SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (33 page)

The major disadvantage is that it may be both uncomfortable and somewhat restrictive of breathing for the submissive to lie face-down on such a surface. They must turn their head to one side to keep their face clear, and this can put a definitely unerotic strain on their neck. This can often be eliminated by placing pillows or something similar under their chest. Another alternative is to purchase one of those massage devices that allow lying face-down on a bed.

Beware of “neck snap.”
Submissives may, when struck any type of strong blow on the back or buttocks, reflexively snap their neck back. (Yes, punsters. It is literally a form of “whiplash.”) This itself can be a source of unintentional and highly undesirable injury — particularly if the submissive, as I do, has an already-weakened neck due to something like an old injury or arthritis.

Dominants, stay alert for this. Among other things, the submissive may be too endorphined out to notice or care about this during the session itself, but it could reveal itself with awful effects the morning after. Remember to ask about joint weakness during your pre-session negotiations. Perhaps specifically ask about neck conditions. Stay alert for neck snap when spanking or whipping the submissive. If you notice it, do what you can to reduce or eliminate it.

Possible methods for dealing with neck snap including ordering the submissive to keep their neck still, having them lace their fingers behind their neck, and placing one of your own hands on the back of their neck or head (experimentation and feedback will tell you which works best) while you spank or whip with the other.

I’m an artist with my cat-o-nine-tails.

Watch for internal injury.
While it happens very rarely, it is possible to damage someone’s internal organs with a whipstroke to the wrong place, usually the “forbidden zone” of the abdomen or back. Signs of such internal bleeding include abdominal pain, nausea, vomiting, blood in the urine or feces, an abdomen that feels painful, “doughy,” or board-like to the touch, and no bowel sounds. (You can’t hear any gurgling when you press your ear to the abdomen just beside the belly button, not even if you listen for a full minute. Try listening a few times before you play and you’ll understand.) The submissive may become pale and sweaty. They also may develop a rapid pulse - greater than 100 beats per minute. (By the way, it’s not at all out of line to take the submissive’s pulse occasionally as you play. It’s easily found in their wrist and their neck, and a little practice helps considerably in developing this ability. You might either want to make it obvious to the submissive that you are doing this or do it discreetly. Again, practice helps.)

If your submissive develops any of these signs and symptoms after a whipping, take them to a hospital — preferably a trauma center, if you can reach one within an hour. (One part ofbeing a responsible dominant is to make sure you know where your local trauma center is and how to get there.) Call an ambulance or, if they are conscious, take them in yourself, whichever is faster. Caution: Ifyou do take them in yourself, don’t speed on the way to the hospital.

One way to tell if the whipping damaged the kidneys is to test the submissive’s urine for traces of blood both before and afterward. You can buy dipsticks to test urine for blood at your local medical supply store. About an hour after the whipping, dip the stick in a sample of the submissive’s urine. If blood is present, a colored patch on the stick will turn a different color. If the test does come back positive, you don’t necessarily need to race for the trauma center, but it’s worth calling an SM-positive physician for a consultation.

I hate being whipped, but afterwards it s fun to look at the marks.

Take care ofyour own body, too.
Administering any type of flagellation can tire your arm. Administering heavy, prolonged, or too-frequent flagellation can cause damage to the nerves and muscles of the arm, shoulder and upper back. (Professional dominants and people who do keyboard work seem particularly vulnerable.) If you’re a dominant who enjoys flagellation, it’s therefore an excellent idea to take care of these vulnerable parts.

I suggest that you develop at least basic competence in using your non-dominant arm to spank or whip. Also, get good at several different styles of whipping, as different types of strokes use different muscle groups.

Dominants who enjoy heavy flagellation often develop a set of warm-up exercises to stretch their arms, shoulders and back, thus helping to prevent muscle strain and injury. I’ve seen submissives help their dominants with stretching exercises before a whipping scene.

The pillowcase.
An ordinary, plain pillowcase can be made into an excellent “beginner’s whip.” Remove the pillow, lay the pillowcase flat, and fold its short side in half three or four times. Grasp the open end in your hand, and you’re ready.

This device offers novices a wonderful toy for experimenting and exploring. Pillowcase whippings offer the look and feel of a flagellation scene’s atmosphere, mood, and psychology while involving only very mild amounts of pain. (A pillowcase is almost all “thud” and very little “sting” in the sensations it creates.) Novices can use a pillowcase to explore how they react to whipping or being whipped (which itself can be a very intense experience) without going too far into the pain issue.

Furthermore, it is almost impossible to cause serious damage with a pillowcase unless you land a strong blow directly over the submissive’s ears or eyes. (Be somewhat careful around the testicles.) Even strong blows are likely to leave little in the way of lasting marks other than light welts.

For close-in work, grasp the end of the pillow case in your non-dominant hand (if you are right-handed, that means your left hand) and hold the middle of the case in your dominant hand.

If you want a slight increase in intensity, “glove” a second pillowcase over the first one.

As a final point, a pillowcase makes an excellent training tool. If you learn how to use a pillowcase skillfully, then your chances of being skillful with a riding crop or other device, particularly a flogger, are much better.

I want to find out what it feels like to be whipped by you.

Hands-On Flagellation

When it comes time to start giving “real” erotic pain, I think you should begin with your hand. Your hand is an intimate, personal part of you, and pain that comes from you personally, as opposed to coming from a more impersonal object such as a whip or paddle, often has more intimacy and often is easier for the submissive to accept. The body-to-body contact, the touching, adds intimacy.

Spanking.
I think spanking is one of the best ways of introducing erotic pain into a relationship. (The other is lightly pinching their nipples duringsex.) Spanking can be done spontaneously, and involves no threatening-looking whips, clamps, or other equipment. Furthermore, you can start lightly and build or ease up as appropriate. In addition to the buttocks, breasts, and genitals, most other parts of the body can be spanked (although these are the three most popular areas).

