Slut (7 page)

Just like my father and my mother before she’d driven her Mercedes through a guardrail because the thought of one more day with us was just too much.

This time it was Thornton who fled me. He stood, straightened his jacket and hit me with a hard stare. “You should think about what you want, Rebecca. Who you are, who you want to be. Because you know? The girl at Tricia’s party? That’s the girl I could fall in love with, too. But Bex? She’s not the one for me because she’s the one who belongs to everyone else.” He held up his hand before I could unleash my rage harpies. “I don’t mean your body. I don’t care who you’ve slept with or how many times. If you’d actually wanted to have sex with Gavin and Rosa, I’d try it. Pleasure for pleasure, I can do that. But this Bex persona? No. She becomes everything everyone else wants her to be. That’s not empowered. That’s not taking what you want. It’s being afraid.”

“That must be so easy from where you’re sitting. Your parents think you’re perfect. The world thinks you’re perfect. And you don’t even have to try.” My throat started to constrict as tears welled hot and acidic, but I swallowed them down along with everything else I was feeling.

“You think I don’t know what’s it’s like to be afraid? To fail? Of course I do. I failed you.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

My father excused me shortly after Thornton left. I thought he’d be angry, but he wasn’t. He simply reminded me of the party at the lake house the next weekend and told me he’d have the car take me home.

Home. Where I could lose myself in the Jacuzzi and curl up in front of Netflix with a bottle of wine. I was turning in to such a fucking wino, but all of these emotions, I needed something to swallow them down so they didn’t swallow me.

I didn’t want to think about anything that Thornton had said to me. There was too much that could hurt me there and not just the things that cut me, but the hope. That nasty fanged beast was the worst part.

That’s the girl I could fall in love with, too
.

I couldn’t say yes to that. I couldn’t. Because what if I did and what if it was all the prettiest most elaborate lie? I didn’t think I could take it.

When the car dropped me at my building, I saw Rosa outside waiting for me. Her dark hair was pulled into a shiny ponytail and she was wearing a soft white peasant blouse that was a lovely contrast to the honey of her skin.

She held up her hand and I saw that she had my keys. “I didn’t want to wait inside, I thought it might freak you out. But I brought your car back from the boat.”

“Thanks.” That was unexpected and a little surreal. “You could’ve gone inside. Is Claire not home?”

“No, I think she’s at Brant’s.”

We took the lift up to the penthouse and I invited Rosa inside. “So, you have liquor, right?”

I laughed. “Yeah, because I definitely need it after last night.” Then I bit my lip. I didn’t want to bring up the night previous, but it seemed like there wasn’t going to be any way around it. I supposed I should just get it over with.

Finding the bottle of Fireball I had under the sink for just such an occasion, I pulled it out and grabbed two tumblers.

“Whoa, you’re pulling out the big guns. Last night must’ve been awful.”

“No, it was this morning that was awful.” I poured us both doubles and we went out onto the balcony where I flopped down on a chaise. “I woke up with Karlie in my face telling me my father had sent a car and he dragged me to brunch.”

“So can I ask—” she downed her shot, poured another “—will you tell me what happened with Gavin last night?”

I put the tumbler down. “Are you sure you want to hear this?”

“Not hearing it doesn’t change the truth, right? That’s what Claire says.” She downed her drink and gave me a weak grin. “Hit me with it.”

“We talked about you.”

She raised a brow as if to indicate I should just get to the point.

“What, no build up? You just want to get to the meat? The build up is important.”

“Why? I think it’s pretty cut and dry. He fucked you. He knew I was there. He could’ve followed me out of the room.”

“He also knew you were testing him.”

“What do you mean?” Her brow furrowed.

“I mean that he called me on it. But he said if you feel like you have to test someone then they’ve already failed. He said he didn’t know what you wanted from him because you didn’t give him your number or ask for his. He thought you just wanted sex from him.”

“He’s so full of shit. He was just trying to get in your pants.”

“No, I don’t think so.”

“So he didn’t fuck you?”

“No, he did.” I nodded. “But he asked if I was going to tell you and I said you were my friend and I wasn’t going to lie to you. He didn’t want you to know.

