SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (28 page)

Don’t use pump gags! Some have “quick-deflate” valves that allow the air inside them to be released in an instant, and that’s a good thing, but it won’t prevent death due to initial over-inflation.

Tape.
Tape, widely used in the movies and on TV as a gag, has several dangers. For one, it cannot be attached to the mouth stuffing. For another, it cannot be removed quickly and reliably from the submissive’s mouth if an emergency occurs - at least not without risking serious pain and damage. Tape is also hard to use as a gag if the submissive has a beard or mustache. Avoid using tape as a gag.

Panty gags.
Many submissives (not all, but many) love it when a dominant lady ties them up and then takes off her panties to use as mouth stuffing. The panties should be attached to some sort of strap -some dominant women like to stuff them into a nylon stocking and tie the stocking around the submissive’s head. Negotiate such usage ahead of time, of course, but keep it in mind.

Using a rod or bar as part of a gag.
The mouth-stuffing is sometimes attached to a metal or wooden stick, thus allowing a stronger pull on the stuffing, keeping it more firmly in the mouth.

Using an elastic bandage as a gag.
Some people attach the mouth stuffing to flexible material, such as an elastic bandage, to keep it firmly in the mouth. This usually works fairly well. An elastic bandage also can be used as mouth stuffing by wrapping it around the strap.

In summary, gags can add quite a bit if used in the right way, at the right time, and with the right person. Just understand that using one will noticeably increase the session’s risk level.

Blindfolds

A blindfolded person is more vulnerable than an unblindfolded person. Also, when you can’t see, you pay closer attention to your other senses. Hearing and touch seem to become more acute.

If the submissive is already extensively bound, adding a blindfold actually does very little to increase their vulnerability — they already can’t do much about what’s going to happen — but it often increases their
feeling
of vulnerability.

I think blindfolds are especially frustrating for men to wear. Many men have a particular fondness for seeing what’s going on, and can’t if they’re blindfolded. Some dominants use this to good effect. For example, one professional dominant had an effective way of dealing with requests by her submissive that she undress. She would tie them up and blindfold them, and only then would she take offher clothes. She would arrange touching and being touched so that her submissives knew she was indeed naked in their presence, but they would never actually
see
her naked. It drove them nuts.

Wearing a blindfold significantly increases the degree of surrender involved in a scene.

If you want to find out what they’ re really into, watch their eyes. They can’t fake the eyes.

When to use a blindfold.
I recommend that you wait until at least your second or third SM session with someone before using a blindfold. Like gags, they increase the degree of vulnerability, and you want to increase the vulnerability involved slowly and gradually. (I should note that a blindfolded submissive will have a much harder time maintaining their physical balance, and thus are at greater risk for falling.)

Many professional SM studios, for example, forbid customers to blindfold a submissive staff member unless another staff member is also in the room. The reason for this is that most of these institutions also have a “no gag” rule — unless, again, another staff member is present — because if a submissive allows themselves to be blindfolded, then “you can’t see a gag coming.”

Another reason to limit using blindfolds early on is that a person’s eyes are often the most expressive part of their face. If you cover their eyes, you shut yourself off from an important source of feedback. You’ll want to know how they’re reacting. Their eyes will often tell you.

Notes on using blindfolds.
It doesn’t hurt to mention to a blindfolded submissive that the emergency scissors are handy, and that other safety precautions have been taken.

I’m not interested in doing anything that diminishes my submissives.

Blindfolds may cause a loss of perspective. The submissive can “drift away” into their own world. Continuing to speak to them, even if they can only nod in reply, helps keep the two of you “in tune” with each other. If you drift seriously apart, the potential for misunderstanding increases.

As the dominant, you have a special choice when the time comes to remove the blindfold. If you’re feeling kind, let them take it off themselves — which they’ll usually do slowly. If you’re feeling mean, take if off yourself — rapidly.

Safety note: blindfolding someone de-personalizes them to a significant degree, and you may be more likely to go too far with a whipping or something similar if you can’t see their face.

Blindfold material.
Completely blindfolding someone is difficult. The eyes are somewhat set back in the skull, and thus hard to cover entirely. Often small “peek holes” remain in the blindfold, usually to the side of the nose.

To prevent this, most blindfolds use some sort of “eye-padding” to cover the eyes completely, and some sort of strap to hold the eye padding in place. The eye padding is usually leather, fur, or foam rubber, and the strap is often leather or elastic bandage.

You can buy “sleep masks” in drugstores that cover the eyes without pressing on them the way most blindfolds do. These are comfortable enough to wear for several hours, even overnight. They are also relatively inexpensive.

Note:
The eye muscles relaxsomewhat when blindfolded, so when the blindfold comes off it may take a few minutes for the submissive’s vision to come back into focus.

Safety note:
Obviously, a blindfolded submissive is forced into rather “passive” submission, and can’t move very much, especially if they’re also bound. If you want to move them somewhere, “escort” them closely. Be ready to steady them if they lose their balance.

Using gags and blindfolds together.
Don’t use them together on a new partner early in your play. You might try using just a blindfold in your second or third session, then next time use both a blindfold and gag.

Ear Plugs

Sooner or later, you probably will want to limit your submissive’s ability to hear.

It’s almost impossible to deafen somebody completely. You can completely shut off their vision, but not their hearing. This is because sound reaches the ears through bone conduction as well as through the ear canal. You could completely plug the canal, and they could still hear to a limited extent.

Still, you can reduce their hearing to a significant degree, and that can be fun. However, you may want to think twice about doing that. Submissives usually pay close attention to sounds, especially if blindfolded. The clink of a chain, the snap of a lock, or the whistle of a whip through the air — not to mention the sound of your voice — are often highly exciting sounds.