You might begin the spanking by running your fingers lightly over the submissive’s buttocks. (Some submissives find this ticklish, so you might need firmerstrokes). One good way to begin a first eroticspanking is by placing your dominant hand — your right hand, if you’re tight-handed- on the submissive’s buttocks and your other hand on their genitals.

Remember to establish and verify safewords before beginning to give pain. Also, to increase their sense of safety, you probably should not bind your submissive before their first spanking. Remember, this whole idea frightens many people. A bound submissive may have a harder time relaxing and opening up to the experience. I also suggest avoiding blindfolds and gags.

It’s wise to remove any rings on your hand, and any loose-fitting bracelets, before delivering a spanking, especially if the jewelry is elaborate or expensive. You don’t want your jewelry to injure the submissive’s skin. You also don’t want any gems to go flying across the room — where they will inevitably land in the world’s hardest-to-find location.

(Screamed while receiving a heavy whipping):

Yes!
Yes!!
YES!!!

Submissives should be able to relax completely when receiving a spanking, so position them accordingly. You might have them lie across your lap with your non-dominant hand on their genitals. (Seating yourself on the bed, and allowing them to stretch out with their hips across your lap while resting their upper body and legs on the bed, can work well — especially if there’s a wall or headboard to support your back.) Another approach is to order them to kneel beside a bed with their chest and head resting on it.

To give the spanking, get close to the submissive and maintain skin-to-skin contact. (This is a good time to locate their tailbone.) Perhaps caress their genitals and wait until they’re aroused before giving the first spank.

Start with the cheek closest to you. Cup your hand slightly and keep your fingers together. Make your first spank little more than a firm, brief touch that makes little, if any, sound. After the spank, lightly but firmly massage the spot for a few seconds. (This brief massage will take a lot of the sting out of heavier spanks.) Still your spanking hand, maybe fondle their genitals for a few seconds, and deliver another stroke in the same way.

Give another two dozen spanks in this way. Each should arrive at least five seconds after the last. Cover both cheeks. Remember that gravity will pull the submissive’s buttock muscles down, so the spanks should land only on the lower half of the submissive’s buttocks.

If this goes well, you might slightly increase the spanking’s force for 12 more strokes. Repeat twice more if all seems well.

A first spanking should end while still light. Hit no harder than one-fourth of your hardest sustained strokes, and less if the submissive shows distress. Remember, a first spanking — like all good vices, to quote Oscar Wilde loosely — should leave you both wanting more.

If you accomplish nothing except to reduce how threatening a novice submissive finds the idea of being spanked (and perhaps how threatening you find the idea of giving one), you’ve done a lot. If the submissive responds well to their first spanking, or at least is not severely repelled, subsequent spankings may be longer and harder — if both parties wish.

The dominant might have the submissive lie face down on the bed or floor and dispense with genital stimulation for the spanking’s duration. This prone position presents the buttocks in a more rounded fashion, with better protection for the tailbone and other bones. It also allows better spanking of all four quadrants, plus the outsides, backs, and (if the legs are spread) insides of the thighs.

The dominant can keep the force of the spanks constant for long periods of time, perhaps using a steady rhythm, or they can vary the force. A sudden, sharp climb in the force should usually be followed by an easing off and pleasuring, then moving on to something else.

One good safety measure is for the dominant to use only their bare hand. The pain of the spank goes both ways, and if it’s so intense that it hurts the dominant’s hand, there’s a good chance it’s also too intense for the submissive.

Wanna see my marks?

A few spanking tips:

1. When spanking the buttocks, cup your hand and spank in a slightly upward motion. This has a distinctly different feel, and is usually more pleasurable, than a downward stroke. Try to experience the difference yourself.

2. Experiment with how rigid or loose you want your wrist to be. A slightly flexible wrist is most common, but you can try anything from complete rigidity to using your hand as a flail. Stay alert for feedback from your submissive; each style feels different.

3. To provide a warm, pleasurable contrast to the pain of a spank, first land the stroke, then keep your hand stationary on the skin for about one second, then slowly rub the freshly spanked area with slightly firm pressure for two or three seconds before giving another spank. This rub usually causes a pleasantly warm feeling. Again, try to experience it yourself.

4. As with every other part of SM, the more you experience the opposite role, the better, more complete understanding you’ll have. You’ll learn alot from experiencing a skillfully administered spanking, even if being spanked doesn’t (as far as you know) turn you on.

Once the bare-hand spanking has gone well, a dominant might wish to wear a glove. Mistresses, especially, seem to like wearing thin black leather gloves. The gloves lessen the pain she feels, and the feel of smooth black leather on freshly spanked buttocks drives some submissives wild.

Dominants also spank while wearing gloves of various smooth or rough materials, including fur, latex, and rubber.

Spanking the genitals.
Most genital spanking is done with a flicking wrist motion, snapping the upper parts of the fingers against the skin.

The shaft of a man’s penis can usually take a good spanking. (The tip is too tender on many men, the poor dears.) The typical method is to hold its tip against his belly with your free hand and spank the underside. As always, have fun but don’t go crazy. A too-intense spanking can cause damage.

Testicles can usually tolerate only the lightest of spankings.

A woman’s vulva can be spanked fairly firmly. Again, start light and gradually build. Some women (not all, not most, but some) get very turned on, and may even reach orgasm, through a skillfully administered “pussy spanking.”

Slapping.
Our face is one of the most intimate parts of our bodies. We are very choosy about who we let touch us there. That being so, a slap in the face is a powerful act of domination and can evoke a powerful emotional reaction. A slap in the face can be painful, disorienting, and/or humiliating.