“But he did it anyway.”

“Rosa, I’m not going to make excuses for him, but I can tell you that he and I have a lot in common.”

“Oh, if you give me some shit about how he was just protecting himself, I’m going to punch you. In the face.”

I pursed my lips. If you knew what I was going to say, maybe there’s some validity to it.”

“And yet…”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “And yet.” I took her hand. “Rosa, I think maybe you expect too much from people.” When she tried to pull away, I held tighter. “Just hear me out and if you still don’t like what I have to say, then hit me in the face.”

“I want to be angry, don’t make me laugh.” She smiled and shook her head.

“When I say that, it’s because I see some of me in you, too. People don’t know what we’re feeling until we tell them. Or show them. Maybe send them smoke signals? We all know you’re not the girl who has feelings. You’re the tough one, right? So how would anyone know they’d hurt you, or that you wanted something from them? They don’t just magically know.”

She closed her eyes. “But if I tell them…”

“Yeah.” I nodded. “If you tell them, they can hurt you. But hey, guess what? They can still hurt you. Like what happened with Gavin.” Then I realized I was really one to talk, but my situation with Thornton was different. Rosa was strong, she was a survivor. Gavin couldn’t break her, no one could. She was made of some kind of space age material that was impervious to permanent damage. She could be wounded, but she was a fighter who’d feel the pain later.

I tried to imagine Thornton sleeping with her. If our situations had been reversed and I’d been the one doing the asking. It would utterly wreck me.

“I’ll think about it. Did he say anything about what he was doing today?”

“He’s having lunch with my father. Apparently, my father has decided he’s going to be a veep before he’s thirty.”

“Great. Another strike against me.”

“What do you mean?”

“How many Mexican women do you see working for your father? They’re all in the maid uniforms. I know how this works with guys like Gavin. Now that he’s on the fast track up he’s not going to want anything to do with me outside of the bedroom. It’s all white bread and I’m wheat.”

I bit my lip, unsure if what I was about to say was going to make it worse. “They say wheat bread is better for you.”

She snorted. “You’re a trip, Bex.”

“I know Gavin is upwardly mobile, and I won’t deny that most of the guests at the Village and Wine were white. But if you honestly think it matters to him what your heritage is, aside from being part of you, why would you want to be with him anyway?”

Rosa shook her head. “I don’t know.”

“You know what, why don’t you come with me to this house party thing at the lake house next weekend?”

“Why?”

“Gavin will be there. So will a lot of guys. My father is trying to marry me off to someone suitable like it’s the 1800’s or something. We’ll find you one too. If not Gavin, I’m sure you can find something you like.”

She giggled. “You’re bad.”

“I know.” I poured us both another shot. “But I’m good at it.”

“So what happened with that blond guy?”

“Thornton?”

“Yeah, that was a pretty heated display.”

“I um… huh. Where to start?” I downed my shot, and my head was starting to feel a little fuzzy. “He’s more than a good time.”

Rosa nodded. “I understand. I bet he wasn’t thrilled with what happened.”

“He said some things.” I nodded and found myself spilling my guts. “He said he could understand pleasure for the sake of pleasure—that last night when Gavin had suggested we have some kind of twisted foursome, that wasn’t out of the question with Rebecca. But he didn’t want Bex.”

Rosa pursed her lips and shook her head. “Fucking men. Jesus.”

“And I may have emotionally vomited on him and told I could fall in love with him this morning. He may have said he could fall in love with Rebecca.”

“But they’re both you and he has to understand that. Do you remember that conversation we had about people being themselves and that people don’t wear masks, they just hide things? Even when people show one face to everyone else, that’s still part of who they are. If he can’t get on board with that…” Rosa shrugged.

“I know.” I nodded my head. “I never should have said anything to him because now I can’t stop thinking about what he said and there’s this loop in my head the keeps telling me if I put Bex away, if I can find Rebecca again, that he’ll love me. How fucking stupid is that?” I downed another shot. “And if you call me on any of this tomorrow, I’m going to swear on a stack of King James that it was the Fireball talking.”

