Slut (16 page)

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Ryan didn’t sneak out the next morning. He woke me up and hugged me before he left.

“If you need anything…” He didn’t finish the sentence.

I nodded. “Back at you.”

He grinned and was out the door.

Claire and Rosa were both through the door as soon as he left. They flopped on my bed, bearing waffles and mimosas.

“Holy shit, was that Ryan Wells that just left?” Claire squeaked.

“Yep.”

Claire’s face transformed. “Did he do that to your face? What the fuck?”

“Brendan Tate did that to my face.”

“I’ll kill him,” Rosa said calmly, as if she were talking about the weather.

“Ryan beat his ass solid.” I nodded, even though it made my head hurt. I grabbed one of the mimosas and rattled out what had happened. I hadn’t planned on hashing it out all over again, but they were my friends. I wasn’t not going to tell them. Then I shot a glance to Rosa. “Do
not
tell my father.”

“Look, don’t be mad about earlier,” she began.

“No, I’m not. I know it’s because you love me and you didn’t spill all my guts for me.”

Rosa looked sheepish.

Claire raised a brow. “Wait, wait… I’m missing something.”

Rosa grinned. “I might’ve made a new friend.”

“You did
not
!” Claire seemed scandalized.

“I most definitely did.” Rosa looked at me. “You’re lucky Rebecca is here or you’d be getting deets you don’t want,
amiga
.”

I made a show of plugging my ears.

“And this is okay with you?” Claire asked.

“Yeah.” I shrugged. “I want them to be happy. If they make each other happy, that’s not for me to stand in the way.”

“I spend a week with my boyfriend and I miss all the good dirt.”

“We might have a date later. So, I should make sure he picks me up…elsewhere.” Rosa shook her head. “You know you have to tell him, if he doesn’t already know.”

“Yeah, that’s what Ryan said.”

“Dude. Ryan.” Claire eyed me.

“We’re not together or anything. Remember what you told me about being a woman in charge of my sexuality? I finally am. I had great sex with Ryan Wells just because I wanted to.”

“I thought he had a thing for Fain, I mean, isn’t he gay?” Claire asked.

“No, he’s bisexual. And Fain can’t hang. Who would’ve thought?” I answered.

We all took a drink of our mimosas, quietly imagining Ryan making out with J.D. Fain, then we looked at each other and saw the way of our thoughts and giggled.

“I’ll be the first to say it. I’d love to be in the middle of that,” Claire confessed.

“You already got double-timed by two of the hottest men on the planet. No more for you,” Rosa said.

“Come on. If there was a chance I could get them both in the sack, don’t think I wouldn’t do it,” I added.

“You bitches are dirty, dirty.” Rosa shook her head, but laughed again. “And I love you both.”

I tried a bite of waffle, but I knew better than to do much more than that. I should’ve at least tried a bite of the crepe my father had brought me the other day. I guessed I was still trying to get some kind of reaction out of him, and I had. Next time, if he brought crepes, I would have a bite.

“So, the unanswered question. What about Thornton?” Claire asked. “And before you tell me that you guys broke up or whatever, I know you still have feelings for him.”

I laughed. “I wasn’t going to lie. I still want to be with him, but I don’t know if that can happen. We don’t trust each other and I know he’s going to have a problem with the fact that I slept with Ryan. And to be honest, if he went and slept with someone last night, I’d have a problem with it, too. I guess it’s a double standard, and I know it is. I think we just have too far to go.”

“You don’t know unless you talk to him,” Rosa said.

I nodded. “I’m still going to talk to him. I have to know that I gave it everything I could. That I surrendered to wherever ‘this’ wanted to take me. And if it takes me to tears in my beer, well, that’s how it goes, right?”

Rosa arched a brow. “You were a little less… zen about this in St. Louis.”

I grinned. “I know. And I’ll be even ‘less zen’ if it all crashes and burns to shit. But I will survive.”

Rosa looked at me. “At first I was afraid…” she sang.