I want you to keep me in the leather hood a lot.

Many earplugs come with a Noise Reduction Rating (NRR) marked on the package. I personally recommend soft foam earplugs that have a flare at the base for easy insertion and removal and an NRR of at least 30. Drugstores usually carry different types. You can also buy them at gun shops — maybe the same place you buy your handcuffs.

You also can buy wax earplugs that soften after being held in your hand for a minute or two. These soft plugs are then inserted into the submissive’s ears, where they “custom fit” themselves to their ear canals.

You can also deafen a submissive by substituting noise. Use headphones to pipe in music you want, or simply set it on static “white noise.”

One word of caution: You won’t be able to hear directly what the submissive is hearing, so try this on yourself first. Listen for about an hour. One good safety measure is to mark the volume dial on the equipment you’ll be using so you don’t accidentally turn it up too far.

If you use a combination of earplugs and music headphones, you should effectively deafen your submissive. The earplugs will also provide some protection if the noise inadvertently becomes too loud.

Remember, the submissive can use their safeword if the noise becomes too loud. They should do this early. Hearing loss is hard to repair, so no heroics.

Hoods

Many people in the scene use hoods of one sort or another. These hoods are also called “discipline helmets.” They are usually made of black leather. Some are made of rubber, latex, or spandex.

A hood is a very powerful SM device. It strongly increases the sense of helplessness, confinement, and vulnerability the submissive feels, and their reactions may be correspondingly intense. Many people find a hood too intense to bear. For example, some submissives who have no problem at all being both blindfolded and gagged become claustrophobic when hooded.

On the other hand, some submissives absolutely
love
being hooded. They get inside and drift off into their own world. It’s common for them to not want it removed.

Hoods, because they are so confining, often increase the degree of isolation felt in the scene. They also depersonalize the submissive to a significant degree. Dominants need to beware of this depersonalization. When the human being in front of you is transformed into a faceless torso, you may find it easier to be crueler than usual, and that can be dangerous. Police hostage negotiators know that a terrorist will have an easier time killing hooded people than people whose faces, especially eyes, are visible. Firing squads also use this fact.

Because they cover both the nose and mouth, hoods can be
much
more dangerous than gags. I have heard of several deaths from over-confining hoods.

You want to be able to remove a hood in seconds during an emergency, therefore you want a hood that zips on and off. Many hoods use leather laces to be tightened down, and that’s fine, but laces are too slow for emergency release. Get a zippered hood.

You also will want a pair of paramedic shears immediately handy to cut off the hood if the zipper jams. Probably the safest places to cut off hood are along the laces or upwards along the back of the head, between the ears.

All hoods should have permanent holes near the submissive’s nose. Don’t buy or use a hood that lacks “nose holes.”

Hoods often come with snap-on blindfold and gag attachments, and I think that’s a good idea. A hood without such options, especially for the mouth, lacks versatility.

One caution: one type of hood especially associated with deaths has a pump gag on the inside. Apparently, it’s difficult to tell how much gag inflation is “too much” if the submissive is hooded. I understand this type of hood has been withdrawn from the market, but many are still out there. Don’t use it. Cut it in two and throw it away.

Hoods often come with D-rings and other attachment points. These are fine for light bondage, but nothing more. Don’t, for example, run a strap from a D-ring on the top of a hood to an eyebolt in the ceiling and expect it to hold the submissive’s weight.

An ordinary cotton pillowcase makes a good improvised hood. Put it over the submissive’s head and tie it in place, perhaps by placing it under their collar. Most people can breathe adequately through the single layer of cotton.

In general, hoods are advanced pieces of equipment, with strong implications for psychology and technique. They are not for novices or people inexperienced with each other. They should probably not be used before your fifth session together, and only after you have had at least one successful session in which the submissive was both blindfolded and gagged.

Remember, “hoods are heavy.”

I like it when you take over.

Handcuffs

Many people think immediately of handcuffs when they want to restrain somebody. Handcuffs have advantages, but they also have disadvantages.

Note: unless otherwise noted, the advantages and disadvantages also apply to thumbcuffs and shackles (leg irons).

Advantages:

1. Handcuffs are easy to apply.

2. Properly applied handcuffs are almost inescapable.

3. Handcuffs have their own unique sights, sounds, and feels that often add to the erotic energy of the session.

4. Handcuff tightness can be closely adjusted.

5. Heavy-set or muscular people may be unable to cross their wrists behind their back for bondage. Handcuffs (or leather cuffs) offer an effective way to deal with this.

6. Handcuffs can (and should) be “double locked” to prevent their becoming dangerously tight. Cuffs that aren’t double-locked can go on ratcheting tighter and tighter until they have done serious damage to your submissive. The instructions that come with the handcuffs should show you how to double-lock them. Make
sure
you understand how to apply and remove double-locked cuffs before playing with them.

Disadvantages:

1. Handcuffs are somewhat expensive. Shop around and compare prices. Some mail-order outfits (which advertise in gun and survival magazines) may offer a much better price.

2. Handcuffs must be bought at special stores, usually at police supply stores. The employees at the “cop shop” are sometimes reluctant to sell handcuffs to civilians, especially if they think they will be used for “kinky” things. (Ironically, many cops love being erotically submissive.)

If you live in a large, cosmopolitan city, such as Los Angeles, San Francisco, or New York, you can go to a “toy store” and freely buy your cuffs there. Only friendly questions will be asked. If you can, I recommend buying your cuffs at such astore.