“It is totally the Fireball talking. Maybe some pizza could be talking next? What do you think?”

“Daddy’s treat. Sure, why not?” I waved the credit card.

“I can put in.”

“Nah. I earned it, believe me.” I shrugged. “I banged you’re might-soon-to-be boyfriend. The least I can do is buy
you
dinner.”

Rosa nodded. “I can roll with that. Double cheese and those little wing things, too.”

The intercom buzzed shortly after I ordered online. There was no way it had gotten there that quickly.

I checked the security camera and saw it was that stripper Finn McCool.

“Looking for Claire,” he said into the speaker.

I tried to not to be moved in an unwholesome way by the sound of his voice, but that damn accent almost did me in. “She’s not here, Finn.”

“It’s Kieran today.”

“She’s still not here.”

He winked at the camera. “Well, you know, sometimes her answers change dependin’ on if it’s Finn or Kieran.”

“She’s at Brant’s.”

“Will you tell her I came by?”

“Yeah.” I didn’t ask him how he found out where I lived. Probably Karlie.

“Is that the Irish bastard?” Rosa slurred.

“Yes, yes it is.”

“Tell him to come up.”

If I’d thought fucking Gavin was a bad idea, this was the worst. The very worst. “I don’t think—”

“Bring yourself up here and entertain us,” Rosa said as she leaned over my shoulder. Oh, she was drunk. She’d gone from cold sober to stone drunk in about fifteen minutes.

“You have to let me in first.”

Rosa pushed the button.

I really hoped Claire didn’t come home while he was here. This could end poorly.

No, not could. The operative word would be “when” it ended poorly. But she’d already buzzed him in.

“Why did you do that?”

“Pizza and manwhores. What could be better?”

“There’s only one of him.”

“And you got laid last night. Everyone is getting the manwhore treatment and I want one.”

“Rosa, you’re drunk.”

“Yes, yes I am.”

Shortly after, there was a heavy knock on the door and against my better judgment, I opened it.

“Listen, Rosa is really drunk,” I warned him.

“I know how to handle the lass. Known that one a good while, I have.” He walked past me and caught her in a big hug. “There’s my girl.”

“You are a bastard.”

“Yes, I am,” he agreed.

“I am really pissed at you.”

“I know.”

“Stop being so agreeable,” she grumbled.

“You want me to fight with you?” He hauled her up over his shoulder. “You hit too hard, Rosie.”

She laughed and he put her down on the couch, half in his lap, half off. Last night, she’d been ready to throw things at him on Claire’s behalf, now she stuck to him like a fungus.

“Hey, no Judgy McJudgeface,” she admonished.

I shook my head. “Nope. None of that.”

“You got Gavin. Claire got Brant. I get one.”

“So you’re settlin’ for me?” Kieran asked.

“You know you’re pretty. Stop fishing for compliments.”

“But I need them. That’s how I fill up my empty heart.” He spoke in a teasing tone, but his words were harsh.

“You’ll not get them from me.” Rosa lifted her chin, but had draped her arm around his shoulders.

I was pretty sure she was going to regret this later, but she seemed determined. “Should I just leave you two alone?”

“Always more room in me lap for a pretty bird. Especially one who paid me so well.” He patted his thigh.

No way was I climbing in his lap. I could see where this was going.

“I’ve got this. Come on, lassie.”

“That’s not cute.” I wrinkled my nose.

“What?”

“Your little accent. It’s not going to work on me.”

“Oh, it dinna? Yer breakin’ me heart.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “Listen here, Lucky Charms—”

He roared with laughter. “Maybe that should’ve been my stage name instead of Finn McCool.”

Rosa made a face. “Don’t make him laugh. I’m getting motion sick.”

“Somebody let you have whiskey didn’t they? You know you can only drink vodka and not get sick.”

It seemed as if he did have some experience with her. Maybe they really were friends.

“You got somewhere she can sleep it off?” he asked me.

“Yeah.” I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Down the hall. Guest bedroom.”

He swept Rosa up gently and her head lolled to the side. That hit her hard and fast.