meant Thornton. “No.” I shook my head.

“Do you want me to stay?” he asked gently, the kindness in him now a contrast to the rage I’d seen in him. But I wasn’t afraid of him.

“Yes.”

“Hey, you’re Ryan Wells. You play defense for Bellemont.” Another of the cops said.

“Yeah, that’s right.”

“This your girl?” He nodded to me.

“No. One of my best friends. But her name should be more familiar than mine. Rebecca Foxworth. Her dad—”

“Owns half the city.” The cop nodded. “But we treat all crime the same.”

I nodded. I didn’t want them to think I was some spoiled rich girl, but at the same time, I wanted that asshole to get what was coming to him. “I understand,” I said, still quivering.

The cop looked at my face. “He do this to you?”

I nodded again. “We’re going to need to get some pictures. I need you to go to the ER for documentation. How far did he get?”

I don’t know why I was still so upset, so afraid. He hadn’t really hurt me, he hadn’t done anything there was no coming back from. He hadn’t taken anything from me.

“Just… this.” I pointed at my face.

I felt Ryan’s warmth at my back, his strong presence, holding me up. But I wanted to hold myself up, only I wasn’t sure I could.

Brendan started running his mouth again and I turned into Ryan so I didn’t have to look at him, hear him. The officers dragged him outside while the security team double checked the penthouse.

“I’m staying here tonight then,” he informed me.

“Okay.”

“I’m taking you to the ER.”

“Okay.”

“I’m calling Thornton.”

“Not okay.”

“Yes, he needs to know what happened.”

“Why?” I pulled away from him. “So he can feel sorry for me? So he can think I’m using some kind of ploy to get his attention? No. No. More no.”

“Bex,” he began.

The word tore me in half. “Please don’t call me that. Not today.”

All the rage left him. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know it really did bother you.”

I bit my lip. “I guess it does. I didn’t want to say so, but it does.”

“You could’ve just told me.”

“I guess. But I didn’t want to. I didn’t want it to bother me.”

“Be—Rebecca,” he admonished.

“I didn’t want to care how people saw me. I didn’t want to care that what they said hurt. But I do and I don’t want to be this person anymore.”

“You can be whoever and whatever you want, Rebecca.” He put his hand on the small of my back and peered down at my face. “Aw, fuck. I should’ve hit him harder.”

“I’m really okay. Or I will be.” As soon as the adrenaline left my system. As soon as I processed what almost happened. Because I was okay. “Thank you for coming.”

“Christ, you say that like I just arrived for a garden party. Of course I came.”

He took me to the ER and after the staff had documented my injuries and run various tests, scraped under my nails, we sat alone together behind a curtain.

“You don’t have to stay. I’m sure you have other things to do. Like Fain.” I laughed, but it hurt. My face had swollen to something vaguely resembling a cantaloupe. At least on the left side.

“No, you asked me to stay. I told you I’m staying. I’m not leaving you, Rebecca.”

“I guess I’m not comfortable being the center of attention anymore.”

“I don’t think you ever were.” He stroked my hair.

“Come on, distract me. Tell me what happened with Fain.”

“It happened. We happened. Then we didn’t. There’s nothing else to say about it really. I haven’t talked to him since you picked me up from The Boondocks.”

“You should talk to him. Maybe he’s scared.”

“J.D. Fain wouldn’t know fear if it bit his dick off.”

I laughed, even though it hurt. “You might be surprised.”

“I was, actually. I was surprised that he had a problem with my sexuality.”

This was a new one. “What?”

“Yeah, you’d think that him walking around with that tattoo on his back, he’d be more open. But he’s not. He thinks I’m confused. That I don’t know what I want because I think sexuality is a fluid thing. At least for me. He thinks I need to slap a label on myself to know who I am.” Ryan shook his head.

I managed a small smile. “I guess you’ll just have to show him something different.”

Suddenly, his expression was closed, heavy and when he met my eyes, I knew whatever he said next was going to piss me off.

“What did you do?”

“I know you didn’t want me to call him, but Rebecca…”

“Damn it, Ryan. Really?” How was I ever supposed to take care of myself if everyone kept doing it for me?

“Yeah, really. You can kick my ass later, but he needed to know. And so did you. If his best friend is a piece of shit, and still his best friend after he knows it, then you can put him out of your head.”

“I wanted him to believe me because he trusts me, not because he had inconvertible proof.”

“Well, he’s here. I’ll be back with some coffee in a few.” He pushed the curtain open.

“Ryan, wait—”

But the movement of the curtain revealed Thornton, standing there, hair mussed and bags under his eyes.

“Can I come in?” He motioned to the chair Ryan had just vacated.

“I guess.” I realized I sounded petulant, but I was entitled to a little bitchery, considering.

“I can’t believe Brendan did this to you.” He studied me.

I felt very naked, on display, in the worst kind of way. There was still part of me that wanted to hide from that.

“I’m glad Ryan called me.”

“I didn’t tell him to call. I don’t even know where he got your number.” Ouch, still so defensive, but what was I supposed to do? Grab on to him and beg him to love me, to trust me, and to never let go?

“I know that, but I’m glad nonetheless.” He sat down and looked at the floor. “What can I do, Rebecca?”

“I think you’ve done enough.” I sounded cold, I didn’t mean to, not this time.

“Christ, I’m sorry.”

I put my hand out and clasped his shoulder. “When I said you’ve done enough, I meant it. I wasn’t being cruel.”

He looked up at me, eyes haunted.

“This isn’t your fault.” I tried to reassure him.

“Then what have I done that’s so special?”

I shrugged a little and released him. God, it felt good to touch him. “You helped me see the value in myself. That I was more than what I’d made of me. You, Rosa, Ryan… you all helped.” I fortified myself for what I said next. “You’re the only one who broke my heart though.”

“I…”

“It’s okay.” I nodded. “Really. Rosa said something about needing to break my heart until it opens. Strangely enough, I think she’s right. There wasn’t room in there for me. Not until you cracked it like a walnut.” I laughed.

“Rebecca,” he drew my name out like a prayer. “I want to make this right.”

“Which this?”

“All of it.”

“I don’t think you can. It doesn’t work like that for either of us. I get that you care. I understand that and I think that makes this harder. But you didn’t trust me.”

“And you called Ryan. You didn’t trust me enough to call me.” There wasn’t any censure in his voice, it was just a fact.

“Actually, I just slapped buttons on my phone. I didn’t know who I’d get.” I didn’t mean to diminish Ryan’s actions, but that was how it had happened. “I’m lucky he got there before the security service.”

“Why wouldn’t you call me to be here with you now?”

I pressed my lips together. “Because I didn’t want you to think I was trying to get your attention. You told me to get out. To leave. So I did. Why would I think that you’d want me to call you?”