“I was petrified,” Claire added.

And we broke into Gloria Gaynor’s
I Will Survive
, screeching it out and the top our lungs. It was horrible, we were all off-key, but it was one of the best things that ever happened to me.

This was what it was like having real girlfriends.

We needed more mimosas.

The buzzer on the intercom jostled us all and I wasn’t sure I wanted to look and see who it was.

“It’s probably Brant, he was coming over.” Claire scrambled to go check the screen. “Oh, shit.”

We followed her out.

It was Kieran.

She looked at me. “I’m not ready to see him. I talked to Brant, but I’m just not ready.”

“And that would be really uncomfortable if Brant were to show up while Kieran is here.” I nodded.

I pushed the button. “Hey, Kieran. It’s not a good time.”

“Is she there?”

“Yeah, she’s here. But she’s waiting for Brant.”

“I’d like to see them both.”

“How about you let them decide when and where, huh?”

His face fell and he stuffed his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, okay. You gave her my message, right?”

“Yeah, I did.”

“I wish you’d let me come up, lass.”

“Stop trying to use your Irish charm on me. It doesn’t work.” That was kind of, probably, mostly a lie.

“Aye, I know it doesn’t.” He winked at the camera.

“He’s slick, that one,” I said to Claire.

“Yeah, he is.” She sighed.

“I’m going to kick him in his money maker if he doesn’t fuck off,” Rosa said into the mic.

“Hey, Rosa. You can kick me wherever you like, sweetheart, if you open the door.”

“You’re like the big, bad wolf. Not by the hair on my chiny, chin, chin.” Rosa grumbled.

“You have hair on your chin, lass? You should get that seen to.”

“No more than your mother,” Rosa tossed back.

“Aye, that’s a fair lot, then.”

“You take your accent, your shoulders, and your devil Irish eyes elsewhere. Claire will call you when she’s ready to speak to you,” Rosa finished.

He grinned. “So she will speak to me?”

I smacked the mic off and turned off the unit so we didn’t have to see him preening into the cam.

“Are you okay?” I asked Claire.

She nodded. “Yeah. I am.”

“He’s a bastard, but he’s too hot for his own good,” Rosa said.

“You’re telling me,” Claire answered.

The damn thing buzzed again. “Look, I told you—” It wasn’t Kieran. It was Brant. “Oh, sorry. I’ll give you the passcode when you come up. You shouldn’t have to be buzzed in.”

“I take it I didn’t pass Finn McCool on the sidewalk for no reason?” He arched a brow.

“He’s the big, bad wolf. We didn’t let him in. Not by the hair on Rosa’s chiny chin chin.”

He snorted and I buzzed him in.

“Okay, we can stop with the jokes about the hair on my chin.” She rubbed her hand over the area, surreptitiously checking for some stray offender.

“Laser,” I whispered.

“Blow me,” she whispered back.

I was glad to see that my emotional vomit hadn’t changed how we treated each other. Kind of like me and Ryan.

We all stood in the open doorway waiting for his arrival. When the elevator door opened, he said, “Wow, is this my birthday present, Claire?” He motioned to all of us together.

She snorted. “In your dreams.”

“Most definitely.” He nodded, obviously teasing.

She narrowed her eyes. “Is that really something you want to do because you tease me about it all the time?”

“I’m under no illusions that when two women agree to have sex, it’s not usually for my edification. I think we’ve had this discussion before. But uh, you know, if you want…”

“You’re such a man.” I rolled my eyes.

“Why, thank you.” He smirked.

Why were men so sexy when they smirked? There was just something about a smirk… made me have to change my panties.

“Thanks for letting us play with your Brant.” I said.

She waved me off. “Play with him some more, I still have to get ready.”

Rosa arched a brow. “I didn’t know you were a sharing kind of girl.”

“Oh, you know.” She shrugged. “When I know that there were a hundred women pawing his package every night, it kind of puts things in perspective. I didn’t know them. I know you.”

“So if we wanted to paw him,” I teased.

