SM 101: A Realistic Introduction (35 page)

Move the patting around to their chest and lightly cover it. Give each nipple a dozen or so direct strokes with the crop’s tip. Lightly tap their penis or vulva.
Very
lightly tap their testicles.

Move behind them and work up the backs of their thighs to their buttocks. Finish with three moderately sharp strokes against the lower half of their buttocks.

Stop the whipping. Press the front of your body against theirs and hug them. Let them rest their head on your shoulder. Hold them. Give them “two squeezes” and notice their reaction. Let there be a long moment of silence as you soothe their body with lightly firm caresses.

Understand that being whipped, even if done utterly painlessly, often deeply touches the submissive’s mind. They may tremble. Hold them. Soothe them. Tell them they did well and that you’re pleased with them.

If appropriate, kiss them and erotically caress their breasts and genitals. They’ve earned a little pleasure, if only for being so brave.

This might be enough for a very first whipping. Remember, even if it was ludicrously light in terms of the physical pain involved, it may have been a deep emotional experience for them. (And maybe for you, too.)

Also understand that they might not appear, or even feel, deeply moved at the time. After receiving one of my own first whippings, I felt relaxed and calm. I looked forward to being whipped again. A few hours later, however, I began to feel shaken — not upset or angry or sad, just sort of like I was somehow coming apart. The feeling eventually passed, but it was rocky for a while.

Remember how important it is (for both of you) to spend “straight time” with the submissive after the session, to talk with them the next day, and to check in with them about a week later.

During subsequent sessions you can explore, within safety limits, the limitless varieties of rate, rhythm, force, and location of riding crop strokes. Sometimes it works to use a regular rhythm, sometimes it works to use erratically timed strokes. Music and whippings blend well, especially long, instrumental passages.

If you can, arrange for someone highly skilled to whip you. You should, at many different levels, learn much from the experience. Repeat it with others, and watch others.

When we finish a session, my submissive is all relaxed and loose and happy — and I’m about half dead.

Whips and Floggers

Whipping can be broadly defined as striking a submissive’s body with a flexible instrument. Whips come in two basic categories: single-tailed and multi-tailed.

Single-tailed whips.
When many people think of a whip, they think of a single-tailed whip such as a bullwhip. Other types of single-tailed whips include blacksnakes, stock whips, buggy whips, and signal whips. (The pistol-shot-like “crack” these whips make when popped in the air is believed to be the noise of the sound barrier being broken.)

Because they concentrate the energy of the whipstroke into a single, very fast-moving, narrow area, single-tailed whips produce an intense cutting or burning sensation that some masochists absolutely love. However, these whips can be extremely dangerous to both the submissive and the dominant. Lacerations, eye injuries, ear injuries, and even fractures have been reported. (I’m also told that the marks made by these whips may take an unusually long time to heal.) Thus, if you want to use a single-tailed whip, accuracy is crucial. This level of expertise typically takes months of solo practice on inanimate objects, and I strongly recommend that you receive personal instruction from an expert as well.

Such experts strongly recommend that dominants protect themselves by wearing heavy clothing. Areas of particular concern are the face, ears, neck and forearms. They also recommend that the submissive wear appropriate clothing or padding to protect those areas that are not being whipped. Eye protection is a very good idea for both partners.

Single-tailed whips are a challenge to use properly. But for dominants and submissives who are attuned to their unique energy, they are worth the effort to master.

flat-tailed flogger

Multi-tailed whips.
Whips with many tails are generally divided into two categories: floggers and cats. A flogger is a whip made of many long, flat tails of leather or other material, typically with a fairly short handle. A cat, or cat-o-nine-tails, has braided tails; its handle is often a bit longer when compared to its total length. (Some people believe that longer-handled whips are easier to control.) Many other kinds of multi-tailed whips, such as horsehair whisks, two-tailed quirts, and whips of manmade materials, also exist. Most multi-tailed whips are between two and three feet long. In this section, for simplicity’s sake, I’ll refer to all multi-tailed whips as floggers.

Just don’t mark me, and you can do anything you want.

Floggers have no “redeeming social importance” or real-world use. They were created for no other purpose than to strike human flesh.

Floggers are extremely versatile. Like the crop, they can deliver all strengths of strokes and can be used almost anywhere on the body. Many people, even those who may not handle other forms of pain well, enjoy the sensation of a skillful, slow-building flogging.

“Flogger technology” has improved tremendously in the last decade or so. The best implements, created by a handful of craftspeople across the country, are beautifully balanced and controllable, a wonderful combination of science and art. I suggest you try several, getting a sense for what you like in terms of weight, length, and balance, before you purchase one; the good ones are a big investment. If you can get a friend to let you try some of theirs, that’s a good way to explore. Many SM people own at least one flogger, and some, perverts that they are, own dozens.

round braided cat

I recommend you buy at least one flogger whose tails are made of very light, soft leather, such as deerskin or cabretta. This type of flogger can be used with little danger of causing damage or leaving marks. You might buy two floggers: one of very light leather and one of medium-weight leather.

On the other hand, you often see floggers for sale in poorer quality adult bookstores that are made of heavy leather, with tails that have sharp corners and sharp edges. These floggers are dangerous. They are often made by people who have no idea of how to use one.

Let’s look at this type of flogger point by point:

1. The handle: These floggers are usually badly balanced, with tails much heavier than the handle or vice versa. Such a flogger will tire you out quickly and may even strain the muscles in your arm or hand. One friend of mine used to own a whip he called “Top-Killer,” because its tails were so heavy in relationship to its handle that it frequently left the dominant’s arm sorer than it left his butt!

2. The weight of the leather. A lot of these floggers are made of such heavy leather, and weigh so much, that even a mild swing generates a too-intense stroke — sometimes even strong enough to knock the wind out of the submissive. Very heavy implements also tire the dominant who uses them. And remember. the lighter the leather, the harder you can hit without causing damage or leaving marks.

3. The edges and corners of the tails: This is the fatal flaw. The poor balance and general heaviness of the flogger could conceivably be coped with — sharp edges and/or corners cannot.

In general, no striking instrument should have any sharp edges, ends, or corners. The sides should be beveled and the tips rounded. If you see a sharp-edged flogger for sale, don’t buy it — and tell the store manager why you won’t. That last point is important. We need to (diplomatically) educate vendors about the difference between safe and unsafe toys.

Some floggers have a small loop at the base of the handle. This is useful for hanging the flogger on a hook or belt when it’s not in use, but for little else.

Braided tails look sexy, but increase the weight of the stroke. Braided tails are often more abrasive than regular tails are. Strokes from such an implement often leave the submissive’s skin rawer than strokes from an unbraided flogger leave it.

Some people place large knots in the leather at the end of the whip’s tails, or attach beads, or other small weights, there. These changes make the strokes much more painful in a sharp, localized way (very small knots usually cause no such problems). Some submissives who like the relatively spread-out sensation of a flogger’s stroke may feel distinctly turned off by the fine points of pain such knots produce. (I know of a case in which a submissive woman who absolutely loved to have a flogger used on her, and had wonderful ways of expressing her gratitude, stopped playing with a dominant man because he insisted upon using a knotted-end whip on her.) If you and/or your partner is a novice, I suggest you leave the ends of your flogger plain.

beetlace mini-flagger

How to make a “mini-flogger” from two bootlaces.
You can make a very inexpensive, highly versatile mini-flogger from two ordinary bootlaces. Blows from such a flogger are relatively light (and quiet), thus making it a good type for beginners to use. (Strong mini-flogger blows, however, can be of quite respectable strength, and leave welts and/or bruises.) Due to its light weight, strokes from a mini-flogger create more of a “sting” than “thud” sensation.

This flogger is also shorter than most others, thus making it good for close-in work on breasts and genitals. Furthermore, for even more “detailed” play, you can grasp it in the middle while you hold its base in your free hand.

I’m really into screaming.

Take two soft bootlaces, each six feet long and ⅛ inch wide, and cut both in half. (The laces will probably have square edges. That’s a problem with heavier items, but usually not with something this small, soft, and light.) This yields four lengths, each three feet long.

Use scissors, preferably small, sharp scissors such as fingernail scissors, to round off the tips of the corners. (Pay attention here, or rounding off can turn into sharpening.) You can also use a fingernail file and/ or an emery board to round off the tips.

Place the three-foot lengths alongside each other and fold them at their midpoint. Use an ordinary rubber band to join the midpoints together, and you’re done.

A mini-flogger can see a lot of use. It’s very inexpensive, easily made, usually doesn’t mark much, makes little noise, is highly portable, very versatile, and can deliver strokes that range from light to strong. I’ve had one for years and it’s one of my favorite toys. I suggest that you play for some time with a mini-flogger before graduating to a heavier, more formidable model.

How to use the flogger.
You’ll need room. Unlike a crop or paddle, when you use a full-sized flogger you usually can’t stand close enough to your submissive to touch them with one hand while you strike them with the other. For this reason, you probably should use a riding crop (or maybe a mini-flogger) for your first few whippings with a new submissive.