She shrugged. “Whatever. But you better tip. That’s our date money.”

“Wait, don’t I get a say in this?” Brant asked.

“No. She just traded you for a pack of smokes, son.” Rosa grinned.

“Eh, well. I guess I do what I’m told.” He shrugged.

I grabbed Claire. “Let me help you.”

When we were in her room, I asked her, “So you’re really okay?”

“Yeah. Every time I think about the feelings I used to have for Kieran, I’m reminded of the man that Brant is. Like out there with you. If that were Kieran, I’d be wondering if he meant it. Brant is honest to a fault. Loyal. But if I was serious about all that other stuff, he’d be game. He’s really kind of perfect.”

“I think he is,” I agreed.

“I don’t even know what I’m going to wear.”

“I think if you still get nervous about to wear when you go out with him, it can only be a good thing.”

“Oh hell, I love him, Bex. I love him so much.”

It didn’t bristle when she called me Bex. That was the only way she knew me. So I let it go. This moment could be about her, it didn’t have to be about me. “Did you tell him that?”

“Kind of.”

“No, you didn’t. Not like that, did you?”

“Maybe not like that.”

“Didn’t we have this discussion?” I eyed her hard.

“Yeah.” She nodded. “I just, it’s so big, you know? I don’t know how to stuff it all down into words. Saying I love you just doesn’t cut it.”

“Try. Tell him like you told me.”

She squeezed me. “I will. Really. Now, what to wear?”

“The skull skirt, with the tarantula cardigan and the Iron Fist wedges.”

“Perfect. You have a good eye.” Claire grabbed the items and started pulling them on.

“Don’t forget to give Brant the passcode for the system. He can even have a key.”

“Thanks. I was going to ask, I mean, at least until we get settled and find out if we’re moving to Paris for sure.”

“I know you’re going to go, and I know it’s going to be wonderful. And I know I’m going to miss you so much.” I hugged her.

“Thank you, Bex. For everything.”

I blushed. “I didn’t…”

“You did. You so did. You gave me a safe place, a direction, you got your dad to invest in my company, you helped me have this life. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, I guess.” I was uncomfortable with the praise, but felt good that I’d been able to do something good for her because she’d done so much for me. I guessed I should tell her. “And thank you. You helped me see that I wasn’t the person I wanted to be, but I could be.”

“Me? Really?”

“Um, yeah Ms. I banged Two Strippers and Lived To Tell the Tale.” I grinned. “But really? Seeing you fall in love with yourself? It changed me and it gave me hope and that’s what I needed. So I’d say it was a fair trade.”

Claire hugged me harder.

I guessed all this emotion stuff was okay, after all. No, it was more than okay. It had breathed new life into me. Life I wanted to experience.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

After everyone had left, I hopped in the shower. While I was washing my hair, I realized there was no point in waiting any longer. Whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

As soon as I got out, I called Thornton.

“You called,” he said by way of greeting.

“Yeah, I guess I did.” Wow, that was stupid. We breathed at each other for a long moment. “Do you want to talk?”

“We’re talking now aren’t we?”

“No, not really. We’re just breathing at each other.”

He laughed. “Yes, I suppose we are. Want me to come to you?”

“Yes.” I was hit with sudden inspiration. “I want you to take me to dinner to Avalon.”

“I see.”

“Do you?”

“I think so. You want to try dating again. You want to start over from the beginning like nothing has happened. I love the idea, Rebecca, but I don’t think either of us can do that.”

“I am a different person.”

“Did you just wake up and decide to be a different person?”

“Sort of.” I guessed it was kind of like that. “It was a process that started with Claire. Helped along by you.”

“Finished with Ryan?” he asked, his voice oddly gentle.

I didn’t want to tell him on the phone. It seemed wrong.

“It’s okay,” he assured me.

“Is it? Is it really?”

“I don’t have any claim on you. He’s the one you called when you were afraid. When you needed help. It makes sense that he’s the one you’d choose.”

“I didn’t choose him. Not over you.”

“Well, I have to say that I’m not that forward thinking that I’d be willing to share.”

His tone was light, but I detected something deeper beneath the surface. Something that gave me hope.

“Will you at least meet me so we can talk about it?”

“Your place?” He breathed a light laugh into the phone. “I’ll just be honest. I’m downstairs. I was waiting to check on you, but I didn’t know if you wanted to see me.”

Elation bloomed and my heart soared. “Yes, yes!”

I ran to the door and when I saw him, he was wearing the same clothes from last night at the hospital.

He wrapped his arms around me carefully, gently.

“Screw that. Give it to me hard,” I teased and squeezed for all I was worth.

He felt so right, because his arms was where I wanted to be. He squeezed tighter.

“Were you outside all night?”

“Yeah.” He sounded embarrassed.

And I felt like a total asshole. He’d been outside, watching over me while I was inside trying to prove something to myself. I tried to push it out of my head. I’d needed to do that. I couldn’t have known Thornton was outside.

“I didn’t think you’d want to see me. I kept waiting for Ryan to leave and when he didn’t…”

I pulled back and made him look at me. “When he didn’t what?” I needed him to answer. I was afraid of it, but that didn’t change the outcome. It was there either way.

He exhaled heavily. “When he didn’t, I realized it was my own fault for not being with you. Not trusting you. For letting that goddamn animal anywhere near you.”

“Thornton, none of that is your fault. It’s not my fault either. But you should know, I love you. Honestly. Deeply. Truly.”

“Can you fake love someone?” he asked me.

I nodded. “I think you can. I sort of learned this lesson about loving myself. Had to do it before I could love someone else. You think that’s an obvious thing, but it’s harder than it sounds.”

“So, Ryan helped you see that?”

“In a way, but not like what you think. There is no magic dick, except in sex toy shops.”

“I don’t think I understand.”

“And I don’t think you need to as long as you can accept it.”

“I can’t share you, Rebecca.”

I put my hand up to his cheek. “I’m not asking you to. If I’m with you, I’m with
you
.”

“After everything, could you be with me? I didn’t almost beat a man to death for you. I don’t know that I could if I tried. I’m the white bread, country club set that you despise so much. That’s my life. That’s me. I’m the wise choice. I’m the guy you take home to meet your parents and that’s just not your style, Rebecca.”

It was so hard to believe that Thornton Henry Edgeleaf III would think anything was out of his grasp. Or that some woman could possibly not want him. He had “rich, icy, bastard” written all over him and that was like catnip for a lot of women. It certainly was for me.

“The same goes.” I lifted my chin. “I have a reputation. I’m a slut. Could you handle the whispers at the club? The things people will say?”

“I don’t care what they say. All that matters is what we say. Don’t use that word, it’s not true.”

Something welled up in me. “But it is true, and it’s okay. Being a slut, it’s not a bad word. It’s my body. I chose to give it. Maybe my reasons weren’t always sound, but it was my choice. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. Not for me, anyway.”

He studied me. “Then not for me, either.”

“Really? You mean that?” I didn’t want to bring up what happened with Brendan, but he didn’t trust me. How was this magically okay now?

“Of course I mean it. You are what I want.”

“Even if it means you won’t get my father’s company?”

“I could give a shit about your father’s company. I just want you, Rebecca. And Bex. I understand now that it’s all you, part and parcel. I didn’t before. Can we forgive each other and try again?”

“Even if I’m still friends with Ryan?”

“He saved you.” He pulled me close again. “I talked to him this morning for a long time after he came down. I hope he can be my friend, too.”

“This is too perfect. This is everything I want. How did I get this?”

“You reached for it. Just like I’m reaching for you.”

I leaned into him. I knew life had its challenges and I knew the road ahead wouldn’t always be smooth sailing, but right now? I thought back to that day when I’d coveted what Claire had with Brant.

I had it with Thornton, but it was so much better than I ever could’ve imagined because it was mine.